


The Clay And Emma Collection

by Lifeshandful



Series: Seal Team Collection [13]
Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, F/M, Gen, M/M, Sibling Relationship, brother-sister - Freeform, platonic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:14:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 114,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28352259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lifeshandful/pseuds/Lifeshandful
Summary: A series of platonic stories about Clay Spenser and Emma Hayes.
Relationships: Emma Hayes & Clay Spenser, Emma Hayes/Clay Spenser, Jason Hayes/Clay Spenser
Series: Seal Team Collection [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668844
Comments: 117
Kudos: 199





	1. Caught Off Guard

**_ Caught Off Guard _ **

There were many things that Clay had figured out would happen when the blonde frog-hog came up to him at the bar and flirted shamelessly, and she certainly did not waste anytime once they had got back to his apartment and made their way into his bedroom as she had him out of his clothes and was out of hers before he could even flick the bedside lamp on. But what he didn’t expect was to be shamelessly kissing the writhing woman underneath him when the front door to his apartment unlocked, cracked open then closed as sniffles filled his apartment. Clay pulled back immediately, all eagerness gone as his focus shifted immediately, and he pulled back from the woman whose name he could not remember for the life of him before he stood up, picked up and pulled on his briefs from the floor, before he moved towards the lounge ignoring the woman’s disgruntled whispers at him for his abandonment.

The other thing he did not expect was seeing his Master Chief’s daughter standing in his lounge with her arms wrapped tightly around herself with her back to him. “Emma?” He questioned tight with concern as it was late.

Emma sniffled but didn’t turn around to face him. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t go home and I didn’t know where else to go.” She wavered as her voice involuntarily trembled.

Clay frowned at the whole statement made by Emma before he looked back at his bedroom. “It’s okay Em, you always can come here.” He paused feeling out of his depth as Emma had never refused to look at him before nor had she turned up at his place in the middle of the night. “Give me a few minutes Em and I will be all yours.”

Emma nodded but said nothing as she listened to Clay retreat back to the bedroom, and she wandered into the kitchen keeping her back to the rest of the apartment as her hands trembled on their own as she unwrapped her arms from herself and wrapped them around the edge of the counter. Emma didn’t even turn as she listened to Clay usher some woman out of his apartment and she cringed at herself for turning up announced before she spared a glance at the clock on the microwave seeing it was a lot later than she had even realised.

Clay was kind of relieved to have the woman out of his apartment as he closed and locked the door behind her before he turned around and surveyed the lounge looking for Emma until he found her in the kitchen with her back to him in the dark unmoving. He frowned and moved closer flicking on the lights as he went. “Emma, sweetheart, what’s going on?” He asked as he stopped on the other side of the kitchen as he saw her tense. He was out of his depth and he silently wondered if he should call someone but she said she wasn’t sure where to go to so he had to assume that also meant she wasn’t sure who to go to either.

Emma shuddered at Clay’s kind words and soft voice and she felt her eyes become glassy once more but she knew she could not hide it from him considering she had turned up at his house unannounced in the middle of the night. Slowly and with extreme caution, Emma turned around, having to let her eyes adjust to the bright light.

Clay sucked in a sharp breath as Emma turned around showing him why she had been hiding her face as the left side of her face was swelling and bruising, and her lip was split with a streak of blood running from it and dripping down onto her shirt. “Holy shit Em. What happened?” He crossed the kitchen in a few large steps before he bent down in front of her to get a better look at her face. “Are you hurt anywhere else?” His hands hovered ready to examine her but he was unsure of the boundaries and he did not want to hurt her.

“No.” Emma’s voice was barely above a whisper as she fought not to cry anymore.

“Going to sit you up Em, I need to check and make sure nothing is broken, and I need to get that cut cleaned.” Clay waited until she gave a small nod before he gently picked her up and sat her down on the edge of the counter just off to the side of the sink. His first priority was checking her over and getting her cleaned up before he did anything else. He made sure she was steady on top of the counter before he moved to get the first aid kit that was in the cupboard above the fridge, and an ice pack from the freezer.

Emma watched Clay letting her eyes track his movements knowing she was putting him in an awful situation. “I’m sorry Clay, I shouldn’t have come here but…” She trailed off as he returned to her, nudging her legs apart so he could stand in between them, once he had put down and opened the first aid kit.

“But what Em?” Clay answered as he very gently tipped her head up towards the light so he could get a better look at the damage. He knew immediately that she had been hit by someone’s fist but he refrained from saying anything as he began to palpate the area checking to make sure that no bones were fractured or broken.

Emma swallowed down a wince as Clay pressed lightly down on the impacted spot hearing him murmur an apology quietly. “Everyone else would be angry.” She admitted so quietly that if it wasn’t for their proximity or the silence of the apartment that it would have been drowned out.

Clay furrowed his forehead before he gently bought Emma’s head back down as he had no doubt that she had a headache and that the light would bother her sooner rather than later. “No one’s going to be angry that you are hurt Em, not at you anyway.” It was the best he had to offer.

“They’d all freak out.” Emma pointed out and Clay couldn’t disagree with that.

“Trust me Em, they freak out because they love you, and it’s good to be loved.” Clay reminded her softly as he pulled out an antiseptic wipe and gently brushed it over her spilt and bloodied lip drawing another wince from her because it stung.

Emma flushed lightly as she met Clay’s eyes because of course he would say something like that. She really kept putting her foot in her mouth, and it was cringe worthy. “God, I’m sorry.”

Clay dropped the bloodied antiseptic wipe down on the bench before he slid his hands around Emma’s neck and very gently tipped her head up so that she was looking at him once more. “Stop apologising, you don’t have anything to apologise for.” He told her firmly. “But sweetheart, I have to tell you that the swelling and bruising is only going to get worse, and Jase is going to know. Your Dad is like a bloodhound when it comes to hiding injuries and illnesses.” He was loathe to point it out but there was no way that a bit of make-up was going to cover it up as the bruising was only getting worse. He dropped his hand away from her neck and grabbed the ice pack that he had already pre-wrapped in a clean towel then gently pressed it into her hand. “Keep it on there, it should help a bit.” He stepped back letting his other hand drop away from her neck before he repacked the first aid kit up and returned it to its space.

“Clay…” Emma caught his attention even though it had not left her.

Clay could see the conflicting emotions that were coursing through Emma but he could not get past how scared she looked. He quickly pulled a glass from the cupboard then pulled the jug of water out of the fridge, filled the glass then returned the jug to the fridge. “Here Em, have some water.” He handed her the glass noticing how much her hands were trembling. “I want you to finish that water, keep the ice pack on while you do then I will find you something to wear so you can have a shower and while you do that I will change my bed.” It was late and Emma still had to explain her injuries but she was wearing a blood stained shirt, was emotional, and she needed looking after first and foremost.

“Sorry I ruined your night, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Emma said between sips of water that made her lip sting even more.

Clay chuckled as he shook his head. “You didn’t interrupt anything Em, it was a mistake to bring her back here. Not really into the one and done thing.” It probably was not the greatest statement to make to his boss’ daughter especially when she’s bruised and bloodied, and he’s only standing in a pair of briefs which he suddenly became aware of as he glanced down at himself. It dawned on him that he needed a shower too but he would wait until Emma was settled. “I’m going to find you something to wear so you can get cleaned up.”

Emma put the glass down beside her as she watched Clay head towards his bedroom as she let her eyelids slip closed as she focused on keeping her breathing steady before she forced her eyelids open and allowed herself to slide off of the counter until her feet were on the ground as the adrenaline that managed to keep her going until she reached the safety of Clay’s apartment was quickly fading leaving her jaded. She leant back against the edge of the counter top for a few seconds before she forced herself to walk towards the bedroom.

Clay looked up as Emma leaned most of her weight against the doorframe of his bedroom. “Em, you okay?” He was concerned at how pale she was but he did not see any signs of concussion which he had looked for as he finally found some clothes that she could wear – an old Navy sweater that was too small for him now and a pair of boxers that he had never worn as they had been a gift, from who he couldn’t recall.

“Dad doesn’t know, didn’t know.” Emma felt that she owed Clay an explanation considering he was taking care of her and not calling in the cavalry which put him in a tricky spot.

Clay put the folded up clothes on the top of the dresser that he had pulled them from hastily before he made his way over to her. “Em, sweetheart, lets get you sitting down.” It was evident that her adrenaline had left her and she was coming down from an intense rush which would have been triggered by what had happened. He held his hand out for her to take which she did before he got her sitting down on the edge of the bed and sat next to her. “Jase didn’t know what exactly?”

Emma let her eyes flicker around the room before they landed on the Bravo flag that was displayed proudly in a frame on his bedroom wall. “I thought he was a good guy but I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure where it was going.” She paused and blew out a shaky breath. “I saw what happened to him and Mom, swore I didn’t want that for myself but then I met him and I wanted to see where it could lead.” The tears began to fall as she thought of her Mom. “It led me here with a bruised and swollen face, and split lip. And what’s worse is I don’t know what I did wrong. It was like a flip switched. We were having this nice night and then he became… became this monster.”

Clay could connect the dots that Emma had provided him easily although he did not like what they were telling him but what he didn’t like even more was that she was blaming herself. “Sweetheart you did not do anything wrong. No man ever should lay their hands on you or any other women. It’s his problem, not yours Em, but in saying that you can’t go back to him.” He kept his voice soft but firm as he wanted her to understand and recognise the importance of what he was saying.

“Trust me, I am done with him. There’s no coming back from what he did.” Emma knew she would never be able to feel safe or comfortable around him again, and she always swore she would never be one of those women who went back to an abusive partner thus condoning his behaviour.

“I’m glad to hear that Em.” Clay reached up and gently eased the ice pack out of her hand seeing that the bruising was still darkening. “Go get in the shower Em, there are fresh towels by the sink.” Emma nodded although she regretted it. “I’ll get you some more water and a couple of Tylenol once you’re done.” He added on seeing the pain etched on her face as he stood up and grabbed the stack of clothes before he pressed them into her hand once he helped her up.

Emma made her way into the bathroom on unsteady legs and closed the door behind her but didn’t bother to lock it before she grabbed a towel and turned the shower on, not even bothering to wait to let it heat up before she stripped out of her bloodied clothes and stepped in under the spray.

Clay waited until the bathroom door was closed before he began moving, quickly stripping the bed of the sheets before he remade it with fresh ones. He walked into the kitchen, refilled the glass then popped a couple of Tylenol’s out and swapped out the ice pack with another before he returned to the bedroom and sat them down on the nightstand and pulled back the covers. It took him a few more minutes to gather a pillow and a blanket and set them on the couch for himself although he knew he would not be getting any sleep.

Emma stepped out of the bathroom with her damp hair tied up in a messy top bun as she had avoided looking in the mirror and dressed in Clay’s boxers and sweater that was still oversized on her but she didn’t mind as it was comforting to her. The cold shock of the water at the beginning of her quick shower had made her realise that Clay would have no choice but to call her Dad as there was no way she would be able to hide the damage to her face but it didn’t mean she had to provide him with a name because she was sure he would end up in jail right alongside the rest of Bravo.

“Em, you okay?” Clay’s steady level of concern remained as she did not look better for a shower instead she looked even more drained. He walked up to her, letting her take his hand once more as he was worried she was going to fall over, before he walked her over to the bed and helped her get under the sheet and comforter that he had already pulled back. “Here.” He waited until she was settled before he knelt down beside the bed and he handed her the pills and the water which she took dutifully before she handed him back the glass and laid down on her right side so she was facing him letting the undamaged side of her face rest down on the pillow.

Emma was exhausted and lying down only reinforced that feeling but she had to stay awake for a little longer. “I would never want to put you in a position that pits you against the team which is why in the morning you are going to call my Dad and get him to come over, actually you may as well call everyone.” There would be plenty of things for him to be mad about but he would not be able to fault Clay’s care of her. “But I need you to give me a few more hours because I’m… I’m exhausted and emotional and right now I can’t deal with him, them, or the overprotective macho stuff that is going to come with how emotionally stunted that they can be.”

Clay hated that she felt the need to protect him but he also knew that there was no way she would be able to hide her injuries. “Sweetheart, you don’t ever need to worry about me.” He assured her.

“Yes, I do. I always worry about you, all of you really, you are family. You are the gift that Dad gave and keeps giving Mikey and I.” Emma knew it would not make much sense to Clay but she hoped he understood that he was family.

Clay smiled before he leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Okay Em, I will do as you said once you have had some sleep as it is technically morning anyway. Put the icepack on and get some sleep. I am going to grab a shower and then I will be on the couch if you need anything.” He gave her the ice pack before he pushed himself up off of the ground, grabbed the pair of briefs and boxers that he had pulled out for himself and then stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind himself.

Clay stepped into the shower once he had stripped out of his briefs and went about cleaning himself up quickly as his mind raced with the best way to approach Jason and the team because Emma was still Jason (and by default the team’s) little girl and it would wreck him to see her hurt, and it would only take one glance and he would know that she had been hit by someone as the bruising pattern made it obvious. He also suspected that Emma would remain tight lipped on exactly who it was that had hit her as she certainly had been cautious enough not to use his name or give any specific details other than that he had some sort of military training given her reference to Jason’s and Alana’s relationship. Either way it was going to be a rough time but he would wait for a few hours so that she could get some sleep. With that thought he turned the water off, grabbed his towel and dried off before he got out of the shower and got dressed.

Clay peeked in on Emma seeing she was asleep which did not surprise him before he made his way to the couch and laid down although there was no way he was going to sleep as he scrubbed his hands over his face as he tried to figure out the best way to handle what was to come as he had been well and truly caught off guard.

**_Caught Off Guard_ **

The early morning light peeked through the partially closed blinds and cast a golden glow over the bedroom as Emma laid on her back looking up at the ceiling. It wasn’t often that she was awake before the sun was up but the Tylenol had worn off and she was thinking about way to many things but at least she had gotten a few hours of sleep which had taken the edge off of the exhaustion that she felt.

Emma gently pushed the blankets down and sat up before she reached out and turned the bedside lamp on to brighten the room a little bit more. She could feel how swollen her face was and without even seeing it she knew she would be black and blue, and if that wasn’t enough she was sure an entire marching band had taken up residence in her head with the headache she had. Of course, Clay had been right as he had his fair share of bruises before but she had still hoped that it would be different.

Emma moved so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed before she pushed herself up as she really needed another glass of water and several more Tylenol pills although she knew she would only be allowed another two. The last thing she wanted to do was wake Clay as she made her way out of his bedroom but she wasn’t surprised to see him move to sit up.

“Em, you okay?” Clay had not gone to sleep as he had been trying to figure out the best approach as he pushed himself up as she shuffled out of his bedroom. Even in the dimmest of light he could see how much worse the left side of her face had gotten in the past few hours as her entire cheek was swollen and bruised from her jaw to her eye, and her lip was still open with congealed blood covering it over.

Emma gave him a small smile although it faltered slightly as it tugged on the split in her lip and the last thing she wanted to do was cause it to bleed again as she hated the coppery taste of blood. “Just need to get some more water and Tylenol.” She told him softly.

“I’ll get it Em.” Clay was already on his way over before she could even protest it. “How long have you been awake?” He asked as he took the glass from her to refill it unsurprised that she wanted and needed another dose of Tylenol.

“Not long.” Emma moved into the kitchen and hoisted herself up onto the counter top.

Clay nodded as he crossed the kitchen to her handing her the glass of water and another two pills which she took immediately. “You want to go back to bed, or do you want something to eat?” He could understand her choice either way.

Emma leaned forward until her forehead was rested against Clay’s shoulder as she knew she wasn’t going to get anymore sleep but she also knew that she couldn’t keep taking Tylenol on an empty stomach as sooner or later she would regret it. “My brain is in overdrive right now.” She mumbled feeling as he wrapped his arm around her pulling her in for a hug which she didn’t resist as she put her arms around his neck hugging him back taking the offered comfort.

Clay could understand Emma’s brain being in overdrive as his felt the exact same way but she didn’t need him to tell her it was okay or that he understood. “Ok, food it is then. What do you want to eat Em?” He asked although he didn’t let go of her as he knew she needed some comfort.

Emma wasn’t really hungry but she knew that Clay would make her eat and that she needed too. “Don’t really care.” She murmured against his skin with a small shrug of her shoulders to accompany her words.

Clay nodded as he was all to familiar with how much it would hurt Emma to eat given how bruised and swollen she was. “What about a berry smoothie and some toast?” He could make both easily and both would be easy to drink and eat.

Emma smiled softly and barely stifled the yawn that wanted to escape her as she still felt exhausted. “Okay, that sounds good.” A berry smoothie really did sound good, and she could manage a piece of toast or two.

Clay was glad that Emma was not putting up to much of an argument but then again she never did when she understood the logic behind what was being asked. “You’re going to have to let go of me sweetheart so I can get us some food.” He told her although he made no effort to move and break the hold that either of them had on the other.

“Just another minute.” Emma mumbled as her head still pounded and she wasn’t quite ready to pull back from him nor was she ready to finish her breakfast and have to face her Dad and Uncles. “I’m not ready to face everyone.”

“I know you’re not Em.” Clay had been thinking about that. “I know you aren’t going to change your mind about getting everyone here this morning but maybe I could get Lis here first just so you and her can talk first. And that way I won’t be called a brute and told you need a woman to talk to.” He felt her laugh lightly against him but what he really wanted was for Emma to have a support system as it was what she needed as it was clear that she was still shaken and understandably so. The other reason behind having Lis arrive first was that she could bridge the gap and talk the rest of the guys down before they went on a rampage to find the asshole that had hit Emma.

Emma pulled back reluctantly from Clay and let her eyes meet his own, once again seeing the sincerity and care that she always did in them. “I think that would be a good idea. If anything, Lisa will make sure no one goes rogue.”

“Alright Em, let me make us some breakfast, and I’ll send a text to Lisa to get her over here. Why don’t you go and have another shower? Steal whatever you want to wear too.” Clay knew the sound of the blender would do Emma’s headache no good, and her shirt was still blood stained.

“Okay.” Emma placed her hands on Clay’s shoulders as he placed his hands on her waist and lifted her down off of the counter top. “Thank you.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek before she walked away as she was not just thanking him for lifting her down but for looking after her.

Clay smiled but said nothing more as he moved to pick his phone up off the coffee table to be able to ring Lisa before he returned to the kitchen and began gathering what he needed to make them breakfast.

**_Caught Off Guard_ **

It was far earlier than Lisa would have liked but Clay had called and said it was an emergency, and there was something unsettling in his voice that led her to rush over to his apartment. She didn’t bother to knock as she let herself into his apartment just as he had told her to do, and stopped as she surveyed the place as everything looked normal and nothing seemed out of place with the exception of the rumpled blanket and pillow on the couch, and even Clay looked okay as he was stood in his kitchen in front of the coffee pot that was slowly being filled. A part of Lisa relaxed although she remained concerned as Clay didn’t use the words ‘emergency’ and ‘help’ without good reason.

“Clay.” Lisa spoke softly as she made her way over to him. “What’s going on?” She asked as he turned around and leant back against the counter. It wasn’t unusual for him to move around his apartment in nothing but a pair of sweatpants but she still couldn’t help but look him over for any sign of injury.

Clay was just about to speak, to reassure Lisa that he was fine, when he caught movement and shifted his eyes over to where Emma had emerged from the bathroom freshly showered and dressed in her jeans and one of his sweaters, the same one that he had given her to sleep in a few hours before. Her skin was flushed from the heat of the shower and it made the bruising look worse especially in the morning light that had filled the apartment.

Lisa’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head as she followed Clay’s line of sight and found Emma standing clearly freshly showered in his clothes but what was more concerning was the state of her face as she had her hair pulled back in a messy bun that did nothing to hide it. “Emma.” She said with a rush of air before she looked back at Clay as she had so many unanswered questions.

Clay pushed himself away from the counter top. “Sit Em, what do you want on your toast?” He directed hoping that she would eat as he placed the smoothie on the breakfast bar then moved to where the toast had just popped up.

Emma moved slowly as she avoided meeting Lisa’s eyes directly. “Just butter, thank you.” She wasn’t sure how much her stomach could handle as she sat herself on the bar stool. She felt a little better for a shower but she could see the questions that were flying around Lisa’s mind.

Lisa blinked as she watched Clay pull the two pieces of toast from the toaster and butter them before he stuck them on a plate and pushed it in front of Emma with an order to ‘eat’, and surprising Emma complied without much fuss. There were so many questions that she needed answers too. She barely registered Clay move until he pushed a mug of freshly brewed coffee into her hands which she took as she was going to need it.

“I’m going to call the guys and get them over here in a little bit.” Clay spoke softly but he knew both women could hear him although it was more for Lisa’s benefit than Emma’s as Emma already knew the plan given that she was the one who had come up with it.

Lisa realised why Clay had called her just with that little bit of information but she still had no answers. “Em, what happened honey?” She asked once Emma had finished the first piece of toast and had drunk a third of the bright pink smoothie that Clay had made her.

Emma leaned back into the chair suddenly wishing to be anywhere else but Lisa had to know before everyone else arrived because they would come immediately once Clay called. “I was with someone last night, and he hit me. He got so… so angry all of a sudden…” Emma sniffled as tears filled her eyes again, and she was mad at herself from crying. “I didn’t know where to go so I came here.”

There were so many things that Lisa could pick up on and dissect from the little that Emma had said but she decided to let Emma lead just as Clay always let her. “I’m glad that you came here and were safe honey.” She reached out and squeezed Clay’s shoulder relieved that Emma felt safe enough to end up at his, and had ended up somewhere safe as she was sure whatever situation that Emma had found herself in could have escalated.

“Dad’s going to freak out, so is everyone else.” Emma was picking at the second piece of toast, tearing off pieces to eat instead of biting into it.

Lisa knew immediately exactly what Emma was more afraid of, and the young woman was not wrong. “It’s alright Em, we will sort it out, all of it.” She reassured her based on the tiny amount of information she had. “Finish your breakfast Em then me and you can talk some more in Clay’s bedroom while we wait for everyone to get here.”

Emma dropped the small bit of toast that was left back down onto the plate before she met Lisa’s eyes once more and swallowed thickly. “Nothing else happened, it’s only my face Lisa.” There was something in Lisa’s voice that made Emma move to reassure her.

Clay felt his eyes widen as he hadn’t even thought about the possibility that Emma could have been sexually assaulted before he looked over at Lisa who despite having very little knowledge of the past few hours was still managing to handle that admission a lot better than he was.

Lisa was relieved that she did not have to ask Emma that question but she would have once they were alone as she was not going to ask it in front of Clay. “Okay, good, but if you do need to see a doctor then I can arrange it for you honey.” The option was there; it wasn’t that Lisa did not believe Emma, it was just that she wanted to make sure Emma knew she had the option.

Emma pushed away her plate as she did not want to eat any more as the possibilities that could have happened began cycling through her already frazzled brain. “I didn’t stay long enough for him to do anything else.” She assured them both before she looked back at Clay. “Is it okay if I go lay back down until everyone gets here?” Her headache had not left her despite the latest dose of Tylenol.

“Yeah sweetheart. One of us will come and get you once everyone is here.” Clay answered immediately as somehow he had managed to be caught off guard even more. He kept his eyes on her as she got down off of the stool and disappeared into his bedroom shutting the door softly behind her. He turned around and dipped his head before he felt Lisa shift closer to him. “I didn’t even think about that side of things when she got here.” He admitted softly, his voice barely above a whisper but it was thick.

Lisa placed her hand on Clay’s shoulder and made him turn around to face her again. “For what it’s worth, she’s telling the truth.” She assured him having known Emma for a large portion of her life. “You did good Clay. She came because she trusts you, because she feels safe with you, and that is important.”

Clay pulled Lisa into his chest hugging her tightly. “It scared the shit out of me. She was crying and trembling when she got here.” He admitted as he felt as Lisa wrapped her arms around him tightly. “She’s more worried about what Jase is going to say then she is about herself.” That part concerned him more than he wanted to acknowledge.

Lisa could understand it from Emma’s perspective. “Emma’s protective Clay, has been since the day she learned to talk and walk. And she knows what you all are capable of, what all of you would do for each other, for the ones you love.” She hesitated before deciding to move forward. “She is made up of the best and worst traits of Jason and Alana combined. That’s where she gets her strength but she forgets to let herself be vulnerable, feels the need to protect everybody except herself, and she will push past this without acknowledging her feelings if we don’t get her too.”

Clay pressed a kiss to Lisa’s forehead before he unwrapped her arms from her as she did the same and stepped back from him. “I should make the calls, get everyone here.” The longer he waited then the worse it would be although he was not sure how much worse it could get considering he had a far idea of how things would go.

Lisa was proud of Clay but she decided to keep it to herself for the moment. “I’m going to go and lay down with Em. Let me know when everyone is here, and Clay, call Blackburn as well. He will be able to talk some sense into Jason along with Ray.” With that, she slipped into Clay’s bedroom, closing the door behind her, leaving Clay to make the calls.

**_Caught Off Guard_ **

It wasn’t often that Clay reached out in the early hours of the morning asking his brothers to come as quickly as they could to his apartment but without question they would come even though they all had questions.

Brock frowned as he got out of his truck just in time to see Trent and Sonny both pull into the parking lot of Clay’s building, Trent on his motorbike and Sonny in his truck, before Cerb whined and tugged on his lead trying to lead Brock into the building. Apparently Brock was not the only one who had a bad feeling.

“Blondie called you both as well?” Sonny looked like he had subjected himself to a rough night even though he had a pair of sunglasses on.

“Yeah, you got any idea what is going on?” Brock answered and asked as Cerb whined and tugged on his lead once more.

Trent shook his head before his attention was pulled. “Whatever is going on can’t be good. Ray has just pulled in and Blackburn’s behind him.” He tipped his head to where the two had just pulled in.

“I don’t like this one bit already, and it’s not just because it’s an ungodly hour.” Sonny groused. “Kid better have coffee on.”

Ray was surprised to see Eric pull in behind him but he was more surprised to see Brock with Cerb, Trent and Sonny all gathered near the entrance to Clay’s building. It did not take him long to get out of his car and cross the carpark with Eric converging on the rest of the guys at the same time.

“Anyone know what is going on?” Eric asked concerned as he looked around at the men noticing that the only one not there was Jason.

“No.” Brock answered immediately as it seemed they had all got the same vague call from Clay asking to come to his apartment immediately.

Eric sighed as he was sure he was about to be very unhappy although he wasn’t sure why. “Okay, anyone heard from Jason as to if Clay has called him here?” He asked tiredly having been pulled from his bed by the call from Clay. Four shaking heads told him that they had no idea and he hesitated about whether to call Jason or just head up and find out what the hell was going on.

Ray ran his hand over his face tiredly before he looked towards the apartment building but he quickly turned around at the sound of Jason’s truck pulling into the parking lot. No one would ever accuse Jason outright of being manic but his driving was enough to suggest that Clay’s call to him had worried him. “Guess we got our answer.” Ray nodded his head towards Jason seeing him climb out of the truck and spot them, looking just as confused as they all were, as he made his way hurriedly towards them.

Jason was unsettled before he had got the call from Clay and it had only grown the entire drive over but seeing all of his men and Eric only made it worsen. “You all got the call from the kid too?” He asked although considering they were there it seemed highly likely as he was trying and failing to figure out what the hell was going on.

“You have any idea why we were all summoned here or did Clay give you the same vague details that he needed you here immediately, and would explain everything once you arrived? Eric asked hoping that Jason had an inkling of what is going on.

“No, but we are going to find out right now.” Jason turned on his heels and began storming towards the building as everyone fell into step behind him as they felt as uneasy and as tense as he was.

**_Caught Off Guard_ **

Clay kept glancing anxiously at the closed bedroom door then to the front door then he looked at the clock before he started the whole routine again as he waited for his brothers to arrive as he paced the space between his kitchen and the coffee table. He had pointedly called Brock first and Jason last as he hoped they would arrive in that order. Another glance at the clock told him that they should have arrived by now as he ran his fingers through the back of his wayward hair. He had no idea how this was going to go and how to even begin as he knew there would be some explaining to do.

Clay stopped and looked into the kitchen, placing his hands down on the edge of the counter top before he bowed his head so that his chin was almost against his chest and focused on steadying his breathing, inhaling and exhaling.

Jason didn’t bother knocking as he tested the door handle and found it unlocked so he barged his way in with everyone following after in. A quick survey of Clay’s apartment found nothing out of place except for Clay who was holding himself up while breathing deeply. Somehow the unsettling feeling grew and twisted even more in his stomach.

Sonny frowned and pulled off his sunglasses before he shared a look with his brothers who seemed as confused as he was.

“Spense?” Brock unclipped the leash from Cerb as he stepped closer to Clay finding it strange that he had not acknowledged them or moved at all. But what shocked him more was that Cerb didn’t go for Clay instead he went to Clay’s bedroom door, pawed at it then laid down in front of it with a soft whine which caught everyone’s attention.

Clay looked up and over at everyone before he looked at Cerb. Yeah, nothing is going to make this any easier, Clay thought before he forced himself to straighten up and turn to face them completely. Before Clay could even say anything Lisa slipped out of his bedroom and let Cerb dart through the small gap before she pulled the door closed behind her.

“Okay, what the hell is going on?” Sonny groused as he threw himself down on the couch and put his feet up on the table ignoring the scowl that his actions produced from Clay.

Lisa had heard the men arrive and could see the stress, tension and confusion that was evident among them as soon as she stepped out of the bedroom; Clay’s call to them must have been unsettling as the one he had with her. “Everyone grab a seat. We need to talk.” It was not a suggestion and the men moved to talk a seat around the apartment except for Clay who remained standing. She looked at Clay and he shook his head subtly but she only glared back at him.

Clay sighed knowing Lisa was not going to speak for him. He looked round at his brothers before his eyes landed on Jason. “Jase, Emma’s here.” He rushed out fully prepared for Jason to react a number of ways, most volatile.

“What did you do blondie?” Sonny growled as he pulled his feet off of the table and set them on the floor as he leaned forward menacingly as he was protective of his honorary nieces and nephews. Sonny’s brain went to a bad place especially when he took in the state of Clay who was standing in front of them in nothing but a pair of sweatpants and looking dishevelled as hell.

Brock just frowned before he looked towards the closed bedroom door as he now had the answer as to why Cerb had been so intent on getting inside the room. His attention quickly turned to Jason who had leaned forward and curled his hands into fists.

“What do you mean Emma’s here?” Jason growled silencing anyone else before they could say anything as Ray stepped into his space and put a hand on his shoulder to hold him in place. There was no situation that Jason wanted to entertain as to why Emma was at Clay’s. “Clay, you better start talking now!” He ordered harshly.

Clay blew out a shaky breath before he let his eyes dart around the room before they went back to Jason who looked even angrier than he did a few seconds ago. “She got hurt Jase, and she came here but she’s okay.” Clay wasn’t sure how much he should say and how much he should let Emma explain.

Jason stepped forward but before he could go anywhere Ray and Eric stood in front of him stopping him moving towards Clay. “She can’t be hurt and okay.” He growled.

“Jase, he called us all here.” Ray murmured softly trying to appeal to the rational side of Jason although it would be hard considering they were talking about Emma.

Lisa whistled sharply knowing that the raised voice that Jason was using would carry through to the bedroom as she effectively silenced all of the men. “Enough! You have questions, I understand that but right now you need to be there for Em. I am going to get her.” Lisa sent a pointed look towards Eric and Ray signalling that they needed to get Jason seated and calmed down before she moved back towards the bedroom door.

“Jase, let’s sit back down.” Ray implored using his weight to push Jason back down onto the couch although he did not go easily as Jason seemed intent on glaring at Clay.

“Spense…” Brock stood and moved towards Clay who had stayed on the far side of the lounge seemingly out of the line of fire and protectively near the bedroom. “Why did Emma come here, come to you?” He asked softly although his question seized everyone’s attention.

Clay swallowed wishing that Brock had not asked that question as he shook his head and shrugged his shoulders in lieu of an answer because it wasn’t one he could give.

“Answer the question Spenser.” Jason ordered once again being forced to stay in his seat by Ray and Eric who stayed close to him.

**_Caught Off Guard_ **

Emma sniffled as she laid on her side facing Lisa, the two lying facing each other in Clay’s bed. It felt good to be able to lay with Lisa and not have to try and explain or be pushed to answer questions. She felt as Lisa shifted to look over her shoulder before she heard what had caught her attention.

Lisa was hesitant to leave Emma but she knew she had to corral the men for Emma’s sake as much as their own. “I’m going to go talk to everyone.” She reached out and very gently wiped her thumb under Emma’s eyes being careful of the left side of her face as she knew it would be sore.

“Okay.” Emma whispered as she felt far to fragile to deal with any of it although she knew she had too as she couldn’t stay hidden in Clay’s bed despite how much she wanted to as she had crawled in between the sheets and comforter the moment she had gone to lay back down.

Emma watched with half lidded eyes as Lisa gently climbed off of the bed then disappeared out of the bedroom with her spot quickly being taken by Cerberus who let out a soft whine as he jumped up on the end of the bed then gently crawled his way up until he was laid tucked along her side. “Hi baby.” She whispered as she pressed her face gently against Cerb’s head as she ran her hand through his fur. She stayed like that for a few minutes before the sound of her Dad’s raised voice travelled through the wall making her tense which Cerb noticed as he nuzzled his nose into her neck as if he was trying to distract her from it.

Emma closed her glassy eyes as she continued stroking Cerb as she listened to the exchange of words and she did not even need to see to know that her Dad had already gone all overprotective and macho which wasn’t what she or Clay needed.

Emma looked up as Lisa stepped into the room once again making sure the door stayed closed so that no one could see her.

Lisa hated how pale and shaky Emma looked and not just because it was making the bruise that adorned her cheek stand out more but because she looked so heartbreakingly fragile which was not a look that she had ever seen on Emma, not even when Alana had died. She quickly crossed the room smiling softly at how Cerb had taken her place and she could see that Emma was drawing comfort from him and sat down on the edge of the bed. “It’s okay honey.” She wasn’t sure she believed her own reassurance but she had to try for Emma’s sake.

“Dad’s mad at Clay but Clay helped me.” Emma sniffed as she heard her Dad snap at Clay even going as far to call him Spenser which he only did when he was really angry or disappointed, and as far as Emma was concerned it was completely unfair.

Lisa blinked at Emma’s statement slightly shocked although she should not have been. “All he’s been told honey is that you are here and you are hurt. I think we can cut your Dad a little slack as he is scared even though he won’t admit it. And once he has time to get everything straight in his head, once he knows what happened, then he and Clay will be okay.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have pulled you all into my mess.” Emma was angry at herself, her voice bitter and full of resentment, as the last thing she wanted to do was cause problems.

“You didn’t pull us into anything Emma. We’re family and we take care of each other.” Lisa paused taking notice of the silence on the other side of the wall and did not know whether to be worried or relieved. “I got into some trouble a while back, could have screwed everything up pretty majorly, but you know who came to my rescue. Your Dad and all of your Uncles.” Yeah, she neglected that Ray had not been in the hearing because Emma did not need to know that. She hoped to make Emma understand that they were family and would be there, mess or no mess.

Emma pushed herself up feeling a lot less prepared than she had when she had told Clay what she wanted him to do a few hours earlier. “Okay.” She said softly as she prepared herself to walk out of the bedroom.

**_Caught Off Guard_ **

Clay tipped his head back against the wall and looked up at the ceiling as he refused to answer Brock’s question instead choosing to remain silent. It probably wasn’t the smartest decision but it really was not his answer to give.

Trent looked at Brock before he stood up and moved around the room so that he was in the middle of where Clay was leant and where Jason was seated. “You said Emma is hurt but she’s okay. Can you at least elaborate on that for us?” The moment Clay had said that Emma was hurt, Trent’s brain had engaged with its medical side and he looked around the apartment for any signs of anything medical such as bloodied bandages or drops of blood but he found nothing although he had not seen the bathroom or the bedroom.

Clay tipped his head forward, forcing his eyes to meet Trent’s. “She’s bruised and swollen, got a small cut which I made sure was cleaned, and she was shaken. Nothing felt broken. No other injuries that she declared. She has had two doses of Tylenol, one after I checked her over, and the second about forty minutes ago with a piece and a half of toast and half a smoothie.” He kept it simple yet elusive at the same time.

Trent nodded thoughtfully knowing that Clay had not disclosed the nature of her injuries or the location but he also believed him. Clay would have been the first one of them to rush Emma to the hospital even if she begged him not to take her if he believed that she needed more medical attention that his training could provide. The other thing that was easy for Trent to see was the concern that was clear in Clay’s eyes. “Okay. I will still take a look at her once she comes out here though.” It was more for his own piece of mind and Jason’s than anything else.

A heavy silence fell over the room as Jason was staring daggers at Clay as his mind went into overdrive as to how and why Emma had ended up at Clay’s instead of coming home. He also did not like the thought of Emma being bruised and swollen, or shaken for that matter. That unease Jason felt only continued to grow as he skipped his glare between the door and Clay.

The bedroom door opened and Lisa stepped out and Jason stood up anxiously as Eric stepped to the side as they all got their first look at Emma.

“Emma.” Jason was the first to speak but he was sure his voice sounded hollow as she looked up at him with glistening eyes and her hands were covered up by the long sleeves of what he assumed was Clay’s sweater.

Emma stopped and looked down ashamed as she felt almost everyone’s eyes on her getting a good look at the dark bruise that marred the left side of her face.

Clay didn’t move from where he was stood with his back pressed against the wall but he could see the way Emma was retreating into herself. “Emma, sweetheart, go to your Dad, let him hug you.” He instructed softly, his voice carrying in the silence, as he knew that Emma needed her Dad and Jason needed to hug Emma.

Jason’s glare was wiped away and his face softened although for a few brief seconds it was twisted with a surge of rage and sorrow as Emma quickly made her way across the room and hugged him tightly burying her face into his chest and he wrapped his arms around her as tight as he dared as he was still concerned about any unseen injuries. He felt as her breath hitched and her body trembled against his own, and he smoothed his hand over her back just like he did when she was little until she seemingly regained her composure and pulled away from him. “Let’s sit you down Em. Trent’s going to take a look at you.” His priority was getting her checked over before he found out what happened.

Trent waited until Jason had guided Emma down into his vacated seat on the couch before he moved closer as Jason sat on the coffee table in front of her with her sleeve covered hands held tightly in his.

“I’m fine, Uncle Trent. Clay took care of me, checked for broken bones, cleaned the cut, and made me put an ice pack on.” Emma tried to wave him off but she was unsuccessful with how tightly her Dad was holding her hands and she knew it was pointless to try and persuade him until he had examined her himself.

“Just entertain me Em.” Trent would have hated to see how severe the bruising and swelling would have got if Clay had not had made Emma keep an ice pack on her face as it was severe now.

Emma let her eyelids flutter closed for a few seconds before she opened them as she winced and accidently bit down on her split lip as Trent poked and prodded at her face to check that nothing was broken just like Clay had done. She vaguely heard Trent apologise but she paid him no attention instead focusing on her Dad. “Dad, I’m sorry.” She whispered with some anguish in her voice hating that she could see his own grief at seeing her the way he was.

Sonny leaned forward as he tried desperately to ignore the fire that had sparked deep inside his chest as he knew as well as they all did that Emma had been punched hard, and given the size of it, it had to be assumed that it was a man who had hit her. “The only one who should be apologising is the sorry son of a bitch who hit you Em.” Sonny growled before he could stop himself from doing so. No one hurt one of his nieces, or his nephews, and got away with it.

Emma closed her eyelids again cringing at Sonny’s raised voice as her headache had not diminished at all despite the second dose of Tylenol that she had taken.

“Sonny, keep your voice down.” Trent snapped quietly seeing his raised voice was causing Emma pain. “How bad is the headache right now, one to ten?” He asked as he pitched his voice soft knowing that Clay had already given her Tylenol.

“About a six but it’s better than it was when I got here.” Emma admitted knowing she would not get away with being dishonest about how she was feeling nor did she want to cause anymore worry.

Trent nodded understanding her level of pain for what it was as it correlated with what he was seeing and what Clay had reported. “Definitely nothing broken but I hate to tell you that you are going to be sore for a while.”

“I kind of figured that out already Uncle Trent.” Emma deadpanned making him smile and shake his head at her before he stood up and stepped back.

“When did you get here Emma?” Ray asked surprised and unamused at how quiet Jason was being as he had kind of expected him to interrogate Emma. He really wanted to ask out of everyone why she had chosen to go to Clay but he refrained for the moment as the last thing he wanted was for Emma to shut down.

Emma looked across to Clay as she didn’t really have the answer to the question, she knew a vague timeframe but she had sort of lost track of time in her adrenaline fuelled dash to safety.

“It was just after 0130.” Clay supplied from where he remained against the wall as he was not sure he was welcome to move closer especially as his answer made Jason turn to look at him briefly with an unreadable expression on his face.

Emma sighed having caught the look that her Dad gave Clay at his answer, and she kicked her foot out gently nudging his shin. “I didn’t want you to be mad, and I didn’t want the rest of you to be arming yourself to go after who did this. What I needed was not to be questioned, just looked after, and I made the choice to come here, come to Clay. I know it’s going to sound selfish but I needed someone who could stay calm and just be there.”

Jason sighed softly hating that Emma felt she couldn’t come to him because he would be mad although he had to admit she had a point about them trying to track down who had hit her. “I’m not mad, not at you Em.” He murmured softly as he reached out and wrapped his hand around the back of her neck before he rested his forehead delicately against hers.

“You can’t be mad at Clay either Dad. You weren’t the Master Chief on this.” Emma was smart enough to know that her Dad’s need for control was what was making him so angry. “You should be proud of him for taking care of me the way he has especially when I turned up here the way I did. He kept me safe just like you all do.” She had dropped her voice to a whisper that only he could hear.

Jason heard Emma, he did, but there was so much going around in his head that he was having trouble making sense of everything. “Who did this to you Em? Who hurt you baby girl?” There was clear pain in his voice as he didn’t move away from her.

Emma moved her hands up before she placed them on Jason’s cheeks and moved away from him although she kept her eyes locked with his. “I love you to much to tell you. Believe me on that. I know who you are, I know who you all are, and I know the lengths you will go to be able to protect each other and all of us that you love. I love you to much to tell you. And I love that I know what you are capable of, what you would do, but that’s enough. I don’t need you to do anything else but be okay. Trust me when I tell you I handled it because I have handled it. You always taught me to stand up for myself, to walk away, and I did, I have.”

Jason let out a shaky breath as he looked at his daughter, looked past the bruising and swelling, and wondered when she had grown up but he knew the answer deep down. “I can’t protect you if I don’t know Em.” He murmured softly finding it hard not to order her to tell him.

Emma leaned back just enough to be able to look around the room at her family before she swallowed thickly as the tears threatened to fall down her cheeks and returned her eyes to Jason’s. “Look around you Dad.” She dropped her hands down from his face with one resting over his beating heart while the other dropped down to where his free hand was resting in his lap. “Look Dad, please.”

Jason shook his head adamantly as he fought to control his emotions. “You’re my baby girl Em, and someone hit you. They don’t get to get away with that.”

Emma dipped her head momentarily and looked around the room again smiling softly even though it stretched the split in her lip uncomfortably. It wasn’t often she saw her family look so unsure and uncomfortable. Brock was crouched down with Cerb sat in between his legs although he was watching them intently. Trent and Ray were stood together near the kitchen seemingly letting her control the conversation but silently working out how to step in if needed. Eric was lent up against the door frame by the front door watching the scene in front of him unfolding without judgement. Sonny was still sat on the other end of the couch looking angry that someone had dared to lay a hand on her but she knew he used anger as a form of deflection for his other feelings. And then there was Lisa who was leant back against Clay as he had draped his arms over her shoulders holding her tightly against him as he remained where he had been the entire time.

“You’re right Dad, they don’t get away with it.” Emma answered softly and stopped letting Jason collect himself. “You still haven’t looked around you but that’s okay because I am going to tell you what I see. I see our family; I see the ones who love us. I see the people who fight to come home, to bring you home.” She paused having to take a few seconds to collect herself as her emotions were all over the place as she let her eyelids flutter closed.

“ _I know it may seem that at times there is a disconnect in your world, that your Dad is not always at home when he is, but I want you to know that he gave you an amazing gift that I hope you will treasure forever. He loves and adores both of you, and will go to the ends of this earth to protect you. He will sacrifice everything for you… Family is not always blood… There are so many people that love, adore and protect you both, and you have your Dad to thank for that. They will fight for you just like he and I always will. When you don’t think you have the strength they will. When you don’t think you can fight anymore they will fight for you and with you. When you are lost, they will guide you.”_ Emma recited almost word for word what her Mom had written in the note to her and Mikey in the photo album she had created for them.

Emma cleared her throat taking another look around knowing she needed to continue, and she knew he would not have shared it with anyone. “ _With the family that your father gifted you… Love them, cherish them, and remember the joy and peace that you bought them even when you did not realise it and will bring them. They are your family… and they will always be with you.”_

“That gift that Mom was talking about is right here Dad, surrounding us right now. Don’t ever say that you can’t protect me because you and everyone here have done it and continue to do it. That gift is our family. That gift is here, gathered here. Mom was right when she said you would sacrifice everything for me but I won’t let you, I didn’t let you when she died and I am not going to let you now because I got hit. I am not going to let any of you sacrifice yourself for me, not over this.”

Emma didn’t bother to wipe away the tears that were rolling silently down her face in steady waves nor did she try to clear her throat of the lump that had formed or how choked up her voice had become. “Right now, I am going to go back into the bedroom and cuddle with Cerb while you apologise to Clay and let everyone talk you off of the ledge that I know you are still standing on.” She paused. “I love you Dad, and it’s going to be okay.” She pulled herself away from him gently before she stood up and walked towards the bedroom as her head was throbbing seeing Brock let go of Cerb so he could go with her.

Jason waited until he heard the bedroom door close before he hunched over and covered his face with his hands as he tried to gather himself although it was hard.

It wasn’t often that Ray was stunned, and it certainly wasn’t often that he saw Jason lost for words, but Emma had managed to do both and he was not sure if he should be proud or concerned that she could do both. It was clear that Emma expected Jason to be mad, to still want to go after the person who hit her, but it was also abundantly clear that she did not want that. Emma had been hurt and that did not sit right with any of them but she was also smart enough to know not to give them anything that could help identify who the perpetrator was.

Eric was surprised at everything that had taken place and at the silence that seemed to have fallen over them so he decided to make the first move. “Okay, we are all going to grab a mug of coffee then sit down and talk this through.” He could understand the need for retribution himself as the moment he saw Emma’s marred skin he felt an anger that he did not often feel, and he still could see the little girl that Jason had carried on his hip as she snuggled into his shoulder. He now understood why he had been called by Clay to join the team.

“I’ve got it.” Clay unwrapped his arms from Lisa and moved cautiously through the lounge into the kitchen still weary. He kept his head down as he did.

“I’ll give him a hand.” Sonny murmured quietly as he pushed himself up off of the couch and moved to join Clay in the kitchen. “You okay blondie?” He asked as he watched Clay place the mugs down on the countertop as he took the opportunity to take a closer look at him.

Clay pursed his lips for a few seconds then gave a short jerky nod of his head as he focused on pouring the coffee into the awaiting mugs without looking up at Sonny. He would not admit it but he was still worried about everything, and doubting himself for holding off on calling Jason when Emma had first arrived.

Sonny frowned at Clay’s silence and at his fumbling before he looked back into the lounge as he felt eyes on him and found Lisa and Brock looking at them. He shook his head subtly at them before he reached forward and grabbed four of the mugs then headed back out to distribute them.

Jason looked up and over at Clay once he had handed the last mug of coffee to Lisa taking notice that he had not made one for himself. “Did she tell you?” It wasn’t meant to sound as accusatory as it came out but it had Clay straightening up across the room from him.

“No.” Clay answered simply but clearly although he was still weary.

“Spenser.” Jason’s temper flared and hoped the use of his last name would somehow change his answer.

“No, I do not know who hit Emma.” Clay stated with clarity, his voice monotone, despite keeping it low so that it couldn’t be heard through the wall before he dropped his head forward so he had a lovely view of the carpet.

Eric could see the insecurity and weariness that Clay was failing to hide despite his best efforts, and he knew that Jason was still reeling. “Alright, enough, let’s focus on what Emma needs right now.” He decided to intervene before something was said and fractured the little composure that was left.

Jason sighed and let himself fall back into the cushions of the couch once again covering his face with his hands.

Lisa scoffed loudly which had everyone but Clay turning their attention to her. “The only thing Emma needs is for you to be there for her, for you to be her Dad and Uncles, not Bravo right now.” She said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Someone hit my little girl Lisa.” Jason growled as he dropped his hands harshly down into his lap.

Lisa rolled her eyes much the same way that Emma would have if she had of been in the room. “I am aware of that just as she is Jason. She needs her Dad, not a Master Chief, not Bravo 1.” She pointed out despite knowing how hard he found it to separate himself, not the least bit perturbed by the way he growled at her. “You may not be able to hold her like you did when she was little Jason, but you need to hold her just as tight. Be there without constantly questioning her.”

Ray, ever the voice of reason, finished his coffee as he figured out how best to say what it is he wanted too. “She’s always going to be your little girl, it’s a father’s prerogative and one act of defiance that we are all allowed brother.”

“But?” There was always a ‘but’ when Ray used that knowing tone that he had with Jason.

“But Emma isn’t a little girl anymore brother. We have to let her handle this the way she wants to handle this. We have to trust her to handle it. She isn’t going to love you any less because you decide to do as she asked Jase.” Ray did not like that they could not rush to Emma’s aid, could not defend her, and teach the person who hurt her a lesson but he also recognised that they had to respect her decision and her choices.

Jason hated when Ray was right, and he hated it even more when he couldn’t argue with him. “I hate you right now.”

“No, you don’t.” Ray responded immediately with a smirk appearing on his face.

Trent moved forward knowing that there was not a lot they could do. “I’ll keep an eye on her Jase, stop by and check on her over the next few days.”

“And she’s happy cuddling with Cerb who is just as content so he can stay with her while I am on base over the next few days.” Brock knew that Cerb would want to stick close to Emma, and there was no requirement or training that he had to attend to for the next few days.

“We will stay close anyway. Who knows we might just happen to be able to get the jackass especially if he is stupid enough to try and see her to apologise.” Sonny shrugged although the glint in his eye told them all that he was hoping to make the acquaintance of who had hurt Emma, and most likely had an impressive plan of what he would do should he ever find out who it was that hurt her.

“Down Sonny. You are going to let Emma handle this her way too.” Lisa ordered despite the amusement in her voice although she knew that they would have to keep an eye on Sonny for the next while. Sonny Quinn was damn protective of the ones he loved and he sometimes lost his mind when he was feeling extra protective.

“I know that I don’t need to say this but I am going to anyway.” Eric began before he paused and made eye contact with each and every person in the room. “If, and I mean if, any of you happen to find out the culprit, you will not engage, you will not go after them, and you certainly will not cause them any harm. Instead you will come to me with the name, and I will handle it.” There was a finality within Eric’s voice. “Understood?” He wanted confirmation that everyone understood what he had just said. There were a series of confirmations uttered around the room but it was enough to satisfy Eric for the moment. “Good.”

**_Caught Off Guard_ **

Jason had not moved as everyone finished their coffees and left Clay’s apartment at Eric’s suggestion with the exception of Clay and Lisa although he suspected that Lisa stayed because of the palpable tension between the two, and Emma was still in the bedroom with Cerb as Brock did not have the heart to pry the two apart.

The air remained thick and Clay put himself to work washing and drying the dishes although he could feel Jason’s eyes on him every time they darted between him and the bedroom door, and he hated the tension.

Jason stood up and moved into the kitchen although he made sure to remain on the other side of it so that he was opposite Clay although he knew that Lisa was watching relatively closely even though she was flittering around the apartment tidying things away or straightening them up. It wasn’t often that Jason saw Clay so unsure of himself and he hated it. “You did good kid.” Jason’s soft voice carried through the kitchen, and it was punctuated by a loud clunk as the mug Clay had been cleaning slipped out of his hands and hit the bottom of the sink.

Clay knew that Jason was behind him but he hadn’t expected the praise. He pulled his hands out of the soapy water, grabbed the tea towel and dried off before he threw it back down on the bench then turned around to face him. “I’m sorry.” Clay apologised knowing he had never experienced what he had inadvertently put Jason through as he was not a father but he had watched them converse and he could see that they were just as scared as the other although it was for two completely different reasons.

Jason shook his head dismissively. “You did right by Em, and I’m proud of you for that sunshine.” He had let things sink in for a little bit, and while he wished that Clay had called the moment Emma had turned up he also realised that Clay had prioritised her and for that he could only be thankful.

“But I didn’t do right by you.” Clay said before he raised his hands up and scrubbed them over his stinging eyes briefly as the lack of sleep was getting to him.

Jason crossed the small distance between them as he got his first really good look at Clay, and he realised that he had not slept, most likely because he would have stayed awake just in case Emma needed him. “You kept my little girl safe, took care of her, protected her. You did right by me.” He assured him. “And you haven’t been to sleep.”

Clay had no idea what Jason’s last point meant but he wasn’t going to ask him to explain it either. “I’m always going to do what I can for you, for Emma and Mikey, any of our family.”

“I know you are kid… Come here.” Jason reached out and tugged Clay into a hug with his hand finding its way to the back of his neck to give him a comforting squeeze. He wasn’t surprised when Clay relaxed against him.

The hug lasted another minute or so before Clay pulled back and Jason let his hand drop from his neck, and both men turned to look at Lisa who made no secret that she was watching as she smiled at them. “Em’s asleep, cuddled up with Cerb.” She supplied having popped her head into the bedroom to make sure she was okay while the two were talking.

“I should really get her home.” Jason was hesitant even as he spoke.

Clay began to shake his head before Jason had even finished. “Leave ‘em. Emma hasn’t had more than a couple of hours of sleep, and add to that she had a massive adrenaline rush that evaporated pretty much the moment she got here, well she’s exhausted. If she’s comfortable then let her be.” He suddenly realised he might have overstepped and hurried to rectify it. “I mean, well it’s a suggestion, I don’t mind but it’s up to you Jase.”

“You sure? I kind of figured you would want to grab a couple of hours before we have to train this afternoon.” The last thing Jason wanted was to run a training exercise in a few hours but it was not something they could get out of.

Clay barely withheld the yawn that threatened to escape his lips at the mere mention of a nap but he did. “We’ve worked on less sleep than I am right now.” He shrugged although he knew he had been awake for over twenty four hours straight but he was not about to mention that. “A shower is all I need.”

“Jason, I can spend the afternoon with Em here or at yours. I’m not required on base today, and I am not opposed to spending my afternoon eating ice cream and watching crappy reality shows.” Lisa offered wanting to support Emma in her own way and what better way than to spend an afternoon eating ice cream and watching bad television.

Jason was grateful that Emma wouldn’t be on her own, and once again saw first-hand the way Clay and Lisa worked off of each other. “That would be good.” He breathed out softly.

Lisa smiled glad that the tension had evaporated. “Go check on her, I know you want too.”

Jason nodded solidly before he took his leave as he really did want to check on Emma again.

Lisa watched as Clay breathed what could only be described as a sigh of relief as she crossed the kitchen and hugged him. “You did good, really good Clay. Jason’s right, you did good by him, great in fact.” She kept her voice soft as he wrapped his arms around her hugging her back.

**_Caught Off Guard_ **

Jason slipped quietly into the bedroom making Cerb raise his head for a few seconds before he settled back down, and he couldn’t hold back the smile that formed at the protective fur missile that was curled protectively around his daughter. But more importantly Emma looked to be sleeping peacefully as she was lying on her side tucked under the comforter. It had been far too long since he had caught sight of her sleeping but it still soothed his soul just as it did when she was little. He leaned over and very gently kissed her forehead before he tucked the comforter around her. “I love you baby girl.” He whispered hating that she had been hurt but thankful that she had found solace. “So much more than I could ever begin to explain.” Jason stayed watched for a few minutes longer before he quietly made his way back out of the bedroom leaving her to sleep as she did need it.

**_Caught Off Guard_ **

Clay smiled as he stepped out of the bathroom freshly showered although a cold shower was not often desirable at least it had helped him to wake up a little more to see that Emma was up and curled up with Lisa and Cerb on the couch with a blanket draped over her lap. More importantly, she looked refreshed even with the large bruise that had darkened even more in the past few hours as she and Lisa shared a tub of ice cream.

“You ladies got enough ice cream or do I need to pick up more on my way home from base?” Clay teased although he knew that if ice cream helped then he and all of his brothers would buy it.

“Dad’s picking me up to take me home after he is finished at base today.” Emma informed him knowing he had some trouble leaving her but he couldn’t take her to work with him although she was sure if he thought he could have got away with it then he would have.

“But more ice cream never hurts.” Lisa added quickly smiling broadly.

Clay chuckled softly as he rolled his eyes fondly at Lisa. “Oh I know. It might be the only thing I keep stocked. I can be out of beer but heaven forbid I run out of ice cream with you around.” He teased as he moved around gathering his wallet and keys not missing the childish action of Lisa poking her tongue out at him. “Anyway, the Tylenol is above the fridge, take some more when you need to Em, and Jase and I will have our phones on us should you need us.” He was hesitant to leave especially as he caught sight of the bruise again.

“We will be fine, now you need to go otherwise you will be late.” Lisa ordered as Emma nodded in agreeance that they would be fine.

“Alright.” Clay agreed reluctantly although he knew both women were strong. He moved in front of them giving Cerb a scratch behind his ear. “You protect these special ladies bubba.” Cerb barked softly in agreement making Clay smile before he kissed both of them on their foreheads, Emma first then Lisa. “I’ll be home as soon as I’m finished.”

“Clay.” Emma called as he was almost through the door. “Thank you.”

Clay smiled and shook his head. “Told you sweetheart, you never have to thank me.” Emma smiled and nodded although they both knew it would not stop the other from thanking them. Clay was just glad she was okay as he forced himself to leave knowing that Lisa would look after Emma although she really did not need looking after.


	2. Don’t Have Anywhere To Be

**_ Don’t Have Anywhere To Be _ **

Clay needed some advice and he had gone back and forth on who to ask but eventually he ended up right back at the start as he had concluded that the best person to ask was going to be Jason despite all of his other brothers and their life experiences. Jason would be honest and give his opinion which was what Clay wanted, no it was what he needed, but he would also be realistic without adding in deeply philosophical things like Ray would, or try to take him drinking to avoid talking like Sonny would do, and while Brock and Trent would listen they would remain impassive telling him he had to figure it out. The problem was that he didn’t want to have the conversation where it could be overheard by anyone or interrupted so all of their usual places like on base or on the plane or at the bar were out which is why Clay had decided to turn up unannounced at Jason’s house in the middle of the weekday hoping to catch him.

Clay pulled up and parked in front of Jason’s seeing his truck parked in the driveway, and before he could rethink his decision he got out of his car and crossed the front lawn and knocked on the front door. What he wasn’t expecting was Emma to be home and opening the door to him because usually Jason would tell them when Emma was coming home for a visit from college but he hadn’t mentioned that she was, and suddenly Clay felt even worse for turning up unannounced.

“Clay, hi.” Emma smiled broadly as she stepped aside to let him step inside.

“Hi Emma.” Clay replied as he stepped inside subtly looking around for Jason.

Emma closed the door and rolled her eyes as Clay was not as subtle as he thought he was being as he looked around for Jason. “Come on through, Dad’s not home but he shouldn’t be far away. Ray picked him up earlier this morning, something about needing help picking up some play thing or jungle gym for Jameelah and RJ that was, and I quote, ‘Naima approved’.” She was already walking back to the kitchen table where she had books and papers scattered everywhere. “Coffee?” She asked as she glanced over her shoulder knowing she needed to take a break from studying.

Clay bit down on his lip for a few seconds hesitating. “It’s alright. I will come back later. I don’t want to disrupt your studying more than I already have.”

Emma withheld the sigh but she did stop and turn around to give him a pointed look. “You would not have come all this way to see Dad if it wasn’t important especially given how many hours you all spend together so sit and have a coffee with me while you wait for him. Plus, I need a break otherwise my brain might explode. Sit.” She pointed in the loose direction of the kitchen table as she practically ordered him to sit down as she was already reaching up and getting a mug out of the cupboard for him as she had grabbed her empty one from the table as she walked past it.

Clay was mildly amused at the way Emma was ordering him around as he mused that the apple did not fall far from the tree although he was smart enough to keep that thought to himself as he made his way over to the table and sat down letting his eyes skim over the open textbooks and pages of handwritten and typed notes. “How’s college going Em?” He asked knowing that Jason was extremely proud of her although from where he was sitting the work looked intense.

Emma placed the mug of coffee down on the table in front of Clay before she sat down and drew her leg up onto the chair then she took a mouthful of her own coffee. “It’s good, busy, but it’s enjoyable.” She smiled with a shrug letting her eyes glance over all of the scattered paper across the table.

“Thanks Em.” Clay wrapped his hands around the mug of coffee letting his thumb brush over the rim of it absentmindedly. “You home for the weekend or?” He trailed off letting his eyes dart around the room once more.

Emma smiled but hid her smile behind her mug. “I can do my classes online so I decided to come home, spend a few weeks here. Figured I would surprise Dad and get away from my roommate for a bit.” She paused as she put her mug down and looked at him with her smile fading, seeing the dark circles beneath his eyes, and the slight but unsettled movements he was exhibiting. “You okay?” She asked sincerely.

Clay looked over at Emma seeing and hearing the sincerity in her. “I’m fine Emma.” He answered almost immediately giving her a small smile.

“Ah-huh.” Emma didn’t believe him but she knew better than to push. “Have you eaten?” She asked making him quirk an eyebrow up as he looked at her questioningly as if he was worried at the change of subject. Emma shook her head. “I’ll take that as a no then. You like chicken salad sandwiches?”

“Ah yeah.” Clay was confused.

Emma pushed herself up out of the chair once more and began moving around the kitchen pulling out the loaf of bread for the cupboard then the shredded chicken, mixed salad, grated cheese, and the butter from the fridge. “Mayo or ranch or no dressing?” She asked over her shoulder.

“You don’t have to make me anything to eat Emma.” Clay shook his head as he watched her move around the kitchen.

“Well I am not going to make myself a sandwich and then sit and eat it in front of you when you haven’t eaten by your own admission. So mayo, ranch, or no dressing?” Emma didn’t even bother to pause in her sandwich making efforts although she did manage to send him another pointed glare that told him to choose a condiment and accept the sandwich in between layering the fillings on the freshly buttered bread.

Clay recognised the tone that Emma was using and it was all Jason just a lot more feminine and a touch less scary. “Whatever you’re having is good.” He answered eventually. “So what’s wrong with your roommate?”

Emma shook her head at the way he had turned the conversation back on her using something she had said minutes before. “She doesn’t really get all this life entails, and can’t understand why I prefer to exhaust myself studying instead of partying like her.” She admitted knowing her new roommate was going to take a lot to get used too, and it was hard to explain to someone about growing up as a child of the military especially when someone had a romanticised version of it in their head.

Clay frowned at Emma’s words. “Yeah, you’re going to have to explain that one to me Emma. I mean I understand the second part but not so sure on the first.”

Emma made quick work of cleaning up before she returned to the table sliding both plates down before she sat back down once again drawing her knee up. “She has this romanticised view of life in the military, doesn’t understand the momentary panic that comes over me when an unknown number comes up, and doesn’t understand the relief I feel when Dad rings. All she sees is how hot military men are and none of the sacrifices or anything.” She paused as a faint blush bloomed on her cheeks as she might have said to much. “We just have fundamentally different views on pretty much everything, and I needed a break from it all.”

“I’m sorry Em.” Clay really was sorry that Emma felt that way, and that she didn’t have the support that she needed. “And this is really good, thank you.” How a sandwich tasted so good, he didn’t know why, but it did.

“Don’t be, I guess that is what college is all about, new experiences and all that.” Emma shrugged knowing that she would make do. “Anyway, what’s been going on with you?” She asked changing the subject knowing there was something going on with him but she did not want to press to hard.

“Not much, just been training hard Em.” Clay answered not missing the way she rolled her eyes at him.

**_Don’t Have Anywhere To Be_ **

Jason made a mental note to make sure he had something on the next time that Ray asked for help picking up some crossover between a playground and a jungle gym or better yet delegate it to whoever had pissed him off the most at the time. He loved his honorary niece and nephew, he really did, but he did not like having to disassemble, pack, unpack and reassemble a playground jungle gym hybrid thing that had far to many pieces to it. What should have taken no more than an hour as Ray had specified had ended up taking them almost three hours. Yeah Ray certainly owed him a lot of beer, Jason thought as Naima dropped him off on her way to the hospital to cover half a shift while Ray finished up the last few pieces.

Naima smiled as she pulled into Jason’s driveway behind her truck. “Thanks for helping Ray this morning Jason.” She appreciated the help he had offered.

“Thanks Naima, have a good shift.” Jason was already climbing out of the car knowing that Naima was already cutting it close but it was easier for her to give him a ride back then for Ray to get RJ in his car seat to drop him off.

Jason watched as Naima pulled out of his driveway and made her way down the street before he turned to head into the house although he stopped as he caught sight of Clay’s green Nova parked at the curb side. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to check if he had missed anything but there were no notifications. He shook his head and pocketed his phone before he made his way up to the house and let himself in.

Jason paused as he heard Emma laugh before he spied the two sitting at the kitchen table deep in conversation. It perplexed him as his kid and his kid had had very little to do with each other before but yet here they were acting like they spent a lot of time together. He cleared his throat as he made his way towards them.

“Hi Dad.”

“Hi Jase.”

Jason smiled at the two talking at the same time. “Hi. What’s going on here?” He asked doing his upmost to keep the suspicion out of his voice as his brain was already in overdrive.

Clay and Emma looked at each other before turning back to Jason. “Uh, I came over to see if I could get your opinion on something, and Emma was kind enough to let me wait for you and feed me lunch.” Clay’s nervousness had settled in again as he thought about what he had to ask Jason’s advice on.

“It was great timing as I needed a break from all of this.” Emma waved her hand over the table where everything was still scattered although she knew what everything was.

Jason nodded his head softly and barely kept the frown off his face at the nervous signs that Clay was exhibiting. “Come on kid, lets go outside.” He nodded his head towards the yard before he pressed a kiss to the top of Emma’s head.

Clay shook his head at Jason. “Uh you know what, its fine. I should go so you and Emma can spend some time together.” He stood up awkwardly.

Jason shared a subtle look with Emma at Clay’s sudden need to leave and sensed that his nervousness and unease had been present before he had arrived. “I’ll walk you out at least.” He hoped that he could convince Clay to talk to him about whatever was going on inside of his brain as he had seen how hard he pushed himself when he kept it inside.

Clay nodded jerkily. “Thanks Emma.” He said as way of goodbye giving her a small smile before he headed for the door with Jason following a few steps behind.

Jason waited until they were outside and almost at Clay’s car. “Want to tell me what’s going on kid?” He asked making Clay halt abruptly and spin around to look at him.

“I should have called, I’m sorry, and I probably kept Emma from studying longer than I should have.” Clay rambled out quickly.

Jason stepped forward and placed his hands on Clay’s shoulders holding him still. “Okay take a breath for me sunshine.” He waited until Clay did as he was told. “Good, now something is going on, and there is something on your mind.”

Clay glanced away looking around the street before he returned his eyes to Jason. “I wanted to ask you something, I did, but actually Emma kind of helped me figure it out without even knowing.”

Jason was slightly surprised but he did his best not to show it although he could not help but wonder what it was exactly that Clay had been going to ask him. He didn’t know how he felt about Emma giving Clay advice but that was secondary and minor in comparison. “Okay, well I am glad but remember I am here anytime for anything.”

Clay nodded his head in understanding. “Thanks Jase. Anyway I really should get going.” He pulled his keys from his pocket as Jason dropped his hands away from his shoulders.

Jason nodded and watched as Clay walked to his car, got in and pulled away making a mental note to keep an eye on him for the next few days, or rather a closer eye than usual. For the moment, he would see what he could get out of Emma in regards to their conversation but knowing his daughter as he did it was unlikely he would get anything more.


	3. Reality Bites

**_ Reality Bites _ **

It was early but it was the only time that Emma had to pop in to visit Clay for the next few days although she had heard from Naima and Swanny that the doctors were hopeful to discharge him soon as he was close to reaching the impatient goals that had been set for him.

Emma didn’t bother knocking on the hospital room door mainly because she was balancing a tray with coffee for the both of them and had a paper bag clutched in her hand with breakfast bagels as she had seen the food that had passed as edible by the hospital’s standards and Clay’s reaction to the tray. “Morning.” Emma called out although she kept her voice soft as she quickly put the coffee and food down on the nearest table as he was out of bed, up on his feet, shaking as he held onto the railing of the bed with a tense grip which she knew the nurses insisted on having one side up during the night. “Clay, you okay?” She forgot about the pleasantries as she rushed around the hospital bed to him as he still had the bright yellow wrist band that signalled he was a fall risk despite his objections.

Clay shifted his eyes from where his hands were gripping the railing as he knew he had over exerted himself to Emma just in time to see the minute widening of her eyes as she caught sight of his legs, of his leg that was still red and raw with the raised and disfigured structure clear to see. “Shit… Em… don’t… I mean… it’s… uh.” In his stammering panic Clay let go of the railing with one hand as he tried to reach for the blanket but it wouldn’t come loose from where it was tucked in and he almost lost his balance.

“Stop.” Emma ordered firmly as she moved closer although she did so with caution not wanting to startle him. “Lean on me so I can lower the railing then we can get you sitting down.”

Clay wouldn’t meet her eyes but he did let her help him as she snaked her arm around his back letting him rest some of his weight against her. Within seconds Emma had the railing down and then helped him to turn around so he was sat down on the edge of the bed. “Thanks.” He murmured as he looked down at the large mangled mess of a leg that he now had although he still tried to avoid looking at it as much as he could as it felt like it wasn’t his. The reality had yet to sink in to a degree; he knew what had happened, knew that he had been injured, but he was still having trouble reconciling the way his leg looked.

Emma followed Clay’s eyes down to his exposed leg, to the skin that was permanently marred, but she knew that the outcome could have been so much more devastating. It was a reality that Emma was aware of, had been for much of her life, but it had just sunk in a little more in the most unexpected way. It wasn’t that she had not seen injuries before but she had been sheltered to a degree as many of the injuries had healed, or the injuries that she knew had been inflicted she had never seen as they were always covered. She reached her arm back and blindly grabbed the arm of the chair pulling it closer before she sat down in front of him. She ducked her head a little bit before she reached out and placed her hand down on his wrist. “It’s okay Clay.” She kept her voice soft as she suspected that he was struggling with the physical appearance just as much as he was struggling with the physical recovery and the potential life changing consequences that it could have as the medical team was still being cautious about his prognosis.

“How… It’s horrible… you shouldn’t have seen it… it’s not fair… no one’s going to want…” Clay fumbled over his words as there were to many thoughts rushing around his head as he became aware of a whole lot of other things that he had not thought about.

“Clay… I need you to breathe for me.” Emma gently squeezed his wrist hoping to ground him. She watched him take a few stuttered breaths before he finally seemed to get it under control. “Good, that’s really good.” She praised without sounding condescending. “I’m sorry, I should have knocked before I came in.” She apologised. “But I am not sorry that I saw your leg Clay.”

Clay shook his head ignoring the itch he had to reach out and pull the blanket across his lap. “You don’t need to see this mess.” There was a certain melancholy tone to his voice. “No one needs to see this mess.”

Emma reached up and bopped his nose much like Sonny did when she was little but it had the desired effect as he smiled even as he reached up and caught her hand in his. “It’s healing Clay, it’s not a mess.” She said firmly. “It is going to take some time to get used to it, I am not even going to argue that point with you.” She begrudgingly admitted knowing it was bothering him.

“Emma…” Clay kept hold of her hand as he trailed off with a shake of his head.

Emma knew she needed to try a different approach but the only thing coming to mind left her even more uncertain but she had to try. “It’s a map Clay. When I was little, and one day when you have a little girl of your own because you will, just like I did that little girl will sit and trace your scars and she will look at you, not with judgement or fear but with pride and amazement. She will be proud of how you survived although admittedly that will happen once she grows up and is able to understand what it is that you do.” She paused. “And so will the woman who falls in love with you. She won’t care about the exterior as much as she will care about the interior, your head and most importantly, your heart. And if she can’t then she is not the right one for you. Scars tell many stories, some good and some bad, but we have to learn to live with them, find comfort with them, and see past them instead choosing to focus on what they represent and what they say about you.”

Clay huffed petulantly. “This one says to everyone that I disregarded what I had knew which was that the likelihood of a second bomb was significantly higher in order to target first responders. It signals that I am an idiot who got caught out by a bomb because I ignored the basic knowledge that is engrained in me.”

“No.” Emma’s voice was firm bordering on harsh. “No, that is not at all what it says Clay.” She softened her voice and waited until he met her eyes. “It says that you have a good heart because I know that you got two children safely to Sonny before that second bomb went off, and I know that you were doing what everyone who is good wants to do which is help those in need. It’s in your nature Clay. It’s who you are, and it is what makes the people who know and love you so proud of you.” Clay’s eyes were glassy but she was not about to mention it.

Clay swallowed thickly and blinked heavily trying to ward off the tears that had risen in his eyes because somehow Emma had managed to see inside of him, see the things that were bothering him, and help him to feel better. He was slightly surprised that she knew the details she did as he knew he had not been forthcoming with anyone about what had happened as things were still a little bit hazy however he also knew it wasn’t classified either like most of the things they did were.

“Don’t ever be ashamed Clay, not of who you are and certainly not about what you did.” Emma sounded far older than she was but it would be another thing that went unmentioned between them for the moment.

Clay smiled involuntarily and shook his head as she sounded so much like Jason that it was kind of scary. “Thanks sweetheart.” He said without any thought before he caught sight of the time. “What are you doing here so early anyway?”

Emma laughed softly but wasn’t about to call him out on the change of subject. “Well I saw what they were trying to feed you the other day when I was here, and quite frankly it looked disgusting so I bought proper coffee and loaded breakfast bagels, as well as a couple of other things for you to snack on throughout the day that are definitely edible. Figured we would have breakfast together before I have to go pick Mikey up.” She swore she could see Clay’s eyes light up at the prospect of decent coffee and real food.

“Have I told you that you are the best?” Clay asked far more excited for coffee and food that was not from the hospital than he should have been.

“I don’t think you have.” Emma smiled as she pushed herself up out of the chair once she had taken her hands back from him. “But you are more than welcome too.” She threw over her shoulder as she picked up the forgotten coffees and bag of food before returning to the seat in front of him.

“You are the best Em.” Clay said as she handed him the coffee and the still hot breakfast bagel that was packed full of bacon and scrambled eggs. His mouth was practically watering as he gave her a broad smile, one of the few that he had since he had woken up stateside.

Emma laughed but she was happy to see Clay smile as she knew he hadn’t been because of everything that was going on which was understandable. She hadn’t expected him to say it nor did she think she was. “Eat before it gets cold.” She smiled before she took a mouthful of her own coffee, the caffeine hit very welcome as it was still early and she had not had near enough sleep. But the lack of sleep didn’t matter instead she was glad she had made the early visit because despite the unintended viewing of his damaged and still healing leg she hoped to have helped to ease a part of his very worried mind.

Clay let out a soft moan that boarded on orgasmic and indecent which he would have been embarrassed about if it hadn’t been for the fact that the food was so good. The fact that he was starving didn’t help either. “So much better than oatmeal.” He murmured as he finished the last bite having eaten it far to quickly to savour it.

Emma smiled and handed over the second bagel to him as soon as he finished his which he gladly took. Clay getting his appetite back was a very good thing, and whether he realised it or not it was a step closer to him getting to go home. What she did know even if he wasn’t so sure was that he was going to be okay. 


	4. It’s Not Even Noon, It’s Barely Noon

**_ It’s Not Even Noon, It’s Barely Noon _ **

Jason was glad that Emma was home from college although he was second guessing his decision from the moment he made it but he knew Clay could not stay at the bar nor could he be on his own, and he definitely was not taking him to base where Jason was required to be in less than forty minutes as he had been roped into covering a Green Team training class as one of the instructors had a personal emergency. How the kid had got there was still undetermined but the one thing Jason was sure of was that he had not driven as his car was not there and for that he was thankful. The fact that Clay was so drunk that he could not stand straight let alone put one foot in front of the other alarmed Jason as well as Clay was not a big drinker but what was more worrying was the fact that it had not even been noon when Jason had got the call to pick Clay up from a bar across town that certainly wasn’t there usual.

“Emma!” Jason called making Clay grunt and mumble something unintelligible from beside him as Jason just about carried him through the door. Jason steered Clay towards the couch.

“What…” Emma trailed off as her eyes widened but she did not hesitate as she quickly closed the distance between them. “What the hell? Has he been drinking?” She asked even though she could smell the stench of alcohol coming off of him.

“Yeah. Give me a hand to get him lying down on his side.” The last thing Jason wanted was for Clay to aspirate if he did vomit.

“It’s barely noon.” Emma was sure she was still wide eyed as she glanced briefly at the clock that hung on the wall before she helped guide Clay back down onto the couch even going as far as situating a pillow under his head once she had pulled his boots off of him setting them off to the side.

“I know.” Jason grumbled before he stepped back. “I’m going to get him a bucket, and some other things.” He had tried to get Clay to drink a bottle of water once he had got him out of the bar and into his truck but it had been pointless as Clay had passed out the moment the door was closed.

Emma barely glanced over at her Dad’s retreating figure before she looked back at Clay and shook her head even as she grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and shook it out over him. She wrinkled her nose at the smell of alcohol; sure she could get drunk off the fumes that were coming off of him, and moved to open a window. Whatever was going on clearly was worrying as she picked up on her Dad’s worry.

Jason was glad that Emma had opened a window as he returned back to the lounge with a rubbish bag lined bucket, a bottle of water, a bottle of Advil, and a hand towel. He wasn’t surprised that Emma had covered Clay up with a blanket, not after he had absentmindedly mentioned that Clay settled better with one once. “Em, I know it isn’t fair but would you mind watching him?” He was worried about a number of things, and as much as he wished he could excuse himself from teaching he knew he could not especially not with the late notice.

Emma smiled as she watched her Dad tuck the blanket around Clay a little tighter, something that he had obviously done several times before. “I have got him Dad. You have to get to base to teach soon, don’t you?” She checked the time again vaguely recalling him saying something earlier to her in between phone calls, and she didn’t have any plans as a day at home had been on the agenda.

“Yeah, it’s just one class and I will have my phone on me if you need anything, and Ray and Sonny will be with me. Trent is brushing up on some medic thing, and Brock is training Cerb. I don’t think the rest of the team needs to know just yet, at least not till I know what is going on.” Jason was quick to assure her although he knew it was more for his own piece of mind than anything else.

“We will be fine Dad.” Emma assured him. “When are you going to tell me he’s yours?” She teased as she watched him fix the blanket again as Clay had shifted his arm just enough to make it expose his shoulder.

Jason looked up smiling and shook his head as Emma’s question. “You always wanted an older brother Em.” He shot back quickly seeing her smile grow as he shrugged because in a way he was one of his kids.

Emma rolled her eyes fondly at her Dad’s answer before she looked down at Clay with the same fondness. “I think you got us a pretty great older brother.” She reached out and adjusted the pillow so his neck wasn’t on such an awkward angle as she was sure it would only add to the pain he was going to feel once he was awake. “But something’s going on with him if this state is any indication.” She sobered, her voice losing its teasing tone, knowing that Clay only got really drunk on very rear occasions and usually it was when his head and heart were to loud.

“I wish I knew what Em but I don’t. If I did, I would have been keeping a closer eye on him.” Jason was serious and knew he would spend a fair portion of the next several hours thinking about what could be bothering Clay but then again the usual culprits were quick to get in order in the list in his mind.

“He can be his own worst enemy sometimes, reminds me of someone else.” Emma sent a pointed glare to her Dad as sometimes the similarities were uncanny between the two, and she knew the pointed words and glare would be ignored. “You only missed it because he didn’t want you to know, probably didn’t want anyone to know. But he called you.”

“A barman did, not him.” Jason corrected quickly.

Emma rolled her eyes although there was more exasperation than fondness this time directed at him. “Okay so someone else called you to pick him up but how do you think they got your number? He had them call you because he wanted you, knew you would go get him and take care of him. Even though he knew you are going to have one hell of a lecture for him once he is not under the effects of all the alcohol he has consumed.” She had no doubt that there would be a lecture although she did take some joy that it would not be directed at her because he did ‘disappointed Dad’ very well.

“When did you get so wise Em?” Jason asked even though she had always been smart.

“Oh, I don’t know, could have been about the time I got an older brother.” Emma was back to teasing and smiling. “Anyway, you need to get going otherwise you are going to be late and that is not a good look.” She reminded him knowing that time was ticking.

Jason glanced back over his shoulder at the clock before he looked back at Clay wishing he did not have to leave him but he knew that Emma would keep an eye on him. “I doubt he is going to wake up while I am gone but if he does make sure he drinks a lot of water, and if you can try and get a sandwich into him, it should help with the hangover.”

“I know Dad, I’ve got him, and I will call you if I need too.” Emma replied as she moved over to him giving him a hug although she knew it would not ease the worry that he felt.

“Love you Em.” Jason hugged Emma tightly before he kissed the top of her head.

“Love you too Dad.” Emma replied hugging him for a few seconds longer before she stepped back from him so that he could leave.

“I’ll be home as soon as I can.” Jason told her firmly on his way out as he really was cutting it close knowing she would follow after him and lock the door.

Emma locked the door then glanced back over at Clay. “What are we going to do with you Mister?” She sighed softly and went to get a book to read so she could stay close by.

**_It’s Not Even Noon, It’s Barely Noon_ **

The first sign that Clay showed of life was as his feet began to kick in an effort to escape the confines of the blanket that was draped loosely over him.

Emma simply set her book down in her lap as she had curled up in the armchair opposite from him on the couch and watched in mild amusement as he managed to get his foot free and let it stick out from under the blanket but it was enough to make him settle once more although she was sure the amount of alcohol that was still flowing around his bloodstream was enough to do that. However it did allow her to relax minutely as she was not used to seeing him as still as he had been.

Emma looked up at the clock seeing that it had been just over forty five minutes since she and Clay had been left alone, and she knew her Dad well enough to know that he would be fretting despite how good he was at hiding his emotional turmoil until it manifested into something more that usually left him spiralling. She picked her phone up off of the arm of the chair and sent a quick text to calm his racing mind.

STILL ASLEEP ALTHOUGH MANAGED TO FREE HIS FOOT FROM THE BLANKET. X.

Emma swapped her phone for her book once more resuming her reading although with each turn of the page she found herself glancing over to check on him and took a few seconds to watch the rise and fall of his chest.

**_It’s Not Even Noon, It’s Barely Noon_ **

Jason felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and was glad that the members of Green Team were doing a run through of part of the overall exercise that he was teaching and supervising as he pulled his phone out and glanced at the screen quickly reading the text from Emma before he put it back into his pocket.

“Everything good brother?” Ray glanced over from where he had been watching to look at Jason having spent enough time with him to know that something was off with him despite how well he was covering it up.

Jason resumed tracking the movements of each man in front of him with his eyes without even glancing at Ray. “Yeah, just Emma.” It was easier to appease and pacify Ray than give him more room to question him especially with the tension between him and Clay lately although there was tension between Sonny and Clay as well although he had yet to figure out where it stemmed from.

Ray nodded but he knew whatever Emma had written in the text message that it had relieved a fraction of the tension that Jason was carrying. “Everything okay with her?” He hedged cautiously.

“Em’s good Ray.” Jason answered sharply signalling that question time was over as he stepped forward and signalled for Sonny to bring everyone in as the sooner they got through the exercises then the sooner he could get home.

**_It’s Not Even Noon, It’s Barely Noon_ **

Clay slammed his eyelids shut as soon as he had managed to crack them open but the light was terribly bright and his head was already pounding. It took him a few seconds to remember that he was not concussed and instead the pain he was feeling happened to be self-inflicted and alcohol induced although the foul taste in his mouth helped to confirm that part. He was sure that if he didn’t move then he would be okay, well maybe not okay, but at least he couldn’t feel any worse.

The sound of a soft snicker made Clay furrow his forehead and he attempted to force his heavy eyelids up again only to wince and slam them shut as the light burned his eyes.

“I am guessing right about now that you are feeling pretty terrible.” Emma kept her voice soft as she moved around the room pulling the blinds and curtains closed to darken the room.

“Emma?” Clay’s voice was thick and hoarse sounding but it was also laced with confusion.

“Water is on the coffee table in front of you as well as some Advil, and there is a bucket on the floor.” Emma answered as she rolled her eyes although she had to admit that the confused hoarse voice was kind of cute sounding.

“Oh god, my head.” Clay groaned out as he attempted to reach out for the water without opening his eyes but the pounding in his head quickly thwarted that plan as he pressed his hands to his face.

Emma shook her head as she finished shutting the last set of blinds so that the lounge was completely darkened although there was enough light from the kitchen window to be able to see what she was doing. She moved back to Clay, grabbing the bottle of water before she crouched down in the space between the couch and the coffee table. “Here, drink.” She had uncapped the bottle before she reached out and pulled one of his hands from his face then pushed the bottle into it.

Clay managed to get the bottle to his lips and began to drink greedily as he was parched. “What you doing here Em?” He asked once he was half way through the bottle and had the good sense to stop and let the water settle in his stomach as it was just as unhappy as his head. “Thought you’d be at home.”

Emma pushed two Advil capsules into his hand and waited until he took them with another mouthful of water. “I am at home Clay. Dad bought you back here when he picked your drunk ass up.” She informed him.

Clay let out a groan as he forced his heavy eyelids open once again having to blink heavily more than a couple of times before he took in what he was seeing. “Huh.” He grunted before he pushed himself to sit up which only made his head protest more.

Emma reached out and took the half empty bottle of water from Clay, recapped it then sat it back down on the coffee table as she moved to sit on it so Clay had space for his legs. The fact that he had no idea where he was or how he got there was concerning to her but she was not about to reprimand him. “You think you can handle eating some toast? And after that then you can have a shower cause you most definitely need one.” She was not really asking as he needed to eat and toast just happened to be the best option as the bread would soak up some of the remaining booze and be light enough that hopefully it would not trigger a vomiting session.

“Doesn’t sound like I have much of a choice.” Clay muttered although he didn’t mean to lash out. “What’s the time?” He asked seeing Emma was retreating into the kitchen.

“Almost 1.30.” Emma answered as she put two pieces of bread into the toaster and pushed it down so it would toast. “Dad will be home as soon as he is finished with the lesson he was teaching Green Team.” She informed him as she moved around the kitchen pulling out the butter then a knife and a plate. She smirked at the groan that came from him at that as it wasn’t a pained one but rather one that told her he knew he was in trouble.

Clay knew he had screwed up but nothing was making a lot of sense especially considering there did not seem to be a continuous film of what had happened instead there were more than a few gaps in his own memory. “How did Jase know where to find me?” He asked as he could not remember calling him, if anything he had been intent on avoiding everyone and anyone that knew him when he had started drinking.

Emma frowned and was slightly alarmed at the fact that Clay seemed to have no recollection and it was growing with each passing moment. The toaster popped and Emma grabbed the two pieces of hot toast, dropped them on the plate then buttered them quickly. She took a few seconds to put the butter back into the fridge and put the knife in the sink before she picked up the plate and carried it over to him, sitting back down on the coffee table in front of him. “Eat, it should help.” She put the plate in his hand although she wasn’t so sure on the whole making him feel better part of things as quite frankly he looked like hell. “And the answer to your question is you got the bartender to call Dad.” It was a little presumptuous but she didn’t care and it was not like he was about to correct her.

Clay nibbled on the first piece of toast slowly as he mulled over the information that Emma had provided. “How mad is he?” He asked as he finished the first piece before he moved onto the second taking the time to consider his options although it didn’t seem like he had many.

Emma leaned forward hooking her fingers gently under his chin before she made his look up at her. “He’s not mad, worried, but he’s not mad.” She assured him always amazed at how he could go from stubborn and stoic to quiet and reserved in a heartbeat. It didn’t surprise her that the men of Bravo found it hard to stay mad at him because he had an impressive set of puppy eyes on him too although she would give them credit for trying even if they failed every damn time.

Clay nodded softly once before his head decided to remind him of its pain with a particularly vicious throb. “Didn’t mean to worry anyone.” He muttered before he began eating the second piece of toast.

Emma nodded diligently as she knew he didn’t mean to but there was something about him that made a person worry whether he meant to or not. “You know it is what happens when you love a person, you tend to worry about them. It can’t be helped.” She offered in lieu of explaining the complexities of her Dad and his emotions hoping his hungover brain would understand what it was that she was getting at but she understood if it didn’t as he barely looked like he was functioning. “And it’s a good thing to have people that love and worry about you babe.”

“Yeah…” Clay trailed off intent on finishing the second piece of toast although he was struggling with it as he was sure that this was the worst hangover he had ever had, and that was including the ones when he and Sonny got into Tequila. There wasn’t much he could say in response to her statement as she was right but he still didn’t like knowing that he had caused someone to worry about him although it was something he tended to do semi regularly.

Emma decided not to push more pearls of wisdom onto Clay as he was in no state to talk more than he already had which is why she had not even tried to ask any of the questions that she had although she knew she would get the answers as she was sure they would be asked by her Dad. “I am going to find you something to wear. I am pretty sure that we still have some of your clothes here from the last time you stayed. And then I will get the shower running.” She decided to let him finish the half eaten piece of toast in peace knowing it would not take him long to do so.

“Thanks sweetheart.” Clay was grateful and she deserved to be thanked although he only barely managed to get the words out before she was out of the room.

“We are family Clay.” Emma threw over her shoulder not even stopping as she did. In her world it was simple, family helped family, but she also knew that it was not a natural thing that came to Clay which is why she and everyone else tried to reinforce it as much as possible even after how long he had been a part of the makeshift family that they had made. It was something to remind him of.

**_It’s Not Even Noon, It’s Barely Noon_ **

Emma barely withheld the smirk that tugged at her lips as she watched as her Dad arrived home, and frowned immediately that Clay was no longer on the couch. “Clay’s fine, Dad. I got a couple of pieces of toast into him along with two bottles of water and a couple of Advil capsules. He had a shower afterwards.” She informed him promptly as she slung the tea towel over her shoulder deciding to get dinner prepped and throw it in the slow cooker for the rest of afternoon. It wasn’t anything special but beef meatballs with pasta sauce and a whole lot of vegetables and she would throw some pasta in later.

Jason nodded his head although Emma’s recap of the afternoon left out where Clay currently was which didn’t settle him quite the way he would have liked. It had taken far longer than he had thought it would to get the training completed but at least it was over now. “And where is he now?” He asked even as he pulled her into a hug.

Emma rolled her eyes before she pulled back from her Dad although she could understand his need to check on Clay. “I made him take a nap, he was grouchy, although he didn’t argue about it either.” She smiled making him chuckle.

“Yeah I bet he has the mother of all hangovers.” Jason did not even need confirmation of that from Emma but he could imagine how grumpy Clay was. “Let me guess he is tucked under a comforter.” He knew that she was aware about Clay’s preference for a comforter when he was ill or injured, or hungover, so he was sure she would have fished one out and tucked him under it herself.

“Yeah, doubt you will even be able to see him.” Emma answered knowing she had continuously checked on him in between preparing things. “Go check on him, I know you want to but just don’t wake him.” She pointed down the hall knowing he was itching to do so, and she would have laughed at the way he abandoned her immediately as she did if she knew he wasn’t so concerned. Instead she shook her head as she smiled and returned to the kitchen to put the last of the chopped vegetables into the slow cooker and turn it on high.

Jason made his way down the hall to what was the spare room which also doubled as Mikey’s room whenever he came home as it still had his bunk beds which came in awfully handy especially if Sonny found out that Clay was bedding down at Jason’s. He wasn’t surprised to see Clay hidden under the comforter with only a small bit of those dirty blonde curls visible but he still moved closer and raised the edge of the comforter just enough to get a peek at his face although that was met with a grunt of protest but he didn’t wake up. Jason shook his head but let the comforter fall back down and wasn’t surprised when Clay shifted to curl it tighter around himself.

Jason retreated to the hall but found himself lent against the doorframe looking at Clay, a position that he had found himself in a few times before, and silently wondered what was going on this time to push Clay to drink so much however he knew he wouldn’t get any answers until he was awake. With that acceptance, Jason pushed himself to leave Clay to sleep while he made his way back into the kitchen to Emma.

Emma looked up from the sink where she was cleaning the chopping board thoroughly as Jason returned to the kitchen and took a seat at the kitchen table. “Should I ask what you are thinking Dad?” She hedged that he was trying to figure it out himself as she dried off the few dishes that she had made as she turned around to face him seeing that he was scrubbing his hands over his face.

Jason let his hands drop away from his face just in time to see Emma sit down with him at the table. “Thank you Em.” He reached his hand out to hers which she obliged and placed her hand in his. “I know it wasn’t exactly your plan to babysit today.”

Emma shook her head. “I will tell you what I told Clay. We’re family Dad, and it is what we do.” She assured him. “And he is a hell of a lot easier to look after Uncle Ray’s children but if you repeat that I will deny it.” She loved Jameelah and RJ dearly but they could be handfuls at times.

Jason smiled softly. “How was he?” He had hoped that Clay would remain asleep until after he had gotten home but luck was not on his side.

Emma considered the question diligently and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “I didn’t push him Dad. I know you have questions just as I do but I know it’s best to ask him just once.” She shrugged her shoulder softly.

“But?” Jason knew there was a ‘but’ although he wasn’t surprised that Emma had left it up to him.

“But he’s worried that you are mad, and that developed immediately after I told him you picked him up.” Emma paused trying not to show how concerned she was. “I don’t think he recalls as much as he should. He didn’t even realise you bought him here.”

Jason sighed loudly before he ran his free hand around the side of his neck. “Yeah okay, I will talk to him once he’s up.”

“Just so you know I told him you weren’t mad but you were worried.” Emma gave him that pointed look that said ‘don’t make a liar out of me’.

Jason wasn’t surprised that Emma knew that he was worried. “I’m glad you told him that because you are right. I am worried Em, not mad though.”

“And maybe a little disappointed?” Emma questioned grateful that her father was talking to her. She could understand if he was and she certainly wouldn’t hold it against him.

“Disappointed?” Jason questioned wondering why Em would think she was disappointed.

“That he got so drunk that he cannot remember, or that he did not come to you before he got himself into the state. I’m not saying you are but I could understand it if that was a part of what you were feeling.” Emma spoke cautiously not wanting to put words into his mouth or cause problems.

Jason took a few moments to mull over Emma’s words. “I could never be disappointed with any of you Em. So no, no I am not disappointed with him.” He was adamant. “I am just worried, really worried.”

Emma squeezed his hand again and offered a sad smile. “I love you Dad.”

“I love you too Em.” Jason smiled as the pride he felt bloomed in his chest.

**_It’s Not Even Noon, It’s Barely Noon_ **

Clay groaned softly as he pushed the comforter down and then ran his hand through his matted curls pushing them back off of his forehead. He looked to his left and smiled softly at the full bottle of water that was on the bedside table which he quickly reached out and grabbed as he was still thirsty. One thing he did know was that he felt better than he had when Emma had ordered him to take a nap after his shower although he still was hungover which he would openly admit.

“How are you feeling sunshine?” Jason was glad to see Clay awake and drinking from the water bottle he had put at his bedside the last time he had checked on him as he had taken to checking on him every thirty minutes. He had lent against the doorframe once more.

“Hey.” Clay felt a small amount of relief go through him at being called ‘sunshine’ and it meant Emma was right, that Jason wasn’t mad at him as he pushed himself up to sit on the edge of the bed. “Considering it is self-inflicted, I have no one to blame but myself for how crappy I feel.” He shrugged his shoulders knowing it probably wasn’t the exact answer that Jason was looking for but he had admitted he felt bad.

Jason nodded slightly surprised that Clay had admitted what he had but he was grateful that he had at the same time. “We’ve all had hangovers before. Anyway, Em is serving dinner and you need to eat.” He would leave the talking until after.

“I’ll be right there, I will just freshen up first.” Clay knew that Jason was not going to debate with him about eating dinner but he needed to go to the bathroom and relieve himself first, and splash some cold water on his face.

“Okay.” Jason knew that Clay would join them so he gave him a single solid nod then stepped out of the room heading back down the hall to the kitchen.

**_It’s Not Even Noon, It’s Barely Noon_ **

Dinner passed by in relative quiet but no one minded as Jason and Emma knew Clay well enough to know that his headache was lingering and that he would not accept any more Advil as he absolutely hated taking any pain medication nor were they going to push him on it either.

“That was great honey, thank you.” Jason pushed his empty plate away from him.

Clay managed to make it through the small portion that Emma had served him which wasn’t even half of what he usually would eat. “Yeah, thanks Em.” He pushed his own plate away from him before he downed the rest of the water in the glass in front of him.

“Thank you.” Emma was glad that her slow cooker dump meal had been successful although it wasn’t hard to feed men like her Dad and Clay usually as they had large appetites however she knew they loved home cooked meals any time they could have them especially as they lived largely on MRE’s due to the amount of time they spent on spin ups. “Why don’t you two go sit down? I will clean up.” She knew that the two needed to have a conversation and it needed to be done soon as Clay looked ready to go back to bed to sleep away the rest of his hangover.

“You cooked Em. I will clean up.” Jason knew it was only fair considering she had made a delicious meal for the three of them to enjoy.

“Seriously, I have got it.” Emma said it in a way that told him not to argue with her.

Jason clicked onto what Emma was doing or rather why she was so insistent that she be the one to clean up while they moved into the lounge, and he was grateful for it. “Come on kid, lets go into the lounge and talk.” He said as he pushed himself out of the seat although he grabbed another bottle of water for Clay as he hoped that it would help flush the residual alcohol out of his system quicker.

Clay withheld the groan that wanted to leave his lips but he understood that he owed Jason an explanation considering he had been the one to pick him up and have Emma take care of him which was not her job. He pushed himself up and followed after Jason into the lounge.

Jason sat down in the armchair leaving the couch for Clay once he had sat the bottle of water down on the coffee table so it was within his reach. The problem was he had no idea how or where to start the conversation.

Clay relaxed back into the couch cushions before he scrubbed his hands over his face whilst trying to ignore the headache that seemed intent on staying with him. “I’m sorry, I should have come to you instead of going and trying to drown my sorrows.” He began the conversation with an apology as he certainly owed Jason that much and more.

“Did it help?” Jason asked even though he already had a fair idea of what the answer would be.

Clay huffed. “No it didn’t but you know that.”

“So do you want to try telling me what is going on?” Jason pitched his voice soft as the last thing he wanted to do was make Clay keep silent.

Clay tipped his head back until he was looking up at the ceiling; it wasn’t that he was avoiding looking at Jason, it was just he wasn’t exactly sure how to explain it all. “Do you ever feel like everything is spinning out of control? Like you stepped into a minefield and you have no idea which way to move?” He asked knowing it was not the greatest metaphor but it was all he had.

Jason understood that feeling all too well and he hated it every single time it happened. “Yeah kid I do, I know that feeling all too well.” It was sincere yet simple, understated almost.

“I feel like I can’t get anything right at the moment.” Clay admitted sombrely with his voice flatter than it usually was.

Jason leaned forward in his chair spying Emma who was eavesdropping but he was not about to reprimand her for it. “Care to elaborate kid?” It was a broad statement that covered almost everything.

Clay sighed softly as he continued looking up at the ceiling, studying the fine details intricately or as intricately as his headache would allow. “I don’t know what I’m doing or have done but it seems that Sonny and Ray hate me lately and nothing I seem to try makes it better.”

Jason wasn’t surprised that the animosity between Clay and Sonny and Ray was getting to him. In all honestly he had no idea where the sudden animosity seemed to have come from either but it was clearly something he was going to have to intervene in although he had been standing aside to let them work it out on their own. Discourse amongst the team was never a good thing; in fact it could be deadly.

“I thought if I gave them both space then it would work itself out but it hasn’t. I tried talking to them and all I got was snippiness from Sonny, and some disgusted look from Ray. I tried asking Brock and Trent if they knew what was going on but they either didn’t know or didn’t want to say, and I can understand them not wanting to be in the middle of whatever the hell it is that is going on.” Clay paused. “I know it’s affecting the team, and it’s only a matter of time before it becomes a problem in the field. But how can I rectify it if I don’t know what it is that I have done. I mean I keep trying to think of what it could have been or be but I just don’t know.” He paused and swallowed thickly. “If they…” He trailed off not wanting to complete the thought.

Jason pinched the bridge of his nose feeling as though the weight of worry had just tripled.

“Maybe I need to step back for a bit, or down. If they don’t trust me then I become a liability for everyone.” Clay had to push himself to get the words out and he did not miss the way his own voice shook or how thick sounding it had become.

“No.” Jason was firm in his one word response. “No, you are not stepping back or down from the team.” Talk about being caught unaware, Jason thought repentantly wishing he had acted earlier before it had got to the point where Clay was thinking about pulling himself so as not to jeopardise the rest of the team and drowning his sorrows. The fact was that Clay always had their backs in and out of the field, and Jason was not letting him step away just because of a sudden bout of animosity.

“Jase.” Clay tipped his head forward letting his eyes meet Jason’s. “It might not be a choice but rather a necessity.” That was the stark reality laid bare.

Jason turned his head just in time to see Emma came to a stop on the edge of the lounge and he did not miss the heartbroken look that showed on her face before she managed to school her face. “I will sort it, I will talk to everyone.” He had turned back to Clay before he spoke but his words were for Emma as well because he had no doubt that Emma would take it upon herself to reprimand Sonny and Ray as she was almost as protective of Clay as he was of her.

Emma looked at Jason before she turned to Clay knowing it was early but he was still battling a hangover from hell and she suspected that he had been exhausted even before he tried drinking himself into a coma. She knew her Dad would get to the bottom of whatever it was that was going on although she had not been aware that there was an issue between Clay, Ray and Sonny but learning of it alarmed her for several reasons, several that Clay had already pointed out.

Emma stepped forward and held her hand out to Clay. “Come on, I am going to watch _P.S. I Love You_ and you are watching it with me, or at least until you fall back asleep.” She knew that it would only be her and Clay as her Dad would be heading out to locate either Ray or Sonny or both men and get to the bottom of the problem that had with Clay. She doubted Clay would make it through the first half of the movie once he got comfortable but it didn’t matter.

Clay looked over at Jason unsure if there was anything else to be said. “Go with Em sunshine. She’s right you could use some more sleep.” Jason nodded his head as he spoke knowing exactly what Emma was doing and once again he was glad that she could read him so well. And he didn’t mind that Emma and Clay would lay together on her bed because he knew there was nothing between them.

Clay put his hand in Emma’s and let her pull as he pushed himself up off the couch. As he walked past Jason he reached out and squeezed his shoulder, a silent ‘thank you’ between them. “What movie did you say we were watching?” Clay asked softly as he followed Emma down the hall as she still had his hand held in hers even though he did not expect to see the end of it.

“ _P.S. I Love You._ ” Emma answered as it was one of her favourite movies or rather she loved the significance and the message behind it. She looked over her shoulder to see Clay’s furrowed forehead and it made her smile. “All you have to do is lay beside me and go to sleep.” She teased although she had no doubt that he would.

“Thanks Em.” Clay smiled softly at her before a yawn escaped his lips.

It didn’t take long for Emma to have the movie playing and for the two of them to be settled on Emma’s bed lying next to each other. And neither of them missed the sound of the front door opening then closing or Jason’s truck leaving.

Emma heard Clay sigh from beside her and she knew that he was worried especially with the way he had drawn in his bottom lip and was biting down on it. “It’s going to be fine.” She murmured softly as she moved closer so he could cuddle into her as he was not watching the movie.

“Not so sure about that Em, not this time.” Clay knew she had been listening from the kitchen and had heard everything although a part of him had wished she hadn’t as she did not need to worry about them more than she already did. He tipped his head forward so his face was buried against the top of her shoulder as she absentmindedly covered him up with the comforter.

Emma hated the fragility she could hear in Clay’s voice. “Dad is going to sort it out.” She had to believe in that and she did. “Let yourself go back to sleep.” She knew he was fighting about going back to sleep but lying there worrying about things was not going to help either instead it would only make him feel worse.

“Love you sweetheart.” Clay mumbled tiredly as he felt far more exhausted than he should have, and he was still battling his hangover.

“I love you babe.” Emma smiled softly as she gently entwined her hand with his knowing that there was nothing they could do until her Dad sorted out the discord or at least attempted to figure out where it had stemmed from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part 1 of 3 although they can be read separately. The next parts will be up soon!


	5. It’s Not Right To Assume

**_ It’s Not Right To Assume _ **

The animosity had only grown between the men – between Clay and Ray and Sonny – and despite Jason’s best efforts neither Ray nor Sonny would tell him what was going in or where the animosity stemmed from. The imaginary wall that had been built had left Jason angry and bitter with the two men especially with the fact they either would not or could not tell him the reason behind their sudden hatred towards their youngest brother; and he had been keeping Clay closer than usual and Emma was helping with that as she made sure Clay stayed with them, making sure he ate and talked rather than shut down. However Jason could see the toll it was taking on Clay with each passing day that it continued on.

Clay sighed softly with his head rested against the window as he and Jason arrived at base not looking forward to another day training with his brothers. He had suspected that Jason had spoken to Eric and Lisa about the sudden onset of animosity directed at himself which is why they found themselves grounded instead running through training exercise after training exercise.

Jason felt his concern grow as he spared a glance in Clay’s direction knowing that with each passing day that Clay was getting more and more uneasy, and a late night conversation had Clay revealing that he felt more and more that it was best for him to step aside and that he had taken the step of having an off the record conversation with Romeo’s Master Chief as they had an open space that needed to be filled as one of Romeo’s men, Romeo Three, was about to retire. It wasn’t what Jason wanted at all but he understood Clay’s thinking and could understand why he didn’t want to feel the animosity every day. “If you don’t want to run the training exercise today, you can take my truck and head back home kid.” It wasn’t about the training and Jason knew that even as he extended the offer without a second thought as the kid looked exhausted and close to unravelling.

Clay rolled his head to the side pulling his gaze from beyond the window and over to Jason as Jason parked and turned off the truck. “How long will it be before they don’t have my back in one of these exercises? Or rather how long before it becomes even more pronounced than it already is?” He had been thinking about it a lot, almost like it was on a continuous loop. Sure, Jason, Brock and Trent had his back but combat was never perfect and there was no guarantee that any of the three men would be around. And he knew that they could not stay grounded for much longer before the Brass started asking questions, ones that would become uncomfortable quickly.

Jason didn’t know what to say although he was scrambling for something to say. “We are going to sort this out even if I have to bash their heads together.” He cringed at his own words.

“With all due respect Jase, you have been trying to sort it for over a week and we still don’t know what I have done that has made them hate me. And if they won’t tell you then I doubt they are going to work with me to fix whatever this is.” Clay paused having spent much of the night thinking about everything. “I think it is time to admit defeat, and for me to go to Blackburn to make my transfer official to Romeo otherwise someone is going to get killed, and I don’t want that on my conscience or yours.” The words were bitter tasting and Clay hastily scrubbed a hand over his burning eyes as they filled with unshed tears as the unknowing was getting to him as was the fact that he never thought he would be leaving Bravo this way.

Jason reached across and wrapped his hand around the back of Clay’s neck squeezing softly as he could feel the desperateness behind his words, and he hated them. It wasn’t Clay alone that felt a desperateness instead Jason felt it too. There had to be something that could be done because he wasn’t going to sacrifice Clay because Ray and Sonny couldn’t get over whatever it was that was bothering them.

**_It’s Not Right To Assume_ **

Meanwhile, Brock and Trent were stood in the team room with their arms crossed over their chests as they stared in shock and disbelief at Ray and Sonny. They had arrived early wanting to pin down both men who had remained tight lipped on their sudden problem with Clay, and it seemed the more that Jason tried to figure it out and intervene, the more irritated and angry they got. Both men were worried, not just about Clay but about Jason as well as his worry was profound and obvious given how close he was keeping him. What they expected was certainly not what they got but then again they also were not used to being blindsided as they were.

“I’m sorry, run that by us again.” Trent felt just as confused as Brock looked, and Cerb whimpered at Brock’s feet with his head tilted to the side almost mirroring their confusion.

Ray sighed while Sonny growled. “Should have known you would jump to defend him.” Sonny glared at both of them.

“Hold on a minute Sonny. We are asking you both to explain everything to us.” Trent put his hand up and held it out, not concerned about risking Sonny’s ire given the seriousness of the situation. “We have spent the last month or so watching the distance grow and neither of you have told us the reason behind it until right now, so excuse us if we need you to explain it to us with more depth and detail, with facts and examples.” Because what the two were alleging needed to be examined with the detail of an AAR.

“They are right Sonny.” Ray said after a few moments understanding how hard it had been for him to wrap his head around. Usually he and Sonny were not on the same page or even the same book but they had spoken at length about it and come to the same conclusion. “We have just dumped this on them in the briefest yet bluntest form.”

“What’s to explain? Blondie is banging Emma right under Jase’s nose, and Jase is defending him, protecting him, without even realising what is going on in his own home. I mean the damn kid has managed to practically move in with them.” Sonny growled angrily before he kicked at the cage making the wire rattle with the sound reverberating around the room.

“So let me get this straight, the two of you decided to play judge, jury and executioner without talking to Spense, Emma or Jason about what you two decided was going on?” Brock asked in disbelief at how they could have treated Clay so terribly without any evidence because neither man had provided any.

Sonny growled and it was only for Ray hastily slapping his hand across his chest that stopped him from moving any further forward towards Brock. “See, I knew you would defend him!” Sonny pointed a finger towards Brock knowing exactly why they had not said anything instead choosing to keep it between himself and Ray.

“Well you haven’t exactly said anything other than you believe Clay and Emma are in some secret relationship and playing Jason!” Brock argued back defiantly.

“Okay, enough! Brock we are going to let Ray and Sonny explain their conclusion to us without interrupting, and after they have finished then we will ask and they will answer any questions that we have.” Trent took control although he was firmly in agreement with Brock, and it was beyond insane.

“I never used the word ‘relationship’ Brock, I said ‘banging’. Blondie is clearly taking advantage of Emma, and the only one that is going to get hurt is Emma.” Sonny spat the two words out with emphasis on them because as far as he and Ray had concluded there was no way Emma would sign herself up for a life as a military girlfriend or wife.

Brock pinched the bridge of his nose before he ran his hand through his curls that were still damp from his shower before he turned his back on everyone in the room as he fought to remain calm despite feeling anything but. He really did not want to hear anything that Ray or Sonny had to say because as far as he was concerned they were both out of their goddamn minds. However he and Trent had both agreed that the discord had become dangerous, and they hated the toll it had taken on Clay who was a ghost of his former self as he had lost weight, had dark circles under his eyes from a lack of sleep, and practically vanished the moment that they had finished training as he did not want to face the wrath and ire of the two men who suddenly became ice cold towards him.

Trent knew he had said that Ray and Sonny could explain the conclusion that they had reached without being interrupted but he was quickly losing his patience with the two men. “What makes you think that Clay and Emma are together?” He used the term ‘together’ loosely as it was far more respectful than ‘banging’ as Sonny seemed intent on spitting out like it was poisonous. “And if they are why is it such a problem?” If looks could kill he would have been dead with the look he received from Sonny at his second question.

Ray bristled softly before he dropped his hand from Sonny’s chest and instead lent on his elbows against the table in the middle of the room. “Surely you have noticed how much time Clay and Emma are spending together since she came home from college.” He started watching for any sign that Trent might give him as Brock still had his back to them. “And they seem over familiar with one another, I mean Clay calls her ‘sweetheart’ and Emma calls him ‘babe’ like it is nothing. They hug each other and cuddle up with each other.”

Brock whirled around and pinned both men with a glare that was rarely seen on him and it told them that he was angry. “So what? How do you jump from them hanging out to Clay is taking advantage of Emma, and playing Jason?” He spat and his tone had Cerb on guard at his side.

Sonny choked back a growl and refrained from advancing forward. “Emma was wearing his blue hoodie when I went to pick Jason up one morning as she needed the truck for the day.” The blue hoodie was the one that they all knew Clay wore when he wasn’t feeling well or he just didn’t quite feel like himself.

“Again, so what? Lisa wears Clay’s clothes a good amount of the time but you have never… oh wait, you did accuse him of sleeping with and getting Lisa pregnant and look at where that left you! Didn’t you learn anything after that damn fiasco? I mean you nearly broke him with that accusation Sonny. And as for you Ray, the fact that you are feeding into this bullshit… quite frankly I am disappointed, and what’s worse is you are meant to be our 2IC, you are meant to be objective, use your brain, not take something and twist it so it fits with some twisted story you have developed in your head. What you two should have done was approach Clay and talk to him, hell approach Jason and get his thoughts on whatever horrid thing you two have concocted to believe is going on between Clay and Emma. Instead you have given him the silent treatment, treated him like vermin, and made him retreat into himself. If this is what this family does then I don’t want to be a part of this one.” Brock’s chest was heaving by the time he had finished.

Trent turned as his eyes widened in shock at Brock’s outburst even though he agreed with everything that Brock had said but still he was shocked. It wasn’t often that Brock got angry instead it was so seldom that it shook Trent every time.

**_It’s Not Right To Assume_ **

The sound of raised voices coming from inside of their team room made Jason and Clay look at each other wearily as the words were clear even though the thick walls just as they reached the door but what was more alarming was that it was Brock that was yelling. Jason was sure his facial expression mirrored Clay’s although Clay was suddenly a lot more ashen than he had been just moments before when Brock’s voice had started after Sonny’s.

_“…Instead you have given him the silent treatment, treated him like vermin, and made him retreat into himself. If this is what this family does then I don’t want to be a part of this one.”_

Jason reached out to steady Clay even as he pressed his own hand to the wall as he wavered dangerously on his feet and the pain was clear to see in his eyes especially with Brock’s description which Jason had to say was fairly accurate.

“Jase…” Clay whispered shakily as the silence from inside the room worried him even more than the yelling although Brock yelling was cause for alarm.

“Come on, we are going to get this sorted once and for all.” Jason kept his hand wrapped around Clay’s elbow as he spoke knowing he had to get inside and calm things down because Brock was yelling (which he didn’t do) and had practically announced that he didn’t want to be a part of Bravo any longer if the treatment of Clay continued as it was by Ray and Sonny, and because if they could hear the yelling then it would only be a matter of time before it drew outside and unwanted attention. Jason had said that he would sort it even if he had to bash their heads together but it looked like Brock had beaten him to it in some respect.

“Jase… I don’t… I’d never…” Clay whispered with a pain etched on his face that Jason had only ever seen once before.

“I know kid, I know.” Jason reassured him recalling their conversation in his lounge after Clay had walked away from them when he had asked Sonny if he thought he would sleep with and get Lisa pregnant because he was like Ash. Jason felt a pang of pain go through him as Brock’s words sunk in even more. The truth was the relationships that Clay had with Lisa and with Emma were truly special, and they were a good thing, not something sordid like it sounded they were being made out to be. Before Jason could stop himself he swiped his access card and pushed the door open knowing that whatever happened on the other side of the door now would make or break Bravo, and could very well break Clay, shatter him even.

Jason pulled Clay in with him then slammed the door shut behind him before he looked around the room to see that Sonny and Ray were stood on one side of the table with equally angry and guilt ridden expressions on their faces while Brock looked the definition of rage and Trent stood in shock opposite of the two animosity filled men, and then there was Cerb who looked ready to attack Sonny and Ray.

Clay flinched involuntarily as Jason slammed the door shut behind him and he wanted to turn and walk straight back out at the bitter looks being aimed his way by Ray and Sonny although he probably should have been used to them by now given how long it had been going on.

Jason felt Clay flinch but didn’t look back at him as he kept his hand in place as he really was worried the kid was going to collapse any second as he knew he was at his breaking point, or rather Emma had pointed it out to him in the earlier hours of the morning as he had been sitting on the porch outside trying to work the problem and she had joined him having been unable to sleep herself due to the worry she felt. Yeah there hadn’t been a lot of sleep for any of them, Jason thought morosely.

“Someone better tell me what is going on right now!” Jason ordered. “We aren’t leaving here until this shit is sorted. I have asked you individually and got nowhere.” He added on a little darker.

Brock scoffed and continued to glare at Ray and Sonny deciding to let the two dumbasses explain their stupidity to Jason and Clay.

Trent remained silent although his eyes had shifted from Brock to Jason and then to Clay who was being held upright by Jason who had his hand wrapped firmly around his elbow, and from where Trent was he could see how ashen he was and that there was a minute tremor in his hands. It looked like the stress had finally claimed Clay with a brute physicality, and Trent wasn’t surprised but he certainly did not like it.

“Sonny, start talking.” Jason ordered having decided to let Sonny incriminate himself first rather than have Ray try to smooth over the edges like he would do.

“Why don’t you ask Spenser?” Sonny spat in the same hate filled tone that he had been using for the past month or so towards Clay.

“Because I am asking you, and I expect an answer Petty Officer Quinn.” Jason was quickly losing his patience. If he had not have been keeping Clay upright then he would have stormed over and stood directly in front of Sonny.

“Wow, he really has you fooled doesn’t he?” Sonny spat as his eyes darted past Jason to Clay for a few seconds before they returned to Jason’s.

Jason had heard what Brock had said word for word so he knew what Sonny was alluding to but he wanted to hear it from his own mouth. “And what exactly is it you think that Clay has me fooled about?” Jason shot back doing his upmost not to raise his voice although it was laced with venom.

Sonny scoffed not backing down. “He stands there and plays the victim yet he is the one taking advantage of Em right under your nose, in your house, and letting you play Daddy to him whilst he does it.”

Clay wrenched his arm out of Jason’s grip violently as he dashed across to the trash can feeling the meagre amount of food or rather protein shake that Jason and Emma had forced him to drink for breakfast come rushing back up barely managing to make it in time but he did as he crouched down on the floor.

“Spense.” Brock was angry but it quickly gave way to concern as he waved Jason off and instead made his way over to Clay who was crouched down and gagging over the trash can. “You’re okay. Hold on a second.” He didn’t have to look over his shoulder to see Trent making his way over to him with a towel and a bottle of water.

“And my point is proved.” Sonny waggled his finger in Clay’s direction as Brock and Trent fawned over him while Jason looked on from where he remained although the worry was evident on his face.

Jason had a lot to say but he refrained from saying anything until Clay had stopped heaving and gagging despite not having anything left to bring up as they had barely managed to get half a protein shake into him this morning despite him and Emma’s best efforts.

Clay hated the way his eyes were once again burning with unshed tears although he knew that it wasn’t because of the sudden bout of vomit or the gagging and heaving that had come after it but it was because he realised just how much his best friend and brother had turned on him, and yet again that same feeling in the pit of his stomach from the last time Sonny had accused him of being inappropriate with a woman reappeared although this time the agony was so much worse. He felt as Brock gently wiped his face with the dampened towel before he pressed the bottle of water into his shaking hands but he didn’t pay any attention as he shifted until he was rested on the floor with his back against the wire of the cage.

“I would never, could never take advantage of any woman, and especially not Emma.” Clay hated how his voice shook as he spoke but he had to make it clear even though it seemed pointless as he doubted Sonny would believe him. Maybe this was the damage that just couldn’t be fixed, and that only made Clay feel worse.

Jason stepped forward until he was stood in the middle of the room facing his 2IC and 3IC as he certainly did not need Clay to tell him that there was nothing happening between him and his daughter, and he knew that Brock and Trent would keep an eye on him. “And what do you have to say for yourself Senior Chief Perry?” He shifted his attention to Ray who was just as much if not more to blame for the situation at hand.

Ray glanced at Sonny knowing that his approach had not worked instead it had made everything worse so he had to try another way to approach it. The problem was he wasn’t sure how best to considering that Jason looked ready to shoot him and Sonny, and he was glad that he didn’t have his sidearm. “Jason.” Ray paused taking notice of the protective and defiant stance that Jason was in which made getting through to him near impossible. “You have to try and look at it from our point of view, see what we were seeing. We love Emma, treat her like our own, and it concerns us how blind you are to it.” He kept his voice soft as if to pacify Jason.

“And what is ‘it’ Ray?” Jason growled disgusted at the two men standing in front of him and barely managing to keep himself where he was standing.

Ray sighed and spared another glance at Sonny who was still glaring angrily towards Clay as Brock and Trent stayed close to him. “Emma’s wearing his clothes early in the morning, they share a bed, spend time cuddled up together, they disappear off together, she fawns over him, takes care of him… and you seem fine with it all, hell Jase you have practically moved him in with you and your daughter.”

Jason shook his head. “Wow, your lack of faith in me is astounding, and for that matter in Clay and Emma.” The fact that the two disregarded everything they knew and every logical thought that could have prevented all of this made Jason seethe.

“Clay, just stay there for a little longer.” Trent’s soft murmur caught Jason’s attention and he glanced over his shoulder just in time to see Clay promptly ignore him and push himself up onto his feet.

Clay pushed himself onto his feet ignoring the nausea that threatened to swallow him whole again even though there was absolutely nothing left for him to give, and pointedly ignoring Trent’s quiet order to stay down on the floor. “Jase, enough.” He forced out the words making Jason frown.

“Spense, think about what you are doing.” Brock murmured quietly from beside him concerned at what he was going to say next. He had seen Clay fight but it truly seemed that this time there was no fight left in him instead he looked dejected, heartbroken, and resigned all at once, and Brock hated it vividly almost more than he hated anything else in his entire life.

Clay did not look at Brock despite hearing him and instead he shook his head before his eyes met Jason’s. “It’s enough.” He paused and swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Nothing anyone says is going to change their minds and it’s pointless to waste your breath. I’m sorry Jase, I really am.” He wobbled a bit on his feet before he managed to regain his balance. “Trust is all we have, had. They don’t trust me, and nothing you or I say is ever going to change that. And I am sorry that Emma is being dragged into this lack of trust.”

Jason knew the kid had been defeated before he had even dragged him into the building but he had never seen him so broken, and to know that his supposed brothers had been the ones to do it was even more devastating. Clay was right that trust was important within the team, which he could not argue with at all.

Clay forced himself to close the gap between him and Jason but instead of facing him he stepped to the side and looked at Ray and Sonny. He inhaled and exhaled shakily as he blinked heavily so they would not see the glassiness in his eyes but he also knew it was pointless. “I didn’t think it would end like this… I could tell you till my last dying breath that there is nothing going on between Emma and I but I doubt you would believe me seeing as you haven’t had the decency to ask me anything instead you chose to shun me… I love Emma, I do, in almost the same way I love Lisa, and I can’t believe that we are going through the same thing again. But I am not going to risk anyone either.” He glanced at Jason and then to Brock and Trent before he opened his mouth then closed it again instead choosing to shake his head and move towards the door.

Jason didn’t need to watch Clay walk out as the shock reverberated behind him with Brock and Trent and Cerberus who whined as the door clicked closed. Jason landed his gaze on Ray and Sonny knowing he needed to step away otherwise he would do something regrettable and most likely would have him up in front of a disciplinary committee. “Don’t either of you go anywhere near him until you’ve pulled your heads out of your asses and are ready to apologise. And for that matter, you can include me and Emma in that.” Jason growled. “And if you can’t then you better start looking for another team to transfer to or move out of DEVGRU completely.” With that Jason walked out of the room, slamming the door pointedly, before he hurried down the corridor to catch up or rather find Clay.

Brock didn’t even hesitate. “You can include Cerb and I in that.” He answered as he snapped his fingers and exited the room with Cerb at his side racing away to catch up with Jason as there was no doubt in his mind that he would be going after Clay.

Trent looked at Sonny and Ray who looked as though nothing had gotten through to them. “You know I knew that you and Clay clashed Ray but I never thought you would be a part of breaking him. And you Sonny, you were supposed to be his best friend and he forgave you every time you stuffed up, had your back completely even when he probably should not have, yet you continue to believe the worst in him. I hope the both of you are happy with what you’ve done.” He went to turn and walk out the door but stopped and looked back at them. “And if you weren’t sure where I stand, just to be clear, I am firmly in agreeance with Jason and Brock.” With that Trent stepped out of the room letting the door slam behind him.

**_It’s Not Right To Assume_ **

Clay stumbled and slammed down onto the hard concrete on his knees which had him wincing but at least he was in between Jason’s truck and another car in the parking lot so that no one would have seen him. He briefly wondered what he was doing going back to Jason’s truck but he rationed that his car was at Jason’s and he needed to collect his things so that he could get back to his apartment as the best thing he could do was put a bit of distance between him and them. After all Emma did not deserve to be spoken about how Ray and Sonny had been speaking about her, and if that meant he had to step back then he would because it would be his way of protecting her because she did not need or deserve to be labelled because of him, because of something he was perceived to be doing.

Clay fought to control his breathing as it was ragged to his own ears as he realised that his chest was heaving. He shifted off of his knees and slid so that he was leaning the majority of his weight on his right hip.

_‘He stands there and plays the victim yet he is the one taking advantage of Em right under your nose, in your house, and letting you play Daddy to him whilst he does it.’_

The words repeated violently in his head and the acidic bile rose higher in his throat with each and every loop until he could no longer swallow it down and a splattering of watery bile coated the concrete in front of him. There were so many things swirling around in his head but he kept coming back to how little Sonny and Ray thought of him because they hadn’t even had the decency to ask him about what they were alleging.

“Clay, hey kid, I’m here.” Jason crouched down next to Clay ignoring momentarily the watery bile that he knew was from him and instead focusing on the silent tears that he didn’t think Clay even realised were rolling down his cheeks and the ragged breathing that had his chest hitching. “You’re okay. Brock and I have got you.” Jason assured Clay gently as Brock stood back with Cerb using his body as a shield in case anyone else came through the parking lot in that moment. Jason felt Clay flinch as he laid his hand over his forearm feeling how badly he was shaking.

Clay was rocking himself backwards and forwards without realising that he was. “Jase, I’m sorry, I didn’t… I’m sorry.” He spluttered out as it was all he could think to say.

Jason was worried that Clay was getting close to having a panic attack and he knew that his already strained body wouldn’t cope with one. “Clay, kid, listen to me.” He ordered and waited until Clay managed to raise his eyes to meet his own. “You have absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing, to apologise for.”

“But… I and… it’s not fair to Em… she…” Clay was struggling to breathe and it was terrifying.

Brock frowned and abandoned his post to move closer to Clay as he saw Trent hurrying towards them. “Spense, it’s not fair to you or Em. You are right about that but none of us want you passing out right now so I need you to breathe with me.” He spoke softly as he gently slid into place behind Clay’s back hoping that he could feel and would mimic his breathing.

Jason was glad that Brock had stepped in even though it made the space that they were in a little more cramped. “Focus on breathing kid.” He instructed as he shared a look with Brock who continued to murmur quietly in Clay’s ear instructing him to inhale, hold, exhale, hold over and over again.

Trent wasn’t surprised to see Clay in the midst of panicking as the stress had taken over his body or rather the toll of it had. He nodded his head towards Jason before pointing him towards the back of the truck wanting to talk to him while Brock continued to work with Clay to get his breathing eased.

“I will be back in just a moment kid, you keep listening to Brock.” Jason patted Clay’s forearm before he and Brock exchanged a look that assured him Brock would be okay before he pushed himself up off of the ground and joined Trent at the tailgate of his truck.

Trent could see and feel the worry despite how well Jason was doing at concealing it but it came from years of knowing and working with the man. “Let Brock calm him down enough to get him into your truck with Cerb curled up in his lap, and then we will follow you. I mean as long as you are taking him home?” Trent suddenly had a thought that Jason might feel that taking Clay back home was not a good idea.

“Of course the kid is coming home with me.” Jason snapped sharply before he blew out a breath. “Sorry Trent, sorry.” He quickly apologised. “Wait, don’t you want to examine him?” He asked as Trent had not gone near Clay which was surprising as usually Trent would have pushed them all out of the way to do so.

“It’s fine Jase, I think you, me and Brock are all more than a little angry right now, maybe even shell shocked at their stupidity.” Trent waved off the apology as he took no offence to Jason snapping at him. “I do but he’s stressed enough as it is, and the environment is not helping with that right now. I would rather examine him anywhere other than in the parking lot on base.” Trent explained knowing that the sooner they got Clay off base the better as he was sure none of them were up for a confrontation in the parking lot.

“Okay.” Jason relented easily as the last thing he wanted was for Clay’s condition to deteriorate and if Trent believed it would be better to get him off base then that was what Jason was going to have to do. With the plan in place, Jason moved back towards Clay and Brock.

“Jason’s back, Spense.” Brock looked up at Jason and nodded towards his sleeve that Clay had tangled in his hand. He could feel more and more of Clay’s weight leaning back into him and Cerb had curled up at his side the moment Jason had stepped away but the most important thing was that his breathing had slowed although it still hitched on occasion.

Jason crouched down in front of Clay again having sidestepped the watery bile. “Right, it’s time to go home sunshine. Cerb is going to come with you and me, and Brock and Trent are going to follow us.” Jason looked up in time to see Brock give him a nod understanding the plan before he looked back at Clay who looked ready to argue. “You’re coming home with me kid, nothing has changed and it isn’t going to either.” He pre-empted it as the last thing Clay needed was to be alone.

Between Jason, Brock and Trent they managed to get Clay up off of the ground and into the passenger seat of Jason’s truck, and Cerb quickly jumped in and settled in his lap once Brock had put his seatbelt on him and stepped back. Jason shut the door quickly itching to get off of base as he moved to walk around the back of the truck to get to the driver’s side.

“Jay, do you want me to call ahead and give Emma a heads up?” Brock questioned as it suddenly hit him that Emma would immediately worry the moment she got a look at Clay or even saw Jason’s truck pull back into the driveway given it was still early and they were meant to be training most of the day.

“Shit!” Jason hadn’t even thought about it but what he did know was that Emma was going to be angry, disgusted and hurt and probably a whole lot more emotions that he had yet to even think about. “I didn’t even think of that.”

“I can do it Jay. I don’t want her to worry more than she is going too.” Brock was sincere in his offer. It wouldn’t be the most pleasant he had ever had but he would do it.

“No, it’s not something she should hear over the phone.” Jason decided in a snap. “I need to be the one to tell her and I won’t do that over the phone.”

Brock could understand Jason’s reasoning and appreciated it. “Okay, we will be right behind you.”

“See you at mine.” Jason had barely managed to get the words out before Brock and Trent were jogging across the parking lot to their own vehicles. He closed the distance and climbed into his truck, starting it immediately, and reversed out of the parking lot but not before he spared a glance at Clay who had rested his head against the window once more and remained alarmingly still even as Cerb nuzzled into him affectionately.

**_It’s Not Right To Assume_ **

Emma was humming softly to herself as she worked on assembling a list of all the things she wanted to get to create a care package to send to Mikey as he was still at school as the last time they had spoken he had mentioned that he was missing some home comforts like her cookies, Naima’s brownies, and he might have not so subtly requested one of Jason’s shirts although she would never call him out on it as she understood why he had requested it. It had to be a military children’s thing, and it was surprisingly comforting to have one of his shirts tucked up by her pillow, so Emma would happily oblige although she knew if she got caught she would have to explain to her Dad but she had been doing it since she was little and had passed it onto Mikey once he was old enough to understand what being a Tier One Operator entailed. It also happened to be something that she had suggested to Naima to try with Jameelah after she had started figuring out what Ray’s job entailed, and as far as she was aware it had been helpful to getting Jameelah to relax and sleep through the night when he was gone. There was probably some psychological explanation but Emma didn’t care nor did Mikey.

The sound of Jason’s truck pulling into the driveway made Emma drop her pen as her forehead furrowed as it should have been hours before he and Clay were home as she glanced at the clock confirming it had been more than a little over an hour since they had left and factoring in the drive time to and from base meant they wouldn’t have been on base for more than forty minutes. She pushed herself up out of the kitchen chair and made her way over to the large window that looked out over the street and before she realised it she had moved to the front door, gone through it and stopped on the porch. Not only was it her Dad and Clay, but it was Brock and Trent.

What was more alarming was the way that Brock and Trent made their way to the passenger side of her Dad’s truck beating her Dad to it, and within seconds of Trent saying something to him he was on his way over to her.

“Dad?” Emma’s voice was shaky as she reached out to him, not sure whether she was trying to reach out to hold him or stop him from blocking her view.

Jason hated the thinly veiled terror that he saw well in his daughter’s eyes despite how much she tried to pretend it wasn’t there. “Let’s go inside Em, Trent and Brock have Clay.” He didn’t know what to say as he couldn’t tell her that Clay was okay because he certainly wasn’t.

Emma didn’t move and Jason didn’t try to move her either but he knew that she knew what had happened, not the details though. “They broke him, didn’t they?” She asked so softly that if he hadn’t been so close to her than he would not have heard her.

Jason felt his stomach flip and he was sure his heart broke a little bit more or maybe an already broken piece just disintegrated into dust, either way he felt it. “Em.” He swallowed thickly not wanting to break his daughter’s heart as well but she already knew the answer without him confirming it. “Let’s go inside.” He did give her a small push to get her moving back into the house this time.

Emma looked into her Dad’s eyes and she could see the anguish and the anger, and could see the storm in them. “Did they reveal why?” She asked even though she knew that it would had to have been revealed to push Clay to his breaking point.

“Yes… Please Emma, go inside and I will tell you everything.” Jason was on the verge of pleading with his daughter as he was sure what he had to say would tear her apart and that was the last thing he ever wanted for her.

Emma relented immediately and she knew it was solely to do with the tone of her Dad’s voice; it was one she rarely ever heard and it was reserved solely for her, Mikey and Clay. It was the same one she heard when her Dad called to tell her about Clay being caught up in the bomb that almost killed him. It was the one that he had used to tell her about Sonny almost drowning in some tube on a submarine. It was the one that he used in the days after her Mom’s death. It was the one he used when he had to tell them something that scared him and would hurt them. It was the one he used so rarely that it stole her breath every single time, made her heart skip a beat or two, made her weak at the knees, and made her ache for him because she knew it hurt him as much as it did her or Mikey or Clay.

Jason spared a glance over his shoulder seeing that Brock was holding Clay upright as he despondently let himself be led up to the house while Trent remained close behind. Jason stepped inside the house to see that Emma had left the living area and he knew she would have gone to her room or gone to pull the sheet and comforter back on the bed that was Clay’s but he wasn’t going to rush after her instead he would wait until she came back out to the lounge which would not be long.

Jason stepped in front of Clay once he was inside knowing that most of his weight was resting against Brock while Trent stepped around them once he had shut the door and headed to the kitchen. “Brock and I are going to talk to Emma while Trent makes sure you are okay physically sunshine.” He kept his voice soft as he reached out and squeezed the back of Clay’s neck just once but he felt him lean back into the reassuring touch just like he always did. “You can go to sleep if you want once Trent is done, and Cerb will stay with you. I am sure Emma will join you later.” He had no doubt that his kid and his ‘kid’ would end up together because he knew them and he knew that Emma wouldn’t let Clay push her away in some protective manner or to protect her dignity and Clay would cave because he loved and adored her. “Brock, take the kid through to his room.”

Brock wasn’t surprised at all at Jason’s course of action nor was he surprised that he suggested Clay to sleep although he was surprised by the way Jason firmly believed that Emma would join Clay in bed later but what he knew was that there was an implicit trust and respect in that sentiment. He would have thought that Jason would have wanted to have the conversation with Emma privately but he suspected he needed someone to be there maybe even step in when it got too hard. “Come on Spense, let’s get you and Cerb tucked into bed.” He hated this fragile, shaking, Clay. He didn’t even have to tell Cerb to come with them as he was staying close just as they all knew he would.

Trent walked over to Jason and pressed a bottle of water into his hand before he reached up and squeezed his shoulder. “I have got him.” He assured Jason knowing he would remain with Clay until he was sure he was settled.

“I know you do, I know you both do.” Jason was grateful that Brock and Trent had not fed into the animosity or the bullshit. It always amazed him at how much Brock spoke about and to Clay, and it seemed that the quietest somehow had become the loudest today.

Jason watched as Trent slipped into the bedroom and Brock stepped out then closed the door partially behind himself before he made his way towards him. “The kid settled?” Jason asked although he wouldn’t be surprised if he was despite how little it had taken for him to come out of the room.

“Didn’t fight curling up in the bed under the comforter at all… I’m going to make some coffee.” Brock patted Jason on the shoulder as he passed him on the way through to the kitchen as he hadn’t expected Clay to put up a fight. Brock could feel that it was going to be a very long day as it already felt like it had been several more hours than it had been, and if he needed it then Trent and Jason were definitely going to need it.

Jason didn’t know what to do as he couldn’t sit down nor could he pace, and he knew he had to let Emma come to him because she would as he knew that. Instead he settled in front of the window looking out over the street as he drank from the water bottle otherwise he was sure that Trent would lecture him about not drinking it whilst he tried to figure out how to explain it without breaking his daughter’s heart.

Brock could see the tension coiled within Jason as he moved back into the lounge. “Here Jay, coffee.” He moved to stand beside Jason who continued to stare intently out the window even once he took the mug of coffee that was offered.

“Thanks.” Jason said after a few moments of hesitation before he took a mouthful then cringed at the bitterly strong coffee that Brock always made when he was stressed. He made a mental note that Davis’ suggestion to have someone else in charge of making the coffee was something he really should take up.

Both men turned around at the sound of Emma’s footsteps as she walked into the lounge and curled herself up in the armchair leaving the couch for them to sit in. “How is he?” She asked letting her eyes dart between the two of them.

Brock made his way around and sat down on the couch taking the end furthest away from Emma as Jason needed to be closest to her. “Trent’s with him Em.” Brock answered although he knew that it wasn’t what she was asking or the answer she was looking for.

Jason moved and sat down on the couch putting the bottle of water and the mug of coffee down on the table in front of him before he looked over at Em and he still didn’t have a clue on how to explain any of it.

“Dad, you need to tell me what is going on.” Emma’s voice was brittle sounding already and she didn’t even know what had gone on since he and Clay had left for base.

“Brock and Trent managed to find out why Ray and Sonny have been acting the way they have towards Clay.” Jason started as he had to give the men the credit that they were due after he had been stonewalled repeatedly by Ray and Sonny both individually and collectively. “Em, before I tell you what it is about I want you to know that we know the truth. Everyone here in this house right now knows the truth.” He couldn’t stall forever but he wanted to assure Emma of that.

Brock could see the struggle that Jason was having and he moved forward on the couch before he pressed his elbows to his knees. “There’s no good way to say it Jay.” He murmured softly.

Jason wanted to growl that he knew that there wasn’t a good way to tell Emma what he had to but he refrained as his anger wasn’t directed at anyone except for Ray and Sonny. He knew that Brock would tell Emma if he asked but it wasn’t fair to him or to her.

“Dad, please, you are worrying me even more than I already am.” Emma begged softly hating the build-up that he seemed intent on doing although she recognised he was doing it for himself as much as he was doing it for her.

“Ray and Sonny have noticed how close you and Clay have gotten, and they jumped to the conclusion that Clay was taking advantage of you and playing me in regards to it.” Jason spoke bluntly giving her just enough.

Emma felt her jaw drop and she carefully unfurled herself as she leaned forward. “What?” She asked after a few moments sure she had heard wrong.

Jason scrubbed his hand over his thigh as the last thing he wanted to do was repeat what he had already said.

“In laments terms they decided that you and Clay are having sex, that Clay is taking advantage of you, and making a point to stay close to Jason to get to you and keep him unaware of the sex you and Clay are supposedly having.” Brock hated the words that he was saying but he laid it out plainly for Emma as he knew Jason hadn’t been privy to the whole conversation and that he couldn’t say to Emma what he just had.

Emma was disgusted as she pushed herself to her feet and began to pace the room glancing down the hall towards the bedroom that was Clay’s when he stayed. But she was also heartbroken that two men she loved, considered family, could treat Clay so badly and think so little of the both of them. “How dare they! How dare they think that! How dare they treat him this way! What the hell?” She kept her voice low as the last thing she wanted was for it to carry through to Clay although she was raging mad yet a part of her wanted to cry at the same time.

“Em, sit back down.” Jason hated when someone else paced but he hated when his daughter paced more than anyone else because he knew she was stressed.

Emma stilled but didn’t move to sit down as she turned to look at the two men who were watching her. “They broke him Dad! Men that are supposed to be brothers took something and made it ugly.” She didn’t even try to stop the silent tears that began rolling down her cheeks nor did she wipe them away.

“It’s only ugly if you let it be turned into that Emma.” Brock told her strongly as the last thing any of them wanted was for Clay and Emma to lose what they had together because he wasn’t sure either of them would handle losing someone else.

“Emma, honey, what they did was wrong and I have told them to stay away from you, me and Clay until they can get it through their heads that there is nothing going on between you and Clay.” Jason agreed with Brock’s statement. “But Brock is right, you can’t let them ruin what you and Clay have because it is good for the both of you.” He knew better than to approach Emma when she was standing the way she was even as the tears continued to slide silently down her cheeks. And he was doing his best not to focus on the building anger that he felt as his little girl was crying.

Jason looked up and over to Trent as he returned to the lounge which meant that Clay was settled or he asked to be left alone although Jason did not like the latter option. “Em, honey, I know that there is nothing going on with you and Clay, and I know that Clay isn’t taking advantage of you or playing me to get to you. I trust the both of you as you are both old enough to make your own decisions. I know you love each other, I do, but I also know that love isn’t the kind that is being talked about.”

“They are not alleging that we are in love Dad, they are alleging we are having some sort of illicit affair, aren’t they?” Emma angrily swiped at her face, at the tears that kept falling. “They have concocted that Clay and I are having wild secretive sex, and in the warped world that they have concocted they have made Clay out to be this terrible person who is using me and abusing your trust, abusing the love you have for him.”

Jason actually winced at Emma’s words and shifted uncomfortably on the couch, and he caught Trent and Brock doing the same in his peripheral vision. There was nothing that Jason could say as Emma pretty much had worked it out although he wasn’t sure what was upsetting Emma more.

Emma turned around and tipped her head up towards the ceiling as she took a few deep breaths knowing it was doing her no good to get worked up. It took her a minute or so before she tipped her head back down, turned around and moved across to the armchair which she curled back up into.

“Here Emma.” Trent handed her a mug of coffee as he had poured himself one and moved to sit in the other chair.

“Thank you.” Emma wrapped her hands around the mug feeling the warmth of it. “How is he doing?” She asked before she took a mouthful of the coffee and cringed as it was awful.

“Yeah, Brock made it and I keep forgetting that we shouldn’t have him make it when he’s stressed.” Jason leaned forward and took the mug out of her hands then sat it down on the coffee table as Emma wasn’t used to drinking whatever coffee she managed to get her hands on like they were.

“Sorry Emma.” Brock apologised as she shook her head and offered a small smile as she had heard how they all complained but she had never tasted it until now, and she tended to agree that he should not be on coffee duty in times of stress.

“How is he doing Trent?” Jason asked as he wanted to know as much as Emma did as he did not like the condition that Clay was in as he knew the situation had been wearing on him. He felt as Emma reached out and wrapped her hand around his wrist.

“He’s exhausted, he’s hurting, and the stress is taking a massive toll on his body which is manifesting itself in physical ways. He barely spoke to me, only answered if I asked him a question, and wouldn’t look at me either.” Trent acknowledged his concerns, and he was concerned. “You two will know more than me but I know he isn’t eating or sleeping as much as he should be.”

Jason wasn’t surprised at Trent’s assessment. “We’ve been making sure he eats or at least has a protein shake but his appetite is practically non-existent, and he hasn’t been sleeping which is a part of why I have been keeping him close when we have been training so he wasn’t overdoing it.”

“From the looks of it, none of you have been sleeping.” Trent had not missed the dark circles under Emma’s or Jason’s eyes.

Emma sighed softly before she scrubbed her free hand over her face. “It’s going to take a lot of reassuring and actions to piece him back together after this.” Her mind was already trying to figure out what to do and how to help but she didn’t miss the glances that were exchanged between the three men. “What? There is something you aren’t telling me.”

“It might not be that easy Em. The toll this has taken on Clay… well you have seen it. And none of us were able to clear anything up with Ray and Sonny.” Jason began absentmindedly running his hand over his thigh, a tell-tale sign of nervousness and discomfort.

“Did he request the transfer to Romeo officially?” Emma asked hurriedly hoping like hell he hadn’t but she could understand if he had.

“You knew?” Jason asked even though he should not have been surprised.

Brock and Trent exchanged a worried look as they knew that there was a position opening up on Romeo but they had no idea that Clay had even been considering it but then again with the way that he had been treated they understood why he had looked into it. And both men found themselves wishing they had stepped in at the first signs of the brewing animosity but like Jason they had tried and failed to be read in on what Ray and Sonny had thought was going on.

“I overheard him tell you the other night. I woke up and he wasn’t beside me in bed like he had been when I fell asleep so I wanted to check on him. I went back to bed once I knew he was outside talking to you but not before I overheard him tell you about the position open and that he was considering transferring to Romeo.” Emma explained dutifully as she really had not been spying or trying to listen in but she had heard as their voices had carried through the open door.

“No, he hasn’t Em. I have been doing my upmost to assure him we would sort it out because he is a part of Bravo, it’s where he belongs.” Jason felt like he had failed but as far as he was concerned Clay was not going anywhere especially when none of this was his fault.

Emma looked relieved for a few seconds before the worry and sadness took over again. She knew the dynamics of the teams, knew that they had to trust each other, and momentarily she wondered if Clay would be safe if Bravo were to be spun up anytime soon even with her Dad, Brock and Trent with him. Her stomach twisted violently at the thought, and as hard as she tried to will it away she couldn’t. She swiped at her face again as a few more pesky tears slipped from her eyes without permission, and had the presence of mind to turn her face away from the men.

Brock hated to see Emma, his honorary niece, crying but he hated it even more that two people that were supposed to love her were the ones making her cry. “Emmie, we are going to do absolutely everything we can to right this.” He wasn’t going to make her any promises but he understood the need to make sure Clay was alright just like she did. “But for a moment, let’s focus on you. How are you doing Em? After all, you have every right to feel any way that you do because of what has been said and thought about you by them.” From the moment that she had learned what Ray and Sonny had concocted she had been completely focused and concerned about Clay, and Brock needed to know where she was at.

Jason was grateful for Brock and the presence of mind he had to turn the conversation back to Emma as he had to admit that the hurt was entwined with both her and Clay, and he had not thought to separate it out quite yet.

Emma shook her head softly still not looking back at the men trying to have an emotional conversation with her as she was willing the tears to stop falling but they continued to betray her just like Ray and Sonny had done. She took a deep breath and finally turned back to look at them. “I’m not the one who has to trust them with my life when bullets and god knows what else is exploding around you. But I am the one who has to trust that they have your backs, that they will help you all come home alive, and in one piece when you get spun up or deployed.” She paused hating the fragility she could hear in her own voice but it was the truth. “And if they can turn on their so called brother the way they have then they are not the men that I trusted to have all of yours and Clay’s backs. They are not the men I want to trust to have your backs.” There was a sudden fierceness that came through as she was resolute in her decision. “Family doesn’t hurt family this way.” With that final statement Emma pushed herself up and out of the chair before she made her way down the hall needing to wash her face before she went to Clay.

Jason, Brock and Trent remained silent in the heaviness that hung in the air around them as none of them really knew what to say as none of them wanted to admit the validity of Emma’s response because it was clear that the thing she relied upon to get her through when they were spun up or on deployment had been cracked at a foundational level. And on a deeper level she was right, family didn’t treat family the way that Clay had been treated by Ray and Sonny.

**_It’s Not Right To Assume_ **

Clay laid on his side with heavily lidded eyes curled up under the comforter but it wasn’t settling him the way it usually did as the pain he felt was unlike anything he had felt before. It was a similar situation, a similar accusation, but for some reason it hurt differently this time. Weeks and weeks of animosity, of hate, had culminated but instead of finding himself relieved to know the reason behind it instead he felt broken. Clay thought he had been broken before, had felt like he had been broken before, but this time he was sure that some of the pieces no longer had a place, that he couldn’t be put back together the same if at all.

The weeks filled with stress and fear had been unkind to him and his body was failing him but nowhere near like it felt it had after Manila, and he hated how weak he felt because this was a new type of weak that he was not accustomed to nor did he ever want to be. He knew he should have demanded that Jason take him back to his cold and empty apartment instead of bringing him back to his house that Emma had done her upmost to make a home to go along with Jason’s fresh start but he just didn’t have the energy to insist or argue with him over it.

Clay had no idea how long he had been lying there since Trent had left him alone with a reminder that he would check on him again but he was grateful for Cerb’s calming presence as the Belgian Malinois had lain down along the length of his back with his head cushioned on the pillow. Whether Brock wanted to admit it or not, Cerb could be a damn cuddly dog.

Clay was exhausted and despite his eyelids managing to flutter shut he forced them open again and again as he knew that Jason would tell Emma what was going on, and he thought he might have hated that Emma had to know more than he hated what Ray and Sonny thought of him because the last thing he wanted was for Emma to be hurt by anyone or anything.

**_It’s Not Right To Assume_ **

Emma splashed several handfuls of cold water on her face before she finally dried off and looked into the mirror seeing that her eyes were glassy and had a faint red rim look to them which she hated but there was nothing she could do about it for now, not if she wanted to check on Clay. And checking on him was far more important than how she looked. He would be devastated, that was a given, and so was she.

Emma quickly pulled her hair up into a messy top bun and secured it with a tight hair tie so that strands did not fall out before she shook her head, hesitating for a few seconds before she pulled out her phone and sent a text, and then left the bathroom.

Emma was grateful that Trent had left the door ajar enough for her to step in without having to knock or open it further but she did stop seeing Cerb laid back to back with Clay, and she wasn’t surprised to see Clay forcing his fluttering eyelids open every time they closed. It only took her a few seconds before she closed the small distance, lifted up the comforter and slid into the bed beside him making sure to lay on her side so they were face to face. It didn’t matter that he was still in his uniform with the exception of his boots that had been toed off haphazardly, or that she was still in her jeans and sweatshirt. All that mattered was him and how he was doing.

“Hi there Sailor.” Emma kept her voice soft, just above a whisper as she gently placed her hands across the expanse of Clay’s chest as she managed to get a small sleepy smile from him at her use of ‘sailor’ just as she always did whenever she called him that which was seldom but worth it.

“Hi sweetheart.” Clay found himself resting his forehead against hers as one of his hands closed over one of hers on his chest while the other found its way to rest over her waist. “I’m so sorry sweetheart.” He hated that she was distressed and he hadn’t missed the red rimmed and glassy eyes that she had.

“Don’t you dare apologise to me or anyone, not over this babe. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. All you have done is love and protect me just like you do with everyone you love. No one can or should ever fault you for that.” Emma’s voice was still low but it was sharp. Admittedly a touch sharper than it should have been but she needed him to know that he had done nothing wrong, had nothing to feel guilty or bad for, and she wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to pull away from her.

“Emma…” Clay swallowed thickly around the lump in his throat.

Emma pressed herself a little closer to Clay hating how she could feel him shaking against her. “I’m right here and I am not going anywhere, no matter how hard you try to make me.” She assured him knowing if he thought that it would end the rumour then he would push her and everyone else away.

“I’m so sorry Em. I am so sorry.” Clay’s voice trembled violently. “You should stay away from me Em because I will only cause you pain, I will only get you hurt. I already have.” He shuddered involuntarily as his hands tightened around hers.

“You aren’t the one causing me pain or hurting me babe.” Emma answered immediately. “And you never have, and more importantly I know you never will.” She truly believed that he never would, in fact he would do anything he could to keep her safe if he had too.

Clay let his eyelids flutter closed and he didn’t bother to force them open again knowing that she was there next to him and wouldn’t go anywhere. “I love you sweetheart.” He mumbled softly wanting her to know that even though a part of him knew he should be forcing himself to leave so that she did not get hurt any more.

“Clay, I love you.” Emma responded immediately and sincerely. “Tell me what else is going on in that beautiful mind of yours.” She softened her voice so that it didn’t sound like a command that she knew he was used too. She could feel his pain, see it etched on his face, and she absolutely hated it.

“It’s not so beautiful right now.” Clay answered darkly without thinking about what he was saying.

Emma felt the tears rise once more but she did her upmost not to let them fall. “That’s okay.” It felt wrong to say but he had the right to feel whatever way he did. “It’s okay as long as you talk to someone, me or Dad or Brock or Trent or Lisa, anyone you want to.”

“I don’t understand any of it Em.” There was something in Clay’s voice that made him sound like a lost little boy. “What have I done to them to make them think so low of me? Or does it all stem from who fathered me? Maybe I should just bow out now, walk away, because that shadow is never going to leave me, no matter what I do.” His head was all over the place but maybe it was time to walk away from the Navy, take an honourable discharge, and figure out what to do with the rest of his life. He had gone from thinking about transferring to Romeo to thinking about walking away from all he had ever known his adult life. Instead of his family walking away from him, he would be the one walking away from them.

Emma had never felt a fury so strong as the one she was feeling now as she listened to Clay and watched how he wouldn’t open his eyes to look at her as he spoke. She had no idea how they had gone from a transfer within DEVGRU to leaving the Navy entirely. But the one thing that she did know was that every single one of Clay’s insecurities that all stemmed from his sperm donor had bubbled to the surface once again. “You are not making any decisions right now. You’re exhausted; have a million different things flying around in the super big brain of yours, and none of that is conducive to decision making.” There was no way he could possibly make any decisions when he had an emotional storm erupted inside of him and hadn’t slept well in weeks.

“You’re probably right Em.” Clay mumbled as he let his body relax into hers and the mattress.

“I probably am.” Emma smiled softly as she was happy that he was relaxing and giving into the exhaustion he felt. “Now go to sleep babe.”

Emma waited until she was sure that Clay was asleep and deeply so before she let her own eyelids close so she could doze with him.

**_It’s Not Right To Assume_ **

Jason scrubbed his hands over his face for what felt like the hundredth time since he had arrived home as he couldn’t sit still and his pacing was making Brock and Trent on edge. They had spent the past few hours trying to figure out how best to move forward but there was no plan that they could make if Sonny and Ray did not accept that they were in the wrong majorly so. The other main worry was just how much damage had been done to the fragile heart that they all knew Clay had even though he pretended he didn’t.

“Jase, I’d like to check on Clay.” Trent suggested making Jason look up at him wearily as Trent never asked or suggested or waited for permission as he was doing.

“Cerb probably needs to go out too.” Brock glanced at the clock knowing it was coming up on noon although he doubted that Cerb would want to vacate his place on the bed or leave Clay.

Jason frowned as he looked at both men. “You know where they are, if they are awake then they need to come out and have something to eat.” He waved both men off not having a problem with either thing that they wanted to do.

Brock and Trent looked at each other before they shrugged and pushed themselves up off of the couch then headed down the hall together towards the bedroom where Clay and Emma were. Trent pushed the door open as soon as they got to the bedroom and both men stilled taking in what they were seeing.

Clay and Emma were laid facing each other, foreheads rested together, and Cerb was at the bottom of the bed curled around their feet in some sort of contortionist pose that none of them would even attempt.

“They look peaceful.” Brock whispered as he looked over at Trent who had a small smile tugging at his lips. Yeah, Bravo’s medic might have been tough but he had a soft spot for those he considered his family.

“I am just happy they are asleep.” Trent whispered as he was relieved that Clay was getting some sleep, and that Emma was to because she just about had a matching set of dark circles under her eyes. It made him think about Jason and wondering if they would be able to get him to take a nap too as Trent had meant what he had said earlier about none of them getting much sleep but he also knew that the man was still worked up and understandably so.

“Let’s leave them.” Brock suggested knowing that once Clay and Emma were up that they had a lot to discuss.

Trent nodded and the pair stepped back but he left the door ajar so that if Cerb needed to he could come out although he knew as well as Brock did that he wasn’t going anywhere any time soon.

Jason looked up at the two men knowing that Trent could not have possibly checked Clay over in the short amount of time they had been gone. “Everything alright?” He asked although he knew they would have yelled for him if it had not have been.

“They are fine Jay. We decided not to wake them.” Brock reached out and squeezed Jason’s shoulder lightly as he settled back on the couch.

“Em’s asleep too?” Jason was slightly surprised that Emma had let herself fall asleep but he also knew how little she had been sleeping so it made sense as Clay was with her.

“Yeah, the kids are curled up together with Cerb at their feet.” Trent smiled softly as it was a bright moment in an otherwise dark day.

“Good, they need to sleep.” Jason smiled softly before his cell phone rang and he frowned as he pulled it out of his pocket seeing who it was that was calling him. He wanted to press ‘ignore’, decline the call, but he couldn’t instead he got up and headed out into the backyard, answering as he did.

**_It’s Not Right To Assume_ **

Emma registered a change in Clay’s breathing as she had been lying awake for a few hours but she had not wanted to move in case she woke him up however she knew he was awake even if he had not opened his eyelids yet.

“Emma…” Clay mumbled with a rush of air as he pressed his face into the space between her neck and shoulder.

“Right here.” Emma whispered as she moved her hand from his chest to the nape of his neck, letting her fingers trail gently through his hair.

“It wasn’t a bad dream, was it?” Clay asked still feeling exhausted, his lips less than an inch from her skin.

Emma wished desperately that she could tell him it was all a bad dream but she knew that he knew it wasn’t. “No babe, it wasn’t a bad dream.” She confirmed softly feeling him tense beneath her hands and against her body.

Clay knew even before the words had left Emma’s lips that none of it was a bad dream, that it was all very real as everything came flooding back to him. “Is everyone still here?” He asked not making an effort to move as he wasn’t sure he was ready to face the rest of the world.

“Not sure, I’ve been with you the whole time, but I would hedge that Brock and Trent are still here babe.” It didn’t seem like the two men planned on leaving. She raised her head and looked down at the end of the bed. “And Cerb’s still here.”

“Why would they stay?” Clay asked without an ounce of hesitation as he didn’t understand any of it still.

“They are family; they know who you are and what you would and wouldn’t do.” Emma responded immediately. “Why don’t you get up and have a shower? And I will convince Dad to order us pizza for dinner.” She suggested knowing how much he enjoyed showers.

“I’m not hungry.” Clay focused on the food part of Emma’s words and repeated a line that he had said so many times this past week or so.

Emma wanted to sigh but she stopped herself from doing so. “You need to eat babe. If you don’t want pizza then that’s okay but you need to eat something.” She knew he had lost weight, and if she was being honest a person would have to be blind not to see that he had. “A shower is non-negotiable.” She pushed herself back from him knowing he didn’t want to move but he couldn’t hide away forever despite how much he wanted too.

Clay knew that Emma was not going to let him hide away and stay in bed any longer than he already had as he finally moved back so he could look at her. “What time is it anyway?” He really had no idea and he wasn’t sure where his phone was but he figured Jason had it as he vaguely remembered fumbling around to get it out of his pocket when he was being driven back.

Emma moved around and found her phone to check the time. “1723.” She was shocked at the time herself as she had not realised that much time had passed but she didn’t mind either as it meant that Clay had at least seven or so hours of uninterrupted sleep which he desperately needed even though the dark circles still lingered largely.

Clay let out a soft groan as he rolled over onto his back and blinked heavily as he hated sleeping the day away but he was used to his sleeping schedule being all over the place. “Okay, shower then food.” He was not going to put up an argument mainly because he knew Emma was right, and he knew that Jason (and Brock and Trent if they were still around) would make him.

“Yes.” Emma was relieved that Clay wasn’t going to put up much more of an argument but she was also slightly dismayed at his acceptance as he clearly didn’t have the energy to do more than what was being asked of him.

Clay forced himself to sit up, reaching down and giving Cerb a pat as his head popped up, before he crawled over Emma pausing to kiss her forehead before he got to his feet. He shuffled out of the room slowly trying to ignore the way his body ached as it wasn’t unusual.

Emma waited until she heard the bathroom door close and the shower turn on before she dragged herself out of the bed feeling far more tired than she should have before she crossed the hall to her own room wanting to change out of her jeans and into some pyjama shorts that were going to be a lot more comfy.

It took Emma no more than a minute to get changed out of her jeans and into her shorts before she scrubbed her hand over her eyes then made her way down the hall going to see if her assumption was correct and that Brock and Trent had stayed knowing Cerb would stay on the bed until Clay was done in the shower, and she knew that Clay would take a few more minutes in the shower as she had not missed the way he moved which she knew meant he was in some sort of pain.

Emma stopped and smiled softly as she found her Dad, Brock and Trent sitting around the kitchen table with a beer in front of them each. “Hey.” She moved to the fridge to grab a bottle of apple juice. “Thought I would order pizza for all of us.” She was already moving across to the drawer where she knew the takeout menus were kept as she spoke.

“Sounds like a good plan Em.” Jason wasn’t surprised that Emma was thinking about feeding all of them. “How are you feeling?” She still looked tired, about as tired as he felt.

“I’m fine, how are you guys doing?” Emma deflected as she found the menu she was looking for and pulled it out before she closed the draw with her hip and made her way to the table to join them.

“We’re okay Emmie.” Brock answered for all of them as he watched her shake the bottle of juice up lazily while scanning over the menu in front of her.

Emma didn’t buy that they were okay but she was sure knew she wasn’t fine either. “Clay is in the shower, and he has agreed to eat.”

“Good, anything you want in particular or just order the usual things?” Jason asked knowing none of them were overly fussy and it was one of those nights in particular where they didn’t really care about what they were eating as long as they were eating, and more importantly that Clay had something to eat as he had nothing since his protein shake had made its reappearance several hours before.

Emma let the menu in her hand fall down onto the table grateful for the simplicity. “Just make sure you get a Hawaiian pizza, it should be light enough but other than that the usual things sound good.” She knew Brock and Clay were both partial to a good piece of Hawaiian pizza nor did she mind it herself but it would hopefully be easier on Clay’s empty stomach than some of the other options.

“Alright, I will make the order for delivery.” Jason knew it would take a while but none of them cared about waiting as he stepped away from the table.

Emma waited until Jason was out of listening range, or at least she hoped he was, before she turned her attention to Brock and Trent. “Have any of you heard from those two _idiots_?” If her voice took on a harsher tone at the word ‘idiot’ then no one would call her on it.

Trent reached out and placed his hand on top of Emma’s that was rested down on the table and he smiled softly at the way she turned her hand over beneath his and squeezed softly. “We made our feelings pretty clear this morning on where we stood.” He assured her understanding how she felt about them right now as he had to admit he held a lot of disdain for the two men right now as well.

Jason re-joined them at the table noticing the way Emma was clutching Trent’s hand in hers but decided against saying anything about it.

Emma knew that Clay was in the shower as she could still hear the water running. “Just a bit of a heads up for you, Clay asked me a question after we spoke this morning.” She was hesitant but she knew the three men in front of her knew a lot more about Clay’s sperm donor and his time in the Navy then she would ever be bothered to know about.

“What was it?” Jason felt the worry and anger spike in him again as he knew Emma would not divulge details from a conversation with Clay if she did not feel that it was important.

Emma darted her eyes towards the hall again but the water was still running before she looked back at the men. “Before I tell you, he can’t know that you know, and if he chooses to bring it up then and only then can you address it.” She waited until she had three nods of acceptance. “Direct quote was ‘ _what have I done to them to make them think so low of me? Or does it all stem from who fathered me?_ ’ All of this is bringing up all of those doubts and insecurities that he has thanks to that sperm donor of his.” She refused to acknowledge Ash Spenser as anything other than Clay’s sperm donor because the man did not deserve the title of ‘Dad’ or ‘father’ simply because he was not one.

“Those aren’t the only doubts and insecurities that have been bought up.” It wasn’t a question but rather a statement made by Brock as he flicked his eyes to Jason and Trent as both men knew exactly what he was talking about.

Jason scrubbed his hand over the top of his thigh anxiously because things kept getting worse undoubtedly. “Right now, let’s just focus on getting him to eat and drink. Anything else we will work through it as it arises.” It wasn’t the greatest tactical plan that Jason had ever come up with but Clay was his first priority, well Clay and Emma, but Emma was concerned about Clay the most.

“I do want to examine him again before dinner gets here. But you are right about getting him to drink something as he will most definitely be dehydrated, or close to being by now.” Trent had not managed to get Clay to drink as much water as he would have liked to when he had first checked him over but he had not pushed him on it either.

Jason nodded solemnly. “Pizza will be here in about forty five minutes, give or take, so there is plenty of time to examine then get him settled.”

Emma smiled and nodded before she pushed herself out of the chair once more after she had untangled her hand from Trent’s leaving her bottle of juice untouched. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She said as she made her way out of the kitchen deciding to take the liberty of pulling a few pillows from her bed and grabbing a spare blanket from the linen closet for the couch as she had no doubt that Clay would settle better on the couch if he had a blanket.

Jason waited until Emma was out of the room before he looked at Brock and Trent knowing all three of them were reeling and they couldn’t do anything rash but they hated that Ash Spenser still could make Clay a fragile shell of himself. “I have to talk to Blackburn in the morning and apprise him of the situation.” It was a statement as Eric had ordered to be kept up to date with what was going on within Bravo, or rather in regards to the hostility towards their youngest member.

“We will work it out, I don’t see us getting much sleep tonight.” Trent answered knowing either he or Brock would accompany Jason in the morning while the other stayed with Clay and Emma.

Jason shook his head knowing that they all needed to at least try and get some sleep but he also knew that Brock and Trent wanted to remain close by. “Kid will crash with Em, you two can play rock, paper, scissors for which bunk you get. There’s fresh sheets in the linen closet for both beds, or the couch is there. We really don’t need to add any more sleep deprivation to this already volatile mix that we have going on.” Jason had no doubt that Clay and Emma would end up lying together for the rest of the night once they decided to go to bed even if they did not sleep, or at least he hoped the kid would get some more sleep.

The sound of Emma walking back into the lounge had all three men turning their attention to her seeing as she stacked the two pillows up at the end of the couch then tossed the blanket over the back of it so it was readily available before she made her way back to where they were and sat back down finally opening and drinking the juice.

“What’s with everything Emma?” Trent asked although he already had an idea.

Emma smiled softly as she swallowed down the mouthful of apple juice. “You know that Clay settles better with a blanket, and even better if he knows you guys are around.” She was aware of the little things that helped Clay to settle better which included a blanket and the feeling of being safe and surrounded by those he loved and trusted. “And no one is going to begrudge him if he decides to curl up on the couch after he has had some food.”

The conversation was cut short as the sound of Clay’s shuffling footsteps and a soft whine from Cerb echoed in the hall. Clay looked up to see that Brock and Trent were still there just as Emma had predicted they would be before he ducked his head once more and ran his hand over the back of his head feeling the dampness that lingered in his hair.

The weight loss was even more evident and a little shocking as Clay hadn’t bothered to put a shirt on instead he had on a pair of briefs and a pair of sweatpants that just snagged on his hips and it was clear to see that the elasticated draw string had been pulled tight to keep them there. It was a lot more weight than even Trent had thought it had been, and the grim realisation of the physical toll began to set in even more. “Hey kiddo.” Trent spoke grateful to see the small smile he always got but he also did not miss the way Clay relaxed just a touch more at the term of endearment that he used sparingly.

“Hi Spense.” Brock had spared a glance at Trent and knew that he was as shocked by the sight of Clay’s ribs and the way his hip bones were jutting out as he was, and he knew that the speed at which Clay had lost the amount of weight that he had couldn’t be healthy. And he was suddenly even more grateful for Emma and Jason’s care and attention towards Clay because he was sure that without them Clay would be in a lot worse shape than he was.

“Take my seat. Do you want apple or blackcurrant juice?” Emma was already moving towards the fridge knowing that something high in sugar like juice would be good for him, and she had to admit she had gotten him hooked on the organic juices that she loved so it was only fair to share them with him.

“Uh, blackcurrant please.” Clay answered as he made his way to the table and sat down in Emma’s vacated seat still avoiding looking directly at his brothers.

Jason leaned forward and placed his hand on the back of Clay’s neck feeling as he leaned back into the touch just as he always did and making him look up at him. “Dinner will be here soon but Trent is going to take a look at you first while you drink your juice.” It was best to make Clay aware of what was going on as Emma pushed the uncapped bottle of blackcurrant juice into Clay’s hand before she stood behind Jason placing her hands on his shoulders.

Clay glanced away from Jason then back to him before he nodded and took a few large mouthfuls of the blackcurrant juice then turned his attention to Trent who hadn’t moved towards him yet. “I’m okay, tired and have a headache but I know I haven’t eaten or had a lot of fluids today.” He volunteered softly knowing Trent would ask so he pre-empted it instead.

Trent was grateful that Clay recognised that it was easier if he just told them what was going on as there was a time when he would never have volunteered the information or admitted to being sick. It gave him a bit of hope that not everything had been destroyed. “Okay, we can rectify that starting now with the juice. No nausea or dizziness?” He wasn’t going to push Clay or examine him to much as he tended to agree that the lack of food and fluids would be giving him a headache.

Clay took a few sips of the blackcurrant juice before he put the bottle down in front of him as Trent reached out and gently pressed her fingers to the pulse point on his wrist. “No, I think this morning was just a physical reaction to the surge of stress, more than anything else.” It wasn’t easy to admit and he hated that he had to but they could all read him fairly well.

“Yeah, I think so too.” Trent agreed understanding that the ‘surge of stress’ as Clay had put it had put more strain on his already overtaxed body, and pleased that his pulse was within its normal range. “But if you feel unwell or not right at all then you need to let one of us know.”

“I will.” Clay answered before he had another few mouthfuls of juice as he suddenly realised how thirsty he was.

“Good kiddo.” Trent let himself relax back into the chair sending a subtle nod Jason’s way before he took a mouthful of his own beer.

Clay scrubbed his hand over his eyes tiredly before he felt Emma shift over to him. He reached out and pulled her down into his lap as he had taken her chair, and let her hold his hand as she dragged his arm to wrap around her. “You okay sweetheart?” He asked softly knowing he was to blame for her being caught up in all of this, and he felt the continual need to check in on her.

Emma rolled her eyes fondly but she knew why Clay was asking her and had asked her multiple times. She turned into him making sure he was looking at her. “I’m okay, let’s just focus on getting everything sorted.” She was cautious with her words as the last thing she wanted was for Clay to feel pressured to figure everything out in the exact moment.

Clay tipped his head forward until his forehead was rested against the back of Emma’s shoulder trying to hide the way tears spiked in his eyes and the surge of emotions that he was sure would show on his face that would be easily read by some of the people that knew him best. He felt as she squeezed his hand and he pulled her a little tighter against him.

“Don’t you go to sleep on me.” Emma teased lightly although she wouldn’t have minded but it wouldn’t be comfortable for him, and he did really need to eat and drink before he did go back to sleep. “At least not yet anyway.”

“I won’t.” Clay mumbled softly before a yawn escaped his lips.

Jason just smiled and shook his head fondly as he watched the two, and he smiled even wider as Cerb managed to sneak his head into Emma’s lap for a pat which she dutifully obliged. They had plenty to discuss but momentarily it could be shelved until he got the kids fed. Yeah his kids, the thought made Jason smile a little wider which he hid with his beer bottle as he took a mouthful from it.

**_It’s Not Right To Assume_ **

Stomachs were filled, thirsts were quenched, and the television was on with the sound low as it was more for background noise than anything else. Clay had not eaten much, only two slices of pizza, before he had resolutely shook his head and refused to eat any more, but none of them had pushed it although Trent had cut him a deal which he honoured as he made him have a bottle of water after he finished the juice that he had been slowly sipping on.

Emma had her back against the arm on the couch with the two pillows stacked behind her as Clay was lying on his side against her with his head rested on her shoulder and a blanket was draped over their legs. No one had missed how Clay’s eyelids kept fluttering closed nor did they miss the way they snapped open just seconds after, and no amount of cajoling or simple touches were helping to settle him. Even Jason had moved himself to sit on the couch, and he had let his hand rest lightly over Clay’s ankle. None of them had seen Clay so unsettled with everything that usually settled him seemingly failing but then again this was not an ordinary situation that had left him unsettled.

Brock glanced at the window that faced the street then looked back as Cerb let out a short soft whine before he returned his attention to the window and pushed himself out of the armchair. “Jay.” Brock kept his voice low but the single word had Jason’s attention and Trent’s by default, and he nodded towards the window so they could see what he was seeing.

Jason knew immediately that something wasn’t right as he could read it in Brock’s body language and he felt his own body tense as he turned to glance out the window.

Emma and Clay both picked up the change in the atmosphere in the room, and Emma felt Clay tense against her. “Dad.” Emma frowned and followed his gaze before she returned her gaze to Clay who had not even tried to shift to follow their gazes, and for that she was grateful.

“It’s fine Em, I will handle it.” Jason answered as he gave Clay’s ankle one last pat before he pushed himself up off of the couch wondering what the hell was going on or rather why he had not been consulted instead they had been blindsided which he certainly did not appreciate.

Unfortunately Jason, Trent and Brock were not fast enough, and did not reach the door before it opened with Naima dragging Ray in by the collar of his shirt and Lisa followed behind with a tight grip on Sonny’s ear lobe, and both men were grumbling loudly. However the men were fast enough to form a wall between them and where Clay and Emma were laying on the couch.

“Get out!” Jason growled lowly not even giving anyone a chance to say anything.

“Jason…” Naima held up the hand that was not clutching Ray’s shirt in a placating manner as she was not anymore impressed with her husband and Sonny then Jason was.

“No Naima. You and Lisa are welcome but they are not.” Jason was not letting the two men anywhere near Clay, not with the damage they had already done. Although if Naima was going to plead their case then she was not welcome either but he refrained from saying that for the moment.

“Oh trust me, Lisa and I are as angry as you are at these two.” Naima sent a pointed glare Ray’s way and Sonny flinched as Lisa twisted his ear a little bit more.

“So what, you thought it was a good idea to bring them over here without asking?” Brock was not going to back down on this before he glanced over his shoulder to see Cerb standing protectively in the space that Jason had vacated before he let his eyes go to where Emma was now holding Clay tightly against her.

Lisa let go of Sonny’s ear noticing how he stepped away from her and rubbed his fingers over his bright red earlobe. “Ask Naima. I was yelling at Sonny when she arrived with Ray.” She had no problem throwing Naima under the metaphorical bus this time as Naima had said Jason was expecting them as she moved to take her place on the opposite side of the room taking the place next to Trent but not before she looked at Emma who pulled the blanket up around Clay although she didn’t know if it had been done to protect him from prying eyes or because he was cold.

Naima glared at Lisa who glared right back. “Okay, okay, I told Lisa that you knew we were coming but I had to get Sonny here as well.” She admitted before she reached out and grabbed Sonny’s sleeve as he had moved back towards the door trying to escape. “Now this needs to be sorted, and as the Master Chief of Bravo Jason I thought you would be doing just that.”

“Don’t you dare come into my house and tell me what my role is or what I should be doing Naima.” The tone of Jason’s voice was deadly, threatening even. “And as for what I am doing Naima. I am taking care of my kids, something that you should appreciate as a mother yourself, and I will remind you that it was your husband who hurt my kids and my team.”

Naima took a step back without meaning to as Jason never ever spoke to her like he was but she did recognise that Jason was being a protective Dad and for that she could not hold it against him. “I am well aware of what my husband and Sonny have done.” She kept it simple although she was angry at them both. “And I don’t condone it but there is a lot at stake here Jason.”

“You have no idea what they have done.” Jason snapped although he wasn’t looking at Naima instead he was looking at Ray and Sonny who suddenly had nothing to say, and Jason didn’t know whether that was making him angrier or not.

“Trent!” Emma’s sharp call had Jason flinching as she managed to get one of the empty boxes off of the table and open just in time for Clay to vomit into as he had tried to push himself up and away from her but couldn’t get to his feet in time. “You’re okay Clay, just hold on a minute.” Emma whispered softly as her hand gently ran up and down his back feeling as he heaved.

Trent crouched down just off to the side then reached out and placed his hand on Clay’s shoulder to help steady him while his other hand found his wrist and took his pulse finding it racing. “Hey kiddo, just breathe nice and slow. It’s okay.” Trent kept his voice soft as he could feel how tense Clay had become again, just like he had been on base.

“What do you need Trent?” Lisa asked knowing Jason and Brock would not move as they were not going to give Ray, Sonny or Naima a glimpse at Clay despite how much she both knew they wanted to go to him.

“A flannel doused with cold water, and a bucket. Oh, and some mouthwash.” Emma ordered still holding the pizza box that was now filled with vomit before Trent could answer.

“That, a bottle of water, and a garbage bag. Thanks Davis.” Trent tacked on figuring it was going to be easy to throw the vomit logged pizza box straight into a garbage bag before he returned his attention to Clay who had paled significantly and he could feel him shaking.

Clay heaved and gagged until there was absolutely nothing left to bring up before he collapsed back against Emma feeling like he had been tossed around endlessly and let his eyelids snap closed heavily as he tried to get his breathing under control. “Sorry.” He mumbled quietly.

Emma could feel the intense shaking that Clay’s limp body was doing and she looked at Trent as she continued rubbing his back gently hating that his body was rebelling against him.

“Trent.” Jason did spare a second to look over his shoulder as he needed to know what was going on.

Trent hesitated as he recalled what Sonny had said earlier when Clay had vomited first, and the last thing he wanted was to give him anymore supposed ammunition. “He will be okay Jase.” It was stress induced vomiting and it only happened in times of extreme cases. The thing that worried Trent was that Clay would most likely end up going to bed without any food in his stomach as there was no way they would be able to coax him into eating anything else.

“I didn’t know he was sick Jason.” Naima had seemingly deflated having heard the retching sound that she had heard plenty of times before given her work as a nurse and her role as a wife and mother.

Jason scoffed heavily with disdain. “He isn’t.” It was two simple words but the weight they carried was something else. “I hope you are both happy with yourselves. Now get the hell out of my house.”

Lisa moved back into the lounge with everything that had been requested, and she held the garbage bag open letting Emma slide the vomit filled box into it.

Emma took the mouthwash and uncapped it before she coaxed Clay into swishing then spitting it out into the garbage bag that contained the box before Lisa moved it away. “You’re okay, I’ve got you.” She swapped the mouthwash out for the cold cloth and gently wiped it over his face as there were a few beads of sweat that had formed while he was being sick. She dumped the damp cloth on top of the table before she shifted just enough so that Clay’s head was rested on her shoulder with his face pressed lightly into her neck.

Trent wasn’t surprised that the vomiting had left Clay even more exhausted then he already was. “It’s going to be okay kiddo. Just lay down and focus on your breathing.” Trent saw Emma nod once softly before he pushed himself up to his feet again then took a few seconds to pull the blanket up over Clay’s shivering body before he returned to stand next to Jason knowing Emma had him.

“Jason, I think you need to be reasonable here. Hear Ray and Sonny out, after all it is my understanding that this morning ended quite… heatedly… and I don’t think this is something that should break Bravo up.” Naima was trying to be as diplomatic as possible.

“Well clearly you aren’t in possession of all of the facts then Naima.” Brock was angry and the anger was coming off of him in waves.

Jason growled low and went to move forward but both Brock and Trent reached out and clasped a hand over his shoulders. “Don’t you dare come into my home, uninvited might I add, and tell me what you understand or don’t understand Naima, or what my team will look like in the coming days and weeks.” He was barely containing himself. “And right now you are the only one talking. You had to drag both of them here.” He decided to point out as while Ray and Sonny had been quite vocal several hours ago they were now mute.

Lisa stepped forward angry that she had believed Naima and was now at fault for upsetting Clay as he looked really unwell and she had seen him unwell plenty. “I think you should go.” She kept her voice soft but firm as she felt her worries grow.

Clay was struggling against Emma as he was fighting the exhaustion and the nausea, and it made Cerb whimper loud and long. “Jase.” He murmured thickly hating all of the fighting as he looked towards them seeing only their backs before he laid his head back down with his forehead pressed into her neck rather than his whole face so he could see what was going on around him when he wasn’t fighting his betraying eyelids.

“I’m here kid.” Jason moved back towards Clay having softened his voice as he knelt down in front of him without disrupting the aptly placed garbage bag lined bucket that was on the floor within reach. The kid looked terrible and Jason didn’t bother to resist as he reached up and brushed the damp matted curls off of his slick forehead. “What do you want?” He knew Clay wanted something but he silently hoped it wasn’t what he thought it was.

Clay swallowed thickly a couple of times seeming to settle now that Jason was speaking to him softly and Emma was grateful as she continued to run her hand over his back. “Let them or Naima say their piece. I’d rather feel like shit now and listen then spend the next few days repeating everything. But only if Emma can handle it right now too?” He was not about to put Emma into any uncomfortable situation, or make things anymore uncomfortable.

Jason withheld the sigh because of course he knew exactly what the kid was going to say despite all of his hoping. “You don’t have to do anything to appease them. They are in the wrong here, not you and not Em.” Jason reminded him softly hoping he could change Clay’s mind but he knew he wouldn’t be able too. And he really wasn’t sure how much more Clay could handle physically.

“I know.” Clay blinked heavily, his eyelids betraying him as they would not remain open despite how much he fought for them too.

“Em?” Jason looked at his daughter, his beautiful daughter, who was cradling Clay like she was terrified that if she let him go that he would fall apart right in her arms, and once again he was hoping like hell she would say ‘no’, say ‘she didn’t want to hear what they had to say’, but he knew her like he knew Clay.

“They deserve to know what they have done with their pig ignorant behaviour. It doesn’t justify anything they have done nor does it exonerate them from anything.” Emma knew that the damage would not be fixed in one night or with a few words, or even if it could be fixed between the team. She knew how much her Dad was wishing she would say no and a part of her desperately wanted to but she could understand where Clay was coming from. “Just keep them the hell away from us.”

“You don’t have to worry about that honey.” Jason was not going to let either man or Naima anywhere near the two. “You two make the call when you are done.” He didn’t like it at all but he had to respect their wishes.

Jason pushed himself back up onto his feet, giving Cerb a quick pat on his way past knowing that Brock and Trent had heard the subdued conversation. “You are lucky that Emma and Clay are much more reasonable than I am right now. You can stay where you are and talk if you must but the moment either of them decides you have said enough then you will get the hell out of my house.”

“We can’t really have a conversation in the doorway of your house Jason.” Naima was pushing and she knew it but a conversation really couldn’t be had from where they were stood or with the human wall that had been formed.

“You are not calling the shots here Naima.” Lisa was quick to remind her knowing that their arrival had put them on edge already, and she understood the need to protect Clay and Emma herself.

Emma rolled her eyes knowing she had been the one to say to keep them away from the both of them but Naima did have a point. “Dad.” Emma said the single word in a tone that told him to stand down and let them come a bit closer all at once.

Jason glanced back at Emma before he relented. “Stand on the other side of the coffee table then.” It was not where he wanted them to stand but it would provide distance, and they would get a look at Clay who was snuggled under the blanket close to Emma. He stood his ground for a few more seconds before he moved back to his space on the couch having to fight with Cerb for the space before he pulled Cerb down onto his lap and settled his hand over Clay’s blanket covered ankle with his fingers extending out to touch Emma’s blanket covered foot.

Brock and Trent shared a look with each other before they followed Jason’s lead although Brock moved to sit on the arm of the couch beside Emma while Trent walked behind the couch and stood so that he could watch Clay more than anything else. Lisa moved and sat down in the armchair so she could watch both sides.

Naima didn’t hide her surprise as she got her first look at Clay and Emma snuggled up on the couch together, or rather how Emma was very protectively holding Clay who looked far younger and little than he really was. She dragged Ray and Sonny behind her as neither man had willingly moved but she hadn’t given them a choice as she was still holding both men’s shirts in her hands. But what got her attention more was the way Emma managed to anticipate Clay’s moves as he was weakly pushing at the blanket and squirming but the moment Emma pushed the blanket down off of his shoulders he relaxed back down against her.

Ray had admitted everything to Naima when she had come storming into their house although he still hadn’t figured out how she had found out what had happened but he had (unwillingly) filled her in and then listened as she called his stupid and idiotic and a whole lot of other words that they had discouraged Jameelah and RJ from using. However standing with his wife and Sonny in front of everyone else now he felt far from proud in himself instead his hatred for himself was growing. And then he got his first real glimpse of Clay who looked terrible, and it hit him hard that he and Sonny had been the ones to do that.

Sonny didn’t like to wilt but he felt himself wilting even more than he had when Lisa had arrived and began yelling at him like she had and that was even before Naima had arrived with Ray to yell at him some more. Clay was supposed to be his best friend but what he had done made him ashamed of himself. The kid was right; they had shunned him instead of asking him for an explanation although he had to wonder if Clay would have given them one if they had asked. And to make matters worse, it was not only tearing Bravo apart but it was tearing the kid apart. Sonny realised that instead of turning against Clay he should have been the one defending and supporting him.

“Are you going to stand there and stare, or try to explain your absolute stupidity?” Emma snapped sharply using the same tone that Jason had been using before she stopped the blanket from pooling at Clay’s hips as he hadn’t bothered to put his shirt on since he had showered and he was trembling although she knew it wasn’t because he was cold.

Brock shifted just enough to reach out and rest his hand on Emma’s shoulder although she had a point as he was watching closely how Naima, Ray and Sonny’s eyes were roaming over the pair. And he could see the moment that the two had realised they had made a huge mistake, the only thing left was to see how they thought they could rectify it because from where Brock was sitting he really didn’t know if there was anything left to salvage.

Naima turned to look expectantly at both men after she had finally let go of both of them. She had got them into the door and the house, past Jason, Brock and Trent, and it was now up to them to explain their stupidity. It was with a pointed look that promised that Ray would be sleeping on the couch (he would be either way) and that Sonny would be disowned before she stepped back and sat down on the edge of the armchair with Lisa who begrudgingly made space for her to do so.

Ray and Sonny looked at each other seemingly debating what to say and do. Emma snapping at them was not helping but she was right about their stupidity.

“Ah, we might have been wrong.” Sonny cringed at his own choice of words as he wasn’t ready to admit complete defeat.

Ray looked at Sonny. “We were wrong.” He quickly rectified seeing Jason lean forward looking ready to kill them although he had looked like he had wanted to kill them for the past couple of days every time they pointedly ignored Clay which had been every time they had been in the vicinity of him. Naima cleared her throat loudly. “And we realise that we should have spoken to you.” He nudged Sonny in his ribs with his elbow.

“Yeah, we should have talked to y’all.” Sonny was quick to follow on from Ray. “Can’t we just say we got it wrong and get over it?” He groused hating that there was no one but himself to be angry at.

“No!” Jason barked sharply making it clear that they were not forgiven or anywhere close to being so.

Emma jostled Clay lightly seeing that he was still awake even though he was still fighting his exhaustion as his eyelids were fluttering. The last thing she wanted to do was upset him or make him vomit again but she needed to get a read on him and what he was thinking.

Clay felt as Emma jostled him and he tipped his head back just enough to see her, giving her a small nod before he tipped his head forward again and looked back at Ray and Sonny through his half lidded eyes. It was enough to tell her that he was okay though.

“C’mon Jase, this isn’t a team thing, it’s personal.” Ray didn’t want to lose his position on Bravo which was basically what Jason had threatened them with before he had left the room this morning.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lisa looked between Jason, Sonny and Ray as it suddenly felt like she was missing another piece of the puzzle as Naima had given her the barest details before she found herself at Sonny’s yelling at him.

Brock was angry and disgusted. “So that’s why you are here? Here to save your place on the team, not actually here to apologise and admit you screwed up massively.” He sneered bitterly feeling like the few things that Ray and Sonny had said were based on falsities because they felt their positions on Bravo had been threatened which they had been.

“No, we are here to clear the air.” Ray knew they were teetering on a dangerous edge.

“Doesn’t feel like it.” Trent murmured as he reached out and put his hand on Clay’s shoulder concerned at the increase in his trembling in the last few moments.

Lisa scoffed angrily as she stood up and turned to look at Ray and Sonny even more disappointed in the men in front of her. “It became a team problem the moment you two started this bullshit. It became a problem the moment you wouldn’t interact with Clay. And you two are the reason that Bravo has been grounded because Eric and I agreed that either it was sorted and I mean truly sorted with the brotherhood intact or something gave and changed. And right now, after learning why you two have been acting the way you have been, well I can say I have never been more disappointed or disgusted. You two together created this team problem, and it was never a personal one!” Her voice raised higher with each sentence as she read them the riot act, and she truly was disappointed that they seemed more concerned about saving their positions on the team instead of mending their relationships with Clay.

“Davis.” Jason’s call told her to step back, step down, and she relented immediately although he could see the impact of her words.

“What you should be doing is apologising but not expecting it to be accepted, and you should be taking a serious look at yourselves after you explain what the hell even lead to this crazy behaviour that has been less than exemplary.” Emma’s voice was heavy, unforgiving, and demanding all at once. “As much as I want to tell you to get the hell out and stay the hell away from us, I haven’t yet instead we are offering you a chance to explain and I suggest you take it because right now my tolerance for the two of you is wearing exceptionally thin.”

“Emma.” Naima began to reprimand her but was quickly cut off.

“That includes you right now Naima, and I would strongly suggest that you let them explain on their own without their hands being held. They caused this.” Emma had had enough and as much as she adored Naima she wasn’t about to let her come into her home and reprimand her.

Naima’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly as she was certainly surprised at Emma although she shouldn’t have been as she was just as protective as Jason was but she had to agree that she had spoken enough for the men.

“Emma…” Ray trailed off realising his honorary niece was not little anymore, and would not shy away from confronting them.

“Don’t ‘Emma’ me.” Emma snapped even sharper. “Patience and time is wearing quickly.” She reminded both men who had yet to say anything substantial or anything that didn’t make her angrier.

Jason barely kept the smirk off of his face as he was proud of Emma although he was certainly surprised that she had included Naima in her orders and he silently wondered if he had missed something between the two women as he knew Emma had not made an effort to see Naima since she had got back into town. He quickly shelved that as he felt Clay’s ankle shift beneath his hand and turned his attention back to him surprised that he had remained as quiet as he had.

Clay didn’t bother moving away from Emma as he was far to exhausted and he felt weakened as his body continued to betray him as he could feel it physically shutting down on him. “We are letting you explain, a courtesy that you didn’t even attempt to extend to me.” Clay’s voice was soft yet laced with pain and exhaustion as he reminded them of that bitter fact.

Sonny cringed at the words even though they were the truth, it was one truth that he wished wasn’t. It felt like he was facing a firing squad, and it did not feel good but he only had himself to blame. “That’s fair. I’m sorry, really sorry.” The sincerity was in his voice. “We got talking, compared notes, and you have to admit from the outside how it looks. I mean right now, you are cuddled up together.” He hesitated to point out that Clay was lying against Emma shirtless with the both of them under a blanket but he did it to make his point as he waved his hand fluidly in front of him.

Clay huffed unamused at Sonny’s explanation as he would have thought he had learned after last time but that wasn’t the case.

Jason heard Clay and shared a glance with Emma as he noticed that Brock had his hand draped over his shoulder in silent support while Trent monitored Clay a little more than he had been doing. “We can end this any time you want, just say the word.” He reminded them quietly although he didn’t care if he was heard.

“I already feel like shit Jase, may as well let them make me feel worse now.” Clay answered bluntly hating the inner turmoil that he felt inside of him. “And I need to give Romeo an answer fairly soon.” He spoke that part even quieter as his mind was a mess, warring with itself about everything.

Brock gently gave Emma’s shoulder a light squeeze stealing her attention for a few seconds. “May I?” He wanted to ask a question before Ray began speaking although the man did not look like he was in a hurry either. She nodded before she turned her attention back to Clay seeing Trent had reached a bit further over and was checking his pulse which she knew was still faster than what it should have been given that he was resting on the couch. “What I want you to explain is what you were thinking? How you concocted this twisted story and then decided to keep it to yourselves? I mean if you were really as concerned as you are trying to claim you were then why didn’t you come to me or Trent, or Jason, or Lisa, hell Blackburn even?”

“If it was any other man or anyone on your team, would you let them get as close to Emma as Clay has?” Ray directed the question at Jason despite how ready he looked to attack them.

“I have let you all get close to my kids; after all they call you all ‘Uncle’.” Jason wasn’t going to defend his choices or his actions, and he certainly was not going to be told he was wrong.

“That’s the point Jason.” Ray used his own words. “Emma doesn’t see Clay as an ‘Uncle’.”

“Neither does Mikey Ray.” Jason countered swiftly feeling the way Clay tensed and if he tensed any more than something was going to break. “He is family, to Mikey he is the older brother.” He didn’t bother speaking for Emma as to what her relationship with Clay was as she could speak for herself and he had no doubt that she would.

“You’re right I don’t see Clay as an ‘Uncle’ but there is something else you are forgetting here Clay and I are close in age but it still doesn’t give you any right to do what you have.” Emma cut in hating that Ray was talking about her and Clay like they weren’t there. “And what is more disrespectful, on top of everything else, is that you didn’t even consider that Dad had spoken to both Clay and I as individuals. He isn’t oblivious or stupid but yet somehow you decided he was.” She paused and looked at Clay and as much as she didn’t want to upset him she knew it was best for her to move from under him. “I’m going to move Clay, let you lay down a bit more.” She could see Trent’s growing concern but Clay nodded softly and allowed her to move.

Emma stood to her full height even though the men still towered over her but she didn’t try to go near them. “Do you two even realise what it is that you actually alleged?” She asked before she held her hand up to stop them from speaking. “You fictitiously decided that Clay and I were having some wild and secretive sexual relationship. You made Clay out to be taking advantage of me, to be a terrible person, and that he is abusing the trust that you all spent a lot of time building even with most of it being forged in battle.” She blew out a shaky breath having to look away as the tears pricked in her eyes but she wasn’t going to let them see how upset she was. “You saw something, what that was I don’t know, but you made it into something ugly and twisted without care of the ramifications or what you knew of him and I.”

“Then explain what this is to us Emma, explain what is going on between you and Clay. You wear his clothes, cuddle and sleep together, and a whole bunch of other stuff. The way you are together makes people think that.” Ray was not backing down even though he knew well enough to know that he should be.

Emma flushed with anger and she stepped closer to Ray before Jason could grab hold of her arm although he tried but he was trapped with Cerb on his lap. “I don’t have to explain a damn thing to you or anyone, and neither does Clay. And I am even less inclined after what you have done.” She glared at him with a fire in her eyes before she moved away going to stand at the window.

Naima shifted awkwardly on the arm of the chair wondering just how things managed to spiral so badly as she followed Emma with her eyes although her back was to them as she looked out the window to the street.

Ray was stunned at the anger that Emma had towards him and Sonny, and one look at Sonny told him that he was stunned as well.

Clay pushed himself up slowly having to stop halfway as it was more of an effort than it should have been but he wasn’t looking at Emma instead he was looking at Jason for permission and he got it with one subtle nod. It took a few moments for Clay to figure out what to say or rather how to word what he wanted to and it wasn’t helping that his brain seemed intent on being murky. “You said I played the victim and that I was letting Jase play Daddy, they were your words Sonny this morning.” He stopped having to swallow as the nausea rose quickly and he was going to do everything he could not to vomit mainly because it would hurt as he had nothing left to bring up. “It was nice to feel like I was part of something, part of a family. It had been such a long time since I had that feeling, the feeling that I was loved…” He trailed off as the thought of what he was losing made him want to cry and he wasn’t going to do that either. “I came over to talk to Jase the morning that he went to help you pick up the play set for Jameelah and RJ but ended up talking to Emma while I waited. I wanted to ask him something but by the time he got back I didn’t need too. I didn’t ask Emma either instead we talked generally but it helped me figure things out.” He wasn’t about to go into details either of what they had spoken about but that had been the turning point for them. “It’s hard you know, to figure out where you fit when you aren’t even sure yourself, and it’s nice to have someone who understands without needing every facet of this life explained.”

Emma let out a shaky breath before she turned around as she vividly remembered that day in the kitchen, at the uncharacteristic nervousness that Clay showed. The thing that bonded them more than all of the other things was the loss in their lives and the fact that they had both grown up as military children but that wasn’t what mattered now.

“Do you know what we go through when you all leave? When you get spun up or deployed?” Emma posed the question once again looking directly at Ray and Sonny. How it ended up that they were doing all of the speaking was beyond her but she was over their placations and lack of explanations.

“Of course I do, I leave Naima, Jameelah and RJ every time.” Ray didn’t like where this questioning was leading and he was feeling even more defensive as he looked at Naima who seemed to be just as surprised as he felt.

“No you don’t. You have no idea what it’s like to be the one left on the other side of the fence watching or left standing in the kitchen.” Emma shook her head as the anger bled out of her. “None of us that are left behind are under any illusion about what potential scenarios you could be flying off to face. I made my choice a long time ago, I made that choice for Mikey, for myself, and for Dad. I decided that it was better for us to have all of Dad part of the time then have a part of him all of the time.” Those words were the ones she had said to him in the wake of Adam’s death when she pushed him to return to Bravo.

“There have been many things said over the years about the men that you are and what you do but Dad said it best and it stuck with me the most. _‘There are 46 Special Operators in this room. 655 years of total service. 439 years of deployment. 130 of those years deployed to war. There are 21 divorces among us. 54 kids affected by those breakups. 17 Purple Hearts. 104 Bronze Stars. Three Silver Stars… There are 24 shoulder and arm surgeries. 64 leg and ankle surgeries. 22 back and neck surgeries. And 34 people in this room with hearing loss. And all of us, with a little bit of what Brett had. Every single one of us. That’s a lot of pain for us to, to carry around, but I’m not trading that pain in for anything, ‘cause that’s what makes us who we are…’._ We know all that and a part of us accepts that you may not come home whole or at all.” Emma had to stop to get her emotions under control. She had found the piece of paper in her Dad’s jacket pocket after Swanny’s wake with his speech on it and she had kept it, stashed it in a book, and looked at it from time to time even though she had the whole thing memorised. “Bullets, knifes, grenades, bombs…” She shook her head knowing she would get off track more than she already had if she continued listing all the things that could cost them their lives.

“But I made that choice for myself, for Mikey and for Dad back then because I knew the lengths that you would go to make sure that he came home to us because it was better to have all of him a part of the time then it was to have a part of him all of the time.” Emma repeated that wanting to make sure it was understood but it wouldn’t be the only thing she would be repeating. “I am not the one who has to trust you guys with my life when bullets and everything else that you face are exploding around you. The team is built on trust, it’s a way of survival. But I am the one who has to trust that you all have each other’s backs, that you will help each other make it home.” The fragility was back in her voice as she stepped forward and placed her hands on her Dad and Clay’s shoulders before she looked round the room finally letting her gaze linger on the two men who had made her waver. “The thing is you broke that trust today, actually over the last month or so. I don’t know how I or anyone else is supposed to trust that the two of you have Clay or my Dad’s back, or Trent and Brock’s for that matter, when you have done what you did. You turned against your own, and for a figment of your imagination. The team is about trust. For those left behind you broke that trust that we have to have to survive every single spin up and deployment. You broke that.”

Ray and Sonny were thoroughly chastised. Ray glanced over at Naima and could see how glassy her eyes had become as they had filled with tears, and even Lisa looked to be upset beside her. Sonny swallowed thickly and stared resolutely down at the floor as he couldn’t bare to look at Emma or Clay for that matter. The damage was so much more than either man had realised until that moment and both had the same question, was there a way back?

Trent wrapped his arm around Emma without disturbing her or pulling her away from where she was holding onto Jason and Clay as he knew she was barely holding herself together, her words were profound.

Clay looked at Emma, twisted himself around to do so. There was nothing that he could say that would have the impact her words had. But as he looked around he glanced at Jason he realised it wasn’t the first time he had heard what Emma had said, or at least not all of it. It floored him. “It’s enough.” Clay murmured softly to Jason who nodded in understanding.

Emma was exhausted, the emotional stress of the day piling on her, and right now all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and curl up with Clay. “Want to go to bed babe?” She whispered to Clay knowing he was even more exhausted than she was and on top of that he was feeling sick.

“Yeah sweetheart.” Clay knew that Emma wanted to escape and he did too.

“Go.” Jason knew that both Emma and Clay were at their physical and emotional limits as they had been teetering on the edge all day.

Emma kissed Trent’s cheek before she moved away from him as her hands slipped from Jason and Clay’s shoulders. Brock helped Clay up as he was still trembling and nauseous and looked more dishevelled and despaired by the minute as he had been restless even before. Emma waited until Clay was leading the way down the hall to her bedroom before she fell into step behind him as the last thing he needed was to fall. Cerb abandoned Jason’s lap the moment Clay moved and followed along with Emma which meant he was going to go to bed with them.

Jason waited until Emma and Clay were down the hall before he rose up from the couch. “It’s time for the three of you to leave.” He didn’t raise his voice instead he kept calm as he felt the impact of Emma’s words himself and despite having heard them several hours before they still felt like a kick to the gut.

Naima stood, tears glistening in her eyes, and nodded accepting that some space was needed between them all as nothing had been resolved but at least it hadn’t broken into a fight. “Sonny, Ray, come on.” She was ready to usher them out as she brushed her hand over his face.

“But…” Sonny snapped his jaw shut as he didn’t even finish his sentence.

“I’ll drop you home.” Naima had moved behind the two men and gave them both a small shove to get them moving towards the door which worked as it was intended. She was still angry at both of them, and Ray would certainly be sleeping on the couch for the next few nights, but Emma’s words made her want to cry because she hadn’t even begun to comprehend the fracture that her husband and Sonny’s actions had caused. And then there was Clay who looked destroyed and much like he was using Emma as a lifeline.

Jason didn’t bother to say anything as he followed them to the door instead the only thing he did was shut the door forcefully and lock it behind them before he sighed harshly and scrubbed a hand over his face tiredly feeling the day old scruff that was adorning his face. The day had felt far too long, actually the last month had felt much longer than it had been. For now nothing had been resolved but at least Ray and Sonny had been given something to think about, and his kids were okay.

Jason let his hand drop down from his face before he returned to the lounge seeing that Lisa, Brock and Trent were moving around the room cleaning up the remaining pizza boxes, the empty beer and water bottles, and stacking the pillows and refolded blanket on the end of the couch. Instead of making his way back to the couch, Jason went to check on Emma and Clay.

**_It’s Not Right To Assume_ **

Clay stopped as he got into Emma’s room seeing Cerb wander past, jump up and curl up on the end of the bed before he turned around and pulled Emma into his arms tucking her head into his neck knowing it took a lot out of her to say what she had. “I’m sorry.” She murmured against his neck hating that she had bought Swanny up to make her point as she knew how much it still affected him even if he tried to pretend it didn’t.

“Nothing to be sorry for Em.” Clay replied quickly feeling she was shaking lightly. “Let’s lay down. We’re both shaking.”

Emma pulled away from Clay realising he was right and that she was shaking. “I’m just going to get changed.” She needed to get changed out of her bra and sweater and into a tank top. It took her a couple of seconds to grab the black tank top that matched the shorts she was wearing and then she made her way into the ensuite knowing Clay would crawl into bed with Cerb.

Emma brushed her teeth quickly after she had changed her top before she walked out seeing that Clay had indeed done what she thought he would although she had to smile as he was on his back in the middle of the bed and Cerb had curled up to his left side with his head draped over the left side of his chest getting repetitive pats. “Think I can join?” She teased already crossing the short distance from the bathroom to the bed.

Clay smiled softly as he reached out and raised the sheet and comforter up so Emma could slip in beside him even as he continued to pat Cerb who had snuggled up with him as soon as he had got into the bed. “You want to talk about it more or are you done for the night?” He asked softly as she laid down beside him letting him slip his arm under her neck and around her back as she rested her head down on his shoulder with her hand laid flat against his ink covered ribs while her other hand went to Cerb who gave her a gentle lick. If she wanted to talk more about everything then he would but he had to admit he was erring on the side of ‘done’ for the night.

Emma let her eyelids flutter closed as she felt Clay pause in his patting of Cerb to cover her up with the sheet and comforter before he continued his motions earning a contented from the hair missile which made them both smile. “Not really, kind of think I am talked out right now.” She admitted softly feeling like she had said to much and not enough all at the same time. “We didn’t achieve much at all.”

“You got to them Em, your words made an impact.” Clay spoke cautiously as he didn’t want Emma to doubt herself or suddenly start to feel guilty. “I’m sorry that I didn’t say much tonight.” He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead but a part of him had said his piece this morning and he felt that Emma needed to say what she felt, and he really didn’t feel well.

Jason leant against the doorframe to Emma’s room seeing the fairy lights were twinkling over Emma’s headboard as he heard Clay’s quiet words to Emma. The two had settled quickly with Cerb who was lapping up the attention he was getting. “Clay’s right Em, they needed to know what they did, how they made you feel.” Jason knew that Clay knew he was there so he didn’t feel that he was interrupting. It had been hard to hear Emma explain the choice she had made that had saved him in the wake of Alana’s death especially with what she shared about the knowledge she had and needed to make it through spin ups and deployments. But he was so incredibly proud of her.

Emma raised her eyelids up and shifted just enough to see Jason stood at the door. “You okay Dad?” She asked softly suddenly wishing she had checked in with him more as this was hurting him too.

Jason smiled softly because of course Emma chose to make sure he was alright. “I’m okay Em, tired, but okay.” He knew it wouldn’t allay all of her worries. “I’m proud of you both for how you are handling all of this. And Clay’s right, they needed to hear what you told Brock, Trent and myself this morning.” He stepped further into the room. “I am going to sort this out.”

Emma took a few moments to search her Dad’s eyes as if she was searching for the truth but she knew he wasn’t going to give her anymore for the moment. “Thanks Dad.” She relented knowing better than to press him, and she figured that Brock and Trent would keep an eye on him as they were staying the night.

Jason walked over to the bed, bent over and kissed the top of Emma’s head and before Clay could protest he kissed the top of his head too making Emma laugh most likely at the shocked look on Clay’s face. “Night kids. Love you.” Jason laughed as he made a quick exit out of the room, pulling the door closed just enough to afford them a small amount of privacy although not fully as Cerb still needed to get out.

“Night.” Emma and Clay spoke in unison, and the tiredness was easy to hear in both of their voices.

Emma waited until her Dad was down the hall as she listened to his footsteps get further and further away. “We need to sleep.” She hoped it would be enough to settle Clay enough that he would let himself relax as his eyelids were once again fluttering.

Clay shifted just enough to pull Emma a little bit closer to his body as he didn’t bother to fight the exhaustion anymore instead letting it pull him under.

Emma smiled as Clay finally fell asleep and it didn’t look tortured for the moment. Whatever would happen in the break of day they would deal with it just like they had today and the past few weeks. There was a whirlwind of emotions swirling inside of her just as she knew there was inside of Clay but for the moment the focus was on getting some sleep and making it through the rest of the night without spending it awake. Emma let her eyelids close as she settled against Clay letting herself go to sleep.


	6. It’s Going To Take A Lot

**_ It’s Going To Take A Lot _ **

It had been four days since Naima had pushed Ray and Sonny out the door of Jason’s house after their surprise visit.

Four days of emotions being all over the place. Four days of Clay warring with himself over what was best to do. Four days of Jason and Emma watching closely, trying to figure out where his head was out in spite of his words, although he couldn’t fault them for that considering he hadn’t said a lot. Four days of watching Emma and constantly checking on her as he wondered when she would say enough was enough and push him away in an effort to protect herself even though deep down he knew she wouldn’t and despite how many times she had reassured him. Four days of Brock stopping by so Cerb could have some cuddle time with his ‘favourite people’. Four days of Trent coming by morning and night to be a mother hen as he made sure that he was eating and drinking, and reducing his stress levels which was not really working.

Four days of leave, mandated by Jason, even though the rest of the team had to report to base every morning to run through whatever training exercise was scheduled for that day, and Clay was mildly terrified that they were trying to figure out how to run without him again despite every reassurance that he had been given. Four days of Lisa coming over to sit with him on the front porch and doing her upmost not to question him although she failed miserably as she wanted to know where his head was at just as much as everyone else. Four days of knowing that Eric was concerned especially given that the day after they had all learned the reason for the animosity towards Clay he had stopped by late at night to speak to Jason given that they had blown off training the day before and then that day it had been a split team and a member missing. Four days with only a few hours of sleep while his brain whirled endlessly. It had been four days and he still had no idea about any of it really.

Clay very gently slipped out from under Emma who had ended up half laying on top of him in her sleep and he replaced himself with a pillow before he picked up the sweater he had tossed down before he had got into the bed which had been at Emma’s insistence as she (and everyone else) had seen how much more significant the dark circles under his eyes got which hadn’t been helped by the way his cheek bones looked sharper as he was still losing weight leaving him with a sunken appearance in his face. A quick glance at the clock told him it was 0328 but it didn’t deter him as he quietly made his way out of the room and pulled on the sweater before he made his way outside to sit down in one of the chairs that seemed permanently stationed on the front porch of Jason’s.

The street was softly illuminated by the street lights that were scattered along it but the night was still and the sky was clear enough that the twinkling stars could be seen, and there was no one around or a house lit up as far as he could see. Clay knew he couldn’t keep hiding out, and that if he didn’t appear on base soon that the rumours would start because despite being highly trained and intelligent the men of DEVGRU could be the biggest gossips and certainly loved to enflame the rumour mill, and then there was the wives and girlfriends of said men who certainly knew how to spread gossip. But that posed a problem as he really didn’t know what to do despite going over every single positive, negative, and in-between point in his head, he still hadn’t reached a conclusion. The problem was the more he thought about it the more he realised that he and Emma had said their pieces but Ray and Sonny really hadn’t said much more than to point at his and Emma’s behaviour or body language, either way they hadn’t really got to the root of the problem. The last thing he wanted to do was cause the team to be split although it seemed it had already been given the divide that now existed amongst them – Ray and Sonny versus Jason, Trent and Brock, and then there was Clay and he wasn’t really sure where he fitted in right at the moment.

Clay sighed softly and ran his hand over his face making a mental note to shave in the morning as he quite liked being freshly shaven even if it made him look baby faced but at least he wouldn’t have to deal with a sweat drenched beard; maybe he could rope Emma into running the shaver over his hair as that was due for a cut as well. He leaned forward and rolled his shoulders as the tension was making him ache but then again he had been aching for days from it. Whatever he decided to do had to happen soon.

**_It’s Going To Take A Lot_ **

Jason sighed softly as he woke up to hear Clay moving round the house yet again, it seemed to be a nightly occurrence and one glance at his bedside clock told him that it looked like it was going to be another sleepless night for the kid. A part of him wished that he could get Clay to take a sleeping tablet but he understood Clay’s reluctance and he suspected that he had his own share of nightmares which would do him no good to be trapped in. Although if Clay had been having any nightmares than he nor Emma had said anything about it. But the kid couldn’t keep this endless sleeplessness up as it was only making his exhaustion grow, and not even Emma was able to get him to sleep more than half an hour and even if she did then he would wake up at every little noise and wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep.

Jason laid in his bed staring up at the ceiling for a few minutes after he had listened to the front door open and close but he knew Clay would not go anywhere instead he would settle down in one of the chairs and sit there looking out at the street.

The last four days had felt endless and no one was handling it well.

Jason knew he had been filled with rage that was aimed and fired directly at Ray and Sonny every time he saw them and given that they had spent the past four days on base training as a team minus Clay there had been a lot of yelling, so much so that his voice had begun to get hoarse. Yet that anger was put to the side the moment he stepped into his home and got a look at his kids who were struggling in the wake of it even if their bond seemed to be stronger for it. Emma seemed to be doing better than Clay, or at least she was functioning better, but he knew she was worried and that worry was only growing more and more. Clay was a wreck and with each passing day it seemed that he was physically declining. It wasn’t hard to recognise the war that was going on inside of Clay’s head either. Jason hated every single bit of it, hated that he felt helpless, hated that he couldn’t have ended it sooner, hated that he couldn’t have protected either of them from it.

Brock would barely acknowledge either man instead choosing to keep to himself or interact only with Jason, Trent or Cerb when he was on base; even Cerb wouldn’t go near Ray and Sonny unless he absolutely had to which was most likely due to the radiating tension that came off of Brock when they were near them. Although the frequent visits with Cerb led Jason to believe that Brock needed to stay close because he was worried about Clay’s decline just as they all were, and nothing was going to ease his mind until everything was settled but having things settled could mean big changes. Jason knew how intelligent Brock was, how big his heart was, and despite it being kept under the quiet and calm demeanour he knew the pain he was in as it was a pain they were all sharing.

Trent was concerned more and more as each day went as he was worried about all facets of Clay’s health as the toll was unmistakable, and he was blanking the men too. Jason had taken to texting Trent when he wasn’t at Jason’s to keep him up to date with what was going on with Clay, and there had been several times when he had to convince him to stay at home because it was the middle of the damn night and that he could handle the kid. Trent could hold a grudge and make a person pay but this time he was so focused on Clay that he didn’t have time to focus on his anger (yet!).

Of course, the only time the men did interact without a hint of anger was when they were running training scenarios through but the moment they finished the iciness and anger filled their veins again.

Lisa had stayed close and usually her and Clay’s relationship was beneficial but if anything it seemed that Clay had pulled away from her which Jason could see was stinging her although it didn’t stop her from coming by to sit with him for a while each day. But Jason had been in the team room when Clay had learned just what Sonny had accused Clay of after her miscarriage, and despite it being buried history he had no doubt that all of those feelings had reared their ugly head too in Clay’s mind and heart. He had seen the unmistakable look of hurt, seen and heard the raw pain, from Clay that time, and Jason quietly wondered if that was what made this time so much more painful and heart breaking.

Eric had known something was off for weeks, he and Jason had spoken extensively about the animosity that had been brewing within the team between Clay, Ray and Sonny which was why they had been grounded for the foreseeable future. But it wasn’t until the day after they had finally got the reason for the animosity did Eric realise the impact of it on the team when they were at each other’s throats and could hardly get the basics right as their focus was gone. It was when Eric had turned up late that night to see Emma trying to coax Clay into eating some toast (as he had not kept his dinner down) that Jason knew he had to tell Eric everything, and it had not been a fun conversation instead Jason found himself warring with how much to tell Eric because it involved his daughter but it also involved his kid but in the end he had laid it all out. It had been Eric’s suggestion that Clay take a few days away from training (and Ray and Sonny) and Jason agreed hesitantly but only after Eric had calmly pointed out that he was in no state to train especially given that he was still vomiting as his body reacted to all of the stress it was under. But what was probably the most clear to Jason as he sat talking to Eric was the care and compassion towards Clay, and the disappointment that mirrored his own in regards to Ray and Sonny’s actions.

Lisa and Eric seemed to be spending more and more time around the team while they were on base as if they were waiting for the mandatory explosion that was bound to detonate at any moment where they would have to intercept. Hell they had taken up switching off with each other so that one of them was there at all times even if they had their heads buried in the paperwork that they bought with them each time.

And then there was Ray and Sonny who wisely kept to themselves and took what they were given which was very little but it didn’t escape Jason’s attention the way they stole glances each day like they were trying to figure out if the anger and several other emotions that the rest of them were experiencing had faded or not. Whether they had figured out just how much they had screwed up had yet to be seen but then again even Jason would admit that they had not been given another chance to explain themselves however what was there to explain really besides they are delusional morons.

Jason sighed once again and took another look at the clock knowing that he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep knowing that Clay was sitting outside by himself wide awake and overthinking everything for the thousandth time. With a bit of effort as his weary body protested leaving the warmth of his bed, he pushed himself upright, shuffled until he was sitting on the edge with his feet on the floor before he finally stood up and grabbed a hoodie on his way out of the bedroom, pulling it on as he went.

Jason stopped at Emma’s room, an occurrence that happened more in the past two weeks than it had in the last few years, to see the twinkling fairy lights casting a soft glow over Emma who happened to be contently cuddled up with one of her pillows which would have been Clay’s doing so she would remain asleep as she had been up with Clay just as many hours as Jason had since he had gotten the call from the barman to pick him up. He took a few minutes longer just to watch Emma sleep before he finally pulled himself away and went to join Clay but not before he stopped in the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of water for them.

Jason quietly closed the front door behind him and took the spare chair without Clay even turning to look at him. “Hey sunshine.” He greeted quietly as he pushed the bottle of water into Clay’s hand.

“Hey Jase.” Clay didn’t need Jase to say anything as he knew it was him joining him outside because the difference was Jason would take the chair beside him whereas Emma would have a blanket clutched in her hand and would curl up in his lap then drape the blanket over both of them and wait until he spoke. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.” He offered as he really didn’t mean too.

Jason waved his hand out in front of him as if he was dismissing it. “You managed to get any sleep kid?” It wasn’t hard to see that he had not had much or any even in the dark light but he was still going to ask anyway.

Clay shrugged his shoulders. “Half hour or so.” He admitted knowing he had dozed on and off from maybe thirty minutes if he was lucky. “You don’t have to sit up with me Jase, I know you have been training hard.”

Jason wasn’t surprised at Clay’s insistence that he didn’t need to stay up with him as the conversation had happened almost every time he had joined him on the porch in the middle of the night. “I’m awake, not going back to sleep now.” He kept it simple as he really wasn’t going to go back to bed, and the only reason he had not started the coffee machine was because the smell of coffee would wake Emma and have her coming in search of it. “Emma’s still asleep though, cuddling a pillow.” He saw the minute way Clay relaxed at the mention that she was still asleep because he cared.

There was a small moment of relief that at least one of them was sleeping, Clay thought. “Good.” He said simply as he continued to look out onto the baron street. “What’s on the agenda for today anyway?”

Jason knew that Clay was trying to distract himself, or at least he thought he was but upon a closer look it seemed that maybe there was more to the question than it seemed. “Not a lot. It will just be personal training today.” It seemed that a break from team training was needed especially after the last four days, and truthfully Jason didn’t have it in him to keep himself as restrained as he had been doing. It meant Brock would have Cerb running through different exercises, Trent would either be picking one of the doctor’s brains about some technique that he had read up on or would be at the range, Ray would be at the range shooting targets, and Sonny would be most likely end up at the gym or at the range as well. And Jason was most likely going to spend his day with Eric trying to figure out where to go although he hoped to get a gym session in.

Clay drew his bottom lip in between his teeth and chewed on it absentmindedly for a few moments before he finally released it and shifted in the chair just enough so that he could look at Jason. “Okay.” He nodded deciding to wait, to take a bit more time to make sure he was sure of his decision.

“You want to attempt to tell me what it is that you are thinking?” Jason hedged his bet that the question had not been asked randomly nor had Clay’s acceptance come so easily.

Clay rolled his head back so that he was looking directly at the street again before he scrubbed his hand over his scruff once more becoming more and more intent on shaving once the sun was up. “Same things I’ve been thinking about for the past week.” It wasn’t a lie but maybe just an abstraction or at least an extension of the truth.

Jason knew that he wasn’t going to get any more from Clay as it seemed that the kid had not been in a sharing mood but he wasn’t going to push him either because he knew how much Clay had shared with him in the past few days. “Yeah, that’s fair.” He relented although that unsettled feeling that had been simmering for weeks suddenly spiked once more and he was sure he could feel his blood pressure spike along with it.

Clay snorted quietly at Jason’s answer before he tipped his head back and let his eyelids close listening to the subtle sounds of everything around him as he forced himself to relax as much as he could despite the thrum of tension that felt like a live wire had been permanently placed in his body.

Jason sat contented seeing that Clay was doing his upmost to relax although he was failing miserably as he kept shifting in the seat as if he was uncomfortable and his fingers drummed silently against the bottle of water that was lying in his lap but Jason wasn’t about to say anything.

“It’s going to take a lot.” Clay murmured softly without even bothering to open his eyelids as it really was going to take a lot to try and sort things out.

Jason blinked in surprise but he couldn’t disagree with Clay’s word although it didn’t make him feel any better as he settled in for the rest of the morning until it was time to get ready to leave for another day on base.

**_It’s Going To Take A Lot_ **

Jason pressed a kiss to Emma’s forehead as he hugged her before he let go of her and glanced down the hall where Clay was in the bathroom getting ready for the day ahead. “I will have my phone on me if you need anything. Try and get him out of the house if you can Em.” Jason spoke quietly hoping that Emma would be able to convince Clay to go for a walk or out for lunch, hell he didn’t care as long as he got out of the house, as he had not gone any further than the front porch since he had bought Clay home from base after that fateful morning.

Emma leaned up and kissed Jason’s cheek as she followed his gaze down the hall. “I’ll do my best. You should go otherwise you are going to be late.” She spoke quietly before she pushed herself away from him as she knew he had been cutting it close the last couple of mornings as he hadn’t left until the very last second because he was worried and wanted to make sure that Clay was up and had at least attempted to eat breakfast. “Go, I’ve got him.” She gave him a light shove to get him moving as she understood his hesitation.

“Alright, love you Em.” Jason drew her back in for a quick hug before he grabbed what he needed and made his way out of the house as Emma was right about him cutting it close otherwise he would be late. It may have been a personal training day but he still had to be on base by a certain time.

Emma heard the truck leave and made her way into the kitchen to pour herself another mug of coffee as she hadn’t had a lot of sleep after she had woken and discovered a pillow in place of Clay, how she hadn’t woken when he switched out was something she wasn’t going to even think about. A few mouthfuls of coffee later and a top up had her wondering down towards the bathroom as Clay hadn’t even managed to turn the shower on yet despite having been in the bathroom for almost quarter of an hour.

“Clay, you okay?” Emma knocked gently on the door hearing Clay shuffle around beyond it. Clay didn’t bother to answer back instead he leaned across from the sink and opened the door as it wasn’t locked letting Emma in. “Looking good there Sailor.” She smiled broadly as it was good to see Clay taking care of himself with more than just a shower. “Want me to clean up that line on your neck?” She offered already stepping behind him seeing their reflection in the mirror as she handed off her mug of coffee to him although he only took a small sip before he sat it down on the vanity.

“Thanks Em.” Clay passed her the electric razor as he looked at her in the mirror. “You know its kind of ironic, I used to hate not having a beard but not I can’t stand having anything more than a few days’ worth of growth on my face.” Ever since that night in his bathroom during Brian’s anniversary he had kept his hair short and kept himself shaved unless he was on deployment then a beard was beneficial as it meant his lips didn’t get as burnt or dry. He ran his hand over his face making sure he hadn’t missed any spot and was satisfied.

Emma was done in less than a minute as Clay was pretty good at cutting his own hair and really didn’t need her help to clean up the edges and she swapped out the razor for her mug of coffee. “And you used to have all of those adorable curls.” She smiled fondly knowing the curls still appeared when he left his hair to grow out more but she could still spot a few on the top.

Clay huffed even though he was smiling. “They are a sand trap.” He reminded her knowing that one of the teams quick spin ups had them playing in the sandbox and when they returned home she had run her hand through his hair and complained about the sand that was left on her.

Emma laughed even though she agreed with him about that. “What’s prompted the haircut and shave? Not that I am complaining or anything.” She asked as she stepped back as he efficiently cleaned up after himself. There was something niggling at her that told her there was a purpose behind it but she wasn’t about to panic until she had good reason too.

Clay made quick work of cleaning up before he turned around to fully face Emma. “Think you could give me a ride once I am showered?” He asked even though he knew his car was parked up the driveway but he knew that if he drove that he would be in for one hell of a lecture because of how exhausted he was which made it unsafe for him to do so.

Emma was quietly shocked that Clay was asking to go out but she wasn’t about to stop him considering he had not had any interest in leaving at all. “Sure, you want to tell me where we are going?” She asked even as Clay was turning the shower on.

“Need you to take me to base.” Clay waited for Emma’s reaction and he could see the moment she hesitated. “I can’t keep hiding out, and Eric can’t keep making excuses for my absence. I need to talk to them and figure out what is next for me sweetheart.” It was the thing that he kept coming back to and he had to know in his heart that he had done everything he could as he really did not want his time on Bravo to end this way but if it had to then he wanted to feel like it was the only option.

Emma could see the determination in Clay’s bright blue eyes and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to talk him out of it. Somehow whether she agreed with it or not, she knew he needed it. “Okay, get showered.” She relented easily before she closed the door on the way out of the bathroom heading back to the kitchen to finish her coffee and clean up. She briefly wondered if she should call her Dad as she was sure that he wasn’t aware of Clay’s plan but decided against it instead she decided that she was not going to leave base even if she had to hang out in her car and for that she would need supplies.

Clay was a little speechless at Emma’s acceptance and he was sure that she would try to talk him out of doing what he planned to do but a part of him was glad that she hadn’t as he already was wavering on doing it. He stepped into the shower, having left it on cold in the hope that it would help his body to wake up a bit more, and pressed his forehead against the tiled wall as he had no idea what he was going to say but the limbo that he was in was slowly driving him crazy. Being in limbo wasn’t a foreign concept instead he had felt it many times before but this time was so vastly different because this time there was no reason for the limbo at least not like it had been after Manila.

Whatever the day would bring Clay would face willingly or unwilling he was yet to decide.

Emma had finished her coffee and begun to move around the house putting the book she was currently reading in her bag along with a bottle of water and a small bag of hard candy before she grabbed a sweater and a pair of sunglasses as she had no idea how long whatever it was that Clay intended on doing would take. She knew her Dad would bring him home but she didn’t really feel like coming back home to an empty house and being so far away not when she could be right outside in the parking lot waiting.

**_It’s Going To Take A Lot_ **

Clay looked over at Emma as she pulled into the closest park she could find on base after they had been authorised entry, and Clay had made sure that Emma could get back onto base. The short drive had been largely silent and it was unsettling. “You think I am making a mistake?” He asked as he unbuckled his seatbelt and turned in the seat so he was facing her.

Emma matched Clay’s actions as she freed herself from her own seatbelt before she turned around to completely face him. “No, I don’t. I just don’t understand the suddenness of it if I am being honest.” She knew that she had to be truthful; after all it was what they did.

Clay gave her a short nod before he let his eyes dance across the windscreen before they landed back on her. “You know after Manila I was in limbo for a long time. The doctors kept saying I had to be prepared, prepared not to operate, prepared not to live life normally, and I hated it. I hated the limbo of it all, and I am not a stranger to being in limbo. But there is something worse about it this time Em.” He paused feeling like he had inundated her and he needed to take a few deep breaths. “I don’t want my time on the teams to end like this Em, and I don’t know anything else other than Bravo as a Tier One Operator. If this is the end of either or both then I need to know with every fibre of my being that I did all I could.”

“We were all shell shocked and angry the other night, and before you say it I am not making excuses for them. I felt like shit, I still do. And I know it isn’t going to be a case of one conversation then everything goes back to normal. It’s going to take a lot, and it will never go back to the way it was, it didn’t last time with Sonny and I.” Clay wasn’t going to sugar coat things. “But I think we need to have a calm and rational conversation as a team before I make any decision because you said it best Em, team is all about trust.” He reached out and entwined his hand with hers. “Whatever happens in there doesn’t change anything that you may think or feel towards Ray and Sonny either. You have been hurt by them too.”

Emma felt the tell-tale prick of tears spike in her eyes before she raised their entwined hands and gently kissed Clay’s knuckles. “You are a good man Clay Spenser.” She gave her a soft smile despite her glassy eyes because despite everything he was still looking out for everyone else including her. “I am going to be right here once you are done. Don’t worry about how long it takes.”

“I love you sweetheart.” Clay leaned over the console and kissed her forehead as his other hand rose to her face and gently thumbed under her eyes as he hadn’t missed the tears that were ready and waiting to fall.

“I love you too babe.” Emma let her hand slip from Clay’s once she had spoken as she knew he needed to do what he was going to do.

**_It’s Going To Take A Lot_ **

Eric lent back in his chair wondering how the morning had barely started but it already felt as if the day should have been over, and if he felt that way then Jason surely had to feel it.

“How is he doing this morning?” Eric asked knowing that Jason was concerned even if he was doing his best not to show it although he had arrived on base and come straight to his office instead of going to the team room.

Jason needed more coffee desperately, and preferably spiked, but he knew he wouldn’t get any before he answered the question. “Looks about as good as he feels.” He shrugged knowing it wasn’t the best answer but it was probably the fairest.

“So not good then?” Eric had to ask for clarification.

“I’ve been up since just after 3 sitting on the porch with him Eric.” Jason informed him even though Eric already knew that Jason and Emma had been having turnabout at sitting up with Clay at night. “There’s something going on in his head but he won’t share it with me just yet and Emma doesn’t know either. I told her to try and get him out of the house today.”

Eric leaned forward with his elbows on his desk and pinched the bridge of his nose. “After everything that Clay has been through… what the hell were they thinking?” It was something he had been asking himself ever since he had been told what Ray and Sonny believed.

“I wish I knew.” Jason sounded defeated as he felt as tired as Eric sounded. “I should have pressed harder weeks ago when it first came to my attention.” He felt guilty too.

Eric looked up at Jason and shook his head. “We both saw it, you asked and were advised it would be sorted out without your involvement Jason. The only ones at fault here are Ray and Sonny. And I believe the only reason you really got an answer was because Trent and Brock pushed as hard as they did. Oh and by the way maybe get Brock punching a bag before he punches one of them.” Eric was surprised at how Brock’s calm nature had given way to one of absolute fury, and he hoped that either Jason or Trent could combat it before he exploded at the wrong person or he broke himself. And he held a bit of guilt to because he had seen it but hadn’t bothered to intervene figuring they would sort it between themselves.

“We’ve got to figure something out, I just don’t even know where to begin right now.” Jason begrudgingly admitted.

The sound of Eric and Jason’s phones going off simultaneously startled both men as they sat in Eric’s office trying to come up with some sort of plan although they had barely started. It was strange that Lisa was texting all of them to meet her in the briefing room urgently.

“Do you know what this is about?” Jason asked already out of the chair he had been sitting in and heading for the door.

“No, not a clue.” Eric frowned following closely behind Jason only pausing to close his door on the way out.

**_It’s Going To Take A Lot_ **

Clay sat drumming his fingertips against the table top as he waited in the briefing room which with Lisa’s help he had managed to take over, and he knew she had sent out the message demanding everyone to come immediately to it once she had confirmed that everyone was on base. The room was the perfect place on base for the conversation to take place as it was private and secure which meant no one could walk in on them without them getting prior warning nor would anyone overhear if things spiralled out of control although Clay hoped for a calm conversation which would provide him answers to the questions he had.

Lisa was watching Clay from where she was perched on the edge of the desk opposite him. “Do you want Eric and I to stay?” She asked softly unsure why exactly Clay was on base and had asked her to assemble everyone although she was sure that Jason had no idea of whatever it was that their youngest had planned.

Clay paused in his movements as he met Lisa’s eyes knowing he owed her an individual conversation in which he had to profusely apologise for how closed off he had been with her but that would have to wait. “It would be best if you did.” It was a simple answer but one that meant a lot to her. He hadn’t given her much in the way of explanation but yet she was still helping him.

Lisa felt herself panic momentarily as there was something in Clay’s voice that caused it. If she didn’t know him better then she would have thought he was about to tell them he was done but he had to fight. “Clay, have you thought about this? What you are doing here?” She probably should have asked that before she had sent the group message out but she hadn’t thought too.

“This needs to happen Lis.” Clay answered as his fingers resumed their light tapping against the table top because despite how bad he felt he needed to know once and for all.

Lisa smiled despite her worry as Clay hadn’t called her ‘Lis’ since the reason for the animosity and poor treatment of him came to light, and while it had only been a short time she still had missed it. “I am going to wait outside for them so they can all come in at once. Okay?” She pushed herself off of the desk.

“Lis, I love you.” Clay felt the need to say it to her wanting to remind her of it.

Lisa stopped and smiled at him as she felt relieved. “I love you too blue eyes.” It was all they had to say for things to be okay with them and they would be.

“Thanks Lis.” Clay gave her a small smile before he watched her walk out of the room and close the door behind her leaving him alone and he needed the last few minutes to himself to sort out how to do this as he still hadn’t managed to figure it out.

**_It’s Going To Take A Lot_ **

Lisa had leant up against the wall with her head tipped back against it and her eyes were firmly fixed on the ceiling above her once she got out of the room as she set about to wait. She knew once she walked the men through the door that there were only two possibilities in how they walked out – either as a team or no longer a team – although she silently questioned if Clay realised that despite being the one to call for the meeting.

The past few days had been a whirlwind and she never thought she would watch as Bravo seemingly self-destructed from the inside out but she had in an agonisingly slow way like the moments before an impact that seem to slow down painfully so before the impact is hard and terrifying. But then again she never thought she would watch two of the men turn on another, never watch Ray and Sonny turn on Clay the way they had, and the reason that they had was unjustifiable to their actions as far as she was concerned.

The sound of heavy footsteps made her tip her head forward and brace herself because until all the men were there she would not be letting them into the room nor could she tell them what she didn’t know herself. She held her hand up as Trent was the first to arrive looking a little more frantic than she intended her message to make.

“Davis, everything okay?” Trent asked as he came to a hard stop in front of her wondering why she was standing outside of the briefing room instead of in it.

Lisa couldn’t answer Trent’s question even if she wanted to as she truly had no idea if everything was going to be okay. “We are waiting for everyone else before we go inside.” She kept it simple, made it sound like an order, and not a suggestion. She didn’t miss the look that came from Trent which showed his worry.

Before Trent could question her further Cerberus barked loudly announcing his and Brock’s arrival as they came around the corner and stopped in front of him and Lisa. “Any reason we are waiting outside?” Brock asked as he crouched down to give Cerb a pat.

“We’re waiting.” Trent said in a tone that told Brock and Lisa that he was unhappy with the answer he was giving and had been given as he waved his hand towards Lisa lazily as if to say she was stopping them which she was.

“Okay…” Brock trailed off hesitantly as he searched Lisa for any clue as to what was going on but she was not giving anything away. “Not even going to give us a hint as to why you called us here?” He asked as he rose back to his full height and lent back against the wall as he may as well be comfortable while they waited for whatever it was they were waiting for.

Luckily or unluckily Jason and Eric appeared just seconds after Brock had spoken but from the confused looks on their faces they didn’t know why everyone had been summoned either. “Lisa, what’s going on?” Eric asked in a demanding tone that implied he was not impressed that he had not been given any forward notice and beating Jason to asking the very same question.

Lisa shrugged lightly and tried to communicate with Eric silently to just wait a little longer and help her.

“You get us here urgently and you won’t let us in the room. What the hell is going on?” Jason’s foul mood was uncontrollable and he didn’t appreciate standing in the hall outside of the briefing room that Lisa seemed to be guarding like her life depended on it. If he hadn’t been so annoyed he probably would have engaged his brain a bit more and worked to figure out what was going on but that wasn’t happening.

Ray and Sonny rounded the corner seemingly not in any hurry but both came to an abrupt stop, shared a look at each other, before the resolutely hung their heads and looked at the floor.

“What don’t you get about the word urgent?” Lisa snapped startling all of the men as she didn’t like this any more than any of them did, and the last thing she needed was them to dawdle when everyone was edgy as they were.

“We were at the range, took us a minute to get across base and store our weapons before getting here Davis.” Sonny offered softly as the days of anger that had been directed at him was beginning to wear although he was the first one to admit he had made a colossal screw up. And he wasn’t surprised that Lisa seemed even shorter with him than the rest as he was sure he had inadvertently caused terrible memories to surface when he had stupidly accused Clay of what he had.

Lisa blew out a breath slowly before she looked around at all the men who seemed to be debating if they should say anything or keep quiet or if they should force themselves past her or wait for an invite. It wasn’t hard to see how it was wearing on all of them, not one of them didn’t have dark circles under their eyes, or have a bone deep weariness about them. If she didn’t know better then she would have put it down to a rough mission but she did, and that knowledge settled her even less. She let the uncomfortable silence hang in the air for a few more moments before she pushed her weary body off of the wall, swiped her card, entered the code then opened the door and walked in knowing they would all follow her.

**_It’s Going To Take A Lot_ **

Clay met Lisa’s eyes as she walked back into the room and gave her a subtle nod before she moved towards the desk, and he could see the mixture of emotions and the rise of questions in everyone else’s faces as they saw him sitting at the table. “Everyone grab a seat.” Clay instructed softly as he let his hand sweep back and forth over the table although he wasn’t surprised that Eric went and sat at the chair that was by the desk that Lisa had perched herself back on.

Jason had stilled for a few seconds at seeing Clay sitting uneasily in the briefing room at the table. It was a stark contrast to how comfortable he usually was in there as normally he would be slouched back in his seat, a coffee in his hand, and maybe even his feet up on the table but not today, not in this surprise move, instead he was sat upright almost as if he was at attention and his fingertips were nervously moving across the table top. A gentle shove from Eric was enough to get him moving again and he made his way across to Clay taking what was Sonny’s usual seat at the table as Clay was in his own. He let his hand rest with a small squeeze on Clay’s shoulder before he retracted it.

Clay watched as Jason sat to his left while Brock then Trent sat to his right, and opposite him was Ray in his usual chair with Sonny beside him so he was opposite Brock instead of Jason which was probably a wise choice, and just beyond them were Eric and Lisa. The tension in the room ticked up another notch as they all settled in and the silence lapsed over them.

“Calm and rational.” Clay broke the silence as he repeated the words that he had been thinking of a lot. “We are going to sit here, stay calm, be rational, and speak openly and honestly as a team.”

There were many varied looks directed at Clay that ranged from shocked to acceptance to hesitant and if he wasn’t mistaken a look of pride from one person in particular.

“And for the record before we even begin, nothing that is said in here is going to change or impact what Emma thinks or feels. You have hurt her, and for that she needs to control what happens in regards to her relationship with the both of you.” Clay’s hand had stilled on the table as he made it clear that whatever the outcome was after everything that Emma still had the right to decide her own outcome.

Jason glanced at Clay for a split second as he felt a surge of pride well up in him at the way Clay was making it perfectly clear that Emma had every right to her thoughts and feelings no matter what happened. Of course Clay would put Emma first, he had always done so.

Sonny looked at Clay, really looked at him, as it was the first time he had seen him since Naima had ushered them out of Jason’s house on that hellish day. It wasn’t hard to see that Clay was hurting if a person knew how to look, and Sonny could see the pain even though it was well shielded. “I should have come to you, asked you to explain, instead of jumping to conclusions Clay. I’m sorry for that.” Sonny spoke first as he really was sorry for the way he had acted. He wasn’t good with apologising or talking about his feelings for that matter but he would push through if it meant fixing things.

Clay leant forward a little bit. “So you are sorry for jumping to the conclusion but not the conclusion itself?” He knew he had meant to let them say their piece but there was something about the apology from Sonny that irked him more than it probably should have but he was going to blame a lack of sleep that had him struggling to contain his emotions and stick to his own plan. He heard a sharp intake of air from beside him and knew it was from Jason but he needed the answer even if he did not like it.

Sonny furrowed his brow at the question itself for a few seconds before he realised what it was that he said or rather how it sounded but then he and Ray still didn’t have answer on what exactly was going on between him and Emma except that Jason clearly approved of it. “The conclusion seems pretty logical given the evidence presented.” It wasn’t the type of answer that Sonny would usually give but it had to be said.

Clay tipped his head back against the top of the chair frustrated as he blinked heavily whilst looking up at the ceiling as he inhaled and exhaled slowly so that he didn’t snap. A few moments longer, a few more breaths, and Clay tipped his head back so he could look at Sonny who was the only offering anything at the moment. “Your logical conclusion was I play the _victim_ and take _advantage_ of Emma while letting Jase play _Daddy_.” Clay threw the words back at Sonny as they still stung.

Eric’s jaw dropped as Jason certainly had left that piece of information out, and one look across to Jason told him that he was incensed by that comment along with the others. Lisa was to stunned to say anything as she couldn’t imagine how painful those words were for Clay to hear especially from someone he considered a brother.

Sonny winced and shifted uncomfortably in his seat before he took his cap off, ran his hands through his hair then replaced his cap. Those words would haunt him for a long time, and the more he thought about it the more he realised that maybe this time the damage he had done would be to much. “I was angry, outraged, and scared that Emma was going to get hurt.” He turned to Jason. “I love that girl like my own, you know that, have since the moment she ran up to me with those little pigtails and that gap in her front teeth and attached herself to my legs. I just wanted to protect her. I was just trying to protect her even though I went about it the wrong way, I know that, I admit that.”

“And you didn’t think that I was protecting my daughter?” Jason growled at the insinuation that Sonny had made. It sure seemed like the Texan was putting his foot in his mouth an awful lot. He would lay down his life for his daughter, and there should never be any doubt about that.

“We were worried you had blinders on Jay.” Ray finally spoke knowing that he and Sonny’s primary concern had been Emma as it was the only way they could see the end result being. The look of bewilderment that crossed Jason’s face briefly was enough to spur Ray into giving more of an explanation. “Emma and Clay have been and still are spending an awful lot of time together, and there were several small things that when added up came up big. And it was in your home. Whether you were around or not, it seemed like you weren’t seeing what we were seeing.”

“Well you need to go relearn your basic mathematics.” Brock could not stop the smart ass comment from coming out of his mouth with a sneer to accompany it. “And get your damn eyes checked.”

“What is it that you think I wasn’t seeing Ray?” Jason’s tone was sharp as he knew the truth, had known it all along, and if they had cared enough to ask then this all could have been avoided, every single bit of it.

“Come on Jay, you practically have moved him in with you and Emma for the past two weeks. Emma is curled around him protectively just as he is around her.” Ray pointed out although Clay spent far more nights at Jason’s house then he did at his own it seemed even before then. “Emma is spending far more time at home, studying remotely, and there hasn’t been a single reason for the sudden change to her routine as far as any of us are aware.”

“Have you asked her Ray? No, you haven’t.” Jason’s retort was sharp and Ray suddenly felt like he was missing a very large piece of the puzzle.

“You know I haven’t asked her. But maybe you should have trusted enough to tell us.” Ray spat back quickly but before anything more could escalate Clay hit his hand down on the table stilling everyone and once more silencing the room. The last thing any of them needed was for it to descend into an all out slanging match which it was quickly heading towards.

Clay knew it was time for a small confession, one that he was ashamed of, but it would fill in a piece of the puzzle. “Two weeks ago, I went out to a shitty bar on the other side of town and got so wasted I couldn’t even walk. I was trying to forget how it felt to suddenly feel like an outsider. I was drinking myself to death so that I could just stop trying to figure out why the two of you suddenly hated me. The barman had to call Jason to come and get me because it wasn’t even noon.” Clay didn’t miss the look that Trent sent his and Jason’s way as he certainly had not been advised. “So part of the reason Jase has been keeping me close is so that I didn’t actually succeed in drinking myself to death.”

Jason had not been prepared for Clay’s admission as it was something he had kept closely guarded as the last thing he wanted to do was give Ray and Sonny any more ammunition to use against Clay at the time. And he hadn’t told Brock and Trent because at the time he felt it was best to stay silent. The look from Trent told him that they would be having a serious conversation later about not advising him or calling him to check on Clay.

“So there’s your answer as to why I have been at Jason’s with him and Emma.” Clay shrugged knowing his admission hung heavily in the air but considering everything else it seemed minor.

“Spense.” Brock sucked in a short breath feeling as if he had been knocked off balance by the admission as he really hadn’t expected it from him. The fact that Clay had willingly gone to the other side of town and to a rough bar to drink himself into oblivion was concerning as it made him realise just how much they had missed or rather let slide by in the hopes that things would sort themselves out. The only thing that Brock was happy about was that Clay had the awareness to give Jason’s number to the barman, and that the barman had the decency to call him.

Clay shook his head before he glanced over at Lisa wishing that he hadn’t asked her and Eric to stay, and silently communicated ‘ _I’m sorry’_ to her with his eyes which she acknowledged with a single subtle nod even though she really did not know what he was about to do. “I don’t get it.” The tension heightened with those four words and if their attention was not already on him then it would have been quickly as he shook his head as if he was trying to figure it out. “I don’t get why you continually choose to see the worst in me when it comes to those I care about, those of the female sex.” And that was the crux of it, he really didn’t understand why Sonny always seemed to think the worst of him, first it was Lisa and now it was Emma.

A quick glance at Lisa was all Clay could spare as he realised the look of recognition she had on her face and it made him even more unsettled. There was absolutely no part of him that wanted to cause her pain or bring up painful memories but he was because there was a past history of accusations on Sonny’s behalf and it could not be ignored. Clay turned his attention back to Ray and Sonny quickly with Ray looking back at him with a profound frown while Sonny was staring pointedly at the table avoiding looking at anyone.

“I can see how bad it looks.” Ray admitted and paused. “With past history and everything.”

“That still doesn’t give me an answer to what exactly it is that makes you see me this way. I mean I have never, not once, treated any women poorly. I mean after everything that happened with Stella I still never treated her poorly. Never raised my voice, certainly never laid my hands on them in a violent manner, nothing that would warrant this continued allegations as far as I can tell.” Clay paused feeling his aggravation rise which was not helping to make him feel better although none of this conversation had provided clarity as of yet. “And it amazes me in this modern world that we live in that neither of you seem to believe that a man and a woman can be friends without anything sexual, or had the forward thinking to ask before persecuting. I just want you to explain it to me.”

Truthfully Ray didn’t have an answer for Clay nor could he give him anything that would explain it any further. “So what is going on between you and Emma? I mean really going on.” Ray asked instead wanting to hear it in Clay’s own words, a courtesy he should have extended to him over a month ago when he first begun to get curious. The reality was it might have been too late but he had to know. Ray had known the moment that Naima had begun yelling at him on the day that their reasoning had been unveiled that he had made a monumental screw up, one that would have lasting repercussions.

“That question is a bit late.” Trent spoke up disappointed in his brothers actions as it should have been the first question that was asked before anything even eventuated or was carried on. And for a moment he wondered if it mattered or if they would even listen and believe what Clay said if he did answer the question.

“Didn’t we cover this already the other night. Wasn’t it made clear enough?” There was a bit of saltiness in Clay’s voice but more evident was the tiredness at having to explain himself once again. It seriously felt like they were going around in circles because once again Ray deflected giving them all a real reason for his actions. “I mean I thought that Em made it perfectly clear but for some reason or another you do not want to believe or listen to what I have told you, what Em has told you, and what Jason had told you.” This really was not going how Clay had planned at all, and the idea of being calm and rational was quickly fading.

“Clay.” Eric’s voice was soft but commanding as he hadn’t wanted to intervene but it seemed to him that Ray and Sonny were not going to be able to move forward away from the idea until they were given reassurances. “Maybe it would be best for you to reiterate it for one final time, make it clear to everyone.” If looks could kill then Eric would be dead. It wasn’t that it wasn’t clear already but hopefully it would settle things or at least move things forward.

Clay childishly rolled his eyes at Eric’s suggestion but he could see what he was trying to do even though it felt like he shouldn’t have too. “For the last time, I am not having any sexual relationship with Emma or anyone else for the record, nor have I or will I ever take advantage of Emma or any other woman.” Clay’s voice was harsh, harsher than he intended but he seriously was tired of the insinuation that he was.

The silence came over the room as Clay pushed his chair back from the table then stood up with his hands going to the back of his head and his fingers scrubbing through the fresh cut short hair as he turned his back on everyone. Being calm and rational was harder than it should have been, and within seconds Clay was crouched down on the ground with his elbows rested on his knees as he felt sick once more although the feeling had not left him in the past month or so.

Trent was watching closely and the moment Clay crouched down with his chest heaving and his back to them had Trent moving out of his seat and crouching down at Clay’s side. “Hey kiddo, you want to stop?” Trent asked softly, his voice quiet but it was still heard in the silent room. He already knew that Clay would not stop as it was clear that he had a specific reason for all of this.

Clay didn’t bother to move his head as he was sure that if he did then he would be scrambling for the nearest bin and that would not be pleasant for himself or anyone else as the nausea was rising with his stress levels. “Give me a minute.” He managed to murmur after a few more breaths although they were doing little to help calm the rising swell inside of him.

Trent shook his head at Jason not pleased but unsurprised at Clay knowing he would push through it. Trent wasn’t impressed that Clay felt the need to push through when they were home even though in the field it was different story. “I want you to drink some water before we resume.” Trent was concerned given the fragile state Clay’s body was already in after weeks of constant stress had drained him.

Clay let his eyelids close heavily as the thought of water sloshing around in his already overactive stomach did nothing to help him get the rising nausea under control despite how hard he was trying. “Not going to happen just yet.” He whispered hoping that Trent wouldn’t protest as he really didn’t have it in him.

Trent frowned and it only deepened as he shifted to see that Clay was looking fairly green and the way he was swallowing signalled that he was doing his absolute upmost not to throw up. Dehydration was not a good thing either but for the moment Trent was not going to enforce Clay drinking water. “Alright, you can drink some water afterwards.” It wasn’t often that he relented but he was going to make an exception this time as he really did not want Clay to throw up as he knew he was still not eating that well.

Clay was grateful as he finally managed to get his breathing under control although he was sure the embarrassment of falling apart in front of everyone would linger for a while longer. He took a few more seconds before he pushed himself back up to his feet with Trent copying his actions. “I’m good.” He said quickly although he knew no one believed him as he turned around and retook his seat at the table with Trent doing the same.

Jason desperately wanted this whole thing to end even though he could see the look of determination in Clay’s eyes and the way he had set his jaw although that may have had to do with the way Clay had paled more than anything else. The fact that Trent was letting Clay continue at least appeased the desperation he felt minutely although he didn’t like it at all. If didn’t mean he wasn’t going to watch Clay closely and pull rank if he had too although at this point it seemed like a very bad idea.

“Romeo needs my answer within the next 24 hours.” Clay announced once again feeling the shift in the room as he knew he had dragged the decision out but it was a large part of why he was sitting where he was feeling terrible. It was clearly news to Jason, Brock and Trent as well as Eric and Lisa – not that he was thinking about transferring but that there was a deadline. “Or the other option is I take early retirement, walk away from the Navy now. And I can take it, I have checked into it.” That part was definitely a surprise to absolutely everyone as he had kept that line of thinking pretty quiet but it was time to consider his options although he had mentioned it to Emma as they laid in bed together.

Eric stood up alarmed as he did not realise just how far things had gone although a part of him thought he should have considered it. “Hold on, why are you suddenly talking about early retirement?” There was no more time to sit on the side-line and watch it play out only stepping in occasionally not when one of the finest damn operators was thinking of walking away from what he loved. The bewilderment seemed to be shared throughout the room, and one look at Jason told Eric everything he needed to know which was that he had no idea the thought had even crossed Clay’s mind, and that he was as blindsided as the rest of them.

Clay looked at Eric and could sense the panic in the room at his words. “What are the chances I transfer to Romeo and someone lets it slip what happened for me to request a transfer? If two people who are supposed to be my brothers don’t trust me then how is anyone else meant too?” A drunken and angry Sonny could definitely tell anyone in the brotherhood the reason for the transfer, and both Ray and Sonny had long standing history with many other men in DEVGRU. “Not everyone has gotten past my last name either.” That was another sore point; it didn’t matter how many times he as a part of Bravo worked with the other teams there were also some who wouldn’t see anything other than that he was Ash Spenser’s son. “Or maybe I don’t want to be a Tier One Operator if I am not with Bravo.” There was a whole list of reasons as to why it was an option that Clay had to take into serious consideration.

“Spense, why didn’t you say anything?” Brock felt as shocked as everyone else but he was listening and he could understand the logic that Clay was applying as he weighed his options although they were shitty options. After all, hadn’t they made it clear that Clay was not going to be leaving for another team, hell Jason had told Ray and Sonny to start looking elsewhere but Clay hadn’t been in the room to hear that announcement.

“About what Brock?” Clay snapped before he sent an apologetic look Brock’s way.

Eric could see that the bomb that Clay had dropped was not well received and he could not blame them but he could not blame Clay as well. “Clear the room, wait outside in the hall. Everyone except Clay.” Now was the time for Eric to step in, pull rank per say.

“Woah, hold up there just a minute?” Sonny glared at Eric before he turned it Clay’s way. “So that’s it, you don’t give us a chance to fix this? Instead you choose to run away.”

“Sonny!” Jason growled standing to his full height. He may have not liked that Clay was considering leaving the Navy entirely but there was no way he was going to sit there and listen as Sonny accused Clay of being a coward, and if he really believed that the opportunity had not been extended to them to fix things then he was sorely mistaken.

Clay snorted derisively as he stood up and placed his hand on Jason’s shoulder knowing the man was not happy with him or anyone else for that matter but silently communicating to him that he had it. “I didn’t give you a chance to fix this… is that what you are really saying to me right now?” Clay asked pointing between himself and Sonny animatedly.

“Damn right! You came in here, demanded an explanation, and then try to make us feel guilty by saying that you can’t be a Tier One Operator if you are not Bravo.” Sonny threateningly spoke as he waved his hands around wildly knowing he should shut up but it was like his mouth had a mind of its own and apparently it did not have a filter either.

“The only ones that have blinders on around here are you and Ray if you really think I haven’t given you any chances. For the past goddamn hellish month I have tried everything. Tried to get you to talk to me. Tried to give you space. Tried to figure out what I was supposed to have done. I never complained, never yelled, never openly disregarded anything from either of you. Instead I let you treat me like shit and I can assure you it has made me feel like shit!” Clay’s voice was raised by the end before he shook his head feeling himself begin to shake once again. “You have both made it clear that you don’t trust me, don’t want me around, so please oh wise one tell me how the hell I am supposed to believe and trust that you have my back when we are out in the field when you couldn’t even speak to me about what you two believed!” There was a calm yet deadly tone to Clay’s voice.

“Are you really questioning my ability to separate the personal from the professional? Do you really believe that I wouldn’t have your back out in the field?” Sonny was angry and his tone matched Clay’s as they stood across the table from each other.

“You haven’t given me a lot to go on for the past month or so. As I said you always seem to think the worst of me.” Clay was suddenly resigned as he slumped back down in the chair as the nausea once again seemed intent on kicking his ass while he was already down. It seemed that history did repeat itself in some circumstances.

Eric had never ever seen things so explosive within the ranks of Bravo before and they had been through rough times before but this was an entirely new level. “Enough!” Eric roared, he hated to raise his voice and only did it when it was absolutely necessary which it was this time as he certainly did not need the men jumping across the table and tearing each other apart. It certainly would not solve anything either. “Clear the room and don’t make me order you again. Spenser stays, and the rest of you are not to leave the hallway.”

Jason refused to move and he only looked up at Eric silently challenging him but Eric relented quickly because at the end of the day Jason was Bravo’s Master Chief.

Eric waited until Lisa had closed the door behind her as she was the last one out of the room, and he had to admit he felt a bit sorry as he knew that she would end up being the referee for the men as Brock and Trent were angry at Ray and Sonny before he took Jason’s usual seat and looked across the table at both men. There were a lot of concerns that he had but one that seemed to be quickly rising to the top of the list was Clay’s health as it had not escaped his notice that his hands were trembling or how pale he had been and increasingly was becoming. It had surprised him that Clay had openly admitted that he wasn’t feeling well and hadn’t been for the last few weeks at least because of the toll it was taking on him. There was something about Clay Spenser that made Eric want to protect him, actually almost everyone that really knew him felt that way towards him. “Let’s just put everything aside for a second, and I want to tell me honestly how you are feeling?” Although Eric knew that Trent was right outside and would have been monitoring Clay closely there was a part of him that was considering dragging Clay over to the infirmary to be checked out by a doctor who wasn’t aware of everything that was going on and would give an unbiased opinion.

Clay knew this part of the conversation would not be between Lieutenant Commander and Petty Officer but between Eric and Clay however it did not mean that he was not going to be weary with his words. “I feel like shit, I have made no secret of that.” He ran his hand over his face tiredly as his shoulders slumped. The stress had taken its toll on his body in more ways then way, and he had to admit that it was worrying him as he had never had this reaction before but he also knew that the recommended treatment would be to reduce his stress which was not going to happen the longer this kept going on.

“I know that Clay, I do.” Eric did know as he had spoken at length with Jason about it. It wasn’t hard to see that Clay had lost a decent amount of weight either but it was understandable with the nausea he was experiencing. “Now, we need to talk about you looking at retirement.” The switch was switched with ease.

Jason leaned forward in his chair still a little shell shocked at the morning’s events and more so at Clay’s declaration. “I had no idea you were thinking about retiring. I knew you were considering transferring to Romeo.” There was a hint of melancholy in Jason’s voice as he would do anything to keep the kid with him on Bravo.

Clay sighed softly, tiredly. “Look at everything Jase.” He shrugged lightly as if it was meant to explain everything but he knew he would have to speak. “Ray and Sonny hate me and they don’t trust me. It won’t be long before that bleeds through to any other team I might transfer too. Ash is always going to be a stain on me despite anything and everything that I do.” He paused and had to look down at the ground for a few moments to get his emotions under control. “I wanted to be able to sit down and talk with them, be calm and rational, and despite everything that has been said here this morning, can you honestly say that you believe that they no longer think there is anything going on between Emma and I? Because I don’t.”

Eric had only once ever seen Jason looked so conflicted before and that was in the days and weeks following Alana’s tragic death but he was sitting seeing the same thing again. It was a fair but hard question that Clay had posed as Eric didn’t think that Ray and Sonny really believed him.

Jason wanted to punch someone or better yet throttle the two men who had caused this to begin with. Truthfully he didn’t believe that Ray and Sonny’s way of thinking had changed especially given how they continued to defend or deflect even though there had been an apology (or several) made. “No kid, I don’t.” He admitted softly feeling like he had just taken away the last bit of hope that Clay had given the quick look of despair that dashed across his face before he nodded and lowered his head down.

“It’s always going to be an issue.” Clay admitted solemnly although he hated it.

“But it’s their issue Clay, not yours.” Eric was quick to assert surprising both men as they looked up at him. “You and Emma from my understanding have both explained yourselves even though you should not have had too because at the end of the day what happens between you and Emma or anyone else for that matter is between those directly involved. And it certainly should not have affected your place on the team.”

Clay looked up after he had hastily swiped his hand over his face. “I don’t know what to do.” The tremble in his voice did not go unnoticed by either man. “Something personal has bled all over the team.” It wasn’t easy to divide personal and professional when they were as close as they were but it had to be done at times. “And I don’t know whether it is something that can be fixed.”

“That was what this was about.” Jason tapped his knuckles against the table top as it dawned on him why Clay had gotten Lisa to hold an impromptu meeting that caught them all by surprise.

“Yeah.” Clay answered dejectedly before he drew his bottom lip in between his teeth and chewed on it hard enough that he tasted the metallic taste of his own blood but it didn’t stop him.

Eric and Jason shared a worried glance and a silent conversation about how to move forward before Eric shook his head and focused back on Clay. “Clay.” Eric waited until he noticed the trickle of blood that was beginning to trail down his chin. “Stop biting, you are making yourself bleed.” His voice was full of concern as he watched Jason turn around fully towards Clay before he rolled backwards and grabbed a couple of tissues which he quickly passed to Clay. Eric waited a few more moments as he watched Clay diligently dab at his lip after he had wiped the blood from his chin before he leaned forward in his seat. “Clay, Jason and I are going to do everything in our power to sort this but I need you to tell me that it is what you want. Do you want to stay on Bravo and continue being a Tier One Operator?” It may not have been that simple but it also was that simple.

Clay swallowed thickly feeling so conflicted as what Emma had said the other night repeated over and over in his head. “It’s not that black and white. What I want might not be what is best for the team.” That was the stark reality of it and at the end of it all it came down to if the fracture could be repaired and how it would be done.

“Put that aside, focus on yourself for the moment. Be selfish.” Jason implored hating the confliction in Clay but also hating how unselfish he was being because he was acknowledging that he would willing step away so as not to endanger any of them further.

“I said it the other day… that I didn’t think my time on Bravo would end like this.” Clay repeated his words from the morning

“Okay.” Eric said as Jason nodded in understanding as they had seemingly deduced the same result from Clay’s answer, and they would do everything in their power to make sure Clay stayed with Bravo after all it was his family.

**_It’s Going To Take A Lot_ **

The moment Lisa stepped out of the room and closed the door she took a look at the men. Brock with Cerb at his side was raiding the vending machine that was nearby and it looked as though he was going to buy as much candy and chocolate as he could until someone stopped him or the machine was emptied which meant he was really worried which in fairness they were. Trent had gone to stand at the window that faced out over the grounds with his back turned on everyone else but Lisa had worked with him long enough to see how tense he was and more concerning was the concern that he had for Clay. Ray and Sonny were stood together rested back against the opposite wall silently and broodingly.

Lisa took a deep breath before she made her way over to the two men who had caused more harm than they had even realised, and she was angry for that but she was also angry that Clay had begun to put distance in between them because of everything that it bought back up from a rather painful time in her life. She waited until they both looked up at her and watched as they shifted on their feet. “What is it?” She demanded knowing that there was something that they were holding back as they remained steadfast in their belief.

“What?” Ray asked.

“Don’t play dumb with me, either of you. What is it that you haven’t said but is making you dig in on this insane idea of yours?” Lisa’s voice was harsh and she felt the shift in the air as she knew that Trent and Brock were both listening although they did not move from where they were or stop what they were doing.

Lisa was growing angrier with both men by their continued silence and the short glances they were sharing with each other although they were nowhere near as inconspicuous as they thought they were. “I really don’t know if you are being blind, dumb, stubborn or you really are just a combination of all three. This has gone on far too long!” She stated exasperated with them. “Do you not realise that right now, that in there has the potential to change everything? You hurt your little brother and your niece, both who you claim to love, yet you continue to hurt both of them.” Lisa shook her head and turned right around although she had no idea why she did that.

“Clay has condoms and tampons in his bathroom cabinet.” Ray blurted out having learned it from Naima after she had stopped by one day and had gone to put away a few of the supplies that she bought him as she picked him up a special soap that was supposed to have scar reducing qualities which had her enquiring as to whether Clay had a new woman in his life, one that he was romantically involved with.

“Yeah and we know you and Emma sleep there at times, different times mind you but still.” Sonny fumbled over his words as he was hesitant to point out Lisa’s involvement with Clay although they were aware that the two were close.

The two outbursts had Brock with Cerb tucked into his side and with his armful of candy and chocolate abandoning his raid on the almost empty machine while Trent spun around with his brow pinched. Both men moved to flank Lisa although they kept well back.

“Hold up, this is all based on a box of condoms and tampons in his bathroom cabinet?” Trent bet Lisa to asking that as he was amazed at the leap that had been made although he was increasingly unsurprised by their stupidity.

“And what is wrong with having condoms and tampons in a bathroom cabinet?” Lisa couldn’t believe the stupidity of the men in front of her.

“It’s strange when there isn’t a live in girlfriend or wife.” Ray answered as if it explained everything. “No male keeps tampons in stock if he lives alone.”

“Are you really going to tell me right now that you don’t have a box of condoms stashed at either of your houses somewhere?” Lisa asked in disbelief of the words coming out of her mouth.

“Condoms and tampons Lisa.” Ray pointed out, sure he had them in his house but he had a wife.

Lisa pinched the bridge of her nose frustrated with the men. “Having condoms and tampons in a bathroom cabinet is not a crime.” She pointed out as if they were idiots which they were. “And anyway, you said it yourself, Em and I both end up crashing there at nights with Clay, and we do in fact use the bathroom and have periods. If you had looked around more, not that you should have been snooping in the first place, you probably would have found at least a half dozen hair ties that we have left around, you would have found the toothbrush that I have at his, you would have seen a whole lot of things that don’t necessary fit into your ridiculous idea of what a single man should have or not have in his bathroom or his home for that matter.”

Ray could concede that Lisa had a fair point and he let out a ragged sounding sigh as his shoulders dropped in realisation of how ridiculous it all sounded before he looked over at Sonny who seemed hesitant to admit it.

Brock had hastily unwrapped and shoved an entire chocolate bar into his mouth before he chewed and swallowed it down like a starved man before he looked at both men after a quick glance at the closed door. “You learned Clay has condoms and tampons in his bathroom cabinet then decided that he was taking advantage of Emma while playing Jason. How you made that leap I have no idea but you did. You treated him like crap, beyond crap actually. And you broke him.” Brock repeated Emma’s words as she had been the one to point out that they had broken Clay. “He’s family, from the first day he joined the team, he became our little brother, and yet you threw it all away over a box of condoms and tampons in his bathroom cabinet.” He stopped to emphasis his point. “Were you even listening that night after we picked Clay to be a part of Bravo when Adam sat down with us with a beer? Do you remember him saying that Clay struggled to be a part of a team, be part of a family, because he had not really ever known what it was like? Do you remember your responses? Because I do, I remember them. And yet you did the very same thing that almost everyone else has done in his lifetime, you threw him to the wolves, made him out to be something he wasn’t, and you made him withdraw.” His tone was sharp, the words delivered with a sting but it needed to be said and he hadn’t even begun to address what all of this had done to Emma but he had to be careful about that considering he witnessed what he considered to be a private conversation between father and daughter.

Lisa reached her hand out and placed it on Brock’s forearm even as she kept her eyes on both men in front of her as she watched the impact of Brock’s words on them. There was nothing more that could be said because Brock had said it all except for maybe one thing. “You need to make this right and you just have to hope he decides to be the better man and forgive you. But if he doesn’t then not one of us will hold it against him.”

**_It’s Going To Take A Lot_ **

Eric stepped out of the room into the hallway and paused immediately at the scene in front of him although he was pleased that no one looked worse for wear nor were there any signs of blood which could have been a real possibility given the anger and bitterness that was directed at Ray and Sonny. “Right, here is what is going to happen right now.” Eric looked at everyone seeing that Lisa was crouched down with Cerb sat in between her legs as she kissed his head and patted him continuously while Brock had an armful of candy and chocolate that was sure to be confiscated so he did not eat it all at once, Trent was rested back against the wall with his head tipped back and his eyelids closed, and then they were Ray and Sonny who were stood against the opposite wall. It was clear to Eric that something had happened while he had been in with Jason and Clay but what he didn’t know and he was not going to ask about it just yet or at all depending on how things progressed. “Brock, Trent and Lisa are going to go back in, and we are going to wait for thirty minutes. Perry, Quinn, thirty minutes is all you get. You are getting thirty minutes, or less as you may return earlier, to figure out what your next step or steps are, and if you do step into that room then I expect you to behave and explain yourselves. If you do not take the opportunity that is being afforded to you then I will start looking into other options on how Bravo is to move forward. But a word of warning gentlemen, you might not like my decisions.”

“You can’t transfer us off the team!” Ray protested despite knowing that Eric could and he had no doubt that Jason would approve it if it came to that.

Eric glared angrily at both men but particularly at Ray. “I will do what is best for Bravo unlike either of what the two of you demonstrated.” His words were stern and promised that it would happen if they couldn’t sort things out themselves.

Lisa stood up much to Cerb’s disappointment but it was quickly forgotten as she murmured for him to go to Clay as she moved towards the door with Brock and Trent moving after her leaving Eric to deal with any more of the men’s protests although he didn’t wait either instead he followed behind Trent and shut the door behind him.

Clay barely had time to lean back in his seat as Cerb scrambled over to him, jumped up into his lap and sat down resting his head on his shoulder as he leaned his whole body into Clay’s. Clay didn’t hesitate to run his hand through Cerb’s fur down over his back.

Trent watched as Brock haphazardly dumped his candy and chocolate hoard down on the table with a few of the bars scattering and sliding a bit further away from the rest as he made his way to the kitchenette to get a nice cold bottle of water from the fridge as he wanted Clay to drink some water while they waited for the next thirty minutes to pass. It wasn’t hard to see that Jason was concerned as he had his hand laid over the back of Clay’s neck and his fingers were absentmindedly stroking over the skin but Trent was certainly not going to call him out on it simply because it did have the desired effect – comforting and calming – and Cerberus was helping to given the way he was leaned into Clay.

Trent snagged one of the scattered chocolate bars, a plain dark chocolate bar, on his way over to Clay knowing that Brock wouldn’t miss one although he was sure Jason would have to confiscate some of them as the volume Brock had was ridiculous but it was what he did when he was stressed and he couldn’t make any coffee. Clay looked up as Trent pulled the seat that Brock had vacated earlier over, spun around and sat down so he was in front of him. “I know you don’t feel like it but I need you to drink at least half the bottle and eat at least half the bar. Last thing you need is to crash kiddo.” It sounded simple but Trent could read Clay well enough to know that he was feeling nauseous but he knew it was because of stress. There had been plenty of research that showed that dark chocolate increased levels of serotonin which helped reduce stress and ease anxiety; it was worth a try.

Clay gave Trent that little smile that he always had when he called him ‘kiddo’ and as much as he didn’t feel like the water or the chocolate he knew that Trent was only doing it as a way of helping. “Thanks.” Clay removed one of his hands from Cerb and took the bottle of water that Trent quickly uncapped from him before he took a few sips of it testing his stomach until Trent swapped it out for the bar of dark chocolate that he had already opened. Clay ate four of the small squares of the chocolate before he pushed it back into Trent’s hand having had enough as he really didn’t feel good.

“Everything okay?” Clay directed the question towards Trent before he looked at Brock and Lisa having picked up on how tense they seemed when they re-entered the room despite how they were trying not to show it. The way the three of them looked at each other before they looked at Clay told him enough to know that the answer was ‘no’. It felt like problem after problem, almost an avalanche of them, kept coming at him. “Okay, what is going on now?” The tiredness was easy to hear in his voice as was the resignation that something else had happened.

Lisa pushed herself off of the desk after a silent conversation between her, Brock and Trent had decided that she would be the one to tell him after all she had been the one who had pushed for the answer to what Ray and Sonny had been hiding and moved so that she was in front of Clay. She crouched down in front of him hating the way he tensed at her actions which made Cerb let out a small whine and snuggle impossibly closer to him. “While we were out in the hall, I asked what it was that Ray and Sonny were hiding, what is making them dig in on this insane idea, and they finally told us.” She explained softly as she placed her hand on Clay’s knee trying to relax him but she knew he had not been relaxed for days.

“Huh?” Clay’s frown deepened. “I thought all of this was because of how Em and I act with each other?” The worry could be heard loud and clear in his voice as it felt like things were about to unravel even more than they already were. A quick glance around the room didn’t help things as Brock was making his way through another chocolate bar and Trent was watching him closely while Eric and Jason were flicking their eyes back and forth between him and everyone else.

“It was but it’s not exactly what started it.” Brock offered even though it only confused Clay more as he reached for a bag of skittles as his chocolate bar was almost finished.

“Lis?” Clay just wanted to be told but there was also a part of him that didn’t want there to be any more complications.

Lisa looked at Jason who admittedly looked ready to kill someone or two people actually before she refocused on Clay. “It all started because of what you have in your bathroom cabinet at home, and from there they took a giant abstract leap.”

“What? What do the contents of a bathroom cabinet have to do with any of this?” Jason questioned angrily as he really was not following how all of this was because of something that was in Clay’s bathroom cabinet, and a quick glance at Clay told him that he felt as confused as he was.

Clay blinked as he tried to think of what was in his bathroom cabinet but it wasn’t something he kept track of as there wasn’t a need too unless he made a mental note that he needed to pick something up from the store as it was the last one. But then another thing didn’t make sense which was how had Ray or Sonny gone through his bathroom cabinet in the first place as neither of them had been over to his place in months. “I don’t know.” It felt like he had said that a lot lately but he really didn’t know what was in there that would cause all of this commotion. “Naima had to have gone into the cabinet though because they haven’t been to my place in months.” He groaned as suddenly something clicked in his brain. “There was a new bar of that soap that helps with scarring along with some meals in the fridge after we got back from that mission in Kabul a little over a month ago just before all of this started. I need to get my key back from her.” After everything it was the only thing that made sense as to how they got the knowledge of what was supposedly in his bathroom, and he punctuated the end of his sentence with a groan.

Lisa cursed quietly but it was still heard before she looked back up at Clay having seen how puzzled he was by what could have been in his bathroom cabinet that could have caused all of this. “Condoms and tampons are in your bathroom cabinet.” She supplied softly.

Clay’s frown grew. “Condoms, yes, I mean I bought a box months ago and they have sat untouched since I threw them in there because I haven’t been with anyone... The tampons I didn’t buy but it doesn’t surprise me… it’s not like I really go into that cabinet unless I need something so they could have been left from Stella or Rebecca or…” He trailed off as he still did not understand how it went from Naima finding condoms and tampons in his bathroom to Ray and Sonny accusing him of what they had.

“Or Emma or I could have left them there.” It wasn’t a leap as sometimes Lisa ended up crashing at Clay’s place without her overnight bag so it made sense for some things to have ended up there as she had pointed out in the hall. “I pointed that out to them.”

“Okay, hold on, time out. So you are saying that because of a box of condoms and some tampons that Ray and Sonny decided that it meant that Clay and Emma were… and…” Jason couldn’t finish his sentence as his thoughts were all over the place but what he knew was that this was the very definition of FUBAR.

“Yes.” Lisa answered directly without looking away from Clay whose eyes were wide.

“I am going to get your key back once we are done here kid.” Jason growled as he really could not believe how this all started, and what was worse was that Naima had the audacity to come to his house, his home, and try to talk him down when it was apparent that she was part of the reason behind this entire thing.

“Good, you should keep it.” Clay really didn’t care whether it was he or Jason that got the key back as long as they did but it made sense for Jason to have a key along with Lisa and Emma.

“Okay.” Jason was slightly surprised that Clay had not bothered to argue with him about who was going to get the key back from Naima but the kid was reeling just as everyone else was. Jason reached his free hand out to Lisa who took it before he helped her up off of the ground and nodded his head at the murmur of thanks that came from her.

**_It’s Going To Take A Lot_ **

Eric glanced at his watch to see that twenty eight minutes had passed and yet Ray nor Sonny had appeared in the room. He shook his head as he really had expected better of both men and a part of him had expected the men to show earlier. He looked over at the door before he turned to look at Jason who mirrored his disappointment before the sound of the admitting beep omitted into the room and the door opened.

Eric watched as Sonny stepped into the room first with Ray following behind a few seconds after. Both men looked around the room sheepishly before they moved towards the seats that they had been sitting in but they didn’t take a seat instead they stood behind them. “Well? What is it going to be?” Eric asked as he stepped forward to the head of the table keeping his focus on them although he saw in the peripheral vision the way Brock, Trent, Lisa and Jason all moved to flank Clay while Cerb snuggled down into his lap.

Ray and Sonny looked at each other before they turned back to Eric. The two men had sat outside in the hall for the twenty nine minutes as they went over everything that they thought they knew and everything that had been told, and the more they talked about all of it the more they realised what a terrible mistake they had made. It wasn’t about just saving their positions on the team but more importantly it was about apologising to Clay although they both knew that it would take a hell of a lot to try and fix things.

“We went about things the wrong way, handled things wrong.” Ray admitted. “It should have never got as far as it did. It should have never blossomed into what it did.”

Sonny cleared his throat as he had a knuckle white grip on the chair before he shuffled on his feet. “We know that apologising is not going to fix everything but the last thing we want is for this to end Bravo for anyone.” He looked at Clay, met his eyes briefly before he looked back down at the table. “And I am sorry that I hurt you and Emma.” That would sting for a long time as he had hurt two of the people he loved most in the world because of sheer bull headed stubbornness that he was unfortunately known for. And while he couldn’t blame anyone but himself he had to admit that he had been fed by Ray as usually the man’s level headedness prevailed over things such as these.

“I am sorry too. I wish I could say that I was on the other side with you but I can’t.” Ray hated that he had been the one to share with Sonny what Naima had mentioned to him and that he hadn’t been the one to talk Sonny out of the idea the moment he suggested that Clay and Emma were together. Things had been blown out of proportion and they were solely to blame as they had not acted like mature responsible adults or with the attributes that Navy men were prided on. “Naima asked if you were seeing anybody after noticing a few things, and I asked Sonny if he knew anything. We began talking and things kind of spiralled.”

“Ray asked me if you were seeing anyone new a couple of hours after I had seen you and Emma at Jase’s one morning. Remember that morning I stopped by to drop off the meat for the barbeque at Jase’s.” Sonny paused and glanced up at Jason who nodded as if to tell him to continue. “Anyway Emma was sitting up on the bench and you were standing with her, she had her face pressed into your shoulder, and you were talking to her quietly but the minute I walked in you stopped talking to each other.”

Clay scrubbed his hand over his face as he knew exactly which morning Sonny was referring to as he had stopped by early to see if Emma needed any help getting things ready for the barbeque. She was exhausted as she had been up all night finishing off a paper and was barely functioning which is why she was folded into him, and she was worried about everything that had to be done which is what they had been talking about. But he was not going to explain anything to them.

“So between that and the question Ray was asking, well it wasn’t hard to make the leap we did.” Sonny knew it did not make things better but it was his way of explaining how they had drawn the conclusion. “And then we started comparing notes, talking about what we had seen, as you and Emma were developing a relationship or at least it appeared that way.” Sonny turned to Ray hoping he could explain as he was sure he would articulate it better than he could.

Ray saw the invisible pass over that Sonny had put on him and he knew why he had done it. “Emma was home more and more, and it seemed that the only thing that had changed was what was going on between the two of you.” He knew there was no way to explain what they had thought was logical at the time. “Despite all of that though, we should have known better, we should have done better. We should have come to you or Emma or Jason, not created the animosity that we did. We acted poorly.” It was an understatement of epic proportions.

“Is that it?” Eric asked after a few moments of silence as it seemed like neither of them were going to say anything else. Both men nodded in confirmation. “Alright.” Eric looked over at everyone else as he was happy to give them the opportunity to respond if they wanted to but from the looks of it there was nothing that they wanted to say. There was one thing that Eric was not going to do and that was force anyone to make any decision in the moment, and while Clay wasn’t giving anything away it still did not feel fair to ask him to make one. “I think that is enough for today. You can go back to your training of choice.”

No one was naïve enough to think that everything had been solved as they still had a very long way to go but for the moment Eric hoped that everyone would let the anger settle and instead look at things with a bit more clarity and hopefully it would prevail.

**_It’s Going To Take A Lot_ **

Emma was sitting on the tailgate of her Dad’s truck as she had ended up parking just a few spots down enjoying the warmth of the morning sun as she watched what was going on around her as she had given up on trying to read her book as her focus kept waning as it was somewhere else or rather it was behind the walls that she was excluded from. She glanced towards the building and quickly moved to the edge of the tailgate as she caught sight of her Dad walking out with Clay. From where she was it was hard to tell how things had gone but as they got closer she could see that Clay still had that wan look while her Dad still looked concerned with a hint of anger simmering beneath the surface.

“Hi.” Emma leaned up and kissed Jason’s cheek before she did the same to Clay noticing how he seemed to be wavering on his feet and she reached out to wrap her hand loosely around his forearm.

“Hi baby.” Jason was glad that Emma had chosen to wait although he would have happily taken Clay back home to his but now it meant he could go straight to Ray and Naima’s to get Clay’s key back before he met them there although he certainly would not be making small talk with Naima as he was still mad that a comment from her had created the tsunami of problems that it had. “Take sunshine home. I will be a few minutes behind you.” He knew that he and Eric had to speak but for the moment he had more important priorities like getting the key back and making sure Clay was okay because he was anything but right now.

The silence from Clay was worrying but she was going to let him open up to her although if she had to prod then she would but there was no way she was going to do it in the middle of the parking lot on base where he and her Dad worked. “Come on babe, let’s go home.” Emma jumped down to the ground making Clay look at her as if he had only realised she was speaking.

Jason didn’t like the hollow yet buried deep in his own head look that Clay was wearing and he could already feel another sleepless night ahead. He reached out and placed his hand on the back of Clay’s neck once more squeezing softly and feeling as he leaned into the touch as he always did. “Go home with Emma sunshine, I will be there soon.”

“Yeah, okay.” Clay answered flatly before he realised what had been said. “Home.” He repeated like it was a new word that he didn’t understand although the smile that tugged at his lips was the first real one that either Jason or Emma had seen in a weeks.

Emma smiled as she looked at her Dad. “Told you that you adopted him. Clay Spenser- Hayes has a nice ring to it.” She couldn’t help tease him and the look on his face was priceless as she laughed before she turned her attention back to Clay. “We are going home.”

Clay let Emma lead him to her car and practically push him into the passenger’s seat, and for the first time since he had got out of the car to walk into base he finally felt himself relax just a bit. He let his eyelids close as he focused on the subtle vibration of the car on the road as Emma drove even though he knew she was waiting for an answer. He rolled his head to the side to look at her and forced his eyelids open. “It was a lot. We, well Lis, found out what started it all. I still don’t get all of it.”

Emma glanced across at Clay before she focused back on the road as she was an overly cautious driver. “Okay. I have questions but I don’t want to ask them while I am driving.” She wanted to be able to have her full attention on Clay for a conversation like that. “But I do want to ask how you are feeling right now?” She was meaning physically rather than mentally and emotionally as he still looked exhausted, pale and nauseated.

Clay could appreciate Emma’s sentiment about not wanting to split her attention on such a heavy topic while she was driving. He pulled at the collar of his shirt as he shifted in his seat so that he was getting a face full of cold air. “I’m still disappointed and hurt Em, and I feel like I want to sleep for a week. And I hate how tightly my body feels coiled.” He paused and waited until they were stopped at the intersection as they had a red light which had her looking over at him just as he knew she would. “But I do know that I want to continue doing the job I love, and I want to do that with Bravo. Eric and Jase helped me realise that, helped me see through the murkiness to the clarity of that, at least.”

Emma felt one of her own strings of tension in her body snap with Clay confirming that he wanted to continue doing the only job he had ever wanted to do and more importantly he wanted to do that as a part of Bravo. Selfishly Emma could admit that she had hoped that he would make that decision because of her love for him and more importantly because she knew that her Dad, Brock, Trent, Eric and Lisa would always have his back just as he would always have theirs, and that knowledge would help her to worry a tiny bit less when he was spun up or deployed. “I am happy to hear that you aren’t giving up the thing you love or the team that you love.” It was simple and sincere and just in time as the light turned green allowing them to continue making their way home. The other part of her knew that it was not going to go away, the disappointment and hurt would remain for a long time, but she knew that everyone that had been there for both of them in the past week would do everything in their power to make sure he was okay. Whatever the next days, weeks or months would bring, they would get through it together as a family because that was what they were.


	7. How It Looks Compared To What It Is

**_ How It Looks Compared To What It Is _ **

It wasn’t often that Jason was left confused and it was even less often when he couldn’t figure out what it was that was going on right in front of him but he found himself in that position and he did not like it one bit. And he especially didn’t like it when it involved his kid and his ‘kid’, when it involved Emma and Clay.

Somehow, and he wasn’t even sure when it happened or how it began, but Emma and Clay had gotten close. Every time Emma came home which seemed to be more often recently she made sure that she visited Clay, and Clay asked about Emma often when it was just he and Jason on their own. And if Jason had inadvertently seen Emma’s name appear on a text message notification on Clay’s phone when it was left on the table then no one could accuse him of spying because he really hadn’t been.

Emma had breezed into town once again surprising Jason and he was secretly sure she was trying to get him back for all the times he had snuck up on her and Mikey when he surprised them by returning home, and before he could even talk to her or ask her what she was doing home for the weekend she was rushing out the door after giving him a kiss on his cheek and saying she would be home late so not to wait up but they would get breakfast as Clay arrived and whisked her away without even getting out of his car as the two clearly had plans for the night.

“So what’s happening there with Emma and Clay?” Mandy asked as she leaned forward and eased the bottle of beer out of Jason’s hand worried that he would have the glass exploding and cutting his hand if he squeezed it any harder. She hadn’t known Emma was in town but by the looks of it neither had Jason but she did know that he had mentioned that Emma seemed to be coming home for weekends and weeks when she could watch and listen to her lectures remotely more and more. And it had been what had prompted Jason’s move into a proper house with actual bedrooms which Emma had taken upon herself to make a home for him once more, not just a place to lay his head down from time to time. She knew that he loved having Emma home even though her education was extremely important, and it also prompted Jason to take care of himself a bit better with the fridge seemingly well stocked at all times with a lot more than just beer.

Jason startled having forgotten that Mandy had come home with him as they both had decided to pick up some Thai food and have a few quiet drinks at his as neither of them felt like going to the bar and being social with anyone else but each other as it had been a rough week, well rougher than usual. “I’m not quite sure.” He spoke slowly as if he was having trouble comprehending his own words as he continued to stare at the front door.

Mandy tilted her head to the side at Jason’s response as she didn’t think she had ever heard him sound so unsure of himself. “You’re not sure?” She asked as Jason was usually over anything that unsettled him, after all he had been described as a dog with a bone many times before because of his tenacious drive for answers and HVT’s. “You’re not sure what is happening between your kid and your ‘kid’?” She was sure she felt her own head spin as she would have thought Jason would have interrogated Clay and Emma extensively, and if not Clay then surely he would have asked the team some seemingly ambiguous questions that would have been anything but.

Jason let his eyes move from the front door to Mandy who looked slightly caught off guard by his answer and he couldn’t blame her. He scrubbed his hand over his face making a mental note to shave in the morning as he was getting close to having himself a beard. “No, I am not sure. I haven’t asked.” He took his bottle of beer back from her and took a mouthful.

“Okay… Is it because you don’t want to know or you don’t want to ask?” Mandy questioned as she really was surprised that Jason had not sort answers.

Jason shrugged but he knew Mandy wasn’t going to let him get away with not answering. “Both, maybe, probably, I don’t know.” He rushed out not knowing how he felt about any of it really as his mind had conjured up a hundred different scenarios, and he wasn’t really sure how many of them he actually liked or could at least live with.

“Huh…” It wasn’t the most eloquent response Mandy had ever had but she was playing a lot of catch up here as this was a completely new development to her, well two new developments actually. First was whatever was going on between Clay and Emma, and the second was that Jason seemed lost with the whole thing and he hadn’t actually asked anything.

“They are both adults.” Jason admitted begrudgingly as Emma would always be his little girl after all but he recognised that she was old enough to make her own choices even if that choice had something to do with Clay. “I am kind of waiting for them to come to me.”

“Yeah, and how is that working out for you?” Mandy smiled despite still being flabbergasted by Jason’s unusual demeanour.

“You know I invited you over to eat and drink beer, not interrogate me right?” Jason grumped but there was no heat behind his words.

Mandy smiled as she pointed at the food in front of both of them that would definitely have to be reheated. “I do but seriously Jason, aren’t you the least bit curious?” She asked as she certainly was.

“Of course I am.” Jason admitted with ease as it was nice to be able to have someone to talk with this particular topic about as Mandy would not share it with anyone else. “I just don’t know how to go about it. I don’t want either of them to feel threatened or like I don’t trust them. And if I overreact and there is nothing going on with them then it could ruin what they have.” Yeah, he had had a few sleepless nights warring with himself on what was best to do.

“I know you trust both of them, and truthfully Clay would be good for Emma in any way. I mean they have a lot in common.” Mandy was not going to jump to the conclusion that they were anything more than friends until there was some sort of proof or declaration from one or both of them. After all, men and women could be friends without anything romantic or sexual between them.

Jason frowned as he finished his beer off and made his way to the fridge to get both of them another one. “What do you mean they have a lot in common?” He asked as his brain had been so busy thinking about all of the possibilities of what could be going on between the two even with the age gap which was not huge but still a good decade except apparently he had not thought about the commonalities that they had or supposedly had.

Mandy took the beer from Jason and took a mouthful before she met Jason’s eyes and it was clear to her that he had not taken anything like that into consideration. “You, being military children, this misfit filled family that you created, the loss they have had in their young lives… Emma through no fault of anyone’s was forced to grow up quickly and so was Clay although that was someone’s fault…” She took the opportunity to point just a few of the things they shared although she could probably find more. “I doubt Emma knows many people outside of Virginia Brach that understand all of this.” She twirled her finger in the air in an all-encompassing motion.

Jason sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face again but at least he knew that Emma was safe with Clay so he didn’t have to worry about her being out with him. What Mandy had pointed out was realistic and he would have kicked himself for not thinking about it.

Mandy reached out and placed her hand on Jason’s knee drawing his attention back to her. “Talk to them, don’t drive yourself crazy.”

**_How It Looks Compared To What It Is_ **

_Talk to them, don’t drive yourself crazy._ Mandy had said before she had changed subject but now that he and Emma were seated in a booth at her favourite diner for breakfast with a stack of pancakes in front of them, well Mandy’s advice didn’t seem so easy.

Emma kept glancing at her Dad curiously as he was unusually fidgety as he kept glancing at her as if there was something he wanted to talk about but the words wouldn’t come. The glances had been going on since she had padded into the kitchen a little over an hour ago in desperate need of coffee which he had immediately handed his mug over to her as he told her to get dressed as they were going out for pancakes, and she was never going to pass up a breakfast date with him or pancakes for that matter. But right now, he was starting to freak her out.

Emma put her knife and fork down on the plate before she tucked a loose wisp of hair back behind her ear as she had hastily thrown it up in a messy top bun as soon as she had got out of the shower in her hurry to get ready as he could be impatient at times especially when he was hungry. “You want to tell me what is going on or are we going to spend the entire breakfast with you looking at me strangely Dad?” She asked bluntly, more blunt than she usually would be but she was tired.

“So what time did you get in last night?” Jason was hoping for casual but the tightness in his voice did not go unnoticed.

Emma leaned back in her seat. “Don’t tell me you didn’t hear me.” She narrowed her eyes as she was not a ninja and there was no way he had slept through her coming home because he was a light sleeper and that he did have the Navy to blame and thank for.

Jason withheld the sigh that wanted to escape his lips as Emma was not going to make this easy for him. “You were with Clay the whole night.” It sounded like a statement and a question all wrapped into one.

Emma let her eyes soften as she hid her smile behind the freshly topped off mug of coffee as she was surprised that it had taken him this long to bring up that she was spending a lot of time at Clay when she was home which was more and more frequently. Although she had to admit it had been kind of fun watching him try to figure it out and be a little confused all at the same time. “Yes.” She kept her answer simple which only served to frustrate him.

“Emma…” Jason trailed off reminding himself to stay calm otherwise the conversation would not go anywhere or well.

“If you are asking if Clay and I are having sex then I can assure you we are not.” Emma watched as her Dad’s face drained of its colour at the mere mention of sex, and she was finding this far to entertaining.

Jason blanched visibly and he shifted uncomfortably at Emma’s directness. “Well, uh, I mean, I wasn’t going to ask that exactly but it’s good to know.” That answered one question that he had not wanted to ask. “Then what is going on with the two of you then?” He managed to recover from his bout of fumbling over words to ask her.

“You know having sex with Clay would be like having sex with my older brother, if I had one I mean.” Emma found herself having to hide her smile behind her coffee mug again as he visibly blanched at the word ‘sex’ when it was used with her and Clay’s names in the same sentence.

“Oh…” Jason really should have prepared better for this conversation. “Older brother?” He asked as it was another thing he had not considered.

Emma decided to take pity on her Dad and stop making him blanch although she was incredibly tempted. She placed her mug down on the table in front of her then leaned forward and put her arms on the table in front of her. “Older brother, best friend, same thing. We have fun and its nice not to have to explain things all the time. I can freak out and he’s okay with it, and he can freak out and I am okay with it.” She kept her explanation simple as her and Clay had clicked. “It happened somewhere around the time you sort of adopted him.” Maybe she wasn’t above teasing him but it made him smile.

“I didn’t adopt him Em.” Jason grumbled although from the smirk on his daughter’s face she clearly didn’t believe him.

“There are four people in this living world that you would bring home and tuck them under a comforter if they needed to be. Four people Dad. Mikey, me, Mandy and Clay.” Emma pointed out knowing that it was the truth just as much as he did, hell he had bought Mandy home after something had gone drastically wrong on a few occasions after a spin up or deployment, and he had bought Clay home when he was ill and injured and tended to him in the same way he did with her and her brother. “It’s not a bad thing Dad.” She reminded him gently. “I feel safe with him Dad.” Emma sobered wanting him to understand that she enjoyed being with Clay but it wasn’t only because he made her feel safe.

Emma shifted in her seat, her appetite gone, but she wanted her Dad to understand things. “You remember when you came back from your deployment, the one before your last one, and you had a couple of weeks on leave?” She asked noticing how he sat up straighter.

“Of course I do Em, I spent the weekend with you before I spent the week with Mikey watching him play in his tournament.” It had been a great way to spend time with his kids and see them in their element, and it just happened to be before Emma started making the six hour drive home more often.

“Well after you left New York I kind of freaked out, got really homesick, and worried that I could miss out on seeing you one last time if something were to happen because I wasn’t home but I didn’t want to ruin your week with Mikey and I couldn’t come be with you because my schedule was really hectic… Anyway I ended up calling Clay in the middle of the night, freaking out, crying because no one there that I know anyway has any understanding of what it is like to worry about spin up and deployments, or the fact that it isn’t just my Dad but also my Uncles and my older brother who are heading into a war zone.” Emma waved her hand knowing she was getting off track, and it really wasn’t the place to have this particular conversation.

“Em, you should have called me. We could have figured something out, I would have figured something out.” Jason hadn’t known any of that. When he had left New York Emma had been okay, a little sad, but hadn’t appeared homesick.

“I wasn’t going to ruin you and Mikey’s time together, I knew how excited he was.” Emma smiled wistfully.

“You’re a great big sister honey.” Jason really meant it.

“And Clay’s a great adopted older brother. Do you know what he did?” Emma replied truly unsure if her Dad had known but had not said anything so she wasn’t embarrassed.

“No, he never said anything to me at all.” Jason wasn’t sure how he felt about that but he decided to put that aside for the moment because he knew Emma would not be telling him if there was not an important reason for it.

“He spent the entire six hour drive talking to me, I mean he got up in the middle of the night, got in his car and drove to New York despite his own exhaustion because I may not know what happened that deployment but I know it was a rough one, well a rougher one than most. He did that because I was freaking out and homesick and I wouldn’t call you.” Emma admitted. “And he only hung up once I opened my door to him, and the sun wasn’t even up. I had an audition that afternoon and once he made sure my alarm was set he held me, wiped my tears away, made me focus on my breathing when it got ragged, and talked to me until I fell asleep. I called and he came Dad.” Emma had to clear her throat as it wasn’t exactly one of her proudest moments but it was one she was incredibly thankful for.

 _‘… I am pretty sure that blondie would drive to New York if Emma needed him…’_ Jason was reminded of Sonny’s words from one time that Clay was sick although he was not about to tell Sonny that he had been right. “I didn’t know Em.”

“I know you didn’t and I didn’t want you to know.” Emma didn’t want him to blame himself or feel bad. “I woke up beside him and he didn’t care about himself or how tired he was instead he was more worried about me and if I felt up to going to my audition, and he offered to call you so I could talk to you. So yes, we have shared a bed but nothing has happened and it won’t.” The feeling of safety and comfort was still there. “I love him Dad like I love Mikey, like I love you.”

Jason nodded softly grateful for Clay being able to be there for Emma. “You know I am still going to talk to him, right?” He felt a lot less confused and like he had a lot more understanding but he was still going to talk to Clay.

“I know.” Emma admitted softly. “Just don’t forget he is fragile sometimes despite how much he pretends not to be. He hasn’t done anything wrong.”

“I know Em.” Jason really did know the damage that lingered under that tough exterior of Clay’s.

“And for the record, last night we picked up dinner and walked along the beach and talked for quite a while, and then we ended up at the bowling alley where we played a few games until Clay dropped me home.” Emma wanted to be transparent even though she did not need to be but she recognised the dynamics with her Dad and Clay both personally and professionally. “We both needed to relax and unwind with a bit of mindless fun.”

“I’m glad you have him in your life Em.” Jason admitted softly as he reached across the table and took her hands in his.

“I love you Dad.” Emma smiled.

“Love you too Em.” Jason replied.

“I will take a rain check on the ice cream sundae this time but I will collect it later.” Emma knew it was tradition but considering neither of them had finished their pancakes or would be finishing them, it just didn’t feel fitting.

Jason laughed as he smiled feeling a lot better now that he understood a lot more than he had the night before when Emma had run out of the house. “Just let me know when. You ready to get out of here?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Emma slid out of the booth as Jason did and waited until he had put the money down on the table before she tucked herself into his side as he guided her out of the diner.

**_How It Looks Compared To What It Is_ **

Jason was glad that he had gone to Emma first especially now that Clay was sitting on the front porch with him after he had invited him over but Clay was anything but relaxed instead he was wound tightly and looked as though he thought he was in trouble. Although in Clay’s defence, Jason hadn’t exactly invited him as much as ordered him to come over the moment Emma had let him know she was going to catch up with Hannah Seaver who just happened to be home for the weekend as well. Jason felt much more relaxed than he had when he had driven Emma to the diner only a few hours earlier but with her words replaying in his mind about how fragile Clay could be he knew he had to be careful.

Jason stretched his legs out in front of him before he took a sip of his coffee seeing Clay shift minutely with the moment. “Relax kid, I just want to talk about you and Emma.” He hoped it would ease Clay’s worry but it seemed to have the opposite effect as the kid tensed even more and wearily darted her eyes around like a frightened animal.

“Is she alright?” Clay asked nervously as he hadn’t seen Emma since he had dropped her home in the early hours of the morning but he had waited until she was inside of the house with the door firmly closed and locked behind her, hell she had even gone to the window and waved at him before he actually left the curb.

“She’s fine, out catching up with a friend.” Jason supplied immediately not at all surprised at the question as it was clear with just that question that Clay cared about Emma.

“Good.” Clay nodded his head still unsure why he had been summoned to appear by Jason and he had been racking his brain all the way over but he hadn’t even considered Emma would be what he wanted to speak about.

“So do you want to tell me what is going on with you and Emma?” Jason wasn’t going to make it to easy.

Clay looked at Jason, his eyes wide, and his mind weary as to what exactly Jason was asking or rather what he thought was going on between them. He straightened up in his chair steeling himself. “What? What do you mean?” He asked slightly panicked although there was really no good reason to panic as a million and one thoughts raced through his mind.

“It has come to my attention that you and Emma are spending a lot of time together when she is in town, and I want to know what is going on between the two of you.” Jason kept his voice firm as he kept his eyes on Clay.

Clay tried and failed to relax under Jason’s scrutiny not sure where exactly the panic that was surging inside of him was coming from because there was nothing going on between him and Emma that would have Jason hitting or threatening him but he also knew how protective he was of his kids. “Emma and I went out last night, grabbed some dinner and walked along the beach talking before we went bowling.” He rushed out feeling like he needed to explain what he and Emma did last night. “And then I bought her back here, made sure she got in before I went home myself.”

“Are you two sleeping together?” Jason asked bluntly seeing Clay physically flinch and pale at his question.

“No!” Clay’s voice was louder than he had meant it to be before he shrunk back as he realised he had lurched forward in his chair. “No Jase, Emma and I are not sleeping together.” His voice had softened as he realised getting defensive was not going to help the situation that he suddenly found himself in. “I wouldn’t, she’s your daughter Jase.”

Jason knew he had to ease Clay’s racing mind as the kid could overthink things. “Okay… So what is going on then?” He asked wanting to hear it in his own words just like he had heard it from Emma.

“Okay?!” Clay’s voice was pitched high at Jason’s weirdly accepting acceptance.

Jason withheld the smile that was tugging at the corner of his lips at Clay’s high pitched voice as he clearly did not like or at least understand his acceptance. “I trust you kid, on and off the battlefield. Now answer my question, what is going on between the two of you?” He hoped to ease the rising stress in him as he really did trust Clay, if he didn’t then it would be a huge team problem.

Clay scrubbed his hand over the back of his head letting his fingers brush through his hair making a mess of it as he tried to figure out how to explain things without making a mess of it. “It’s like having a little sister I suppose, never really had one but it’s the best comparison I can think to make but one close in age and maturity. We just talk Jase, and get dinner, and do things like go bowling or walk along the beach.” He spoke slowly trying to figure out how to say it as he went. “It’s nice to be able to talk without fear of judgement but I don’t tell her anything that I shouldn’t, I mean nothing classified or anything that would make her worry more than she already does but I think it helps her too.” He rushed out wanting to clarify the talking part without going into specifics on what exactly they spoke about.

Jason was surprised and concerned that Clay felt he couldn’t talk without fear of being judged and that was certainly something he did not like and needed to address immediately. “You know you can talk to me or anyone anytime you need to kid but I am glad that you and Emma can talk to each other especially with some of the things you have in common with each other.”

Clay sighed softly as he hadn’t meant to make it sound the way it had. “I know I can talk to you or anyone on the team but sometimes…”

“Sometimes we fail to listen and instead don’t let you talk or shove our own opinions down your throat.” Jason filled in for him knowing he was guilty of it on occasion, and if he was guilty on occasion then Ray was most definitely guilty of being preachy about things.

“Well yeah but it’s not just that. Sometimes its nice to have a female’s opinion and be able to speak freely without it becoming a whole team thing. It helps me to sort my head out when things are all to loud. But it goes both ways Jase, Emma can talk to me about things she doesn’t want to talk about with you or Naima, and it stays between us unless of course it is a matter of health and safety. We already made that agreement with each other. We agreed that if either of us felt concerned about something that the other had said even after we discussed it then it would be bought to your attention and if you weren’t available then someone else’s.”

Jason was glad that his kid and his ‘kid’ had come to that agreement and the more he listened to them the more he realised just how good it was for the both of them even if it had caught him off guard. He ended up chuckling which made Clay look at him as if he had lost his mind. “You know Emma said the same thing when I asked about what was going on between the two of you except she said older brother.” He was sure Clay’s face would crack if he smiled any wider. “She also told me what you did for her, how you drove all the way to New York a couple of days after we returned from deployment.” That caused Clay’s smile to fade and the weariness to return. “Thank you.” He truly meant it.

Clay did a double take at Jason’s thanks as he had no idea that Emma had told him about New York or rather him turning up there after she had called but she must have whilst having the same conversation that they were having. “Oh, I, uh, I probably should have told you about that but Emma was okay and she didn’t want you to miss out on spending time with Mikey. I stayed for a couple of days, didn’t disrupt her from classes or anything, but made sure she was alright.”

“You know that is what family does Clay, and you are family.” What Jason didn’t say was that Emma had it in her head that he had adopted Clay some time ago but he did reiterate that he was a part of the family.

“Thanks Jase.” Clay finally relaxed back into the seat although he left his coffee untouched as it was cold, not that he hadn’t drunk cold coffee before but he kind of had a rule when he was at home not to drink it cold.

**_How It Looks Compared To What It Is_ **

Emma laughed softly as soon as she arrived home to find Clay sat on the front porch with her Dad, both men drinking beer and talking softly with each other as the sun was beginning to set on the day. “Have you two eaten?” She asked although she already knew the answer as neither of them were great at looking after themselves at the best of times as she sat her bag down on the porch step against the post before she leaned over and kissed their cheeks, her Dad’s first then Clay’s.

“No Em, we haven’t.” Jason answered as he watched her steal the bottle of beer from Clay’s hand, take a sip then return it back to him like she had done it before.

“Okay, I haven’t either. How do omelettes with bacon, mushrooms and cheese, and a side of toast sound?” They were quick and easy to make as well as filling, and home cooked meals were always well reciprocated especially by men who lived on MRE’s for a lot of the time.

“Sounds good honey.” Jason answered knowing that Emma would make sure he ate even if he opposed it.

“Clay?” Emma asked making him shift his gaze to her.

“Don’t argue with her about staying or not cause you are kid.” Jason spoke before Clay could decline the dinner offer because he would even though he didn’t have anywhere else to be.

Clay smiled softly as he passed the rest of his beer to Emma knowing she didn’t drink often but he had no problem sharing with her. “Thanks Em, you want a hand?” He offered as it only seemed fair.

“No, I’m good, you stay out here with Dad.” Emma took another mouthful from the bottle of beer before she passed it back to him then picked up her bag but hesitated. “I take it that seeing as you two are sitting here and haven’t killed each other than Clay confirmed that he and I weren’t having sex for you Dad.”

Clay managed not to spit out the mouthful of beer that he had just taken but he did choke on it while Jason shifted uncomfortably sure that his daughter liked to make him blanch especially as he caught the smirk that she wasn’t even trying to hide even if she was trying to be the picture of innocence.

“We talked Em.” Jason confirmed having to clear his throat and also not laugh at the wide eyed stunned expression that Clay hadn’t managed to shake although he had stopped coughing.

“About how you thought we were having sex?” Emma was more amused than she should have been as she teased both men seeing them far more uncomfortable than she had ever seen either of them. Two grown men completely uncomfortable was far more amusing than it should have been.

“Okay sweetheart, Jason knows that we are not having sex, and you can stop saying it.” Clay was sure his face was flushed and he did not want to risk Jason’s ire even though they had cleared the air. “You are getting to much joy from it.”

“Love you too babe.” Emma’s laugh carried as she made her way into the house wanting to get dinner made as she was hungry, glad that everything was okay. And if she heard her Dad and Clay chuckle at her glee and clash their bottles together then she wasn’t going to say anything.


	8. Some Are Harder Than Others

**_ Some Are Harder Than Others _ **

The cemetery was quiet with a gentle breeze that made the flowers and grass rustle and the colourful windmills spin round with a whirr. Emma had lost track of how long she had been sitting in front of her Mom’s grave although the bottle of whiskey she had bought with her was almost gone even though her tears kept coming. The sun had begun to fade some time ago and the last streaks of light gave Alana’s headstone a halo like effect. It was hard to believe it had been another year without her Mom, and with it so much had changed yet again.

Emma sniffed and swiped her fingers under her eyes as her make-up had run down her face when the first wave of tears begun to fall before she shivered as the cold wrapped itself around her as she hadn’t really thought much past sitting at the grave and drinking her way through the bottle of whisky that she had made a mental note to replace. She had walked to the cemetery as she would never ever get behind the wheel drunk.

Emma reached out and softly ran the tips of her fingers over the bouquet of flowers she had picked up during her walk from some corner store, they weren’t the most beautiful or the biggest but they were her Mom’s favourites. She knew her Dad visited often, when things got to be to much or when he missed her that little bit more, although it wasn’t something they talked about. And it wasn’t hard to see the signs that her Dad had visited recently or that he had been drinking when he had which meant it had been a visit made under the cover of darkness and knowing him it probably meant he had ended up lying on the cold hard ground until the first wisps of sun began to show. It was strange to think of the state of her parent’s relationship at the time of her Mom’s death, they were in limbo as to a definition but the love they had for each other was very much defined, and it could still be seen from her Dad when he didn’t think she was looking.

With a soft sigh and one last mouthful of whiskey as there was no point in letting it go to waste, Emma reached into her bag and pulled out her phone. She scrolled through her contacts hesitating on who to call before she finally settled on calling Clay to come to her rescue.

**_Some Are Harder Than Others_ **

Clay had not envisioned his evening would be making his way through a cemetery in search of what sounded to be a very drunk and upset Emma although he was glad that she had called as it was not a very safe place for anyone to be at night especially alone. He hadn’t even known she was in town as she usually made plans with him but he wasn’t going to hold it against her or question her about it.

The problem Clay had was that while he knew what cemetery Alana had been laid to rest in he actually had no idea where exactly the plot was as he couldn’t recall as the weeks surrounding her death were somewhat hazy with everything else that had been going on. It was not a small cemetery, and he was not about to call anyone to ask, or try and get Emma to direct him as all she kept saying was that she was with her Mom.

Clay pulled his Nova into the cemetery and stopped before he got out having to let his eyes adjust to the darkness for a few moments although he silently wished he could have liberated his NODS from base as it would have made it a hell of a lot easier before he scanned the cemetery which was not easy given all of the different headstones which disturbed his line of sight and blocked him from seeing some of the ones further back completely. He shivered at the cold and dampness in the air but didn’t let it deter him until he finally spotted her down the far end of the cemetery which wasn’t as crowded as the rest of it. He couldn’t make out anything other than that it was her but it didn’t matter as he was already moving hurriedly towards her wanting to get to her as quick as he could.

The first thing that Clay noticed was the way Emma was shaking before he heard the soft sobs that were interrupted by short intermittent gasps of air as she struggled to breathe. “Em, sweetheart.” He knelt down behind her gently guiding her back until she was rested against his chest, and as quickly as he could he took his jacket off and laid it over her as her skin was cold to the touch before he ran his hands over top of the jacket trying to generate some friction to warm her up despite the fact that they were still out in the cold. “It’s okay Em, you’re okay. Just breathe with me sweetheart.” He instructed concerned she was going to hyperventilate and pass out if she continued the way she was, and made sure to regulate his own breathing for her to emulate.

“Clay.” Emma slurred so relieved that he had found her, that he was holding her. “You’re here.” She tried to turn around and burrow into his chest but it wasn’t easy to do.

“I’m here Em.” Clay didn’t miss how much more she seemed to be slurring or the stench of alcohol that was coming off of her, and it took a few more seconds for him to look around before he found the empty bottle of whiskey lying haphazardly down on the ground beside her bag. Things just got a whole lot more complicated, and he could only hope that the bottle had not been full but somehow he doubted that it wouldn’t have been. “Come on, I need to get you home.” She was drunk, emotional and freezing.

Emma hiccupped as a fresh round of tears sprung up on her making her cry harder although she now had her face pressed into the centre of Clay’s chest saturating the soft fabric of his shirt that was clutched tightly in both of her hands. “Why’d she have to die? Why did she have to go through that intersection at that exact moment?” She cried as those were questions that she had wondered about often in the first days and weeks after her death.

Clay rested his chin down on the top of Emma’s head, and one look at the headstone made him realise what the day was – the anniversary of Alana’s death. Now it made sense why Jason had been so quiet the past few days, and why he had insisted on everyone being at the bar although he had still been nursing his first beer when Clay had slipped out when he saw his phone ringing. “I don’t know Em, I’m sorry, I really am.” He wished he could change it for her, give Alana back to her, to Mikey and to Jason, but he couldn’t. He absentmindedly held her tighter against his chest as he began rocking back and forth softly hoping it would settle her but she was still sobbing into his shirt.

“I want my Mom back, I want her back.” Emma sobbed slurring more and more even though her voice was muffled. “She was supposed to be here. She wasn’t supposed to die. She wasn’t meant to abandon me and Mikey, especially not Mikey, not her boy.” Her sobs became harsher as she cried for Mikey, cried for herself, cried for all of the things they would never get to do together.

Clay considered calling Jason but it would do neither of them any good right now or at least not until he got Emma back home to Jason’s. “I know sweetheart, I know but it’s time to go.” There was a little part of him that hated to say those words especially as he felt Emma sob harder but it was cold, late and she was drunk, and sitting on the ground in the cemetery wasn’t doing her any good. It was harder than it should have been for Clay as he stuffed the empty bottle into Emma’s bag before he slung the strap over his shoulder, and then lifted her up as he got to his own feet feeling as she clung to him and wrapped her legs around his waist as the sobs continued to wrack through her body.

Clay pressed a kiss to the top of her head as she still had her face buried in his chest and rubbed his hand over her back repeatedly as he slowly made his way through the maze of headstones back towards his car.

“I want my Mom.” Emma sobbed begging him and it broke his heart as there was nothing he could do, and despite her words being muffled they carried through the empty and darkened cemetery.

“I know sweetheart, I know.” Clay whispered wondering if this is what it felt like to be tortured because it sure felt like it.

Clay managed to pull the passenger side door open before he gently sat Emma inside and it was even harder to untangle her from him as she fought against letting him go as her sobs continued relentlessly. “I’m not leaving you sweetheart, just going to get you home and into bed.” He assured her, his voice barely above a whisper and his lips right against her ear, but the words had the desired effect as she finally unclutched the hold she had on his shirt letting him step back, get the seatbelt around her then close the door before he made his way over to the driver’s side as he needed to get her home.

**_Some Are Harder Than Others_ **

Clay didn’t know whether to be relieved or alarmed that Emma had cried herself to sleep as he drove her back to Jason’s; he hated to hear her cry, he really did, but given that she had drunk an entire bottle of whiskey, well that was cause for alarm as far as he was concerned. He wasn’t surprised that Jason still wasn’t home but then again he also knew that Jason would have spent the night with Emma if he had known that she was in town rather than at the bar because as far as he could tell Emma had arrived some time earlier in the day.

Clay turned off the ignition as he pulled into Jason’s driveway parking behind Emma’s car before he looked over at her. He reached out and brushed a strand of hair that was draped over her face back behind her ear, and the move served a secondary purpose as he checked that she was breathing before his fingertips found her pulse point on her neck. One thing for certain was that she was going to feel incredibly bad tomorrow. With a sigh he pulled his weary body out of the car then moved round to the passenger side, opening the door and undoing the seatbelt. Before he lifted Emma out of the car, he reached into the front pocket of her backpack knowing that was where she kept her keys and then shouldered it then got her.

Emma stirred in his arms, her hand instantly clutching his shirt as she pressed her face into his shoulder with a murmur of his name.

“I’ve got you sweetheart. It’s okay.” Clay carried her up the path and withheld the smirk that Emma produced as he had to juggle her so that he could put the keys into the lock and open the door. “You’re okay Em.” He assured her as he carried her inside, kicking the door closed with his foot before he continued on the way through to her room.

“I am going to get you some water and some Advil while you get changed and crawl into bed sweetheart.” Clay wanted to try and mitigate some of the hangover that she was definitely going to have as he set her down on the edge of the bed as she was not steady on her feet either after he had dumped her bag down on the ground beside the door hearing the glass bottle clink.

“No… don’t leave me.” Emma’s hand shot out and clutched Clay’s sleeve tightly as the tears began falling down her face again.

Clay twisted around and knelt down in front of her. “I am not leaving you, I will be back as soon as I go and lock the door then get you some water and medicine. Okay?” He explained slowly as he used his other hand to delicately wipe away the tears. Emma pouted but she slowly relented as she let her fingers slip from his shirt. “Get changed and crawl into bed, I will be back in a minute sweetheart.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead as he pushed himself up off of the floor and with one quick glance over his shoulder he left Emma to get changed.

Clay moved quickly as he locked the door then made his way into the kitchen deciding a bottle of water would be better than a glass before he got two Advil tablets and made his way back to Emma as the last thing he wanted was for her to feel alone and go to sleep before she had the water and Advil. He slowed and smiled as he stepped back into her bedroom finding that she was tucked into bed, the comforter folded back so it only covered up to her waist, but he could see that she was wearing one of Jason’s old shirts – it might have even been from his time on Green Team – but more importantly the tears had stopped although her eyes were still bloodshot and glassy looking.

“Need you to drink and take these. Trust me you will feel better for it in the morning sweetheart.” Clay held both the water and the pills out to her once he had sat down on the edge of the bed seeing that she was blinking heavily obviously fighting the drowsy feeling from the alcohol.

Emma pushed herself up onto her elbow before she took the pills and dry swallowed them then chugged the water that he had already uncapped for her without an ounce of protest. She pushed the bottle back into Clay’s hand once she had three quarters of it before she collapsed back down into the bed looking up at the fairy lights as Clay reached over and turned them on for her the moment he realised she was looking at them after he had put the bottle down on the nightstand so it was within reach.

“Go to sleep sweetheart.” Clay wasn’t about to go anywhere but he also wasn’t going to make her stay awake although he would wait until she was asleep before he turned her onto her side in the recovery position as a mere precaution. At least Emma would be easier to move than Sonny had been on occasions that the Texan had drunk far to much then passed out.

Emma blinked feeling the familiar sting of her burning eyes as more tears welled up in them. “She’s never going to be there Clay, never again.” Her voice cracked even as she tried not to sound like she was crying. “Never going to see Mikey graduate or play another game of hockey. Never see either of us fall in love. Never going to help me pick out a wedding dress and tell me that I am beautiful in it. Never going to put that amazingly stupid smile on Dad’s face that was reserved solely for her because it was his smile for her.” She sobbed harshly and her breath caught. “I would give up anything just to have another minute with her so I could tell her I love her and so I could hear her say it back to me.”

Clay swallowed thickly hating the pain in her voice and the emotion that was clear to him. “I promise you that she knew you loved her, that you love her, and she loved you Em so very much. She loved you and Mikey so much, and Jase.” That was one thing that Clay could say undoubtedly was that Alana loved her kids and her husband even with what was going on between her and Jason in the months prior. They were still a family.

Emma sniffled as she pulled her eyes away from the twinkling of the fairy lights and instead met the ocean blue of Clay’s eyes. “I love you.” She reached her hand out and entwined their fingers together. “I love you, you are our family too.”

Clay smiled squeezing her hand softly as his other hand cupped her cheek with his thumb brushing away the tears that laid on her skin before he leaned over and kissed her forehead once again. “I love you too Emma.” He kept his voice soft in the quiet of the room.

Emma seemed to settle with his words as she finally let his eyelids close and stay closed and within a few minutes she was asleep soundly. Clay very gently extricated his hand from hers, gently moved her onto her side then pulled the comforter up until it was covering her shoulders before he got off the bed and sat himself down on the floor with his back pressed up against the wall so that he had a clear view of her just in case.

**_Some Are Harder Than Others_ **

Jason knew it was late, it was closer to sunrise than it was to sunset, but it wasn’t like he had anyone waiting for him at home as Emma was in New York and Mikey was away at school, or at least he didn’t think anyone was waiting but he quickly found himself frowning as he pulled into the driveway of his house and found not only Emma’s car but Clay’s also. Well that explained where the kid had vanished too, Jason thought as he climbed out of his truck, closed the door and pressed the button on the fob to lock it taking a few seconds to look at his darkened house before he moved towards it. Once again Emma had snuck into town without so much as a call but he wasn’t surprised given it was the anniversary of Alana’s death although he was surprised that she hadn’t come and found him or text or called him. With a shake of his head to dispel all of the thoughts that were crowding his mind, he unlocked the door, opened it and stepped inside before he closed and locked it behind him then sat his keys down where he always did in the nook in the wall.

Jason moved through the silent house as quietly as he could and stopped in the doorway of Emma’s room just in time to see Clay look over at him from where he was sat on the floor. “Hey kid, why aren’t you asleep?” He asked as he moved further into the room going over to kiss Emma’s forehead before he smelt the whiskey on her as it made his nose wrinkle. A quick look over at Clay told him he had his answer. He tucked the comforter over her before he moved over to Clay and sat down on the floor next to him.

Clay shifted minutely just enough so that his shoulder was pressed against Jason’s once he was settled beside him. “Emma called me while we were at the bar. She was drunk and crying.” He informed him making sure to keep his voice soft knowing that Jason would understand his sudden departure.

Jason nodded slowly as he kept his eyes on Emma; he didn’t like that she had got drunk and was crying as no father wanted their little girl to ever cry but he was glad that she had called Clay and he had bought her home as her being safe was always important. “Where was she?” He asked although he had a feeling that he knew where she would have gone as it was the same place he ended up on occasion drinking.

Clay glanced at Jason before he looked back at Emma watching the way the soft glow of the twinkling fairy lights cast over her. “With Alana.” He had purposefully chosen those words instead of ‘at the cemetery’ although if he was asked for the reason behind his choice he wouldn’t be able to clarify it.

With two words Jason’s suspicion was confirmed and as much as he wanted to sigh and run his hand over his face he refrained from doing so. “I didn’t even know she was in town but I should have known she would have come back. When I spoke to her this morning she didn’t say anything.” They had spoken extensively several hours before yet she had not mentioned anything. “How much had she had to drink?” He asked worried but not mad as he could not condemn her for drinking when he did himself.

Clay barely bit back the wince that wanted to leave his lips at Jason’s question as the last thing he wanted to do was throw Emma under the bus but he also couldn’t lie to Jason either. “I found her with a bottle of whiskey, it was empty by the time I got to her.” He kept his voice level as he had assumed that she had consumed the whole bottle but there was no tangible proof as he didn’t know whether it was opened before she had taken it to the cemetery with her.

Jason didn’t hold back the wince that left his lips sharply as he could hazard a guess exactly what bottle of whiskey Emma had absconded with, and he could get up to check but he decided not to. If it was the one he thought then it had been a full bottle. “She’s going to feel like shit tomorrow.” The hangover was going to be horrible.

Clay nodded his head softly. “Yeah, I got her to drink some water and take a couple of Advil’s but it will barely put a dent in it, I suppose.”

“Good.” Jason was glad that Clay had the foresight to get some water and Advil into Emma. “Why don’t you go and crash for a few hours kid?”

“I’m good here, if that’s okay?” Clay shook his head as he really did not want to leave nor did he want to take his eyes off of Emma and he had promised not to leave her.

Jason smiled softly at Clay asking him permission despite already being there. “Course it is.” He answered with ease as he didn’t mind the company either. A part of him had been avoiding coming home because he had not wanted to be alone. “How was she?” It was a question he was dreading to ask because he was dreading the answer even more as he wondered just how much the whiskey had affected her emotional state as Alana’s anniversary always made her more emotional than usual.

Clay looked at Jason before he looked back at Emma seeing she was still sleeping soundly which was only due to the alcohol that was coursing through her bloodstream. “She misses her but that isn’t anything you did not know Jase.” He made sure the statement was spoken lightly despite how heavy it felt. “I think she needed to cry, needed to feel what she is feeling.” It was the purity of it that made Clay say it because sometimes a person needed to cry for all of the emotions to come out.

“There’s something you’re not saying kid.” Jason wasn’t pressing as hard as he could but he could tell that there was something that Clay wasn’t saying although he could appreciate what had already been said.

Clay smiled softly as there wasn’t much that he could get past Jason but a part of him was kind of glad that he couldn’t. “You know sometimes you realise things as you grow up, and you grieve for the things you never had or the things that you are never going to get or see or have again.” It was not an unfamiliar feeling to him but it was certainly in regards to different things. “And sometimes those things are things that other people don’t even think about or notice.”

It wasn’t often that Clay got caught up in an err of melancholy as it usually only happened when he was sick or injured and unable to do anything more than think or riddled by a fever but it gave Jason more insight into why Clay and Emma had bonded so strongly. There were times when Jason forgot (although forgot didn’t feel like the appropriate term) that Clay’s childhood had been far from normal. He was not going to ask what those things were for Clay as it was probably the fastest way to get him to clam up. “I never really thought about it like that.” It was as honest and as raw as he felt. Compensation would not be able to happen, that was the realisation that he made in that moment.

Clay could see the brief look of devastation that flashed across Jason’s face. “It’s no one’s fault Jase. It’s mostly little things that catch ya out, and occasionally bigger ones. It’s not something you can pre-empt.” It was the truth as Clay recalled one day he had been watching RJ snuggle into Lis as she held him and he realised that he had never had anything like that with either of his parents or at least he did not recall it even though his grandparents tried their best to compensate for their lack of love and affection. “For Emma tonight, it was that Alana would never get to do this girly things with her like choosing a wedding dress in the future, and that she would never see either her or Mikey fall in love.” He didn’t feel like he was betraying her by mentioning those things to Jason.

Jason swallowed thickly as he really had not thought about the more poignant things that Alana would miss that had seemed so far away when she had died but both Emma and Mikey were growing up fast and all of those beautiful life moments that parents treasured would be missed by her. Love and weddings… grandbabies… graduations… There were so many more of those poignant moments that he had not even considered.

“The alcohol just made her speak and feel freely Jase. She is going to be okay.” Clay reminded him softly. “And it was good for her. We both know how much bottling things up doesn’t work.” Neither of them were very good at speaking freely actually very few Tier One Operators were, and without saying it Clay knew that Emma had the trait as well.

Jason chuckled softly because even though Clay hadn’t said it he knew he was thinking of the similarities. “Yeah, that was one thing I wished she hadn’t gotten from me.” He mused finding it slightly amusing that he and Clay were sitting on the floor having a very similar conversation to one he and Alana had had years ago about how Emma had his inability to communicate about certain things until it overwhelmed her, and it had been something they had tried to work on with her but it had not succeeded all that well.

Clay smiled softly as there were times when he could look at Emma and catch one or more of Jason’s mannerisms, or she would say something and it would sound scarily like him but it also amused him at times. “You and Alana made one amazing woman Jase, and I know how proud of her you are just as you should be.”

Jason was sombre as he looked around the room that Emma had made her own again. “That was all Alana. I owe her everything.” He had come to that conclusion a long time ago because he knew that Alana had practically raised Emma and Mikey on her own as his job took him away so much.

Clay nodded thoughtfully but he didn’t necessarily agree with it because he had seen the way Jason was with Emma and Mikey, and whether he realised it or not he was a big part of how amazing the two were. Not many kids had their priorities correct like they did nor were they as polite and mature. “For what it’s worth Jase, you are an amazing Dad. You have two happy, healthy, and very well rounded kids that absolutely love and adore you. I don’t think there is any other way to determine anything else.” To be honest, he had the authority on bad parents so it always left him incredulous when one of his brothers doubted themselves as a parent because of the mere fact that they were worried about whether they were doing the right or wrong thing as a parent, and if that wasn’t one way of showing their love then he didn’t know what was.

“Thanks kid.” Jason meant it as he realised the enormity of it coming from Clay especially considering he knew his father or as Emma referred to him as ‘Clay’s sperm donor’.

The two men settled into the comfortable silence to wait knowing that neither of them would be moving far from the floor as they both had their own reasons although the shared reason was sleeping peacefully in front of them because they both loved her albeit in different ways.


	9. Is This Our Thing

**_ Is This Our Thing _ **

The noise reached a peak and made Emma roll her eyes at the bunch of panicking men in front of her although she knew they would never admit to panicking because heaven forbid that they felt panicked. Emma shared a look with Mandy and Lisa who had both been called over before she whistled sharply to silence them and stop the nauseating rush of movement that was too much especially in her Dad’s small kitchen. The kitchen table looked like a paper bomb had gone off over top of it as there was paper and markers scattered all over it along with what looked to be several small solider figurines although she had no idea where they had come from but they looked vaguely familiar at the same time. “Would someone like to fill us in on what is going on?” Emma asked as she had met Lisa and Mandy in the driveway as she returned from New York as she had finished her final exam then hit the road as she wanted to go home and the women did not know what was going on either.

“Emma!” Jason looked relieved for a split second before the panicked look came over him again. “What are you doing here?” He shot a look at Sonny that silently asked if he had called her although it was probably more accusatory than he meant it to be.

The feeling of impending doom quickly settled in Emma’s stomach as she took a look at the men who all seemed to be waiting with baited breath although no one looked more surprised than her Dad. “I finished my exams. I told you I was coming straight home once I had.” She reminded him knowing he quite often lost track of things like that but it never perturbed her as much as it was in the moment. “Now would you like to answer my question and tell the three of us what is going on?” She waved her hand between herself, Lisa and Mandy.

Jason looked around at the men who all suddenly found themselves studying the paper down on the table intensely as none of them really wanted to answer Emma’s question and truthfully they weren’t sure how much they should tell her. He looked back up at the women who somehow managed to look quite intimidating. “Em, honey, have you heard from Clay in the past couple of days?” He tried to soften the question but the moment the words left his mouth he could see the alarm rise in her. She was the only person that he had not tried as he did not want her to lose focus on her exams or worse yet abandon them because he knew she would if it meant saving Clay.

“Dad?” Emma rushed out sounding breathless sure she had misheard him but one look at him told her that she hadn’t. “What do you mean have I heard from Clay?” She asked as she rushed to gather her thoughts and take control of them. “I thought he was with you.” That comment was not solely directed at Jason but at all of them although she knew that things between Clay, Ray and Sonny still remained uneasy given everything that had happened months back although they had come to some sort of compromise or truce of sorts.

“Em, honey, we can’t find him.” Jason delivered the blow that he had been hoping to avoid.

“He’s gone AWOL?” Lisa questioned as it wasn’t something that Clay would do.

“Is this about what happened?” Mandy asked at the same time knowing that Clay had been devastated by a call that he had had to make in the field even though he had no other choice otherwise two thirds of Bravo wouldn’t be in Jason’s kitchen.

Emma picked up on Mandy’s comment and spun round to face her directly. “What do you mean ‘what happened’?” She demanded as she had not missed the grimaces and winces that came from the men although those reactions told her that there was something to it.

Mandy looked at Jason apologetically wondering why she had not kept her mouth shut in front of Emma but at least she hadn’t given details although the way Emma had picked up on the question she knew that there was very little choice left.

Jason let his eyelids close for a few seconds as he pinched the bridge of his nose before he moved towards Emma knowing that he couldn’t tell her classified details but if there was one person who could get through to Clay more than he, Brock, Trent or Lisa then it was going to be Emma. “Em, honey, come sit down with me.” He stepped forward gently leading her to the couch seeing Brock following closely while the rest of them hovered from the kitchen listening and viewing.

“Dad, tell me what is going on? What happened? Was he hurt? Were any of you hurt?” Emma rushed out as he gently pushed her down onto the couch before he sat down on the coffee table in front of her while Brock took the seat beside her.

“Take a breath Emmie.” Brock instructed although he was not surprised that she was worried because he was, they all were.

Emma looked at Brock wide eyed at him telling her to take a breath. “I’ve just walked into my kitchen being filled with panicked Seals and been told that Clay is missing so please don’t tell me to breathe right now. Tell me what it was that happened then we will go over where you have looked so far and go from there.” There was nothing calm about Emma but her tone was demanding.

“We don’t panic!” Sonny complained from the kitchen making her glare at him briefly before she turned back to her Dad who had reached out and very gently took hold of her hands with his.

Jason knew he was about to break a rule or two as mission details were classified until they were not but Emma had to be prepared. “Em, honey, you have to understand that what I am about to tell you cannot be repeated ever.” He looked around at the men, at Mandy and at Lisa before he looked back of her.

“So this happened on your last mission?” Emma asked understanding that whatever she was about to hear would be brutal and knowing that they had been spun up on a short mission only about a week before.

“Yes, it did Emma.” Brock answered because Jason looked like he was about to tear himself apart and he knew why but Brock knew how intelligent Emma was, knew that she knew the realities of the job whilst rarely being given details. As much as they wanted to protect her, and really Brock did, he knew that she had to know.

Jason swallowed thickly hoping that what Emma was about to hear wouldn’t make her pull away from him or Clay or anyone else that were her family. Watching the news or seeing the scars that they wore on their skin could not prepare her for what she was about to hear. “Clay had to make a choice and he made the right choice, he really did, but as black and white as the choice was it still has hurt him and will most likely haunt him for a lot longer.” Jason looked up and over at Mandy who moved over to him and took a seat beside him on the table with her hand laid over his shoulder. Jason knew he should have bought the kid back to his house but he had got distracted and the kid had left base before he could catch him, and by the time he had gotten to his apartment he was gone although nothing had seemed abnormal or amiss and there was nothing missing that was glaring obvious. He had respected that the kid had needed some space but it hadn’t stopped him from calling only for the phone to ring out until the voicemail picked up and it had not stopped him from periodically checking the places he knew Clay visited regularly or as regularly as their schedules allowed.

Mandy could see the struggle that Jason was having and she understood it as the last thing a father wanted to do was explain to his daughter the atrocities of war or the reality of the job they did but she also understood why Jason had chosen to tell her. But Jason would not be the one to tell her because Mandy would be the one to do it just as she had been the one to tell that sweet little boy Benji that his parents had died. She gently squeezed his shoulder making her look at him and within seconds she had permission to tell Emma.

Mandy cleared her throat and turned her attention to Emma. “Clay’s choice, his action, saved Brock, Trent, Sonny and your Dad after they got trapped by someone with an S vest.” There did not need to be a lot of detail given as to where they were or why they were where they were because it did not matter.

“So Clay and Ray were high, providing over watch, right?” Emma questioned knowing that both men were snipers, renowned snipers in fact, and it wasn’t hard to work out that they had not been included in the list of names that had got trapped by the person with an S vest.

Brock looked at Mandy seeing that she was somewhat taken back by Emma’s assumption. “Yeah Emmie. Clay and Ray went high to protect us.” It had been the right call at the time but now they all wished they could have changed it, changed the whole situation.

Mandy’s eyes met Ray’s for a few seconds as he remained the furthest away before she turned back to Emma. “The person who was strapped with the S vest and was about to detonate it was a child soldier.” She delivered the startling blow and watched as Emma bowed her head, let her eyelids close, and took a few calming breaths while everyone waited with bated breaths for her to react more than she was.

Emma was trying desperately to put the pieces all together, make them all fit, but it seemed so surreal although she knew it wasn’t. She lifted her head up as she forced her eyelids open and met Jason’s eyes with her own. “Headshot?” She didn’t know why exactly but she needed to know the answer. She was under no disillusion as to that fact that people, bad people, were killed by the men she loved.

Jason had expected a lot of things, had thought he had prepared himself enough in the brief amount of time for all of Emma’s potential reactions, but he was wrong, so very wrong. The way her eyes bore into his made him want to shield her from the world just as he did when she was little but he knew he couldn’t. “Yes Emma.” Confirming what she already knew made him feel worse. But then she stunned him because as he watched her he did not see disgust or sadness or fear like he thought he would instead she looked… well he wasn’t sure but if he had to name it then he would go with a weird mix of relief and pride although it did not seem right either.

Emma couldn’t begin to imagine what Clay was going through because she knew his heart, knew that even though he made the shot to save them, his brothers, from a suicide bomber, it would still damage him. Maybe a part of her should be disgusted but she wasn’t although she did feel sorry for the child soldier because it was the only world that they knew but it was a choice between her family then Clay made the right one. “You are all here, home, in one piece. That is what matters.” Emma paused as she looked around the room at the men who had all gravitated towards them. “ _We sleep safely at night because rough men stand ready to visit violence on those who would harm us._ Winston Churchill said that.” It resounded around the room because it was one of those famous quotes that could be interpreted many different ways. The fact was that Clay had pulled the trigger in order to stop the violence that would have harmed the rest of them and those left at home.

Jason blinked in surprise at Emma’s acceptance and the way she quoted Winston Churchill to them. “Emma…” He trailed off unsure of what to say or where to steer the conversation if he was being totally honest.

“Dad.” Emma squeezed his hands as they were still tightly clutching her own. “I love that you all try to protect me but I have known for a long time that when you walk out that door or get on that plane that you aren’t going to have tea and cookies and talk nicely to Mr Terrorist of the week to ask them to stop what they are doing. I appreciate that you don’t want me to know, and I know that a lot of the work you do can never be spoken about but I see and know a lot more than you want to believe I do.”

Sonny scoffed. “Now come on, your Daddy talks real nice to those Mr Terrorist’s.”

Emma rolled her eyes at Sonny because without even trying he had tried to make something ugly pretty by slapping a bit of metaphorical glitter on it but she focused back on her Dad. “I see you, I see Clay. I know how hard it is for the both of you to transition back to everyday normality at the end of a long deployment, I can hear it in your voices when things aren’t going right or when they are. I see and hear more than you realise even when you aren’t saying anything in particular. It can be the way you look around the house or the way you hold your beer.” She made her points although she understood his reluctance to accept it. “Anyway, if you want we can talk about it later but right now we need to find Clay, so you need to catch Lisa, Mandy and I up.” And just like that the conversation was over for the moment.

Lisa smirked at the stunned expressions that were all varied across the men of Bravo, none more so than Jason but she and Mandy understood what Emma was saying about reading them. “When was the last time that you saw or heard from Clay?” Lisa asked deciding to help Emma get them back on track as she knew that the last time she had seen Clay was on the plane as she had departed first and for the last few days she had been buried with work so she had not checked in with him although she wished she had.

“None of us have seen or heard from him since we got back.” Trent announced as they had already worked that out for themselves.

“I’ve been by his place at least a half dozen times but he hasn’t been there as far as I can tell, and Derek hasn’t seen him.” Jason informed the women.

Emma nodded as she tried to figure out where Clay would have gone as she pulled her phone out of her pocket, swiped a few times before she bought it up to her ear as she hoped Clay would answer her call. She pushed herself up off of the couch and moved around pacing absentmindedly as she listened to the phone ring until it went to voicemail. “Hey babe, give me a call when you get this. I am back in town and thought we could go indulge in a whole heap of donuts.” She kept it light as the last thing she wanted was for Clay to hear her worry especially considering she could not be sure what frame of mind he was in. She ended the call, pocketed her phone then ran her hand through her hair before she absentmindedly twirled it up into a messy bun than stuck a pen in it to hold it together.

Emma turned around with a soft sigh. “Alright, so where else have you looked?” She asked although she figured that it would be a short list as there were not many places that Clay went that they wouldn’t have already checked.

“The bar and the strip club.” Sonny answered immediately making Emma, Lisa and Mandy all roll their eyes at him.

“We all know that you didn’t check the strip club for Clay.” Trent punched him in the arm hard as Sonny had taken a fairly long break inside the glitter covered club.

Sonny shuffled away from Trent or rather from his fist as he rubbed the top of his arm because it was damn sure going to bruise. “The lovely ladies will look out for him.” He waggled his eyebrows at Trent although he failed to be aware of his surroundings as he had moved closer to Lisa who hit him in his other arm making him growl at her and step away from all of them.

“We have looked everywhere we could think that he would go but no one has seen him either.” Brock was still sitting on the couch pulling the attention back and resolutely ignoring Sonny’s grumbling about how he was going to bruise and why had they hit him. “Gyms, the coffee shop he likes, the beach. We also checked with some of his old team members, and with Victoria Seaver.”

Emma didn’t even realise she had begun pacing as she nodded along with Brock’s words whilst she tried to figure out where he would have gone if he didn’t want to be found. “He wouldn’t have gone to the Seaver’s.” There was a sharp edge to her voice that did not go unmissed but it was not the time to delve into it. “Did anyone happen to check with…” She trailed off dismissing the thought because if there was one person that Clay would avoid at all costs then it was his sperm donor, Ash.

“I made the call honey, and no he hasn’t been in contact with him either.” Jason did not even need Emma to finish the question as he knew exactly who she was referring to. It had taken him far longer than he cared to admit to make the call as it felt like a betrayal but Clay’s safety had overridden all of the bad blood between the two men. The worst thing was that Ash was completely indifferent to the fact that there had been no communication between him and Clay nor did he even bother to ask why Jason was calling asking about Clay. The short call had done nothing to better Jason’s opinion of the man that much was for certain.

Emma’s shoulders dropped in relief because it gave her a little bit to work with. She looked out the window seeing that it would not be long before the sun would be beginning to set, and the relief was short lived. “I am going to take a drive.” She was already reaching for her bag to get her keys out as she had thrown them in as she met Lisa and Mandy in the driveway. There were a few places that she knew of that the others would not have checked.

Jason could see the determination set in as it was ablaze in Emma’s eyes, and he knew that she would have a few places to look that they would not have even thought of because most likely he would only go there with her. There was no point in trying to talk her out of it. “Okay but I want you to call me if you find him, and I don’t want you out all night.” He relented easily although he really didn’t want her driving around endlessly for hours on end considering she had just driven all the way from New York after having her final exam earlier in the morning.

“I know Dad.” Emma doubled back around to press a kiss to his cheek before she headed for the door with her bag slung over her shoulder already formulating a list of places that she wanted to look for Clay.

Jason waited until the door closed behind Emma and he watched her through the window until she pulled away from the curb. “Let’s keep looking and thinking, just in case.” He waved a hand in the direction of the kitchen table that was littered with paper as they had been making lists and looking over a map in their search for Clay, somehow it had become a mission.

“You sure we should have let her go on her own?” Mandy asked softly although she knew Emma could take care of herself.

“I wasn’t going to be able to stop her.” Jason knew his daughter and if she found Clay then all the better.

“She’s a Hayes’, it’s engrained in her to be stubborn.” Trent teased making Jason huff with amusement although there was a lot of truth to the statement as they moved back towards the kitchen table.

**_Is This Our Thing_ **

Emma knew that she was pushing things as it would only be a matter of time before her Dad would be ordering her back but after checking a couple of places where they sometimes ended up like the bowling alley, a secluded spot of the beach that only could be accessed by a short trek, the diner that she frequented with her Dad and Clay, she had had no luck. It had been a whim that had her driving towards the cemetery where her Mom was buried, and if she had been asked to explain why she headed for there she would not be able to answer. It was a gut feeling especially as she drove around the back of the cemetery instead of the front through the main entrance.

The bright light of the headlights illuminated the closed gates as Emma stopped the car. She unbuckled the seatbelt and got out of the car, and before she had even moved she found Clay’s Nova parked in a darkened corner several feet away from her. She felt her heart race as she gained traction running towards the car hoping like hell he was inside. She stopped sliding a bit on the gravel as she tried the door but it was locked before she looked through the windows using the torch light on her phone to see inside the empty vehicle.

Walking around blindly in the dark in the cemetery did not appeal to Emma but she had to believe that Clay was nearby. She made her way back to her car, shutting and locking the door before she wrapped her cardigan tighter around herself as she clutched her phone tightly and made her way into the cemetery through the walk way entrance. She walked further into the cemetery off of the path as she knew he would not be near it and scanned the grassy land until she spotted a lone figure sitting on a small grassy hill that overlooked all of the cemetery.

It didn’t take her long to cross the cemetery to the hill and she knew she had found him before she was even half way across because she knew him. The closer she got the easier it was to see the state he was in as he did not even look at her which meant he had no environmental or spacial awareness like he usually did, and she could see the crushed cans of beer scattered on the ground around him and she caught sight of the bottle of spirits in his hand that he was swigging out of without a care in the world.

“Clay, babe.” Emma spoke softly and despite that her voice carried further due to the silence as she stopped and sunk down to the ground although she kept a few feet in between them as she waited for him to put the bottle of tequila down and look at her. “Clay, babe, I need you to look at me.” It wasn’t hard to see the red rimmed eyes and tear stained flushed cheeks, or that he was very drunk.

Clay let the bottle fall to the ground with a heavy thud as his eyes found their way to Emma’s. He had let go of the bottle and reached his hand out to her not quite understanding why she was so far away from him with the alcohol induced sluggishness. “Emma.” He rushed out with a slurred edge to his voice as he realised she was there.

Emma grasped Clay’s hand in her own moving as he gently pulled her towards him until she was seated in his lap with his head buried in the crux between her neck and shoulder as she held him tightly in her arms feeling the moment his shoulders began to shake and soft droplets hit her skin.

“I’m so sorry Em, I’m so sorry.” Clay cried over and over as he held her tightly as the walls inside of him finally failed.

Emma felt her heart break at the sobs that broke free from his chest as he uttered the same seven words over and over with his lips brushing lightly against her skin as he clung tightly to her. There was nothing she could do to settle him but what she did know was that she was going to need some help to get Clay and his car back home with her and her Dad. Her phone was still clutched tightly in her hand so without moving or upsetting him further she was able to send a text to her Dad.

‘Need you and Brock to meet me at the cemetery – where Mom is. I’ve got him.’

Emma sent the message the moment she had finished typing hoping that it was just her Dad and Brock that managed to come and not everyone else. The reason behind her choice was because the last thing Clay needed was to be overwhelmed and overcrowded by a bunch of panicking Tier One Operators and she knew how both men would react and act with Clay. Jason would be in protective, want to shield him from everything, mode while Brock was more tactile and would speak softly without any insinuation or accusation made in the midst of panic.

The litany of those seven words over and over combined with the outpouring of tears hadn’t stopped from the moment they had began, and despite being unable to get any closer Clay was still trying as Emma held him tightly humming softly in the hope that it would settle him just enough as the sobs continued to tear through his chest causing his breathing to be problematic. Her mind had slightly drifted off for a few seconds and she wondered if being sad and getting drunk in a cemetery had become their thing before she realised that the only person that he knew buried there was her Mom which meant he had expected her to find him. With that realisation she held him a little tighter against her, running her fingers through his short hair with her nails grazing over his scalp, and willing her Dad and Brock to arrive not only because the temperature was dropping but because she wanted to get him home. She also realised when she was driving around searching that it wasn’t something she could necessarily help him with, sure she could comfort and take care of him but it wasn’t something they could talk about, not like he could with any one on Bravo or another team like those on Alpha. This was not only out of her element but it was also out of her range because she simply had never had to make a choice as profound or as gut wrenching as the one he had to make.

Beyond the harsh sobs, panting gasps and the murmured seven words that were repeated like a mantra, there was silence. Emma glanced up at the cloudy night sky blinking away her own tears as she needed to be strong, and Clay did not need to see her cry. She looked back down but not before she caught the bright and familiar headlights that illuminated the side of her car from the truck which she knew only meant one thing – help had arrived.

**_Is This Our Thing_ **

Jason had never been more relieved yet more terrified at the text he had received from Emma, and he had scrambled out of the house with an order for Brock to follow him and for everyone else to stay put. There were many unasked and unanswered questions but now was not the time for any of them, at least not until he saw Clay with his own eyes. And he certainly did not bother to think about why Emma requested that only he and Brock come, or why the cemetery had been Clay’s place of choice.

The drive from his house to the cemetery was a drive he had made many times before but never as frantic as it had now, and he was probably lucky that he had not been pulled over because he surely would have been charged for reckless driving or something similar. He slammed on the brakes as soon as he reached Emma’s parked car, shoved it into park and was already half way out of the car before the seatbelt that he had forgotten to take off pulled him back in.

Brock had managed to get his seatbelt off and climb out of the truck but it didn’t mean that his panic was any less, it was just better hidden for the moment as he had been able to take a few moments on the drive over to do so as the last thing he wanted was for Clay to add more to the guilt that he felt because it was something that he would do. He moved quickly around the truck as he intercepted Jason, placing his hands firmly on his shoulders, stopping him from moving. “Jase, take a second.” It probably wasn’t the best thing to say but he needed the thinly veiled worry to be concealed for Clay’s sake. “Take a second to get yourself under control, to not let the kid see everything that you are feeling right now. Do it for him.” There were very few times when Jason let his mask slip, let his emotions show, but this wasn’t in the middle of the battle and it had to do with his kid, the one he had adopted as an adult unknowingly but not as unwillingly as he pretended it was, the one who had wormed his way into all of their hearts.

Jason wanted to push Brock away from him, wanted to snap at him for delaying him, but the rational part of his brain knew exactly why Brock was doing what he was, telling him what he was. “I just want to find my kids Brock.” The words were so softly spoken that if it had not been for the fact that Brock was stood right in front of Jason then he would not have heard him.

Brock smiled softly despite the situation that they found themselves in. “I know and we are going to find them.” The best thing for Jason was to be with them, to see Clay for himself, and to see Emma with Clay. “Come on. Did Emmie give any indication where they were?” He dropped his hands away from Jason’s shoulders and spun around ready to find the two.

Jason quickly pulled out his phone and re-read the text again. “No, just says the cemetery.” He shook his head making a mental note to give Emma a reminder to include such details that could be considered helpful in such times although he sincerely hoped that she never needed to give him details like that again. Before either of them had even begun to move another text popped up making his phone ping noisily. “Hill.” It was all the text said as Jason read it aloud before he slipped the phone back into the pocket knowing exactly where they were as there was this grass covered manmade hill that was constructed on the far side of the cemetery.

“Spense would have wanted the vantage point.” Brock kept pace with Jason as he spoke as it dawned on him that Clay might not have just been trying to think over his decision but it might have been bigger and that he still hadn’t completely realised he was back home yet because he was to stuck in his head.

“Yeah.” Jason had that thought creep into his mind but he had pushed it to the side as they would deal with all of it once they knew what it was they were dealing with. The faint illumination from Emma’s phone caught his attention as she waved it towards them. “There they are.” There was relief in his voice even as he hurried towards them with Brock at his side.

Both men stopped abruptly at the bottom of the small hill as the harsh sobs and harsh ragged breathing filtered down to their ears. They looked at each other before they made their way up slowly with both of them catching the look of relief that crossed Emma’s face for the briefest of seconds as she stopped humming. It did not take long to put one of the pieces together given the scattering of crushed beer cans and the discarded bottle of tequila that looked as though it had nothing more than a splash left in it.

“Clay, babe, Dad and Brock are here. We are going to get you home.” Emma kept her voice soft yet firm as she tried to lean back just enough to make some space between them but it had the undesired effect of making Clay cry harder and hold onto her tighter although he couldn’t hold her any tighter without crushing her.

Jason crouched down to Emma’s right so that he could see Clay if he moved his face away from Emma’s neck while Brock went to her left. The kid was a mess and they should have seen it coming, Jason thought bitterly because he should have made sure that someone was with Clay before he escaped off of the plane. “Clay, hey kid, it’s okay. We just want to get you home.” It felt like he was talking to a destroyed man, and Jason knew exactly how it felt to make calls like the one Clay had, although he had never been faced with the exact scenario of his team versus a kid although he knew his choice would have been the same because it would always be the team in scenarios like that.

Emma knew that Clay wasn’t going to willingly let go of her or talk to them right now as he was drunk, highly emotional, and battling his own brain in a way that she would never be able to comprehend. It might have been a black and white decision from her point of view but she also admitted that she was biased because it was her family that would not have made it home if not for the choice he made. But that choice had cost him, the only question left was how much exactly. “Clay, baby, it’s time to go home.” ‘Baby’ was not her usual term of endearment for him but then again none of this was normal. “I am going to take you home and we are going to get you into bed.” The talking part would have to wait until he was sober, and had taken a shower. “Give me a hand. Put him in my car, Brock can drive the Nova back.” It was now time to take control and move him whether he wanted to or not because it was freezing and nothing was going to help until he had slept and then spoken with his brothers.

“Come on Spense, let’s go.” Brock looked at Jason who nodded back before both men moved in and with Emma’s help untangled her from him before they helped him up off the ground and up onto his own unsteady feet as he wobbled relentlessly.

Emma suspected Clay had drunk a lot more than just the empty cans and bottle that he was surrounded by now she could see how wobbly he was. She bent down and made quick work of sweeping all of the crushed cans into the discarded box that they had come in before she shoved the bottle in with them then she took a few hurried steps to catch up although she didn’t have far to go as navigating the cemetery in the dark and with a drunken Clay was not proving to be easy.

Neither Brock or Jason said anything instead they listened to Clay repeatedly slur apologetically although their worry only grew as they crossed the cemetery silently back towards where all of the cars were parked.

“Hold on.” Emma moved around and in front of them as she opened the passenger side door chucking the empty box into the foot well before she turned around and patted Clay down for his keys finding them in his left front pocket as she reached in and pulled them out. She stepped aside letting them get Clay into the seat with the seatbelt on before they stepped back and she closed the door.

Jason pulled Emma into a hug of his own and kissed the crown of her head before he let go of her glancing at Clay who had managed to fold himself over and curl up in the seat. With the interior light of the car on, it wasn’t hard to see how pale he was or the tear stained cheeks that he had. “Has he said anything?” He asked.

“Only that he’s sorry. I think he has drunk a lot more than just was what was scattered around him though.” Emma wasn’t telling them anything that they had not heard or had not been able to figure out for themselves. “Here Brock.” She tossed him Clay’s keys which he caught with ease.

“We will follow you Brock, pull up the drive. I will follow you Em. Let’s get the kid home.” Jason wanted to make sure that Clay’s car was blocked in up his drive so that he could not go anywhere in his state not that he would drive drunk, and he wanted to be able to keep an eye on the both of them as Emma drove them home. It was going to be a convoy home.

Brock nodded hearing the urgency in the undertone of Jason’s voice and headed towards Clay’s car which they had seen when they had driven in leaving Dad and daughter to talk before they started the drive home.

Emma moved around to the driver’s side of the car knowing Jason was a few steps behind her. “Thank you.” Her voice was soft and the shakiness that she had worked hard to keep at bay could now be heard. “For allowing me to drive around looking for him.”

Jason shook his head. “I need to thank you for finding him. I wouldn’t have even thought to look here, none of us would have.” That was the honest truth as Clay going to Arlington Cemetery seemed more appropriate than the one where Alana was buried.

“I almost didn’t myself.” Emma admitted still not really sure why she had thought about it. “I think this is our thing Dad, I think that is why he came here without really thinking about it to much.” She could see the look of confusion that crossed his face at that statement and knew she would have to explain. “I came here on Mom’s anniversary, got drunk and broke down. You come here to drink and talk to Mom when things are tough. Clay came here, to continue drinking, and mourn or maybe try to reconcile everything, I don’t really know what he is thinking right now. But we seem to find the cemetery appealing to drink and break down in on the odd occasion.” She paused as she found herself smiling morbidly. “It must run in the family as we all have a habit of doing it.”

Jason shook his head at the morbid thought but found himself matching Emma’s smile even as he did before he sobered hearing the familiar sound of Clay’s Nova coming up the road towards them. “You sure you are alright to drive? It’s been a very long day for you.” He asked as the last thing he wanted was her to fall asleep behind the wheel although somehow he knew that none of them would be sleeping for the rest of the night except for Clay as the alcohol would help with that.

“I’m good, let’s go home.” Emma said before Jason opened the door for her allowing her to get in before he closed it then moved to his own truck.

Emma glanced over at Clay every few seconds once she found herself in the middle of the convey heading for home after she had reached over and gently entwined their fingers of their hands together. The silence was unsettling and only broken by the occasional sob and gasp for air.

**_Is This Our Thing_ **

Brock didn’t stop or make his way to Emma’s car instead he nodded his head at Jason as he headed straight for the house as someone needed to herd the rest of his brothers, Lisa and Mandy away for the moment. The last thing Clay needed was for his devastation to be seen as there was no doubt in Brock’s mind that he would feel embarrassed by it all in the clear light of the morning. Once again Emma had made the right call and shielded Clay all at once.

“How is he?”

“Is he okay?”

“Any sign of injuries?”

“Has he said anything?”

“Where was he?”

Brock whistled sharply silencing everyone talking over each other and held his hands up pleadingly. “Let Jay and Emmie get him settled then we can all talk. We are going to need more coffee as it is going to be a long night.” He was already pushing them back towards the kitchen knowing that they may get a passing glance but somehow he suspected it would not happen as Jason would use his body as a shield.

“I’ll make it, and put the kettle on for tea.” Lisa volunteered to make the coffee quickly as the last thing they needed was a worried Brock making them coffee although how the guys still managed to drink it was beyond her.

“Brock?” Trent peered at his brother trying to get a read on what was going on although it was easy to see the lingering worry in his eyes but that had been there from the moment they had all arrived at Jason’s after he declared the kid missing.

Brock shook his head as he began moving around the kitchen, collecting the craziness that they had ascended to as if they had been planning a mission, as Clay did not need to see it either.

**_Is This Our Thing_ **

Jason managed to get Clay into the house and straight into Emma’s bedroom as she followed after him without seeing anyone else although he knew that was thanks to Brock.

“I’ve got him Dad.” Emma could get Clay down to his boxers, into bed, and tucked under the comforter without having her Dad watch her do it as she was sure that would bring about an uncomfortable conversation as to why she was comfortable doing it or the ease that she could do it. “Best you do some crowd control before my bedroom becomes grand central station.” She kept her tone light even though things felt anything but light as it was worrisome at how docile Clay was as he just sat on the edge of the bed with his head bowed staring intently at the floor in front of him.

“You sure Em?” Jason asked even though she was right about needing to do some crowd control as Brock could only hold them back for so long without back up.

“Yeah, I will be out in a few minutes.” Emma smiled reassuringly.

“Okay.” Jason kissed her forehead as he relented but before he left the room he crouched down in front of Clay making him look up at him. “You’re not alone sunshine. Get some rest and we will talk in the morning.” It was all that needed to be said before he pushed himself up and left the room, closing the door behind himself to give them some semblance of privacy. He paused in the hallway taking a few seconds to scrub his hands over his face as it felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders before he dropped his hands at his side and let out a tired heavy sigh before he finally pushed himself to begin walking again.

The kitchen exploded with noise as soon as Jason appeared and he quickly held up his hands to silence them or hold them back, he wasn’t to sure which it was, before he looked at Brock who rolled his eyes. Yeah Emma was right about them panicking, Jason thought with a hint of amusement.

“Here Jay.” Ray handed Jason a mug of coffee with a look that told him he wanted answers. “Lisa made it.” He added on after seeing the look towards the coffee. There was a hint of amusement because he knew Jason would drink the coffee whether it tasted good or terrible.

“My coffee isn’t that bad!” Brock said with a pout although he knew that sometimes it came out a bit more bitter than he meant it to be.

Trent shook his head at Brock’s outburst before he focused back on Jason as his concern won out. “How is he?” The question coming from him meant ‘was he in need of medical care’.

Jason gulped half of the coffee down before he leaned back against the edge of the counter top and shared a look with Brock. The truth was that the two of them did not have a lot to say as they really did not know how Clay was or where exactly his head was at. “He could probably do with an intravenous fluid line in a little bit. Let Emma settle him first.” Clay wouldn’t enjoy getting stuck with a needle but at least the fluids would help with the hangover that he was bound to have and hydrate him at the same time.

Trent wasn’t surprised that Clay had been drinking, had tried to drink the memories and thoughts away, or that he was in need of having his system flushed and to help him feel better he would throw a banana bag in. “Yeah Jase, got my med bag with me.” It was part of his habit to carry it with him even at home, and he had no problem running an intravenous line for any of his brothers. Hell they were all guilty of getting caught out by a spin up mission either drinking heavily at the bar or with a hangover that needed fixing.

“He say anything?” Ray asked from Jason’s side. As much as he hated that a choice like the one Clay made even existed, he was grateful that he wasn’t the one to make it yet he hated himself for being grateful. It was never a good feeling to take a life, and Ray knew all to well what it was like to take a child’s life with the only difference being that Ray’s killing of a child had been an accident while Clay’s had been a deliberate action to save his brothers. The two were incomparable in reality but the emotions were similar.

“Not really up to it Ray.” Jason answered with a shrug although it didn’t mean they would let it go. “It was more important to get him home.” That was the call that Emma had made, it was the call that was right, and home was Jason’s house.

Mandy smiled at Jason’s words even though it was not a situation to be smiling in but she adored the man in front of her for the way he would do anything for his family but what really had her smiling was how he referred to his home as Clay’s. Jason’s home had been home for all of the team for a long time until he had sold the house that he and Alana had shared but now his new house had become their home again. “He is home Jason.” She reiterated softly as his eyes met hers and she gave him a small smile. It was not hard to miss the way Jason’s relaxed minutely at the confirmation that Clay was home.

Brock cleared his throat softly capturing everyone’s attention. “We need to figure out how to help him now that he is home.” It was heavy sounding because it was. There was no rule book, no easy way, but they had to figure something out. “This is not something that Emmie can help him with, and for once it isn’t something she should help him with.” It felt cruel to say because he knew how bonded they were and although he knew Emma would provide a comfort that they could not forgive it wasn’t her time to guide Clay through this. “I’m not saying she can’t or won’t be by his side but this is our area of expertise for lack of a better word. We know all about hard choices and the consequences of those hard choices. And he made the choice he did to save us.”

“You’re right Brock.” Emma appeared in front of them having heard what Brock had said and she agreed even though it was done with a heavy heart. “This isn’t something I can help him to work through. I can’t talk to him about this and it would be hypercritical of me to try too.” She was aware of it, aware that she had no experience in this type of thing nor did she wish too either as she moved across to her Dad moving forward to hug him.

Jason wrapped his arms around Emma tightly before he placed a kiss on the crown of her head. He could see how much it was paining her to admit that she couldn’t be the one to help Clay, and at his suffering. “Love you honey.” He murmured softly letting her hug him for as long as she needed.

“Love you too Dad.” Emma murmured softly as she listened to the beat of his heart as she rested her head over it.

“You get him settled Emma?” Trent asked keeping his voice low as the sooner the intravenous fluids and banana bag were started the better Clay would feel when he finally woke up.

Emma let out a soft sigh before she unwrapped herself from Jason and scrubbed her hand over her face tiredly as she moved to lift herself up onto the counter top. “I wouldn’t say he is settled but he is tucked into bed and asleep.” It was an alcohol induced sleep but she doubted it would last long if the dark circles beneath his eyes were anything to go by. “Give him a few more minutes before you go and stick him.” She didn’t even need to question what Trent would be doing as she knew he would for Clay’s sake.

Trent wasn’t surprised that Emma had put the pieces together without even having asked a single question. “Any idea on how much he has had?” He asked wondering if he would need to be keeping an eye out for symptoms of alcohol poisoning.

Emma glanced at Jason as she really did not feel like saying to much or guessing on the amount of alcohol Clay had consumed although it was fair to say it had been a hell of a lot more than he would usually allow himself. The reality was that he was trying to drown himself until he was numb and the darkness overcame him as a temporary reprieve from all that he was thinking and feeling. “Enough.” It was the simplest answer she could give, that she was going to give, and Trent seemed to accept it as he nodded towards her.

Mandy moved towards Emma and handed her a freshly brewed mug of tea as the last thing she needed was to be drinking coffee given how exhausted she looked but they all knew how hard she had been studying for her exams as Jason and Clay had both spoken about it. “How are you doing baby girl?” She asked as what Emma had learned only a few hours ago had to be shocking despite the brave face she had put on.

Emma took the mug from Mandy letting her hands wrap around it for the warmth before she leant back until her head was rested up against one of the wall cabinets. Truthfully she was exhausted but that was from a lot of late nights and early mornings spent studying, and commuting between home and New York. However she knew that was not what Mandy was referring to. “I’m fine.” She shrugged not caring whether they believed her or not. “Right now, we need to figure out what happens in the morning.” She was not concerned with her well-being right now instead choosing to focus on Clay and shift attention back on him.

Jason knew that they were not going to make any progress tonight as they were all tired and worried although that wouldn’t go away anytime soon. “It’s late, we are running on fumes. I think it’s best to take the rest of the night, get some sleep, and regroup in the morning.” They needed to be clear headed and focused when they figured out how best to talk Clay through the choice he had to make and the emotions that his choice made him feel.

Ray knew that what Jason was saying made sense but he could also sense and understand the hesitation that had built immediately in the room. “Jay’s right. If we are going to help him then we need to make sure we are thinking clearly.” He was going to back Jason on this one.

“I’ll crash in Mikey’s room if that’s alright Jase, want to check on him throughout the night.” Trent was already preparing to make his way down the hall to check on Clay for the first time as he spoke.

Jason was glad that Trent had offered to stay to keep an eye on Clay with him as Trent knew better than most what to look out for. “Yeah, you know where everything is. Go get started on flushing him out.” He waved his hand out loosely effectively dismissing Trent who did not hesitate.

“I am going to go with Trent.” Emma put her untouched mug down then slid down off of the bench as she figured Trent could use the help but also because she wanted to see Clay again for herself. And once Trent was done then she was going to get changed and lay down with Clay although she doubted she would sleep any more than her Dad or Trent would.

“What time do you want us back here Jase?” Sonny asked knowing he and Clay were still not in a great place but they had found a (happy) medium that they could both live with for the moment. Although there had been a lot of damage done by the allegations he still cared and hated the pain that his youngest brother was in now. He would do whatever he could to help.

Jason doubted Clay would be up and functioning before the middle of the morning. “About 10 should work. Give him time to rest.” And it would give everyone a few morning hours themselves.

Lisa nodded as she moved towards Jason. “Anything you want me to pick up on my way back over in the morning?” She asked softly as she wanted to help in whatever way she could.

“No, we’re good.” Jason couldn’t think of anything and he had not tried to think about it to hard either.

“Come on, we all need to go home and get some sleep.” Ray began to usher Lisa, Sonny, and Brock with Cerb out leaving Jason and Mandy alone in the kitchen.

Mandy watched as Jason’s shoulders dropped as he tipped his head back and looked up at the ceiling blinking heavily and she waited until everyone was out of the house who wasn’t staying the night. “You need to get some sleep too Jason. I know how scared you have been being unable to find him but he’s here, he’s home with you and Emma.” She reminded him softly once against stepping closer so that she was in front of him. She placed her hand on his arm and let it slide down to his hand slowly feeling as he entwined their fingers together like they had been so many times before in all different situations.

“Stay.” Jason spoke softly wanting her to stay with him. “With me.” It might have sounded needy but he didn’t want her to leave, not tonight, because he wanted her beside him even if he wouldn’t spend a lot of time in his bed beside her.

“Always.” Mandy did not hesitate to answer and accept his offer. It wasn’t like she hadn’t stayed over before although usually those nights were very different but tonight was about him because he needed to be okay to make sure that Clay was okay.

**_Is This Our Thing_ **

Emma took the opportunity as Trent finished up with Clay to duck into the bathroom, splash some water on her face, and get changed into a pair of pyjamas before she walked back into her bedroom.

Trent looked up just in time to see Emma shuffle out of the bathroom looking weary but he couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips as he caught sight of her blue flannel pyjama bottoms that had yellow animated ducks on them as they reminded him of when she was younger as he could have sworn she had a pair of pyjamas that were almost identical albeit a lot smaller. It wasn’t hard to see how much she cared especially with the way her eyes immediately landed on Clay who was still laid on his right side although now he was trussed up to two intravenous bags, one with saline and the other was a banana bag full of nutrients, and had slept through the examination and needle stick. “I will check on him throughout the night, and swap out both bags closer to the morning. You should get some sleep doll.” He tugged the comforter back over Clay before he moved towards the door hoping that she would try to sleep at least.

Emma smiled always in awe of the way they knew all of the little thigs that made Clay feel safe and comforted. She placed her hand on Trent’s forearm before he could move past her and out of her bedroom. “Thank you.” She kept her voice soft as she spoke.

Trent pulled Emma in for a quick hug sensing she needed one. “I should be the one thanking you doll.” He said as he released her allowing her to step back. Of course Emma had been able to do what five of them had been unable to do which was find Clay in the very place that they would never have considered looking for him at. “You found him when we couldn’t.”

“I almost missed him too.” Emma admitted tiredly as she looked over at Clay. “Go get some sleep yourself. I’ve got him for now.” She kissed his cheek before she moved towards the bed.

Trent shook his head but said nothing more instead he left the room and headed to claim the bottom bed of the bunks that were in Mikey’s room although they spent more time there than Mikey did as he was still at school although he would be home soon enough for the summer.

Emma didn’t bother turning off the bedside lamps or the fairy lights as she knew Trent would be in and out and so would her Dad be as she crawled into bed and pressed herself up against Clay’s back pressing her face into the back of his neck as she laid her hand over his ribs feeling as they rose and fell with each and every breath. She smiled softly as she felt his arm move back until it was curled around her holding her close to him and his legs moved until they were entwined with hers. She let herself relax against him enough to doze on and off as she kept making sure that he was resting.

**_Is This Our Thing_ **

Morning came far too fast and not fast enough for everyone in the Hayes’ household. Trent and Jason had both been up on and off all night checking on Clay and waking Emma up if she was dozing every single time, and Trent had run two banana bags and three bags of fluids through the intravenous line before he had removed the cannula from Clay’s arm all without waking him up.

Emma had left the bed not long after 0700 to grab herself a quick shower and get dressed for the day although she did not expect to be leaving the house either. It didn’t take long for her to get ready then check in on Clay before she walked out into the kitchen seeing that her Dad, Mandy and Trent were already sitting at the kitchen table with mugs of coffee in front of them. “Morning.” She greeted softly moving to get her own mug of coffee as she certainly needed it as she had dozed for no more than ninety minutes in total throughout the night.

Jason looked up at Emma unsurprised at the dark circles he could see under her eyes as she hadn’t bothered with putting on any make up and her hair was tied up tightly in a top bun. She looked as exhausted as he felt, and he knew that it wasn’t just because of what she had learned last night but because she had been running herself ragged studying and finishing her exams as well as commuting between home and New York. “Morning honey.” He had hoped she would sleep or at least lay in bed longer as he had seen her throughout the night every time he left his bed that he had spent the night talking to Mandy in to check on her and Clay.

“Morning baby girl.” Mandy greeted softly having already text Lisa to bring over donuts and more coffee when she came over later in the morning as they could all use a sugar fix and sweet treat.

“Hi there doll.” Trent smiled tiredly as he pulled the chair out beside him for her.

Emma dropped heavily into the chair that had been pulled out before she pulled her legs up and curled them under her and then she took a large mouthful of coffee from the mug. She swallowed the coffee before she set the mug down on the table in front of her. “He’s still sleeping.” She said even though there was no need too.

“Did he wake at all?” Jason asked as usually Clay was a light sleeper but he had not roused any of the times that he and Trent checked in.

“No.” Emma answered nor was she going to wake him as it was clear that he needed to sleep. “How long before everyone is back here?” It was still early but she was sure a time would have been arranged.

“I said 10 but somehow I doubt they will be able to help themselves.” Jason had no doubt that someone would turn up an hour or two earlier.

Emma nodded lazily as she had been surprised that they had managed to get the others to leave although she was grateful for that as the last thing they needed was a crowded house first thing in the morning. There was a lot going on in her head and now that she had nothing to do but sit and wait until either Clay woke up or everyone arrived, the severity of the choice that Clay had to make began to set in. It was a stark reality and although she still stood by what she had said about it being the right call if it meant choosing between them coming home alive rather than in a box but she still could not fully fathom what it was like to have to make a choice like that and more importantly live with the consequences of that choice. “How do you get right with a choice like that?” She hadn’t meant to ask it aloud yet but it slipped out before she could stop it, and if the silence wasn’t suffocating in the kitchen before then it was now. She wasn’t naïve enough to think that hard choices like the one Clay faced had not been faced by men before or even by the men who were her family.

Jason and Trent looked at each other, both startled at the question that Emma had asked, although they should have seen it coming. It wasn’t hard to see that now that Emma’s attention had turned from finding Clay and getting him settled to thinking about the information she should have never been told and how to help Clay even though she had no experience with it. The problem was that there was not an exact answer, and there certainly was no right answer.

Emma watched the looks shared between her Dad and Trent and then there was Mandy who was remained quiet while she looked saddened by the question. “There’s no way to get right with it, is there?” They didn’t need to answer that as she could tell from the way they were looking at each other.

“There is no one way. It’s something you have to learn to live with.” Trent finally settled on answering as he found himself wishing that Brock had come around early as he somehow almost always knew what to say without being dismissive or trying to make it sound anything more or less than it was. “But we will help him through this as much as we can doll.” He wanted to assure her of that although even he had to admit that they should have been there from the moment they got back on the plane to fly home.

Emma gave Trent a small but hesitant smile as the answer really didn’t ease or sooth the sharpened edges of the worry that had settled heavily in her stomach hours before. “I know.” She finally answered although it sounded far from believable even to her own ears.

**_Is This Our Thing_ **

Clay groaned as he rolled over onto his back and forced his eyelids open blinking heavily before he realised where he was as the fairy lights above the bed were a dead giveaway. The longer he laid there the more he remembered and as he bought his hands up to his face he caught sight of a large bruise that was recent and a closer look told him how exactly it had happened as it was a familiar one. No wonder he did not feel hungover as he must have had an intravenous cannula in him while he slept. He was happy that he did not have a hangover to deal with as he had enough on his mind as that heavy feeling hadn’t left him nor had the recall of his memory. He scrubbed his hands over his face tiredly before he pushed himself up and shuffled until his back was up against the padded plush headboard. He let his eyelids close again as he tipped his head back and listened to the quiet murmurs of the house knowing that there was more than just Emma and Jason waiting for him to make an appearance.

Clay took another few minutes for himself before he decided to shuffle his way to the bathroom to get himself sorted and a shower would mean he could prolong having to face everyone for a bit longer.

Safely locked in the bathroom and under the lukewarm water Clay rested his forehead against the tiled wall as his chest heaved as he unwillingly ran over everything in his head again, seeing the mist of red that appeared when his bullet hit its mark, and before he could stop himself he pulled away from the wall and gagged violently as he sunk down to his knees involuntarily with the water lashing over his back. There was no escaping the way he felt as he bought his shaking hand to his mouth and covered it as the last thing he wanted was to be heard.

**_Is This Our Thing_ **

There was nothing good having the team gathered around Jason’s kitchen as none of them had waited until 1000 before arriving with Brock and Cerb giving in first followed by Lisa then Sonny and Ray, and none of them looked like they had a wink of sleep either.

The sound of Cerb whining caught everyone’s attention just as the sound of the door closing and the water running had just minutes before. Jason followed Emma down the hallway without a second thought as she had only just managed to get in front of him. The fact that Cerb was whining meant something was wrong, well more wrong then it already was.

“Clay, babe?” Emma knocked heavily on the door as Cerb would not stop whining and pawing at the bottom of it as he tried to find a way into the bathroom.

Jason waited a few seconds hoping that Clay would respond but the only sound was the water running although if he listened closely it didn’t seem to sound quite right. “Clay, kid, you okay in there?” He hit the door a little harder than Emma had before he looked back over his shoulder seeing everyone had huddled in the hall a few steps back from them with varying degrees of worry covering their faces before he turned back to the door. “Kid, need you to say something or I’m coming in.” He warned although the concern was highly evident as his hand moved towards the handle hoping like hell it was unlocked because he really did not feel like breaking through a door or replacing one although he would do it.

The water stopped running and Jason paused to listen and he heard Clay moving around. It was enough to stop him from barging in but he still did not like that Clay had not responded to either him or Emma verbally. “Em, honey, go get something to eat. I’ll wait here.” He told her wanting everyone to go wait in the kitchen or the lounge again as the last thing Clay needed was to walk out of the bathroom and be confronted by all of them.

Emma looked at Jason with a frown but she relented easily as she knew why he was doing it. With a soft nod she reached down and grabbed hold of Cerb’s collar before commanding him to come with her then ushered everyone else to move in front of her. She hated to be dismissed but she understood why he had done it.

Jason waited until everyone was well away before he knocked gently on the door at the same time as the movement seemed to stop from inside of it. “Can I come in kid?” He asked keeping his voice low.

“Yeah.” Clay answered quietly, his voice sounding hoarse from behind the door.

Jason pushed the door open, stepped inside then closed it behind him to offer what privacy he could. He turned around and lent back against the doorframe as he looked at Clay who was stood at the sink with his hands clutching the edge of the counter top tightly with his head bowed. It was easy to see that every part of Clay was coiled tightly like he was ready to attack or be attacked. “You scared me when I couldn’t find you.” He decided to begin with that because he hoped it would remind Clay that he was loved.

Clay blinked heavily and swallowed around the lump in his throat, the one that seemed to have formed the moment the adrenaline had faded and the reality set in, and it only grew when he wrote his AAR on the flight home. It would be easy to say that the killing had been done to save his team as it had been but at the end of it all he was just a child who knew no better and Clay had ended his life because he had a rigged vest packed with explosives strapped to his body with the detonator in his hand. “I killed a kid Jase. I killed a kid with a bullet straight between the eyes. I bet his parents were scared when they couldn’t find him.” He paid no attention to the way his voice cracked and crackled as he said those words out loud for the first time feeling the burden on them settle heavily in him once more.

Jason hated that Clay had taken his words and put them into those of the parents of the suicide bombers. Without an ounce of hesitation he crossed the small bathroom, wrapped his hand around the back of Clay’s neck and pulled him into his own body hugging him tightly. Clay didn’t try to fight the hold instead he melted into it. Jason squeezed Clay’s neck before he let his fingers brush over the skin softly. “I am so sorry you had to make that choice, that I put you in that position Clay.” The words were spoken softly but they were heavy. It was never a position he wanted any of his men in, in fact the whole situation was one of many that he hoped to avoid. “We are all here and home because of you, because of the choice you had to make kid. Believe me.”

“I know.” Clay’s voice was muffled as he did know that it had been the only option to make sure that they all came home unscathed but it didn’t make him feel any better.

Jason knew that they needed to talk about all of it and that conversation needed to include the team. “Come on kid.” He was reluctant to let go of Clay but he knew it would only be a matter of time before someone came knocking. “Let’s go sit in the lounge and talk.”

Clay pulled away from Jason slowly as he did not feel ready to face anyone else but he couldn’t hide away forever. He scrubbed a hand over his face tiredly before he gave a short nod. “Okay.” He said softly knowing Jason was waiting for a verbal acknowledgement before he moved.

Jason stepped back, pulled the door open and stepped out of the bathroom with Clay shuffling a few steps behind him. He wasn’t surprised as Clay passed him by as he headed straight for the couch to curl up on it while he stopped to look into the kitchen at everyone.

Mandy tracked Clay until he was curled up on the end of the couch looking far more washed out and exhausted than she had seen him for a long time before she returned her gaze to Jason. It wasn’t hard to see that the time for the team to talk to Clay had come. “Lisa, Emma, let’s go sit out in the backyard.” Mandy directed knowing that they did not need to be privy for the conversation despite her and Lisa having watched and listened to the unfolding event via ISR and comms. They would be right outside if they were needed, and she was sure that once the men were done talking that they would be needed anyway, Emma especially.

Jason was thankful that Mandy had taken the liberty to usher herself, Lisa and Emma out into the backyard allowing them to have a free conversation albeit a hard one. However one look at Emma told him that she wasn’t sure it was a good idea as her eyes were focused intently on Clay who was now stroking Cerb who had managed to curl up on the couch with him. “Go with Mandy and Davis honey.” He instructed her softly although he hated to do so but thankfully she relented allowing the two women to push and pull her out into the backyard without a fight.

Trent moved towards Clay but was stopped as Jason’s hand landed on his forearm making him pause. “Take a look at his arm where the cannula was.” Jason suggested and ordered at once at he had caught sight of the large blooming bruise that nearly took up Clay’s entire forearm. While he knew it could happen, it didn’t often happen to Clay which is why Trent needed to look at it. Trent pursed his lips for a few seconds before he gave a single nod and began moving towards Clay once more.

“Hey kiddo.” Trent kept his voice soft just in case Clay had a headache although he hoped that the fluids and banana bags had done their jobs as he knelt down in front of him in the space between the couch and the coffee table. It wasn’t often that Clay curled up the way he had, and he certainly looked worse for wear. “I just want to take a look at your arm where the cannula was that I put in to keep you hydrated.” He hadn’t missed the small smile that tugged at Clay’s lips for a split second before it slipped away. Clay produced his arm without any protest or insinuation that he was fine and Trent gently took hold of his wrist shocked at how big and dark the bruise was as it certainly had not been like that when he had last checked on him.

“Ouch! That looks like it hurts.” Sonny whistled sharply making Clay cringe as he took a seat in the armchair across the room from him.

Trent threw a look over his shoulder that promptly told Sonny to shut up before he looked back at Clay who seemed focused on stroking Cerb. “Does it hurt at all?” He asked and Clay responded by shaking his head ‘no’. “I can put an ice pack on it to help reduce the bruising.” Another shake of the head from Clay as he refused the ice pack. “Okay kiddo, okay.” Trent relented after a few more seconds before he stood up and moved back worried that Clay felt crowded.

Brock moved into the space that Trent had vacated concerned by Clay’s silence but he could see the violent storm that was in his eyes. “Here Spense, drink this.” Brock pressed the large glass of blackcurrant juice into Clay’s hand without any preamble. He waited until Clay bought the glass to his lips and drank half of it immediately before he took the glass back then moved to sit on the couch next to him. There was no easy way to proceed with the conversation that was about to take place but they couldn’t let him suffer in silence over the choice that he had made because it had been the right choice even if it did not feel like it to Clay.

Jason waited and watched for a few minutes before he moved further into the lounge and sat down on the coffee table in front of Clay like he had done many times before. “You know I never gave you the talk.” He began knowing he hadn’t bothered to give Clay ‘the talk’ when he first joined Bravo and although there may have been snippets here and there over the years they were not enough. It was one thing that he regretted heavily as Clay had been the only one not to be given the talk when he had first graduated from Green Team to Bravo, and Jason had no idea why he hadn’t.

Clay looked up from Cerb to Jason with a heavily confused frown on his face. “Think I got the talk long before I joined the Navy Jase.” It was the only ‘talk’ he could think of although even he would admit that his brain was not functioning all that well to think much beyond that talk.

Jason chuckled even as he rolled his eyes as snickers and chuckles erupted around him. “Not that talk kid.” He said with a groan as that was one talk he would never be having again as he had done it with Emma twice (once with Alana and once without) and Mikey once, and there was no need to have that talk with Clay as he was a grown man.

“Anyway Trent is probably better qualified for that talk anyway if you have any questions there blondie.” Sonny tossed in with a smirk aimed at Trent even as he flipped the bird at him from across the room.

Jason was grateful for the momentarily reprieve that they had all been given because he knew the conversation was only going to get harder from this point forward. “I am talking about the parts of this job that none of us like to talk about, the positions that none of us ever want to find ourselves in but when we do what happens during and after. I never gave you that talk, and I doubt anyone else thought too either.” He spared a glance in Sonny’s direction once he had finished talking before he looked back at Clay recalling how much Sonny disliked Clay who he had first been drafted to Bravo.

Clay groaned much like a petulant teenager would and before anyone could say anything he curled up into a tighter ball and pressed his face into Cerb so it was completely hidden. It might have been childish but he didn’t care as he just wanted to wallow in peace and not have to listen.

“Come on kid, work with me here.” Jason smiled at Clay’s actions even though he shouldn’t have been given the heaviness of the conversation that they needed to have.

“Don’t want too.” Clay’s hoarse voice was muffled by Cerb.

“Cerb, platz (down).” Brock commanded earning a glare from the hair missile who begrudgingly did as he was ordered to do wiggling out of Clay’s hold as Clay wasn’t cooperating either although he did unfurl enough to glare at Brock as well. “Don’t glare at me like that. We need to talk little brother.” The glare was not at all intimidating when he was curled up at the end of the couch as he was.

Ray stepped forward standing on the other side of Jason just behind the coffee table. “You don’t just get to disappear on us Spenser once we get home, or at all, it doesn’t matter where we are.” The fact that he was unreachable did not make any of them happy.

Clay huffed and rolled over onto his back before he draped his arm across his eyes knowing he had screwed up yet again. Lately it was all he felt like he had been doing. “I know.” His hoarse voice made him cringe as it sounded terrible but that was what happened when he tried to drink the memories away and ended up an emotional wreck.

Brock wasn’t bothered nor was he about to move as Clay’s feet pressed against the side of his leg. “What exactly do you know Spense?” He asked sparing a glance at Jason as none of them wanted to tread to heavily but they also couldn’t afford to treat too light either as they needed Clay to be more than okay at the end of it all.

Clay groaned again wishing he had kept his mouth shut but he also knew how stubborn the rest of his Bravo brothers were so there was no getting out of this talk despite how much he wished not to have it. “Logically, I know I didn’t have a choice, I know I had to take the shot.” He didn’t bother removing his arm from where it was draped over his eyes hiding him from everyone else.

Jason nodded his head in agreeance with Clay as he was the only one who had the shot as Ray hadn’t and none of them could have made any sudden movement without all of them being blown up. “But… it’s hard because it was still a kid that you had to kill.” Jason knew that was exactly why Clay was having such trouble with his decision, with this shot over the several hundred he had taken before.

Clay winced sharply at Jason’s words as it only served to remind him that he had killed a boy who would not have been more than sixteen years old although it was not something that he would forget anytime soon or at all. “Yeah…” He trailed off swallowing thickly as it made him sick to his stomach.

Jason leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together out in front of him as he kept his eyes on Clay resisting the urge to pull his arm away from his eyes so that he could see those expressive baby blues that he had as it certainly made him easier to read although Jason knew him well enough without seeing his eyes. “Do you remember what you told me on that rooftop not long after you returned to the team? About what war was to men like us?” Jason asked deciding to begin the talk in a very different manner given how long Clay had been with them.

Clay remembered that conversation like it had only taken place hours ago. “War is our refuge.” Clay uttered the words out a little begrudgingly wondering why exactly Jason was bringing that conversation up now.

“War is our refuge, that’s right.” Jason nodded his head ignoring the feeling of Ray’s eyes glaring into the back of his head although he was sure he would hear about it later. “We make choices every damn day of our lives, some good, some bad, and some grey area ones. Justifiable to ourselves and to others. There are choices that we make that no one else will ever have to make, and we make those choices for that exact reason, so the ones we love don’t have too. But it doesn’t mean those choices that we make don’t hurt us, don’t take a piece of us and turn it black or burn that piece of us so badly that it turns into nothing more than a pile of ash. In the middle of a war, of a battle, of a firefight, we depend on each other to make those choices so that we can survive and succeed. The wins outnumber the losses.” That was a part of the speech that Jason should have given Clay years ago before they had even spun up as a team for the first time. It was very late but it still held the same meaning although certain parts that he had left out had been made redundant because of the experience he had.

Clay dropped his arm down to his side before he rolled his head so that he was looking at Jason, and only Jason. There was more, he was sure of it, and he was going to remain quiet until he heard the rest of what Jason had to say.

Jason’s eyes met Clay’s as he knew he had to push forward or risk never resolving the guilt that was easy to see. “You made a choice because the alternative was not one you could live with. You were the only one that had the ability to get us out of that alive. You and I both know that if that vest had been detonated then I wouldn’t be sitting here neither would Brock or Trent or Sonny.” He paused to take a breath and let that settle in Clay’s big and sometimes overactive brain. “It was the right choice but it doesn’t mean you don’t get to not feel how you want to about it however it also doesn’t mean that it gets to eat you alive. You and I both know that those kids are radicalised at a young age but they still know what it is they are doing when they trap men like us in the manner that they do, and they know what happens when they push that button that they hold tightly clasped in their hand. It was the only choice Clay, it was the right choice.” He reinforced and he would do it several times over if he had too. “But you do have to talk to us kid, any one or all of us, none of us are going to judge you for feeling bad about a shot like that. We don’t like it when you disappear or retreat from us. We may not be the greatest at talking but we can listen, and if we think you need more than we will help you find whatever it is that you need. And we won’t think any less of you for needing whatever it is that you do end up needing.”

Clay shuddered violently before he blew out a shaky breath as Jason’s words impacted him heavily. Jason was right although Clay wasn’t about to tell him that although he was fairly sure he knew. He swallowed thickly a couple of times. “That’s a good talk Jase.” There was only sincerity in his voice as he truly meant it.

Jason huffed as a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips as only the kid could think about reassuring him that the ‘talk’ was a good one when he felt like crap himself. Jason knew that it would take more than a few pointed words to heal Clay but he hoped it was a start for him. “Yeah, well I can’t take full ownership of it.” Jason did not know who started that ‘talk’ specifically but it had been passed down to him just like the one that Eric had passed down to him when he had lost his first man as Master Chief. “We’ve all had the speech before, even me kid.”

Clay quirked his eyebrow up and narrowed his eyes before a sly smirk worked its way onto his lips. “Bet you took it well.”

Jason reached out and lightly cuffed Clay’s ear although there was a fondness to the action especially with the way Clay squirmed and snickered. “I did actually, I wasn’t a smart ass like someone we know.” He said dead serious although it didn’t last long as he was sure it was Ray who snickered from behind him.

“Oh I don’t know about that, I think you and Spenser were just about as cocky as each other upon joining Bravo, at least that is what I have heard. Maybe we should ask Eric or Harrington.” Ray snickered again having heard all about Jason’s first few months of Bravo, and they weren’t all that far away from Clay’s in the sense of being brash, cocky and arrogant.

“I call bullshit on you taking anything like that well.” Trent could not help himself from throwing that comment in.

“Got to say I am with them on this one.” Brock smirked as he tried and failed to look innocent as he spoke.

“Hey!” Jason exclaimed loudly in protest even though it would only spur them on.

Sonny waggled his toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other. “Why are we just talking about when they first joined Bravo? I don’t think that much has changed.”

“Hey!” Both Clay and Jason exclaimed loudly and in unison as they looked at Sonny before they looked at each other making the other men laugh.

The laughing died out quickly as there was still a heaviness in the air as Clay had yet to say much of anything on how he was feeling as he pushed himself up, placed his feet on the floor before he leaned back into the cushions of the couch, tipped his head back and let his eyelids close as he exhaled heavily. It wasn’t hard to see that everything was still weighing heavily on him, or that he hadn’t fully recovered from his disappearing act or drinking his weight in alcohol despite the medical attention that Trent had delivered to him.

“What’s going on in that head of yours Spense?” It was Brock who prompted him, who pushed him to open up to them, as they were still largely in the dark to exactly what was going on in Clay’s head just as Cerb managed to squeeze back onto the couch and lay his head in Clay’s lap.

Clay shook his head and forced his eyelids to rise so that he could look around the room, look at the men in front of him, and look past them to see the women he loved sitting beyond them in the backyard. Seeing everybody made him realise just how much he had succeeded and messed up all at once. He had succeeded in ensuring that every single one of the men in front of him made it home safely, he had succeed in making sure that Mandy still had Jason (because they really weren’t falling anybody that there was not something special between them), he had succeeded in making sure that Lisa still had him and Sonny and the rest of the team, he had succeeded in making sure that Emma and Mikey still had Jason, and he had succeeded in making sure that Emma still had him and her family. But he had messed up in the way he had handled everything and had inadvertently caused them all pain, he had messed up by walking off the plane and disappearing on them all, he had messed up by remaining quiet, he had messed up by trying to drink himself into oblivion, he had messed up. And the cost of that success and that failure was the life of a child solider who knew nothing different, and a part of him although he wasn’t sure just how much that shot had cost him of himself yet. The cost of war was always high, sometimes too high, but the personal cost… well it depended how one measured it.

Clay scrubbed his hand over his face letting his knuckles dig into the corner of each of his eyes for a few seconds before he dropped his hand down giving Cerb a scratch at the base of his ear in the spot that had him leaning into it. “I’m going to be okay with this, it’s just going to take some time.” It was the truth because the successes meant more to him, coming home alive and well was what was important, and there was no way he would have been able to live with himself if he had not taken the shot and had gotten them all killed.

Brock smiled softly. “Yes you are, and yes it is.” He agreed taking a moment to relax as it seemed as though they had gotten through to Clay or rather Jason had but it did not mean that they would not keep an eye on him although they did that anyway.

“Anything you want to talk about at the moment or do you want something to eat?” Those were Clay’s only two options as far as Trent was concerned as he would like Clay to eat something as he had no idea when was the last time that he ate.

“Kind of just want to lay down for a while.” Clay answered as he still felt exhausted but then he had not slept since he had gotten back onto the plane until Jason had dragged him into Emma’s bedroom and let Emma put him to bed.

Jason knew why Trent was worried but he could also see that Clay was exhausted although a lack of food could be partly to blame for that as well. “Why don’t you have something light to eat then you and Em can curl up on the couch and nap cause I think you could both use one.” It was a compromise of sorts but it meant that Clay would eat and Emma would rest which was what they both needed. “Lisa even bought your favourite donut, and slapped Sonny’s hand away when he tried to grab one.”

Clay laughed softly as he could picture Lisa slapping Sonny’s hand and he knew it wouldn’t have been a light tap either.

“Don’t you go laughing there blondie. She might be little but she sure knows how to slap.” Sonny bristled although he knew how hard Lisa could punch so he was relieved that she had only slapped his hand. Sonny’s words only made Clay laugh harder as he doubled over laughing. There was something far more comical than there should have been about Lisa slapping Sonny’s hand over it going near the donut that she knew was Clay’s favourite. “Hey there blondie, it ain’t that funny.” He did his best to act as if he was grouchy but it was hard to maintain when it was so good to hear Clay laughing even if it was at his own expense.

Clay had to stop himself from laughing but it was hard at the imagery that his imagination had envisioned and it took him a few moments to control himself before he finished the rest of the juice that was left in his glass.

It was good to see Clay laugh and look a lot lighter than he had just several minutes before, Jason thought although watching Lisa slap Sonny’s hand like a naughty child had been funny in itself. “So does that sound like a plan? Donut and a nap on the couch with Emma?” He asked hoping Clay would say yes as they both needed a lot more sleep.

Clay nodded as he once again raised his hand up and scrubbed it over his face as he was exhausted. Days of overthinking without sleep and combined with a lot of alcohol had done a number on him. Luckily he was already dressed comfortably as he had on a pair of sweatpants and a soft loose cotton t-shirt after his shower.

Ray reached forward and squeezed Jason’s shoulder. “I’ll go get them back in.” He kept his voice soft and although he was still somewhat concerned about how close Clay and Emma were he knew better than to say anything nor was it his place to say anything especially when Jason was condoning it instead of condemning it. He did not wait for a reply instead he let his hand slip from Jason’s shoulder then turned and headed for the backyard where the women were sitting drinking tea and chatting lightly.

Brock pushed himself up off of the couch so that the room was available to spread out before he made his way into the kitchen to get Clay the donut that Lisa had specially gotten for him and fill the glass with more blackcurrant juice as he needed to have more to drink. He had subtly kicked Sonny in the shin on his way past him then nodded his head towards the kitchen hoping that he would understand the silent words to move towards the kitchen which he did to give Jason and Clay a few moments as Trent had already moved that way after Ray.

Jason leaned forward and placed his hand on Clay’s knee giving it a soft squeeze making him look at him. “Anything I need to know about that happened between the time you got off of the plane and Emma found you?” He kept his voice low and soft not wanting Clay to feel the need to get defensive over the question.

Clay knew why Jason was asking and it was because he was looking out for him. “Nah Jase, just spent a lot of time wondering around aimlessly trying to organise everything that was running around in my head. It didn’t do much good though. I stopped at more than a few bars as I walked and then at the liquor store but you know that already before I ended up at the cemetery.” He admitted uneasily as there was some shame that came with his admission as he knew he should not have been drinking, should not have walked away, and he should have reached out.

Jason nodded relieved although he also knew that if there had been anything then they would have sorted it out however they could. He could see the flush that faintly tinged Clay’s cheeks although he wasn’t sure whether it was from shame or embarrassment. “That’s good, I’m glad kid.” Now was not the time to reprimand Clay for going silent on him although that conversation would come soon enough.

Clay ducked his head for a few seconds before he looked back up at Jason. “I should have come home instead of wondering off until I was drunk enough to end up at the cemetery.” They both knew that ‘home’ wasn’t his apartment but instead it was Jason’s house. “And called, I should have definitely called.” He amended his statement as he definitely should have called Jason or any of them really, or sent a message to them.

“You can always come home, never have to ask or wait for me to come home.” Jason reiterated glad that Clay considered his house ‘home’ as he squeezed his knee again although he was very happy to hear that Clay realised his mistake of not calling or coming home.

Emma smiled softly as she walked into the lounge watching her Dad and Clay. “There are two of my favourite men.” She wondered over to them having been passed a donut on a napkin and a full glass of juice by Brock on her way through the kitchen. “Here Clay.” She passed both things over to him before she looked at her Dad reaching out and placing her hand on his shoulder mirroring his movements.

“Thanks Em.” Clay smiled before he took a large bite of the donut as it was far more appetising then it should have been for the time of morning although it probably had something to do with the fact that he had not eaten since before they boarded the plane to fly back home.

Jason patted Clay’s knee one last time before he stood up and kissed Emma’s cheek. “Finish the donut then you two should have a nap. After that, how about we go to the diner and have a late lunch? You can eat as many pancakes as you want.” He smiled knowing that neither of them would be able to turn down the offer of pancakes from the diner.

“And ice cream sundaes?” Emma smiled knowing that ice cream sundaes were a must.

“And ice cream sundaes.” Jason confirmed easily knowing that Clay and Emma would end up eating their body weight whilst indulging in pancakes and ice cream sundaes but as long as they were happy he didn’t mind one bit. He took the crumpled napkin and the freshly emptied glass from Clay’s hands before he walked into the kitchen leaving the pair to it.

Clay reached out and grabbed Emma’s hand, tugging on it gently, as he pulled her to him while lying down on the couch all at the same time being careful not to knock Cerb at all. He laid on his back and let her position him so that she was comfortable as she laid on her side with her body pressed against the cushions of the couch and his body. She made sure his arm was under her neck and draped around her back with his hand rested on her waist while her head rested down on his shoulder and she laid her leg across both of his to give Cerb more room as he had worked his body in with theirs at the end of the couch by their feet. She reached out and tugged the blanket off the back of the couch until it was spread out haphazardly over them then placed her hand down in the centre of his chest as his other hand covered it. “Comfy sweetheart?” He asked quietly, his voice still hoarse, as he turned his head so that he was face to face with her ignoring everything else around them.

Emma tipped her head back just enough for her eyes to meet Clay’s and she was glad to see that the storm that she had seen in them the night before had settled although she knew that it would take a while longer before it had reached the point where he had made peace with the shot he had taken. “Yeah babe, I am.” She replied just as quietly. “I love you.” She would tell him it as much as he needed to hear it, and she knew he needed to hear it even more now and in the coming days.

Clay relaxed and smiled tiredly at hearing Emma tell him she loved him, not because he had not heard it before but because she still loved him even after what he had done. “I love you Emma. Thank you.” The ‘thank you’ was for so much more than he could ever really tell her because somehow she managed to make things better. He leaned back just enough to place a kiss on her forehead as he pulled her a little closer to his body.

Emma didn’t respond verbally instead she snuggled herself closer into Clay and pressed her face into his neck as her Dad was right they both desperately needed a nap. Sometimes words weren’t needed and this was one of those times as Clay pulled the blanket up over them making sure she was covered before he let himself settle.

Jason stood at the edge of the kitchen watching as unobtrusively as he could unsurprised that both were asleep within minutes after they had settled down. He smiled as the two of them warmed his heart as he loved seeing two of his three kid’s content in front of him. But even more important to him was that they were safe, and he knew that Clay still had a lot of work to do in order to be at peace with the choice he had made but he also knew that that work had already started. He turned his head to the side and was surprised to see that it was Sonny who had come to stand beside him, and there was something in his facial expression that made Jason smile.

Sonny moved to stand beside Jason as he had been watching from the moment Emma had joined Clay and Jason. It amazed him how Clay responded to the both of them, and it made him miss the friendship, the brotherhood, that they used to have but he knew that he was solely responsible for all that had come between them. What was more amazing to watch was the way Clay put Emma first even when she was trying to be the one to take care of him. He found himself watching the pair more and more and he knew he had really been stupid because the more he watched them together the more he realised just how wrong he had been. There was no doubt in his mind that Emma and Clay loved each other but it was a love of siblings and best friends. He knew Jason was watching him as he made no secret of it as Jason was still cautious in regards to him and Ray when it came to do with anything that included Clay and Emma either individually or together. “He’s going to get through this Jase.” Sonny kept his voice soft with his Texan drawl strong but the conviction in it was heard. Clay would get through this, not because he had to or because he would be forced to but because he had a support system, a family who would help and guide him. “He needed a little sister as much as she needed an older brother.”

Jason was surprised at Sonny’s admission although he hid it well as the topic of Clay and Emma usually was avoided at all costs between him, Sonny and Ray. “Come on let’s leave them to sleep.” The last thing either of them needed was to be watched as they slept on the couch together as he patted Sonny’s shoulder and turned around to head further into the kitchen.

Sonny lingered a few minutes longer as he tilted his head to the side and found himself smiling especially as he watched the moment Emma shifted her hand to soothe Clay as he became restless which worked without either of them waking up. The thing was that it was hard to reconcile just how much Emma had grown up as he could still vividly remember her running up to him with her pig tails and gap in her front teeth brimming with excitement about the tooth fairy as it was the first day she had called him ‘Uncle Sonny’ and told him she loved him once he had picked her up and settled her on his hip in the base parking lot. Emma Hayes had stolen a piece of Sonny Quinn’s heart that day and it was the same day that he swore he would protect her for the rest of his life. But the enemy was not in front of him, currently holding her tightly and keeping her safe as they worked on healing one another, instead Clay was one of the very things that made her stronger just as she was what made him stronger. It was in that moment and with that realisation that Sonny knew he would spend the rest of his life making it up to Clay and Emma, to his brother and to the little girl that was like his own.

Jason appreciated that everyone had rallied together but he also knew that they had things to do which did not include watching Clay and Emma nap or joining them for a late brunch for pancakes and ice cream sundaes as that was strictly for the three of them. “I say this with love but get out of my house and go enough the rest of your day off.” He smirked as he delivered the order although it was done lightly and accompanied by a shooing motion of his hand.

“You sure?” Ray asked wearily unsure whether it was a good idea to leave without letting Clay know so that he didn’t think that they were abandoning him.

“I’m sure. The kids will sleep for a few hours then I will take them out for brunch, and then it will most likely be a lazy afternoon on the couch watching movies for them.” Jason suspected that neither of them would move very far and he was kind of glad that they were taking it easy.

Mandy smiled and shook her head at Jason as she wondered if he really realised just how wonderful he was and how protective he was of Clay and Emma. She knew of Jason and Emma’s tradition of pancakes and ice cream sundaes, had for a very long time, but she had never realised that Clay had been bought into it although it made sense to her because Clay was one of Jason’s kids even though he was a grown man. It didn’t matter the hour of the day or night when it came time for pancakes and ice cream sundaes either.

Jason caught Mandy’s wide smile and smiled back at her before he looked around at the immovable people around him. “Come on, you all have things to do.” He groaned unsure when it got to the point where he had to order them out of his house.

Mandy knew that Jason had a point and that they could not all just hang around his house for the day as she looked over at Lisa who caught her gaze. “You want to go to the range before we get takeout and wine, and watch something cheesy for the rest of the day?” She asked knowing both of them had been regular visitors lately to the range in an effort to be better prepared for what their crazy lives threw at them from time to time.

“And chocolate, lots of it.” Lisa replied as she pushed herself up out of the chair she had taken a seat in knowing that Clay did not need a big crowd but she would make sure to check in with him over the coming days. And to be honest it was always good to spend time with Mandy as it was a break from all of the testosterone that they were surrounded by the majority of the time.

Jason mouthed ‘thank you’ to Mandy from across the kitchen although it still left him with Trent, Brock, Ray and Sonny.

“Why don’t you go and steal Jameelah and RJ from school and day care Ray, spend the rest of the day with them as a special treat?” Lisa prompted Ray hoping he would take the hint as it was strange how he seemed the most hesitant to leave even though he had been one of the loudest objectors to the relationship between Clay and Emma.

Ray looked up at Lisa before he realised what she was doing and although he knew Naima would not be impressed he had to admit that Lisa’s idea sounded pretty good. “Yeah, it would be good to spend some time with the kids without crowds of people.” The more he thought about it the better it sounded, maybe he and the kids could surprise Naima at work with lunch.

Trent and Brock shared a look deciding that it was best to leave without arguing. “Keep an eye on him, make sure he keeps up his fluid intake.” Trent reminded Jason although he didn’t need too. “And call me if anything seems off with him.” He couldn’t help to add on.

Jason smiled at Trent’s care. “I will.” He had learned a long time ago that it was easier to agree and relent to Trent on all things medical than it was to argue with him.

Brock knew it would be hard to pull Cerb away from Clay but he was not going to leave him either as the last thing Jason needed was to be watching over Cerb as well. “If Spense needs anything…” He trailed off as Jason nodded in understanding. It seemed insane that they were all hesitating to leave and telling Jason to look after him in their own ways but they were.

Jason resisted rolling his eyes even as he agreed. “I have got him.” He reiterated with ease as they finally made their way towards the door past the sleeping pair.

**_Is This Our Thing_ **

Clay helped Emma out of Jason’s truck after she slid her hand into his and closed the door behind her before he looked at Jason. “Can you give us a minute?” He asked softly across the truck.

Jason knew that there was something on Clay’s mind, had been from the moment they climbed into his truck and began driving towards the diner, but at least he looked a bit better after he and Emma had napped for a little more than two hours together. “Sure kid, I will go and order us all pancakes.” It would take a while for the food to be cooked.

Emma smiled as she leant back against the door of the truck as she placed her free hand on Clay’s forearm as he stepped closer to her without crowding her. She watched as his eyes searched her own for something but for what she wasn’t sure of. “Clay?” She asked after a few seconds making him duck his head.

“Jase told you what I did, didn’t he?” Clay asked knowing that it was a breach of protocol but he was not about to tell anyone about it. He wanted to confirm it more than anything else.

Emma slid her hand up his arm, over his shoulder, and stopped it on his neck making him look at her. “Yes but it doesn’t change the fact that I love you Clay.” She kept her voice low but firm wanting to make sure he was listening. She let her hand slip down to rest over top of his heart and let her fingertips tap rhythmically over top of the fabric of his shirt. “It doesn’t change the way I see you or who you are. And I know that if there had have been any other option then you would have taken it.” She paused taking a second to ponder how far she should go before she decided to hear it. “I should be thanking you, thanking you for saving the rest of our family, because that is what you did. You saved them Clay, and that’s what you need to remember, and if you ever need to be reminded of that then I will or you can look around at them.”

Clay swallowed and blinked heavily as the relief that flowed through him was monumental. The last thing he wanted was for her to be scared of him, or hate him for what he did.

“Now come on we need pancakes and ice cream sundaes.” Emma didn’t hesitate to duck under his arm and tug on his hands as he was still holding hers towards the diner. Clay laughed and let him pull her towards the diner with ease feeling lighter than he had in days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the love on this collection. I have been incredibly busy but will be replying to everyone this weekend. I absolutely love to hear what you all think and feel. Thank you :)


	10. Let’s Make The Most Of This

**_ Let’s Make The Most Of This _ **

Pure decadence, it was the only thing Emma could think as she and Clay stood at the top of the grand staircase that led down to the large open ballroom taking a few minutes to observe before they descended although they remained out of sight from the large number of guests who were on the floor below milling about. The chandeliers that hung above the room were exquisite and it was simply unlike anything she had ever been to before. She pulled her eyes away from the people below her and turned to Clay having to be careful not to step on the fabric of her gown as she had chosen a long black evening dress with a ruched bodice and surplice v-neckline, and it had an a-line taffeta skirt with a high low slit to her left side. However her dress didn’t matter at all instead what mattered was the man beside her. She knew he had been pressured into coming to this affair and she knew why he was doing it. Recently Clay had been trying to keep the peace with Ash, and in turn Ash had pressured Clay into attending this function although both of them knew it was only so Ash could look like a loving father which he was far from. There was something else but Emma didn’t know what it was although she suspected that a deal had been made between the two men.

“Come here.” Emma rolled her eyes fondly as Clay kept playing with the bowtie that he had to wear although she knew he was doing it because he was unsettled and nervous. It was unusual to see him so off kilter, and it was easy to see that he was looking around mapping the place out from above looking for escape routes and exits.

Clay turned towards Emma although he didn’t pull his eyes away from the crowd below as he watched Ash move around the room schmoozing people who didn’t know the real him and didn’t that grate him. The feel of Emma adjusting the bowtie that he was wearing pulled his attention to her and he smiled as she looked absolutely stunning with her black ball gown, her natural looking make up and the beautiful up do that she worked her hair into. “You look stunning sweetheart.” He was grateful that she had offered to come with him because the moment that Jason and the rest of his team found out about it they had begun planning how to get Clay out of attending or find a way to get themselves invited. While he would be more than happy to have gotten out of attending, he knew that the last thing he needed was a protective detail like the one they had been planning.

Emma smiled brightly even though he had already told her that before they had even left the house. “Thank you.” She said. “All done.” She finished fixing the bowtie and straightened it for the final time before she dropped her hands down. “As much as I would love to stay up here all night and away from Ash, I don’t think we can.” She reminded him softly knowing that she had to remain civil for his sake and that she couldn’t refer to Ash as his sperm donor. Tonight was about playing nice for all involved.

“No, you’re right.” Clay punctuated it with a groan as he knew that he couldn’t drag his feet any longer and that he had to make his presence known.

“Of course I am.” Emma teased lightly although it was enough to break the tension for the moment as Clay smiled and chuckled at her.

Clay offered Emma his elbow and smiled even wider as she wrapped her hand around his elbow while her other hand wrapped around his wrist. “Let’s go play nice.” He breathed the words out heavily knowing he had to be on his best behaviour although that was definitely easier said than done when it came to his relationship with Ash.

“We always play nice.” Emma fluttered her eyelashes with the most innocent look she could muster before she leaned in and kissed his cheek. Clay rolled his eyes fondly because no one, not even him, played nice when it came to Ash being involved. “Come on Sailor.” She gave his arm a gentle tug to get him moving in step with her as she moved them towards the grand staircase that was going to be difficult to navigate her way down with her dress and heels without him accompanying her.

It felt like the attention of the room shifted as Clay and Emma descended the staircase with Emma managing to do it with every single bit of grace and poise she possessed with Clay’s help. It probably didn’t help that they were the only ones descending or that they were by far the youngest in attendance but Clay figured it had more to do with Emma and how stunning she looked without even trying. Luckily or unluckily, Clay couldn’t decide, Ash broke away from his conversation when they were almost half way down the stairs to meet them at the bottom.

“Clay, son, you’re late.” Ash chastised while smiling so that no one would know that there was tension between him and his son. He let his eyes wander over his son before he looked at the young woman he had attached to his arm. “And who is this?” He asked not knowing that Clay was bringing a guest although he wasn’t surprised that he had failed to inform him of it.

“It’s nice to finally meet you Ash, I am Emma.” Emma introduced herself as she squeezed Clay’s arm lightly with her hands having felt him tense the moment that he had spotted the repulsive man making his way over to them and he had only tensed further as he stood in front of them.

Ash silently wondered if the young woman was even old enough to be with Clay but he was not about to make a scene in front of all of the important people that were in the room with him. “It’s nice to meet you Emma. It’s good to see that my son can still surprise me.” He said cordially although he knew nothing about her before he sent a sharp glare towards Clay.

Emma fought to roll her eyes and found herself biting down on her tongue as playing nice was going to be a lot harder than she thought it would be as the repulsive man in front of her made her want to punch him and like she needed a scolding hot shower at the same time. She felt as Clay moved his arm out of her hands and instead wrapped it across her lower back pulling her into his side and wrapping his hand around her waist. She looked up at him as she laced her arm across his back before she gave him a soft smile letting him know she was alright.

“Anyway I am sure we will have time to talk later but right now Clay there is some people I want you to meet.” Ash dismissed Emma as he turned his attention to Clay wanting to play the doting father role that was expected of him.

Clay felt the anger and hatred grow inside of him for the man in front of him but he had to go through with this after all it was a part of the grand plan to help recognise TBI’s in military personnel, past and present, and it was the fight that Ash had taken up on Clay’s behalf for Swanny. Swanny was the only reason that Clay had agreed to attend and play into Ash’s public persona for the night. After all he could handle one night if it meant that things moved in the right direction and Swanny’s death would not be in vain. “Lead the way.” He finally managed to get the words out despite how much he hated to be a pawn in his father’s games.

**_Let’s Make The Most Of This_ **

Clay gently pulled Emma down into his lap once he found an empty seat in a darkened corner of the large ballroom needing a few minutes as he was at his wit’s end and he pressed his face into the back of her neck against the bare skin that was left exposed by the gown she wore.

Emma knew that Clay was struggling and she had to admit that she was struggling herself as it was getting harder and harder not to smack the smug smirk off of Ash’s face as the night wore on. She had lost count of how many people Ash had paraded Clay in front of but after the first dozen or so she knew that none of them were particularly interested in helping Veterans have better access to medical diagnosis and treatment for the likes of TBI’s or to change the way things were done. It was both saddening and disgusting because the very men who stood around them with the power to change things did not want to but they didn’t mind sending men and women into war so they could stay safe in their plush lives drinking expensive champagne and pretending that they cared.

Emma laid her hands over Clay’s as his rested across her stomach as he held her tightly to him letting her fingertips trace idly over his knuckles. She could see the toll that the night was taking on him and she hated it almost as much as he did.

“I’m sorry Em.” Clay whispered unmoving as he really was sorry that he had bought her with him tonight and inflicted Ash and the rest of the insufferable men on her although it did not mean that he was ungrateful for her accompanying him. “I should have known better than to think he would actually want to help, that he actually wanted to make a difference, for something that wasn’t about him.”

Emma heard Clay’s whispered words and she hated Ash Spenser even more but she had to put her hatred aside and focus on Clay which she could do with ease. She knew she would not be able to turn around in his arms because of the dress she was wearing and the tight hold he had on her instead she turned her head to the side without upsetting him. “Clay, babe, you have nothing to apologise to me for.” She paused giving his hand a squeeze and taking the few seconds to figure out how to address the rest of what had been said. “It’s okay that you wanted to believe in him for once. I know how much this all means to you, not only for Swanny but for everyone else.” After all that was why Clay handed the fight off that he couldn’t take up himself if he wanted to continue doing what he loved although a Tier One Operator used the resources he had to succeed so in the end it was still his fight.

Clay scoffed against her before he raised his head and shifted so that his chin was resting on her shoulder after he placed a kiss on her cheek as she was still turned towards him. “I still should have known better.” He said simply as if that explained everything and it did in his mind.

Emma caught sight of Ash coming towards them. “You think we have played nice enough?” She asked quietly knowing Clay had already spotted him as well if the way he tightened his hold on her even more was anything to go by.

“He makes it really hard too.” Clay wished they had longer before he had to face Ash again because with one look he knew the man was fuming under the façade that he had on display.

Ash came to an abrupt halt in front of them and Clay instantly pushed himself and Emma up before he turned them around and placed himself in front of her protectively. It wasn’t hard to see the anger in his eyes, ones that matched Clay’s. “Outside, NOW!” Ash growled sharply making sure his back was to the rest of the room.

Clay held his position for a few moments before he relented as the last thing anyone needed to see was a Spenser versus Spenser standoff that was bound to take place. He turned to look at Emma and one look told him that she was not about to let him go alone nor did he want to leave her alone especially in a room full of grabby old men. He placed his hand on her back as he fell into step with her as Ash led them up the staircase and outside into the cooling night air.

“How dare you?!” Ash hissed as he spun around and crowded closer to Clay as soon as they were far enough away from the doors.

Clay didn’t move back, didn’t even flinch, and neither did Emma as she stood at his side. “How dare I what Ash?” He asked calmly although he was anything but calm.

“Undermine me! That’s all you’ve done all night.” Ash yelled before he reined his voice in and glanced around as there were people who had been attending the function milling about not far from them.

Emma couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her lips at Ash’s outburst. She wondered if he even realised how pathetic he sounded or just how wrong he was. She saw the bewildered look that Clay sent her way although the smile tugging at his lips told her all she needed to know. “I am not sure you would even know what undermining is but maybe you should take a look in the mirror before you start throwing that term around.” She couldn’t help it as the words slipped out sarcastically despite the seriousness of them.

Clay didn’t miss the anger that flared in Ash’s eyes at Emma’s words or the way he looked at her as if she had no idea who he was. “Not one of those people in that room care about me or anyone else in the military. And you are only using this to promote yourself, your agenda!” Clay didn’t raise his voice but his words were firm. The point was not lost on Ash who did not even try to deny anything instead he smirked and if it had not been for Emma’s quick move of placing her free hand on his stomach then he would have moved towards Ash.

Emma turned herself into Clay pressing her hand firmly into his stomach as her other hand squeezed his as their fingers were entwined. “You can’t hit him.” She reminded him in a whisper, her lips brushing his ear so that only he could hear her.

Clay knew that Emma was right, she was right about a lot of things, although he was not going to tell her that. He reached his hand up, the one not entwined with hers, and brushed a loose strand of hair that had fallen back behind her ear. “I know.” He murmured softly.

Ash chuckled as he watched his son and Emma together not knowing what their relationship was but from where he was standing it was more ammunition for him to use. “It’s ironic isn’t it son? You accuse me of using you to promote myself and my agenda. Yet here you are with a young woman who barely looks legal by the way, using her to distract yourself.” He would use anything he could to get under Clay’s skin to get a reaction from him. “And anyway you were using me, using my publicity, to fight for something that you will never win son!”

“Selfish son of a bitch.” Emma hissed quietly turning to glare at the man who she hated even more.

Clay shook his head and swallowed thickly. “No, you know for once I thought you would you would want to be the man that you claim to be, the man that I spent years wishing you would be. You talk about caring, talk about wanting the best, but you are a self-centred son of a bitch. I knew better, I really did, yet I wanted to believe for just once. I wanted to be surprised by you and you know what I was but now I realise you managed to fool me again. I knew better. I know better.” He shook his head as he had said enough before he looked back at Em. “Let’s go home sweetheart.”

Emma was proud of Clay for the way he stood up to Ash without raising his voice although she felt sad because she could see that he had lost hope after all that he had done to get Swanny and his medical condition recognised. The best thing was to remove themselves from the situation. “I am with you.” She spoke softly reminding him of that fact because she always would be no matter the distance between them.

Clay smiled softly although it didn’t quite reach his eyes but it was understandable and together they began walking away from Ash leaving him standing there bewildered and stunned.

The walk to the valet booth was quiet as they left a fuming Ash in their wake but neither of them minded. Clay handed over the ticket so that he could claim his car before he turned to Emma who was looking at him as if she was waiting for him to speak first. “I don’t use you as a distraction.” He blurted out abrasively before he cringed at his own lack of tact.

Emma’s eyes crinkled for a few seconds because of course what Ash had said stuck with Clay. “I know that.” She responded immediately. “And anyway if you were using me as a distraction, I doubt you and I would be here dressed up fancy like we are.” She winked up at him as she reached up and freed him from the bowtie that he had been nervously tugging at from the moment she had put it on him leaving it hanging loosely around his neck then undid the top two buttons. “That’s better.” She soothed her hands down his shirt easing the wrinkled fabric.

Clay smiled brightly at Emma not because he had freed her from the god awful bowtie but because she always managed to know what to say even when she didn’t. Okay maybe being freed from the bowtie had a little bit to do with it. “Yeah it is.” He agreed easily. “I am sorry this night wasn’t better.”

Emma looked over Clay’s shoulder to see his car being driven around the corner. “You know the night isn’t over, I mean there are still plenty more hours left.” She smiled knowing neither of them had eaten before they had left the house nor had they made it to the dinner part of the evening. “Let’s make the most of this, I mean we are both dressed up, neither of us have eaten so what do you say to picking up some food and going to eat on the beach?” She asked knowing the beach was a good place to go as it always calmed the both of them and it gave them more time before they had to go home and face a bunch of only slightly panicked men who she knew would all be hanging out pretending not to be waiting for them.

“Yeah?” Clay asked knowing a night spent at the beach was a hundred thousand times better than any formal function with Ash. It was probably insane to go to the beach in a tux and a ball gown but then again there were crazier things.

“Yeah plus I can’t wait to get these heels off of my feet.” Emma smiled knowing he was on board with her plan.

“Then let’s go.” Clay smiled as he led her to the curb just as his car pulled up, quickly helping her in before he made his way round to the driver’s seat and got in.

**_Let’s Make The Most Of This_ **

The sound of the waves lapping over one another as they crashed against the shore was serene as Emma and Clay walked along the beach slowly, both in bare feet, just out of the waters reach with the moonlight causing it to shimmer endlessly. Clay had taken his jacket off and wrapped it around Emma so that she wasn’t cold the moment they stepped onto the beach as they had finished their fries and thick ice cream laden shakes.

“What are you thinking about sweetheart?” Clay asked breaking the silence between them although it was a comfortable silence as they turned around to head back as they had walked quite far down the beach.

Emma looked up at Clay as she raised her free hand up and brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “You.” She caught the brief look of confusion that crossed Clay’s face. “I’m proud of you.” She continued on wanting to soothe him before he began to overthink things.

“What?” Clay asked as it didn’t make sense to him why she would be proud of him.

Sometimes Emma forgot that Clay found it hard to understand where praise was coming from as it seemed to be engrained in him to reject it; it was like he had no idea how to accept it at all instead choosing to deflect it. “I am proud of you.” She repeated the words for him to hear hoping they would sink in. “I know why you did what you did, I know why you agreed to tonight. I know how much you miss Swanny, and I know how much you want to make sure no one else has to go through what he went through.” She paused letting him digest that for a few moments as the sound of the waves filled the silence. “And when Ash said what he said, you did not react how he hoped you would instead you remained calm, made your point clearly, and told him how you felt. You are allowed to be disappointed and angry with him for everything and anything that he has done including what he did tonight but you also try not to let it drown you.”

Clay looked down at the sand in front of him, curling his bare toes in it, before he looked back at up Emma. “You know I would have thought he would have run out of ways to disappoint me now but I was wrong. But you’re right, I wanted this for Swanny and for others who are going untreated and who will go untreated if something doesn’t change.” He admitted scrubbing his hand over the back of his head letting his nails scrap lightly over his scalp. “I am not going to stop fighting for this Em. I just have to figure out some other way; one that doesn’t stop me operating and one that doesn’t involve Ash.” Admittedly he had been thinking about it as they walked along the beach.

Emma couldn’t imagine what it was like to not have faith in your patents because even though things were not always good with Jason she always had faith in him. “It’s his loss, not yours Clay. The only one missing out is him. It’s his shame that he had missed out and continues to miss out on his amazing son, on you. And he will have to live with that for the rest of his life.” She meant it wholeheartedly as she hated how Ash did not care instead choosing to pretend to when it benefited him.

Clay was not quite sure how to respond to Emma’s little speech instead he kissed her forehead before he pulled back. “Let’s go home.” He knew it was getting late.

“Dad will be waiting for us.” Emma said as a smirk tugged at the corner of her lips. “And so will everyone else.” She tacked on after a few seconds before she laughed as Clay tipped his head back and groaned.

“They’ll be driving Jase crazy.” Clay found some humour in it although he hated making everyone worry which they always did when it involved Ash although he understood why.

“Yip.” Emma popped the ‘p’ with a little too much joy in her voice as she could picture it perfectly in her head knowing exactly what it looked like when a bunch of fully grown men, Navy Seals, panicked even though they would deny that they had panicked until their last breath.

Clay smiled as Emma’s joy was contagious. “We better go and rescue Jase before he grounds us both for making him worry because I am sure he gave us a curfew in his head, or he has an allotted time that he will mount a search party for us.” They may have been old enough that Jason could not actually ground them but Clay was in no doubt that he would try.

Emma burst out in laughter before she reached down and tugged the bottom of her dress up a little further as she had been holding it the entire way so that it did not get covered in sand or get wet. “Dad couldn’t stay mad at us if he tried. If anything, he will sneak in and tuck us in once he is sure we are asleep.” She had caught him one night as she had been in that place between awake and asleep when he had quietly made his way into the room and tucked the comforter over both of them before he placed a kiss to her head and swept his thumb idly over Clay’s forehead before he murmured a soft ‘good night sleep tight’ to them and left the room. It was kind of funny how one of the things she hated in her teenage years was one of the things she missed the most when she was away from home, and she loved that her Dad still did it even though she was grown up.

Clay smiled sombrely as they made their way back to where his car was parked. “Jase is the kind of Dad that I always wanted… I mean I would have taken just a slither of that from Ash if he would have given it.” Clay admired Jason as a father and it was a privilege to watch the love Jason had for Emma and Mikey, and to see the love returned by Emma and Mikey, and he only hoped that if he was given the chance to be a father than he could be half as good as Jason was.

Emma stopped and furrowed her forehead making Clay stop and turn his body into hers. “Clay, babe…” She began feeling a surge of emotions hit her all at once and she paused to take a few seconds to collect herself. “You know I used to tease him that he had adopted you but the truth is he did adopt you Clay. He’s just as much your Dad as he is mine, and I know that might be hard to understand but he is. You are his son just as much as Mikey is, just as much as I am his daughter.” Her eyes were becoming glassy but she hoped he wouldn’t notice even though his eyes looked as though they matched hers. “It might have taken a lot longer than it should have but you have got the Dad that you always wanted, the Dad that you deserve. He can be a bit of a hard ass but he loves you with the same intensity that he loves me and Mikey with.”

Clay was in awe of Emma’s words and he was truly lost for words as it was not something that had ever been addressed before. There had been mumbles here and there about how paternal and protective Jason could be but he had never really thought too much about it instead choosing to focus on whatever else he could. There was only one thing that he could think to do so he did; he pulled Emma into a hug for a few seconds before they continued to his car.


	11. Needing Someone

**_ Needing Someone _ **

There was something haunting in Jason’s voice and it was unlike anything Emma had heard ever before, she thought as she laid in her bed staring up at the ceiling as she couldn’t stop her mind from going over the phone call several hours earlier with him nor could she stop thinking about Davis’ going away party. She startled violently as her alarm blared making her slap it scornfully before she kicked the comforter back with her feet getting ready for the day.

“Mikey, time to get up.” She stumbled across the hall to his door and knocked heavily on it knowing her little brother could sleep like the dead when he was really tired as he had been the night before. She heard him confirm that he had heard her before she made her way back to her own bathroom needing to have a shower.

Standing under the steady stream of hot water did not help Emma feel any better or even more awake but it did give her time to think. She was unsettled by everything that had happened and the more she thought about it the more she knew she had to go and see Clay. With that realisation Emma turned the water off, stepped out after she had wrapped a towel around herself as the plan began to form in her head.

**_Needing Someone_ **

Stepping into the hospital was daunting for Emma even though it was somewhere she had been far more times than she cared to remember, after all she was the child of a Tier One Operator. Admittedly Emma had no idea what Clay’s schedule was but she had time as she had cleared the rest of the day and arranged for Mikey to stay the night at his friend Henry’s for the night. A quick stop at the nurse’s station and she was on her way to the room that was Clay’s for the rest of his stay with the comment being made that she had good timing as he had just finished physical therapy for the day.

Emma smiled softly as she found the room with ease and leaned against the frame of the door as the door had been left open seeing Clay for the first time since the night of Davis’ goodbye barbeque. It was strangely relieving to see him awake even though it was disconcerting to see him in a hospital bed at the same time. There was also a sadness that she felt when she let her eyes dance around the bland hospital room as it was devoid of anything and anyone except for Clay himself. She reached out and knocked softly on the open door seeing how Clay’s attention snapped to her with his eyes meeting hers. She felt her breath catch as she looked into those baby blues of his, at the insecurity and fear she could see within them, and there was an apprehensiveness that she had never seen before in anyone ever. “Mind if I come in?” She asked in the softest voice she possessed not wanting to pressure him in any way as she fingered the strap of her bag that was over her shoulder.

Clay’s eyes widened seeing Emma leant up casually against the frame in the doorway of his hospital room, and immediately several different questions flooded his mind with the main being why was she there. “Emma…” The word came out with a rush of air as he absentmindedly made sure that he was covered up with the blanket as the last thing she needed to see was the destruction of his legs. “Uh, hi.” He fumbled anxiously as he waved her in.

Emma had not missed the way Clay tensed or the anxiety that became obvious so she stayed where she was. “If now isn’t a good time, I can come back.” She offered pausing as a thought crossed her mind. “Dad didn’t send me to check up on you or anything, if that is what you are thinking, and I am not going to tell him anything unless you want me too.”

“Thanks, come on in.” Clay relaxed just the tiniest amount before he waved her in for a second time gesturing to the chair on his left side. “Swanny will be later on.” He provided although he had no idea why.

Emma sat her bag down on the floor then nudged it under the chair with her foot before she shimmied out of her jacket and dropped it down on top of her bag then she took a seat. “Is he driving you crazy yet?” She asked teasingly as she had heard many stories about Swanny although she was sure the majority of them had been filtered and made safe for her to hear or at least modest.

“You know Swanny?” Clay asked lifting his head up from the pillow with a hint of surprise in her voice although he probably shouldn’t have been surprised by it.

“I haven’t seen him in a long time but I remember him and have heard a lot about him. I do remember how tenacious he could be, or maybe it is better to describe him like a dog with a bone when he sets his mind to something.” Emma smiled knowing the bonds of brotherhood were what kept them in touch or as much as they could stay in touch.

Clay smirked at Emma’s description of Swanny. “That is a fairly accurate description.” He stated knowing she had him pegged. “But I can assure you if the whole EMT gig doesn’t work out then he could be a goddamn cheerleader.”

Emma laughed at the imagery her imagination conjured up at a retired Tier One Operator being a cheerleader. “I would keep that to yourself if I was you.” She teased. “But he has always been loud and cheering. I vaguely remember a spring concert with Swanny cheering loudly a very long time ago. I am pretty sure I blocked that out for that exact reason.” She was sure she had never blushed more that night after she had finished singing because her Dad had decided to bring what seemed like half of DEVGRU for her first solo performance at a spring concert.

Clay laughed heartily for what felt like the first time in a long time before he caught himself and looked sheepishly at Emma who just smiled and shook her head at him. He had to admit it was nice not to be talking about how he was feeling or his injuries or the fact that he had ignored everyone who had tried to reach out to him especially his team, his family. “Not really one of those places where you are supposed to cheer obnoxiously I suppose.” He had never been to a spring concert but he was sure that clapping was deemed to be the only appropriate form of expressing yourself in regards to the performance that one had been witness to.

“See you are already better behaved then most of the men that I know. You have etiquette.” Emma quipped light heartily yet there was an ire of seriousness within her tone.

Clay chuckled softly at the way Emma had deemed that he had etiquette considering they had not spent much time together since he had joined Bravo before he glanced up and looked at the time frowning suddenly. “Not meaning to be rude Emma but shouldn’t you be at school?” He was pretty sure it was a weekday and he was a hundred percent positive that school was still in session as it certainly was not summer break although he would admit that he had lost track of more than a few things while confined to the hospital bed.

“You aren’t being rude but to answer your question I had a half day, and Mikey has a sleepover so I am free until Monday.” Emma answered quickly wanting to allay his worries. “Half days are a waste of time anyway especially when they are on a Friday.” She shrugged lightly as they really were a waste of time and everyone’s focus waned.

Clay shifted gingerly in the bed with a small grunt escaping his lips involuntarily before he took a few more seconds to rearrange the blanket over him again. He let his head drop back down on the pillows that were propping him up as physical therapy and the subsequent shower left him exhausted but he also did not want to sleep as he was tired of sleeping and tired of being tired. And although he would not admit it, it was nice to have company that wasn’t Swanny or any medical professional.

Emma was reminded abruptly that Clay was still in pain merely by the way he moved and the grimace that crossed his face as he did so. As much as she wanted to ask him if he was okay or if he needed anything she refrained as she was sure that he was tired of those sorts of questions. Instead she knew the best thing to do was distract him but she wasn’t exactly sure what he enjoyed or if there was any common ground between them outside of Bravo which she was certain he did not want to be reminded of for the moment. “So what do you know about New York?” She decided to ask as it was an option she was looking at for college but there was also a lot of things to figure out, mainly Mikey and her Dad, and the money.

Clay rolled his head to the side as he appreciated the change of subject. “Not much actually, I have never actually been to New York.” He admitted as it seemed crazy that he had not been considering how close they were to it. “This about Tisch?” He asked vaguely recalling Jason mentioning that Emma was looking at attending Tisch - School Of The Arts. Emma looked up surprised as she hadn’t realised that her Dad had told anyone else about Tisch as it was something they had fought about. “It was mentioned.” He shrugged lightly. “It’s a damn good school from what I hear.”

Emma nodded her head somewhat pleased that her Dad had mentioned it as hopefully it meant that he was receptive to thinking about it for her. “It’s part of NYU, and it’s one of the most competitive schools in the world to get into. It is in Manhattan, and the alumni is notable.”

“Like who?” Clay asked although he figured he probably wouldn’t know many of them.

“Lady Gaga, Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese, Justin Blanchard, Barry Bostwick, Daniel Dae Kim, just to name a few.” Emma listed just a few names that came to mind knowing that Clay would at least know half of them.

Clay was impressed although of course an elite school like Tisch would have famous alumni like those that Emma had listed. “It’s not really that far from Virginia Beach either which is actually good.” He pointed out doing the mental calculation of the drive time from Virginia Beach to New York which by his estimate was a little over five hours.

“Exactly! That is a very good point, one that I will have to add to my list for Dad.” Emma made a mental note to add that to the points in favour of her attending Tisch.

“Yeah, maybe don’t mention that I pointed that out.” Clay said with a groan as he was sure Jason would be highly unamused by him accidently helping Emma came up with reasons as to why she should go to school in New York as it seemed she certainly did not need help.

Emma laughed softly but shook her head anyway. “I won’t. It stays between us.” She meant it.

The two of them talked over the next few hours wiling away the afternoon, or rather Emma rambled away on whatever came into mind, until a nurse knocked softly on the door startling them both.

“Hi Lauren.” Clay greeted with ease although he was slightly disappointed with her arrival as it had been nice to spend the last few hours distracted. She was an older nurse that worked the night shift which her arrival signalled but she also seemed to have a good read on him.

“Hi Clay, how are we today?” Lauren smiled at the young man in front of her glad that he seemed a bit happier than he had been before she spotted the young woman curled up in the chair at his bedside. “And who is this pretty lady?” She asked picking up his chart as she glanced at it.

“This is Emma.” Clay pointed between the two absentmindedly.

“It’s nice to meet you Emma.” Lauren moved around to the right side of Clay’s bed taking a look at the monitors and making a few notes.

“Nice to meet you too.” Emma smiled. “Do you want me to step outside for a few moments?” She directed her question at Clay unsure of what exactly would take place during this check up by the nurse.

“Nah, you’re good Emma. Lauren is just checking my vitals seeing it is the start of her shift.” Clay answered with ease knowing the process by now making the nurse roll her eyes although there was a fondness in them.

“No Swanny this evening?” Lauren asked as she was used to seeing the man at Clay’s bedside.

“Not yet but he’s kind of like a leech. I think I am stuck with him.” Clay snickered having referred to Swanny as a leech a few times especially when he would not take notice of being told to leave although it was something that Clay was immensely grateful for even if he didn’t show it.

Lauren laughed recalling the night she had walked on to check on Clay and found him and Swanny having a rather loud argument over what a leech was after Clay had told him he was being one. “It’s not a bad thing to be stuck with someone.” She reminded him softly as it had surprised her that almost no one had been to visit him which she found sad.

Emma sat back in the chair watching as Clay let the nurse do what she needed to without putting up any fuss, and she couldn’t hide the smile that tugged at her lips.

“What’s making you smile Em?” Clay asked having been watching her, and he had to admit her happiness was kind of contagious.

“It’s just that you are behaving.” Emma’s smile grew as Clay spluttered while Lauren laughed.

“I always behave!” Clay protested with a splutter making the two women laugh more.

“Uh huh. You are forgetting I have been around team guys my entire life and I know what pains you all can be when temporarily confined to a hospital bed.” Emma pointed out having more than a dozen examples ready if need be to prove her point. “And I know of at least a dozen different but all equally stupid ways or things that team guys have done including several unsuccessful escape attempts.”

“She’s got you there Clay.” Lauren agreed with Emma as she had spent more than half of her career nursing Operators back to health and knew just how creative they could be when in the hospital. “Anyway, everything is looking good, so unless there is anything else I will leave both of you to it.” She smiled at the pair as she put the chart back in its place.

Clay shook his head as he relaxed back into the bed still smiling as his eyes glanced between the two women feeling more at ease than he had in a while.

“Actually do you have any paper?” Emma asked as an idea popped into her head and she didn’t have any in her bag in the size that she needed.

“Of course, I will get you some. Be right back.” Lauren smiled as she replied before she slipped from the room.

Clay waited until Lauren was out of the room before he shifted in an attempt to get comfortable again although he was not sure he recalled the last time he had been comfortable although it might have been when he still had nerve blocks in his leg. “I think I want to hear about those escape attempts you mentioned.” He smiled cheekily.

“I wouldn’t want to give you any ideas but I will one day.” Emma teased although she could see that he was getting more and more tired, and she was sure that the pain was getting worse as it was certainly showing. “But I will tell you that you should ask Sonny about his fever induced escape attempt that ended with him sedated and Dad having to sit with him.” She couldn’t help the mischievous giggle that left her lips on that one especially as she saw those blue eyes match her mischief.

“Oh I am so going to be asking about that.” Clay smirked knowing that Emma would not look so smug if it wasn’t good or at least amusing.

“Here we go.” Lauren stepped back into the room with several sheets of white copy paper.

“Thank you.” Emma took the paper with a smile before she watched as Lauren left the room again. “How are you at making paper planes?” She waved the wad of paper in the air.

“I haven’t made a paper plane in years.” Clay really couldn’t recall the last time he had made one but he enjoyed the simplicity of them.

“Neither have I so let’s make some then we can see whose plane flies the furthest.” Emma leaned forward in the chair handing Clay a piece of paper before she grabbed one for herself.

There were almost a dozen downed paper planes lying haphazardly on the floor as it was where they had landed after hitting the wall but it didn’t stop either of them from making more as they tried different folds here and there to make them fly differently.

“When did you join the Air Force?” Swanny’s question interrupted Clay and Emma as their laughter and protests about each other’s planes could be heard down the hall although from what Swanny saw the nurses seemed to be enjoying the sound of happiness that could be heard. He had gotten caught up which is why he was later than usual.

“Hi Swanny.” Emma greeted first as Clay was focused intently on folding the piece of paper.

“It’s good to see you Emma. Gosh you have grown.” Swanny stepped over to her, leant down and kissed her cheek before he made his way around to the other side of the bed and took the empty seat that was there.

“Sea, Air and Land; or have you forgotten Swanny?” Clay bumped fists with Swanny once he had folded the paper the way he wanted. The smirk that Clay had was one that Swanny hadn’t seen since the night before they had left for the deployment that got him injured.

“I haven’t forgotten.” Swanny answered as he sunk into the plastic chair knowing that it would do his back no favours but it was good to see Clay smiling. It was the first time that Clay seemed genuinely happy albeit exhausted but at least he wasn’t moping about.

Emma smiled before she leaned forward and held a piece of paper over the bed towards Swanny. “Let’s see your best paper plane then.” It was somewhere between a challenge and an invitation.

“I have made a few of these in my time. I hope you are prepared to lose when mine flies further.” Swanny took the piece of paper with a smirk already rushing to fold it into shape as Clay scoffed.

“No way are you beating my plane.” Clay challenged sounding far more cockier than he should about a paper plane.

Emma laughed lightly because of course the two would make it even more competitive than flying paper planes should be. “Then let’s see these planes fly.” Just because they were making it competitive did not mean that she was not going to push them either.

Clay and Swanny looked at each other before they let their planes soar through the air although they certainly were not elegant in their flights. Both planes hit the wall and crashed to the ground with the rest of the wreckages of the fallen planes from beforehand. They really needed to be tested out in the hall but then they would be making a nuisance of themselves. Emma handed over the last four pieces of paper, two for each of them, and settled into watch as they ribbed each other while making the final two planes even though no one was going to win given they kept hitting the far wall due to the length of the room but they were having a bit of fun and that was worth watching.

**_Needing Someone_ **

Clay had exhausted himself especially without his usual afternoon nap that he usually had after his physical therapy and shower, and despite his best efforts he let his eyelids flutter close and his body drift into sleep although the pain he felt was making him wake up on and off. The quiet murmurs of Swanny and Emma talking around him helped to soothe him as it meant he wasn’t alone.

Emma watched as Clay’s eyelids flutter closed for what had to be the tenth time as he dozed on and off before she reached out and gently laid her hand over Clay’s wrist letting her thumb sweep softly over the skin on the underside of it without a second thought. She was glad that she had visited, to see him for herself, and although she knew that he had a long way to go she was sure that he would be just fine.

Swanny smiled as he caught sight of what Emma was doing but more importantly the effect it had on Clay as he finally slipped into a deep sleep, one that was unaided by medications, as his breathing evened out and his body relaxed under her touch. Somehow even without it being verbalised Swanny knew that Emma visiting had been a very good thing, and he only hoped that it continued.

Swanny leaned forward and the subtle movement caught Emma’s attention although it did not stop the movement of her thumb. “I’ve spent a lot of time here with him since I got the call.” He started taking a few more seconds to decide whether or not he should continue on. “And I haven’t seen him so restful since they dialled back all of the drugs that they pumped him full of.”

Emma could see the sincerity in Swanny’s eyes as he relaxed back into the chair once more seemingly content to sit with her. It was in that moment that she had no intention of leaving until one of the nursing staff kicked her out because if her hand on Clay’s wrist helped him to sleep then she could sit there doing just that. “I’m glad.” The pain that Clay was in and how it had been steadily growing throughout the afternoon and into the evening had not been hard to see despite how hard he tried to hide it. There was not a lot that Emma could say but there was one thing. “And I am glad that you have been here for him Swanny.” She truly meant it because it broke her heart knowing that despite the team’s best efforts (and by best effort she meant protesting loudly and behaving badly) that they hadn’t been able to be by Clay’s side especially when there was no one else either besides her, Naima and Swanny.

“It is what brothers do darling.” Swanny reminded her brushing off the affection in her thanking him.

Emma felt the vibrant pulse as her thumb swept over it for the umpteenth time before she shook her head. “No… it’s what family does.” She reminded him catching his smile that came from her words.

Swanny was still blown away by the young woman who was in front of him because he could still see the little girl in her however she had grown into a strong and resilient young woman. Admittedly he hadn’t had a lot to do with his brothers in the past few years but of course Emma had to remind him that he was still family. The thing that struck him the most was the similarities that he could see in Emma but the only thing he couldn’t decide was which one of her parents she was more alike. There was no deflecting, no shaking off, what Emma had said especially not with the way she was looking at him because he recognised the look as it was similar to the way she looked at Clay. “They’d be proud of you.” He did not have to elaborate of who it was that he was referring to because she knew.

“It’s what we do. It’s who we are.” Emma answered immediately having stolen the words from her own Dad before she returned her attention to Clay’s sleeping face.

A comfortable silence settled over the room for little more than half an hour before Swanny caught Emma’s attention again as he seemed to be hesitating to say something. “What is it?” She asked softly not wanting to wake Clay although he looked to be in a deep sleep, one that Operators were not accustomed too unless they had been sedated.

Swanny cursed silently as it looked like Emma had Jason’s perceptiveness but a second glance maybe she had his and Alana’s determinedness as it was clear to see that she was not going to let it go. “Do you know much or anything about Clay’s family?” He asked as it was not a topic he had broached with Clay after the first time which had resulted in an epic shutdown ridiculously fast. It was not a safe topic, and certainly not an easy one.

Emma’s thumb stilled and a displeased grunt left Clay’s lips making her resume the movement and he settled again immediately. The automatic response that she wanted to give was that Bravo was Clay’s family but she knew that wasn’t the family that Swanny was asking about. “Not much, only what everyone else knows about Ash Spenser, about how he sold DEVGRU out for fame and money.” It was hard to keep the bitterness out of her voice when it came to Ash Spenser because while she had not met the man there was absolutely no acceptable reason for him to not have come to visit Clay.

Swanny nodded recalling a few dealings with Ash Spenser in his time and even then he had not liked the man. “Yeah, the kid doesn’t like talking about him or anything related as far as I can tell.”

“I can’t blame him. I doubt it has been easy when the connection is so easy to make even though they are nothing alike.” Emma replied immediately recalling a conversation she had walked in on between her Dad and Ray after a Spenser versus Spenser showdown that they had been witness too. She recalled how angry both men were at the way Ash had treated Clay but she still did not have all of the details nor had she asked for them.

Swanny nodded before he chuckled softly making Emma look over at him with a quizzical look on her face. “Yeah… I was waiting for you to say that Bravo was Clay’s family but you know that I know that already which is why you chose to answer the way you did.” If the sheepish look from Emma didn’t confirm it then the smirk did.

“Bravo is his family, we are his family.” Emma reiterated it not the slightest bit worried about being called out on her thoughts. “And he is going to be okay. He is strong and we are going to get him through this.” She believed it because she had too and because she wanted too.

Swanny smiled. “Clay will be back with Bravo soon enough, kicking ass and doing what he does best. Not much keeps an Operator down darling.”

**_Needing Someone_ **

It wasn’t often that Lauren or any of the nurses bent the rules and it was even less often that Lauren pulled out the old polaroid camera that stayed on one of the shelves at the nurse’s station but she couldn’t resist as she had stopped by Clay Spenser’s room to check in on him only to find the scene that she had to document. Clay was sleeping soundly (for the first time since he had been admitted without the pull of any medication) with Emma at his side with her hand draped over his wrist and covered with a blanket while Swanny who had been a constant support sitting opposite her keeping watch over both of them. It was easy to see the care that Clay had even if he did not quite understand or accept it fully.

Lauren handed the camera off to one of her fellow nurses along with the still developing polaroid before she stepped into the room just as she had done many times before to check on Clay.

Swanny shifted his eyes from Clay and Emma and smiled softly at Lauren before he moved back to give her the space she needed. “How did he go today?” He asked quietly knowing Lauren had been fairly blatant with him which he appreciated especially when he reported back to a devastated and anxious Bravo.

Lauren smiled as she dimmed the brightness on the screens that held all of Clay’s vitals before she stepped back then crouched down beside Swanny. “I seem to recall a saying about how you can’t keep a good Sailor down.” She smiled as she looked over at the two content young people in the room. “I may not know what Emma’s relation is to Clay but I do know her visit came at the right time.” It wasn’t hard to see how Emma cared or how Clay responded for that matter, after all she had been a nurse for many years and had seen all of what humanity had to offer. “But to answer your original question, he is getting stronger and the doctors are pleased with his progress. He is a lot further on than it was expected he would be.”

Swanny smiled cheekily as he had been wondering the exact same thing in regards to what exactly the extent of Clay and Emma’s relationship was however he was certainly not going to question it especially with how happy Clay had been. It had been a good day and it was turning into a good night as he was sleeping peacefully without a hint of restlessness. “Thank you.” It was all he could say.

Lauren patted his hand with her own gently. “Why don’t you go home and get some sleep yourself? I have to check on Clay throughout the rest of the night anyway.” She reminded him although she was sure a Navy man like himself already knew her and the other nurses’ comings and goings in regards to this particular patient. “And Emma is here for the night.”

“I’ll give it another hour and then head out.” Swanny wanted to sit in the quiet for a little longer watching the two even though they were both asleep but it was the way they were angled together and the way Emma held onto Clay grounding him that fascinated him. It was still relatively early but the day’s activities had taken a toll on Clay and Emma looked exhausted although he wasn’t sure what she had been doing that had left her so tired.

“Okay.” Lauren knew that it would be a waste of breath to try to convince the man to move until he was ready and considering he had told her an hour there was not a doubt that he would stick to it. “You know where I am if you or them need anything.” She patted his hand once more before she pushed herself back to her full height then gave him a smile and slipped quietly out of the room once more.

It wasn’t often that Swanny found the quiet peaceful as often his head was too loud but there was something about tonight that was different, enjoyable, and left him feeling content. Maybe it was because he felt for the first time since Clay had woken up that he finally had some hope or maybe it was because he could see glimpses of the young man that he had met that night at the bar. Whatever it was he was going to take a little longer to enjoy it.

**_Needing Someone_ **

Emma forced her eyelids open only to slam them shut as the first glimpses of sunlight hit her eyes before the smell of coffee caught her attention and had her forcing her eyelids open at the same time that she tugged the blanket down.

“You can’t sleep away the day!” Swanny sounded way to boisterous for how early it was as he waved the fresh hot cup of coffee under Emma’s nose.

Emma pushed herself up in the recliner feeling a little bit achy but it was understandable given she had spent a night curled up in a recliner. One look at Clay and she could see he was still sleeping peacefully although she was not sure how with the noise that Swanny seemed intent on making. “What time is it?” She asked as she took the cup of coffee that he relinquished his hold on as soon as she had it seeing that he had left at some point as his hair was still damp and his clothes were changed.

“0700.” Swanny answered cheerily missing the bitter look that was directed his way. “Breakfast is about to be served so wake Clay up. I’ll be back soon.” He was out of the room before Emma could even finish uncurling herself from the blanket that he had draped over her not long after she had fallen asleep.

Emma had not even been able to take a mouthful of coffee before Swanny was out of the room, and she swore she had whiplash from his energy but at least he had woken her up with coffee considering the ungodly hour. She took a few mouthfuls of her coffee in between stretching out her aching body after she had pushed the blanket to the side before she looked over at Clay deciding to let him sleep for a few more minutes while she finished her coffee.

Emma smiled softly as it looked like she was not the only one that Swanny had tucked in during the night as she recalled that the blankets had not been wrapped around Clay when she had fallen asleep. The last thing she wanted to do was startle Clay awake when he looked to be so peaceful, and there was something about him that made her think that he looked younger, far younger, than he was. And as much as she wanted to leave him to sleep as he certainly needed it if the dark circles under his eyes were to go by, she also knew that he had not eaten dinner the night before as he had fallen asleep so breakfast was a must as he needed to eat.

Emma finished the last dregs of her coffee feeling far more awake than she had just minutes ago although that might have had something to do with Swanny’s wake up call. “Clay, babe… time to wake up.” She kept her voice soft as she rubbed her hand over his wrist letting her thumb resume its sweeps across the soft skin on the underside of it. She watched as he snuggled down further into the hospital bed which made her smile. “Clay, babe, come on, wake up.” She could have sworn she saw his nose twitch before his lips parted and a soft puff of air was exhaled.

Clay mumbled softly, unintelligibly, before the sound of Emma’s voice and her insistence had him forcing his eyelids open as he rolled his head to the side to see that she was still there, still at his bedside with her thumb running gently over the underside of his wrist. He couldn’t help but be surprised that Emma was still there.

Emma caught the surprise in Clay’s eyes that she was still there and had spent the night with him but she decided not to ask him about it. “Mornin’.” She had waited until she could see his blue eyes clearly as there was nothing worse than being talked at when one was trying to wake up. “Swanny said that your breakfast will be along in a few minutes before he flittered out of the room.” She advised softly letting Clay wake up a little bit more without stopping her soft touch over his wrist.

Clay grunted as he pushed himself up in the bed having to readjust the blankets. “Mornin’ Em.” His voice was thick with sleep and he had to pause in his movements as the pain was sharp just as it always was first thing in the morning when he had remained largely unmoved. It was somewhat strange seeing Jason’s daughter still at his bedside but he was glad for the company at the same time. It took a few moments for the rest of Emma’s words to register and when they did he immediately screwed up his nose at the mere thought of breakfast or rather hospital food.

“Not a fan of hospital food then.” Emma teased although she had seen enough of it to know how unappetising it looked as she watched Clay painfully arrange himself.

Clay smiled at Emma’s teasing. “Never thought I would say this but mess tent food is better, and don’t even get me started on the terrible coffee here.” He was absolutely serious as the food was dry and bland more often than not, and the coffee was foul tasting. “Hell I would take an MRE right now.” He was desperate for decent food that was full of flavour.

Emma made a mental note to pick up some snacks for Clay and get them to him somehow even if she wasn’t the one that bought them by. She had tried an MRE before at her Dad’s insistence and could recall that they weren’t the greatest meal but they did taste okay, and they were great in a pinch. “Eww… do you want me to go and see what they have got in the café?” She offered wondering where Swanny had got too.

Clay shook his head even though it was a nice offer. “Wouldn’t want to upset the orderlies considering they are in charge of helping me get around the place for the moment.” There was something self-deprecating in his tone but he worked to cover it up as best as he could as it was still a challenge to accept the new (and temporary) limitations of his own body.

“Good thinking.” Emma smiled brightly as she settled back down in the chair looking over at the door just in time to see one of the orderlies arrive with Clay’s breakfast. And he was right, it certainly did not look the least bit appetising.

**_Needing Someone_ **

Clay smiled as he looked over at Emma enjoying the comfortable silence that had enveloped them as it was nice not to have to find the energy to talk or pretend that he was okay having pulled his attention from the dull looking weather that was just beyond the window glass. He and Emma had not had much to do with one another, sure they had spent time together surrounded by the rest of Bravo, but never alone like this. It was refreshing and even though he was avoiding communicating with the rest of Bravo it was still nice to have that connection.

Emma smiled softly as she sensed Clay watching her and raised her eyes to meet his. “Well hey there Sailor.” It was easy to say and what was more rewarding was how it made him smile and his eyes light up. “What’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours?”

Clay resisted the urge to huff as his mind was anything but beautiful right now, if ever, but it did not stop the smile that tugged at his lips. “Don’t take this the wrong way or anything but I know you have to go and get Mikey at some stage today so it would be best that you go home and get some sleep first.” The last thing she needed to do was spend her day lounging around the hospital with him considering she had already given up her free afternoon and entire evening. “After all you have spent the night in that chair.”

Emma’s smile grew because Clay was the one lying in a hospital bed yet he was worrying about her. “The chair is surprisingly comfortable.” She wanted to alleviate his worry as he did not need to be worrying about her when he was the one in the hospital bed recovering from a bomb blast. “But you are right that I do have to go and pick up Mikey later on.”

Clay was grateful that Emma kept it light and easy. “That is exactly why you need to get some more sleep, and decent sleep at that.” He reminded her knowing the importance of sleep. “But I wouldn’t mind if wanted to visit again.” He really did not mind if she visited him again as he had enjoyed her company and it had served as a distraction that he had not realised he had needed.

“I’d really like that Clay.” Emma’s smile broadened at the invite to come back as she had not expected it but she most certainly would take it. It was nice to spend some time getting to know him better, and she hoped that it had made the small amount of time she had spent with him go a bit faster. “When will Swanny be back?” She asked contemplating if she should leave Clay by himself or not even though he had an entire medical team dedicated to him.

Clay chuckled even though he shouldn’t have been at Emma’s concern but he found that it was endearing. He twisted his hand around to touch Emma’s that was still resting on his forearm. “It’s fine sweetheart. Swanny comes and goes as he pleases.” He hoped to ease her concern. “Plus it is almost time for one of the nurses to come in and change the bandages.” His cheeks flushed red as it was not something he had been able to get used to nor did he want for anyone to see his healing wounds yet but especially Emma as he was sure it would freak her out as it had done to him.

Emma understood immediately what it was that Clay was not saying. “Okay, alright.” She squeezed his hand gently before she finally pushed herself up out of the chair taking a few seconds to stretch her back and let her balance even out as she had spent far too many hours curled up in the chair. “Is there anything you need or want?” She asked as she picked up her bag and slid the strap onto her shoulder not minding making a stop or two to pick up anything that he wanted or needed as she already had a mental list of things to pick up for him.

Clay shook his head after thinking about it for a few seconds. “Thanks but there isn’t anything.” There were only two things that he really wanted neither of which Emma could help him with; being discharged from the hospital and being cleared to operate again.

“Okay.” Emma smiled finally retracting her hand from his arm before she dug into her bag then pulled out a pen and a piece of paper before she wrote her number down on it. “Just in case, or if you want to talk or whatever, here’s my number.” She showed it to him before she sat it next to his phone on the bedside table. She hesitated for a few seconds before she leaned forward and kissed his cheek then left the room.

Emma walked down the hall slowly knowing that she had at least two and a half hours before she had to pick Mikey up from Henry’s house and despite being tired there was no point in going home to sleep instead she decided to run a few errands to pass the time.

“Excuse me, are you Emma?” The soft feminine voice made Emma stop and turn towards the nurses station.

“Yes, I am.” Emma was a little confused as the nurse speaking to her was one that she had not seen in Clay’s room.

“Lauren asked me to give this to you before she finished her shift. Told me to tell you that she was glad to see the affect you had on our lovely young man there.” The nurse whose name badge she could not see held out an envelope for her to take. Emma reached out cautiously and took the envelope gently with a furrowed brow making the nurse laugh lightly. “It’s a good thing sweet-pea.”

“Thank you.” Emma smiled softly losing the furrowed brow before she continued making her way towards the elevator. She flipped the envelope over once she was in front of the elevator waiting for it and broke the seal before she pulled out the Polaroid picture. The smile reached her face once more and she was glad that the moment had been captured.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, and Emma stepped in sliding the photo back into the envelope before she slid it into one of the books inside her bag to keep it flat. It was another photo that would be cherished and it deserved to go into the album that her mother had created for her and Mikey.

There was something in her Dad’s voice that continued to worry her but for the moment she was glad to know that Clay was doing okay considering how his entire world had been turned upside down in an instant. And, although she wished that the bomb had not detonated anywhere near him or the rest of her family, she was grateful for the opportunity that was afforded to her to get to know Clay better as it had been something she had been meaning to do for some time. Whatever was to come she would do her upmost to be there when she could be.


	12. Going Nowhere Soon

**_ Going Nowhere Soon _ **

The mid-morning sun streamed into the bedroom and the warmth in it made Emma groan softly as she turned over and buried her head into Clay’s bare chest feeling far more seedier than she had meant to. The vibration that went through Clay’s chest as he chuckled softly before it was abruptly cut off by a groan made Emma wince even as she pressed closer to him feeling as he pulled her closer and he tightened his arms around her.

Emma had decided that Clay needed to have a fun night out drinking and dancing (and no a night at the Bulkhead with the guys did not count), and Clay (bless his heart) had seen how genuinely excited Emma was so he agreed readily sensing that she needed a night out without any worries. There was another reason behind Emma’s insistence although she was going to keep it to herself but it was because she wanted to see him with his guard down and a few drinks in him, and she also knew that Brock had been a little bit worried about how set in his ways Clay had become as he did not seem to want to go out beyond the bar that was their usual and the only other places he went beyond base where to his apartment and Jason’s house.

“You alive?” Clay’s voice was thick and raspy sounding as he pressed his face into the pillow needing to block out the sunlight and there was no way he was getting up to close the blinds or the curtains. What he did know was that that had both been tipsy but in no way drunk. There was no way that Clay would ever allow himself or Emma to get drunk in an unfamiliar setting like the club that they had been to last night especially when there was no one else they knew around.

“No.” Emma’s voice was muffled as she pressed her face harder into Clay’s chest as she certainly was not ready to be awake. She may have only been tipsy by the time she and Clay had left the club in the early hours of the morning (closing time actually) and climbed into the cab that he had managed to flag down but she was certainly feeling the effects of the alcohol that she had consumed and her feet were aching from the heels and all of the dancing she had done over the duration of the night. She smiled at the memory of getting Clay up on the dance floor and of them dancing together because it had taken some convincing but it was so worth it especially because he could dance and he smiled and laughed brightly along with her. It felt so nice and made her feel happy to see Clay being so free and having fun enjoying himself especially after all the hardships he had suffered in the past few years although she was not naïve enough to think that one night out would heal all of those wounds that he tried to keep hidden in the dark depths of his mind or what he hid under the thick armour that he sometimes let them all peak behind.

Clay chuckled softly once again because she clearly was alive which he knew even before he asked but she was warm and they were snuggled together just like usual with a comforter tucked over them. “Love you sweetheart.” He turned just enough to place a kiss on the crown of her head before he let his heavy head sink into the pillow once more trying to avoid the sunlight although the warmth was welcome. “And thank you for last night.” It had been a fun night, one that he had not had in a long time, and he had to admit it was nice to wake up with her without any falsities or pretence between them. The choice to go to his apartment instead of back to Jason’s was made solely on proximity but it still felt strange considering he really did not spend a lot of time there any more instead having spent several nights at Jason’s in the past year or so. Absentmindedly, Clay let his fingers make small yet delicate circles over the top of the shirt that she was wearing, it was one of his and it drowned her.

Emma tipped her head back just enough so that she could look up at Clay as a smile worked her way to her lips as his hair was dishevelled sticking up and out various ways as her eyes met his. Her hand skimmed up his arm from his elbow to his shoulder before it came to rest on the side of his neck. There was an expression that crossed over Clay’s face that she was unable to place. “What is it?” She asked deciding that question was the one she wanted the answer too before she asked anything else.

Clay’s smile grew as he looked down at Emma. “What is it with you Hayes’ and my neck?” He teased although he had wondered it before.

“Huh? I mean what do you mean?” Emma was a little confused and she knew it was not because she had drunk to much or because she had only just woken up but because she really had no idea what Clay meant.

Clay found Emma’s confusion adorable although he was smart enough not to say it aloud. “You and Jase have a thing for touching my neck.” He would have shrugged but he did not because they were comfortable. “It’s not a bad thing, just wondering if it is genetic.” There was a smirk that punctuated his sentence and the teasing tone did not go unnoticed either.

Emma took a few seconds to think as she thought about what Clay had said, and a few memories helped her make the connection with what he was saying. It seemed that Clay was right, that it was a Hayes’ thing for touching necks, his in particular, as she had seen and done it enough herself. “It might be.” She giggled as the more she thought about it the more she realised that it was definitely one of her Dad’s traits that had become engrained in her. She let her thumb gently graze over the soft skin with ease just like it had done so many times before. “It’s something that Dad has always done with Mikey and I, and with the guys. I am pretty sure Mom was the one who started it all though as she knew it was and still is the quickest way to get Dad to relax or at least still for longer than a few seconds. It’s about closeness and comfort for Dad though as it is his way of speaking without words. And for the record, he only does it with the ones he loves, and I only do it with him, Mikey and you.”

Clay felt honoured and the gratefulness bloomed deep in his chest as he listened to Emma’s explanation. “I love it Em. I never knew that a simple touch or the feeling of your or Jase’s hand on my neck could help me so much until it became something so natural.” Brian had once mentioned that Clay had been touch starved and while he had refuted it loudly then there may have been more truth to it than he had given it credit. There was something grounding about it because he knew instantly whose hand it was and he knew what it meant – safety, comfort, love, security, warmth, care, just to name a few.

Emma let her thumb sweep across Clay’s stubble covered jaw as her smile broadened. She was happy, very happy, that he loved something that was so simple for them to do. “I’m glad because I don’t think it is something that Dad or I could ever stop doing as it comes so natural to us.” It was time to change subject. “Did you have fun last night?”

“Yeah I did but then again I always have fun with you sweetheart.” Clay did not hesitate to answer although he really did have a fun night. It was kind of nice to be out of his comfort zone although it had taken him a while to relax despite still having the presence of mind to stay alert.

Emma rolled her eyes with fondness at Clay’s answer because he really could not get any sweeter if he tried. “Ah-huh.”

“I do!” Clay protested although he had enough awareness to keep his voice low as neither of them were feeling that great. “But seriously, you were right. I am glad I let you convince me to go out with you for a night drinking and dancing.” He dropped his head down and pressed his face into the top of her shoulder as he shifted his leg so it was in between hers.

“I enjoyed it too.” Emma smiled widely truly having enjoyed seeing Clay relaxed and having fun although there were some things that a SEAL could never stop like being hyper aware of their surroundings but she did not mind as it made her feel safe and she knew it eased things for him as well. “And just so you know, I am definitely going to be taking you dancing again, and if I ever need someone to dance with then you are my first choice.” She had made her mind up about that somewhere near the middle of their second dance which was kind of slow.

“I think I can handle that.” Clay may not have liked to dance in front of an audience especially an audience that would tease the hell out of him and record it but there were certain people that he would dance for, and one of those people was Emma.

“Good.” Emma answered with ease before she yawned and snuggled down further in Clay’s arms and under the comforter. “Now I reckon we get some more sleep before you make us pancakes.” Pancakes were always an acceptable food any time of the day, and they both most definitely needed more sleep and while they had the time they had to take advantage.

“We will have to go to the diner for pancakes. I haven’t been grocery shopping for here in ages but I am definitely on board with staying right here.” There was nothing that was going to pull him out of the bed right now.

“I can live with that.” Emma murmured softly, tiredly, as she let her eyelids close having felt Clay relax into her. A couple more hours spent sleeping followed by an indulgent brunch at the diner was a great way to spend the day after a night out. “I love you babe.”


End file.
